


Respect, Trust and Love

by moni26



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Background Relationships, Background Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood, Character Death, Drama, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Past Character Death, Plot Twists, Shadowhunter Alec Lightwood, Slow Burn, Warlock Magnus Bane, some very sad moments too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2020-05-18 12:30:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 168,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19334563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moni26/pseuds/moni26
Summary: There are dark times rising in the Shadow World. Warlocks are considered an enemy number one and every shadowhunter has strict orders from the Clave to kill them on sight.What will happen when Magnus Bane tries to deal with this horrible situation? Will he be able to protect himself and the people he loves?





	1. Negotiations

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a native english speaker. I haven't read the books. Also this is my first fanfic. Sooo......don't kill me. But constructive criticism will be very much appreciated. And everyone who wants to correct my english is also welcome to do so. Thank you.

Magnus was waiting patiently on the negotiated place, his heart pounding like never before. He was early, which was alarming enough sign of his anxiety. He was normally never early. It just wasn't his style in normal circumstances. He had found out a long time ago that being just a tad late added a certain amount of expectations on the other part, and the attention pointed to you when you arrive is usually more intensive. He used to love attention. In whatever way he can get it. It didn't used to matter if that attention was positive or not. If the person in front of him wanted to kiss him till the end of time or kill him on the spot. He just loved the idea that he could always bring strong feelings in people, always making them unstable in some way or another, not letting them keep their cool, not letting them be composed. It used to bring him joy knowing that he had such power. 

But that was before. These kind of days were long gone. Well, not that long maybe, but enough for Magnus to miss them. Now that they seemed so far from his reach, he couldn't help but feels the loss. He knew that there will be some years and years before things can go back to the way they were. Now he had to adapt to the way they are at the moment. And recently Magnus would give anything to just be invisible. That was the safest option for him, just to be, without anyone noticing him, without drawing attention to himself. It was that or die. And Magnus didn't want to die just yet. Some would say he already had lived long enough, more than he had the right to. Actually a lot of people were saying that. But Magnus always found these kind of statements ignorant in more ways that one, and always thought people who truly believed that were just uneducated, unintelligent and unwise. Whoever decided that life was just roughly 80-90 years, based only to the fact that a regular mundane could live that long, was nothing more than a simple person in Magnus's opinion. Because you can't simply look at yourself and judge and settle rules for people and creatures, different than you. And everyone was different, that was just universal truth. One mundane was different than a shadowhunter, or a warlock. One mundane was different than any other mundane as well. In this world you can only be you, and not have the audacity to fool yourself into thinking what was normal to you should be normal to everyone else anywhere, or should be some sort of a norm. Things didn't work that way. What was a long life according to the popular belief, was not a long life according to Magnus. Actually, life itself had a different meaning to Magnus. Hundreds of years had a different meaning.

So he didn't want to die. And he didn't want the people he loved to die as well. Which meant he was ready to do what he has to, to change, to adapt. 

At precisely 6pm, he saw a female figure closing in. Maryse was a punctual woman, Magnus was not surprised by that. This meeting had been in a process of arranging for two weeks now, because both sides needed to feel a certain amount of safety, which was hard considering how messed up the world was right now. Warlocks were considered an enemy number one, and every shadowhunter out there had strict orders from the Clave to kill them on sight. And now a shadowhunter and a warlock were about to stay close enough to fight, but for the purpose of solely interacting peacefully with each other, and negotiating some kind of truce. Well, a warlock and two shadowhunters, it would seem. Maryse wasn't alone, Magnus realised. Not that he expected her to be. And they never said, when they discussed the conditions of their meeting, that she had to be. The same applied to Magnus, but he didn't want to put anyone else at risk if something went wrong today. Also, he had enough belief in himself that he was capable of having his own back. He had put a special protection spell on himself that didn't allow for anything to touch him. Not a mundane, not a shadowhunter, not a downworlder or any kind of object. If anything or anyone tried, they would burn themselves in an instant. Magnus himself though, could touch anything he chooses to. Which was a double edged sword, really. He had to be really careful what he touches. For example, Maryse could easily offer him some sort of document to sign, only to realise that the paper was drenched with lethal poison. These and many other similar scenarios were dancing in his head, reminding him not to let his guard down. When Maryse was coming closer, he suddenly had the itch to check the perimeter all over again, but he managed to stop himself. The trust had to start from somewhere, right? And Magnus was completely okay for it to start from him, if he knew an alliance will come out of all of this. So he tried to calm his nerves and to have more faith in a positive outcome. The place was secure enough, far from any mundanes. It was deep in the forest, nature surrounding them everywhere. There was a lovely lake a couple kilometers east, the sound of it could be caught if you listen sharply enough. The singing of the birds around them was in a strange kind of harmony with it. The place was a symbol in a way. Magnus hoped its peacefulness will bring peace for him as well. He wanted this meeting to be the first step for achieving that peace. He sent his thoughts to the universe, in hope they will reflect back to him in events.

Maryse stopped when she was close enough to talk, but far enough to be able to escape or defend herself, if there was any need. She was dressed as a warrior, something Magnus hadn't seen back in the day, when his kind wasn't persecuted and killed. She had a blade in her hand and a couple smaller weapons, attached to her left leg. Her long hair was up in a tight knot. The look in her eyes was ernest, but somehow unreadable. The person with her was walking a couple meters behind, and stopped when she did. It was a boy, maybe in his twenties, Magnus thought. He had blond well organised hair, leather jacket and as much weapons as Maryse was wearing. But unlike her, the boy's eyes were easy to read. He was further away from Magnus, but the hatred in his eyes was unmistakable. Pure hatred. It made Magnus sad, but he tried not to think about it too much. It won't always be like this. Things will get better. He will make sure they do.

Maryse was the first to speak.

“Magnus Bane, thank you for coming,” she said calmly, her voice stable.

“Thank you for accepting to be a part of this meeting and helping me organise it. I'm pleased my idea became a reality, thanks to our joint efforts,” Magnus replied and then glanced at the blond boy, “Thank you as well. Although I don't think we've met. Are you a member of the Lightwood family?”

The boy just looked at Maryse, who answered instead on him.

“No. He is the son of a cousin of mine. His name is Jason. I hope you're not bothered by him being here. I'm really close with his family and they insisted I didn't come here alone.”

There was something in the way she said this, that it made Magnus a tiny bit anxious. Her voice was stable as ever, but there was a strange note to it that he couldn't place. And Magnus had a very good understanding of people, thanks to his “long life”. But the possibility that Maryse was maybe probably kind of nervous didn't mean anything was out of the ordinary, of course. Magnus was nervous himself, after all. That was why he was so cautious. Maybe even too cautious? No. There was something, he was sure of it. The question was, was this, whatever it is, something Magnus should be worried about. He didn't know yet.

“Nice to meet you Jason. And don't worry dear. I'm not at all bothered by your presence.”

Jason just nodded, not saying anything again. The hatred was still evident it his eyes, although it looked like he was trying to mask it now and calm his expression. That was a good thing. Right? Baby steps.

“Let's get down to business, shall we?” Maryse started, “If I understood correctly you are chosen to represent all male and female warlocks in the United States, no matter their age, religion or race.”

Honestly, Magnus would rather try and break the ice first, but he knew that in some situations that ice was harder than a diamond.

“Yes, that is correct. Although that's more like the official way of seeing things. I may represent them, but it's not technically possible to be responsible for every single one of them, or for the actions of those, whom I haven't had the chance to have a good communication with.”

Magnus knew very well some warlocks were abusing their power more times that not. And he wasn't about to act blind about it, but he could only have so much control. There were so many warlocks, also a part of this power pyramid, who were now killed or in hiding, trying to get revenge from the shadowhunters. What he was trying to do now, was not going to be an easy process, and he had no intention to pretend it's going to be. Or that he knew all. Honesty was his approach coming here, and if they had a chance for peace, honesty and realistic expectations were their way to achieve it.

Maryse made a thoughtful face before answering.

“If we come to some sort of understanding during the negotiations, but the warlocks you represent don't follow it, there will be no pardon for them.”

“I understand this, don't doubt that I do. And I promise to do everything in my power to make sure more people of my kind see how important the effort we make for all of them is,” Magnus said, sincerity in his voice, “But let's cross that bridge when we come to it. I would like to discuss the conditions by which you will be willing to consider to pardon the warlocks.”

“The ones, who have committed serious crimes such as murder or rape, or an attempt to do either of those, will not be pardoned under any circumstances. And everyone who is caught in some way helping them, will share their fate,” explained Maryse, her eyes getting colder while she was talking. Magnus understood. It was well known her younger son, Max, was killed by a warlock two years ago. He didn't know any details, but he was told it was very heartbreaking for the kid's family. He sensed Jason's eyes on him (if that was even his name) and when he turned to look at his direction, what he saw made him 100% sure Jason would have no problem killing him right on this spot if he was ordered to. Maybe that was why he was accompanying Maryse. Maybe he was hoping things go that way so he has his chance. Maybe he was imagining all the different ways he could kill Magnus at this moment. Magnus quickly checked himself and yes, the protection spell around him was intact. But that didn't make him calmer. The atmosphere around them was already intensely changed, and not in a good way. He tried to quiet his bad feeling and broke the silence who was left after Maryse's words.

“I understand...”

“No, you don't,” she interrupted him, “But I believe you think you do.”

Magnus wanted to tell her it wasn't fair. He had lost people too, when the shadowhunters started murdering every living warlock they saw their way. But he stopped himself. Tonight wasn't about this. It wasn't about arguing who lost more. It was about trying to stop this madness once and for all. So there weren't any more people like them who will have to lose someone they cared about.

Analyzing her words from before, he wanted to tell her it would be hard to tell who committed a serious crime and who didn't. It would be hard to differentiate murder from self-defense and self-preservation. With warlocks there was so much that shadowhunters didn't understand, because they never tried to. And this will leave its print when the time comes. It's so hard to avoid injustice sometimes. But he stopped himself again. He wanted to hear everything. Because the feeling that something was not quite right was now constant, and his intuition was rarely wrong.

“What are your plans for the others? The warlocks like myself. Who haven't committed any serious crime, or are entirely innocent in all of this.”

“entirely innocent...,” Magnus heard the blond boy repeat. It was said with such mockery. Like Magnus was telling them some joke which turned out awful. Like it was impossible for innocent warlocks to exist.

Magnus ignored him this time, his attention entirely focussed on Maryse. She made a deep breath and the look on her eyes was determined and unfaltering.

“If they truly want peace, if they want to be our friends once again. If they are ready to stand in our side, turning their backs on the violence, the death and destruction others like them cause, they will have to prove their good intentions. And the only way to do that is for them to purify themselves by abandoning their demon side.”

“What?” Magnus asked, hoping he understood that wrong.

“They will have to make the choice to cure themselves from their evil nature. When they give up their magic and immortality, there will be peace. And no shadowhunter will ever be their enemy.”

And just like that, Magnus felt the hope he kept alive in his heart being crushed.


	2. Everything goes to hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native english speaker. I haven't read the books. Also this is my first fanfic. Sooo......don't kill me. But constructive criticism will be very much appreciated. And everyone who wants to correct my english is also welcome to do so. Thank you.
> 
> There is violence in this chapter.

There was such a long period of time when Magnus kept a great despise towards his powers. Towards himself in general. It had begun when he was a little kid. He watched the other kids, red children's books. So he knew what normal was. Normal was when your parents take you to school every day. When they make you breakfast, buy you clothes, take care of you, teach you right and wrong, are always there for you. From the moment you are born, you were supposed to have a place in this world. You automatically become part of a group of people, a family. Your family. That family is supposed to love you unconditionally. Love you when you are disobedient, when you get in trouble and make stupid decisions, when you lose your way, when you hurt them or yourself, when you need someone to love you. But no. Magnus was a 9 year old boy who had no family. His mother was dead, because she hated him. His step father was dead, because he hated him. And in Magnus's mind he didn't have a family, because he didn't deserve anybody's love. Because love in this world turned out was never unconditional. There were always terms. One of the first things Magnus learned when he was a kid, was that he had to not be himself to have love. But this was an impossible condition. So, for the longest time he thought he was never going to have it. Demon kids weren't loved by good people. They didn't have normal lives. Instead of a family and friends, they had allies. Different things made them happy. Things like causing fear to others, gaining control and power over someone weaker. Magnus tried to live by these requirements. Tried to just be who he was and stop daydreaming about the life of people, who had nothing to do with him. Growing up he did a lot of things he wasn't proud of. Because he believed that a demon child was the only thing he could ever be. Because nobody told him he had a choice. 

Then, he met Ragnor, his oldest friend. One of the most valuable lessons he learned from him was, there is always a choice. You always have a choice to be what you want. And others always have a choice to love you for who you are in your heart.

Magnus's powers, his magic and immortality, were a huge part of him. They didn't make him evil or good. They were just there, inseparable section of his being. Back when Magnus hadn't accepted them, when he hated them, when he blamed them for his unhappiness, he would consider Maryse's words. He would think she has some point, that it's reasonable and understandable for her to think like that. Now though, it was impossible for him to do that. Coming to this meeting, Magnus knew not to expect things to go smooth on the first try. He knew if there was going to be any kind of peace between the shadowhunters and the warlocks, there was going to be a price. He was prepared for restrictions, limitations, any kind of ill thought out defence strategy against his kind, that the shadowhunters could be convinced was necessary. He was prepared to change and adapt to survive. But this was different. Maryse wasn't asking him to change. She was asking him to completely erase himself. Without his powers Magnus was not Magnus. He was a warlock, he was born like one and had those powers since forever. They shaped and formed the person he was. It was an unimaginable idea to get rid of them. Impossible not just for him, but for every warlock out there. How could Maryse not know this?

This was not a peace negotiation, Magnus realised. 

“You want to erase every warlock from existence.” Magnus said, summarizing her offering. His tone no doubt was very revealing of the way he thought about this dreadful idea. Was it possible? Are they really going to kill everyone who doesn't agree to wash out their magical abilities and become a regular mundane? No. This can't be. Magnus looked at the woman expectantly. Come on, he thought. Tell me that's not what you just said. 

“Warlocks have proved time and time again how dangerous they are. From all the downworlders, they possess the biggest threat to humanity. Their powers and their demon urges can't be controlled. Not by themselves, not by anyone. It brings me no joy to say this. It took time to realize it, but in order to protect the Shadow world and the all the mundanes who are counting on us on a daily basis, is our responsibility to act against every creature with magical skills. Before they destroy everything we value , we must do whatever it takes to keep this world safe. As the oath we took as shadowhunters requires.” she explained. Her face was so serious and so collected, so set in this belief. If a stone had a face, well, it could be hers right now.

“I could assure you, there are plenty of warlocks who control their power and have been for centuries. Myself included. I can prove it by.....”

“It's not my desire to start a dispute here. Magnus Bane, you asked under what circumstances will the warlocks who wish peace be pardoned. And I answered you. And I told you why we had to make this decision. I believe I made myself clear. The Clave already has every prove they need and this solution is final. Now it's your turn to accept or deny our offer.” There was so much tension in the air right now. Magnus couldn't help it. He couldn't mask his feelings about this. Because he didn't want to.

“What will happen to those of my kind who don't accept this proposition? Who are not willing to leave behind their magic and immortality. What chances of peace do they have?” None, Magnus already knew. They will be killed. Not because of what they did, but because of who they are. Apparently the Clave believed warlocks didn't deserve to live. Why are they born then, Magnus wants to shout. If they weren't supposed to exist, why are they a part of the Shadow world. This was so much worse than when people were telling him he didn't deserve love. Now they were telling him he didn't deserve to breathe. He tried to calm his feelings, but it was of no use. He was devastated. Is this what he was going to tell his friends, everyone who counted on him and on this meeting? Because of who you are, you don't deserve to breathe. So you either become something completely different, or the Clave will make sure that you don't.

It was Jason who spoke this time. Magnus was just so disappointed of what came out of all his efforts for the last few weeks, he didn't even dwell much on the fact that Jason was actually talking to him.

“Every warlock is an enemy. Warlocks are like cancer, poisoning this world. We won't make peace with monstrous creatures, who are every breathing minute causing chaos and death. We will never stop fighting against that. So you make your choice! Are you a demonic warlock spawn or our friend? Will you help us and others like you to find their way, and to stand against evil, or not? Can we count on you to convince those of your kind, that there is a way to heal from this cancer?”

This was not fair. The furthest thing from justice you can achieve.

“If this is the only compromise, then I'm sorry dear Jason. I'm sorry Maryse. We don't have an agreement. I will continue organizing negotiations though. Maybe in a couple of months, we could meet again at this place? I think it's reasonable amount of time for the Clave to consider the situation. What do you think?” he asked. It was hard looking at her at this point. There was such a disappointment on her face. Magnus thought if he had a mirror, he would discover his looked the same way. It was just sad. But he wasn't going to give up. He will never give up. So many warlocks had put their trust in him. So he will make another meeting possible. Maryse was about to refuse this idea, that was clear as day. But he was going to do everything in his power to convince her. He will beg, if he has to.

“Magnus Bane,” she signed in defeat, “I really thought we had a chance to understand each other.”

“We have. There doesn't need to be a final decision right now. We could take time....”

“Do you think over time you will change your mind?” she interrupted him again.

He could lie. He cold say, "maybe". He could say, "let's see". But he actually really couldn't. Honesty was his approach coming here. And he was no liar. She could see his answer, could read it plainly reflected оn his expression. He didn't even have to say it out loud. Jason saw it too. Magnus turned his head at him, led by some old masochistic instinct to see the loathing, hate and disgust he expected to find. 

Later, Magnus would realize that instinct had saved his life.

“I'm sorry it came to this. But you leave me no other choice,” is what Maryse said at the same time as Jason threw an enchanted ball, made of purple energy, at his heart.

At the last second, he backed away. Panic was raising and raising in his chest. His thoughts started running with such speed, he was worried it was too fast for his brain. This was an assassination attempt! It was their plan all along. If he refuses their conditions, they were going to try and kill him. I have a protection spell, Magnus screams at himself silently. This ball is not supposed to be able to touch me. But he knows better. He knows what this ball is. It was made with magic, and it's purpose is to block his powers for a short amount of time. For enough time Jason and Maryse would need to murder him. The spell on him will break, as well as his ability to use his magic, if that thing hits his heart. How in the world had the shadowhunters found a warlock who agreed to make such an item? Where? Who?

Magnus didn't have time to question this, because two seconds after the first ball, there was a second one. It was attached to an arrow and thrown at him from somewhere above the trees. It hit his knee. The pain was excruciating, but Magnus didn't have time to scream. Even the realization that there was a third shadowhunter in the forest barely had time to register in his mind. He had to get away from there. He had to make a portal immediately! He couldn't make a portal! No!!! The arrow, with that damn enchanted ball, had pierced through his leg and it was blocking his magic. But it was his leg, not his heart. Which meant he could still fight this. He felt his magic slipping away. Noooo! Fight! Come on, fight!

Jason and Maryse were running at his direction, their weapons ready to tear him apart. Make a portal! Fight! Maybe he could run, he decided. There was such a loud and deafening scream that followed, Magnus was positive was his. A body fell on top of him, knocking him down on the ground. That was the third shadowhunter, the one with the arrows, who was probably at the top of one of the trees this whole time from the beginning of the meeting. More pain followed. Like he was drowning in a pool full of it. Fight! Everything was so unfocused around him. His thoughts became blurry. Arrows were Robin Hood's thing. Was Robin Hood a shadowhunter and why was he on top of him? Focus! Fight! Now, you beautiful bastard!

“No! Alec.....,” was the last thing Magnus heard Jason screamed, before a portal opened and took him and Robin Hood away from that forest.

In an instant they were in Magnus's place, in his living room. Because Magnus was in so much pain, he neither had the imagination necessary to think of any other place the world, nor the force to throw Robin off of him, so they traveled through the portal together. The sudden change of locations though, distracted his opponent long enough for Magnus to react by smashing his head on the edge of the table on their left, using every ounce of physical strength he had. Because there was no magic in him at that moment any more. Luckily, that was enough for the shadowhunter to fall unconscious. Magnus took out the arrow in his leg, before he felt himself passing out. He tried to fight it, but creating the portal had drained all his energy. And he was so tired of the pain. One of his last coherent thoughts was a hope that he would wake up before the Robin guy, and regain his magic quickly. He also hoped he didn't kill Robin. Jason sounded pretty panicked at the end back there........Well, it would have been self-defence really and........................................

 

It was a good three hours before Magnus regained consciousness. And he didn't expect to wake up the way he did.


	3. New plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a native english speaker. I haven't read the books. Also this is my first fanfic. Sooo......don't kill me. But constructive criticism will be very much appreciated. And everyone who wants to correct my english is also welcome to do so. 
> 
> I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos or comments on the previous two chapters.

Magnus certainly didn't expect to wake up the way he did. Not in his room, on his bed, not feeling any pain, his whole being at peace. So naturally, his first thought was- It was all a dream. The negotiations were ahead and everything was not over yet. Surely, Magnus's imagination was suffering from a lack of originality, judging by that dream though. Who dreams of a killer Robin Hood? But apart from that, everything was cool. 

Rriiiight. If only. He wished it were so easy to delude himself, but he lost that ability after the first hundred years of his life. There was dried blood on his hands, his magic felt odd and he could bet that if he were to look himself in the mirror, he would see a complete mess. His make-up probably looked absolutely dreadful at the moment. Not that this was his main concern, of course. He was vain, but not that vain. So, what happened when he was out? By the looks of it- a lot. He probably should be more concerned about this, or even truly worried because of the unknowing. I mean, there was a good chance that he led all the shadowhunters by the hand right to his doorstep by allowing that one to pass through the portal with him. For all he knew, his home might be compromised and full of shadowhunters as a result. There was also this slight chance Robin was dead. Head injuries were a tricky thing, whichever way you look at them. If that was the case, the Clave would never stop looking for him. They would want his head on a silver platter. So, things didn't look so good for him in the future. But oddly enough, he didn't feel the worry, his feelings were like muted. Why was he so numb? Maybe because of everything that had happened earlier, his anxiety was so worn off, it took a vacation from tormenting him. Maybe it was just normal coping mechanism and his body and mind were shutting off the more overwhelming feelings at the moment. Or maybe someone had given him something. Which was more likely.

Catarina, Magnus realised, maybe a little late if he was honest. She must had been treating him. By now he knew all too well the effects of her herbs and healing spells. He stood up slowly and headed for the living room. And just as expected, there she was. Sitting on his sofa, reading a spell book with great concentration.

"I think I told you to go far away last time," he started, because really, Magnus had no idea if his place was safe right now. She raised her head from the book with what looked like a daring expression. 

"And leave you all by yourself? To do what? Bring unknown shadowhunters to your door and let yourself almost be killed?" She raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to deny her words. But Magnus couldn't. 

"Thank you, Catarina," he told her instead, "Thank you for saving me yet again." She was surprised at first, but after a moment smiled, and he sat on the sofa next to her. "That shadowhunter.....is he.....?" Magnus started, trying not to expect any answer in particular, but just being ready to face things, whatever they were.

"Oh, he is alive," Catarina replied quickly and reassuringly, raising her hand to put it on Magnus's cheek, "Here, let me show you." With that, she sent him a vision of the boy, laying on the bed of one of his extra rooms, sleeping. Then, she withdrew her hand and continued, "He had a bad wound on his head, but I healed him, don't worry. He is sleeping in the guest room right now. I made a sleeping spell that would keep him sedated like that for 5 to 6 more hours. I also made a spell to prevent the other shadowhunters from tracking him here, using their runes. I didn't have any other ideas. But now that you are awake and roughly okay, I suggest you would tell me what happened."

Well first, Magnus hugged her. This woman, not only saving him, but the shadowhunter as well. And all this after Magnus had told her to leave many months ago, because he was worried he wasn't going to be able to protect her. Well, she was, without a doubt, able to protect him. She was truly incredible. Which shouldn't be a revelation for Magnus at this point.

"You know about the negotiations today?" he started. She nodded.

"It's exactly the reason I came here today. I decided I should check up on you."

He smiled at her and continued, telling her everything from the start. How he had been so hopeful, how everything had turned to just be an elaborate plan for the shadowhunters to get rid of his kind, and how it had transformed into a trap to kill him. Because shadowhunters were as trustworthy as the queen from the Snow White story, when she pretended to sell apples in order to poison Snow White. Truth was, that wasn't such a shock to Magnus. He always knew the meeting could turn out bloody. He hoped it won't, but he knew there was that possibility. And he believed he was prepared for that scenario. But here came to play the one thing Magnus never expected. And neither did Catarina. 

"How could the Clave find a warlock to work for them? And not just any warlock, but very powerful one at that. Such kind of magic as the one needed for creating that ball, is something only a few of us can do." Catarina noted, her tray of thought at the same direction as Magnus's. 

"That's not even my only concern," Magnus began, voicing his worries, "I know how the Clave thinks. They hate warlocks with all the power of their unknowledgeable little minds. They would never work alongside with one while at war, even if it's for their own interest. That's how close-minded they are. And I don't buy that they will be willing to make an exception, even at times like these. After today, I don't see them making that compromise."  
Magnus sighed, before proceeding, "Catarina, you are not going to like where I'm going with this."

"You think they keep someone like us in captivity, forcing him or her to do magic for them," she said, reading his mind. Her voice was filled with terror. 

"And use torture when he or she refuses to." Magnus added. 

It was a horrible guess. But it was possible, which made it even more horrible. Like it wasn't enough that warlocks were killed in cold blood every day. Now it turned out, they could be tortured as well. 

"We have no way of knowing for sure," Catarina said, "And you need to rest right now. It wasn't just one arrow in your leg. You had a piece of arrow in your back as well when I found you." That was news to Magnus. And explained the extra pain. He had been so focused at his tries to create a portal, he must have more or less blocked a part of what was happening.

"I guess Robin Hood was pretty insistent on killing me then." he stated, maybe more to himself, than to Catarina. He could feel the anger now, his feelings coming alive bit by bit. What did he ever do to that boy? He knew the answer. The same thing he did to the other shadowhunters. Nothing. And it was so easy to actually do something. So easy to hurt them. Even now. He was sleeping and defenseless. What other than the kindness of his heart was stopping Magnus to cause him pain? To return the favour, as they say. To poison his arrows and torture him with his own weapon. It wouldn't exactly be unfair now, would it? And when he starts to scream, begging Magnus to stop......well, Magnus was a warlock right? So he couldn't control himself, right? It wouldn't be that shocking if he didn't stop. Ever. If he just let that boy suffer and ultimately die. So simple, easy, nothing more or less than what the Clave would expect. Ahh. He needed to calm down and think. The realization that there was a really good chance some warlock was in the Clave's hands right now, being tortured, was something that took its weigh on Magnus. He felt sick in his stomach.

"You're right Cat. I'm going to take a shower and try to rest. Please watch after our guest, just in case. I'm sorry, how much favour asking is too much?" Magnus wondered out loud. He didn't want to misuse her help. She was here for like what, a couple of hours give or take, and Magnus already felt like a burden.

"When you almost died, there is no limit of favours you can ask. Now stop overthinking, thank me again and quit worrying about unnecessary things," she scolded him like he was a child or something. 

"Thank you," he said, squeezing her hand, before heading for the bathroom. 

Ten minutes later, he was in the shower. His magic felt pretty normal at this point. He could snap his fingers and clean all the remainings from that awful meeting off of himself. But he needed the spare time to try and set his mind at peace. And it was calming to actually see the dirt coming off of his body and disappearing down the drain. He tried to not think of anything. Or to think of the simplest things. Like the noise of the water in his ears, the shade of blue the bathroom tiles were in, the feeling of his magic, coursing through his veins, making him feel safe again. He had to figure out what he was going to do and he was running out of options. But for now, he just wanted to breathe and shower.

Later, when he felt like his normal self in more ways than not, he entered the room the shadowhunter was in. Catarina was there, sitting on a chair next to the bed, keeping an eye, like she had promised. She was still reading the book from before. Magnus realized that in everything that has been going on, he hadn't really managed to have a good look on this boy. He sat on the bed the shadowhunter was on, right across from Catarina's chair on the other side of it. 

The guy had dark hair, standing in a lot of different directions. His eyes were, of course closed, so Magnus couldn't see their color. He was dressed in a simple black shirt, black jacket and black jeans. What's with shadowhunters and black, Magnus wondered for a second. He was also apparently very tall, judging by the way his feet were coming out of the bed. His face had an interesting elongated form. There was blood on his forehead, from the wound that wasn't there anymore, thanks to Catarina. That aside, he didn't look like someone who just tried to commit murder. He looked like a normal sleeping good-looking boy.

How deceiving can be to make up your mind about people just by the way they looked. Magnus wondered sometimes, if shadowhunters didn't know he was a warlock, what will they see? Like, from the get to, what will be their first thought of him? Because now, the fact that he was a magical creature, was the only thing they could notice. And yes, it was a huge part of him, but certainly not the only. He had had his hopes for Maryse. She always struck him as an intelligent woman. Now, he had to accept the fact that she was too close-minded to understand what was she asking from him and his kind. Even if Magnus could make another meeting possible, which was doubtful, what were the chances he ends up running for his life again? Too high. So what was he going to do?

Catarina cleared her throat, gesturing to the shadowhunter, "We need to take him back to his people before the Clave decides we kidnapped him." She had a point. But what if he could be useful to them? 

"I think we need to find out who he is first. The other guy, the blond one, he shouted "Alec" before we disappeared into the portal." 

"As in Alexander?" Catarina had made a research on all respected members of the Clave back when the war between shadowhunters and warlocks had first started. But mostly on Maryse's family, because she had very strong ties with the Inquisitor. Know your enemy at all that. 

''Who is Alexander?" Magnus asked, already having an idea. New plan was forming in his head. 

"Maryse's older son. She has one adopted child- Jace Wayland, and three other kids. Well two, after what happened to Max. They are Alexander and Isabelle Lightwood. I don't know them by appearance though. So I can't be sure about this boy." 

"She wouldn't have chosen to come to the forest with just anyone. She would want someone she could trust 100 percent with her life. And who could be a better choice than her own sons? Think about how much they will all gain if they were to successfully kill me, the illusive Magnus Bane, son of Asmodeus. Sure, she may have hoped it didn't came to that, but if it did, I bet she wanted to be the one to put me down. The glory of that, the appreciation for her and her family. The possibility to prove that her and her children, the Lightwood name, are one of the best of the shadowhunters." And shadowhunters were generally obsessed with proving themselves to the Clave, if Magnus's experience and knowledge about them was anything to go by.  
"She was willing to put them in danger, because just like me, she must have been pretty confident with her plan. And because the possibility for things to turn out the way she wanted, for her was worth of any risk she takes with their lives along the way. I'm willing to bet my new red shirt with white stripes, this is Alexander."

"And if that is the case?" Catarina followed, asking him to elaborate on his plan. 

"I thought over time, if I make enough effort, I could convince the Clave that not everyone of our kind is a threat. I don't believe that anymore. But there is something else I can do. If we think about this.... why do we want peace? Because we're cornered. Because we're struggling to survive. The Clave has the upper hand right now, the better position. They don't need this truce the way we do. So if they lose their advantage, if the scales become more equal between us and them, they will be much more willing to negotiate. If we have Alexander Lightwood, Maryse's son, in our hands, we could use him as a hostage and gain from this." 

"So, you are suggesting we actually do kidnap this boy." 

"Desperate times call for desperate measures. You don't have to get involved in this. I know your good heart and conscience will object.And I don't want to be the one to put you in a position, where you will be in conflict with yourself. And let's not forget that if things go down the wrong way, we will be considered even bigger enemy in the Clave's eyes. I don't want to put a target on you back, I care about you too much to risk losing you and....."

"Hey," she interrupted him, putting her hand in his reassuringly. Her sincere eyes, filled with so much care, reflected the love he had for her back to him, "If we learned anything today, is that you are not better off on your own. And you don't have to be. If you are going to have all warlocks backs, then you need at least one person to have yours. I can be that person. You can count on me." 

Magnus was so touched, he was at a loss for words. He winked at her. Then he laughed at himself for doing that. Because really, she was willing to put her life on the line for him, and his response was a wink? She laughed with him. Then he put his other hand in hers as well. Somewhere in his mind, Magnus thought they must have been an odd picture at that moment. Holding hands over a bed with a sleeping shadowhunter, they just agreed to abduct, lying on it. But Magnus didn't care. He felt hope, clawing its way back to his heart, and that was the only thing that mattered.


	4. Enemy under my roof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this. Makes my struggles with the english language be worth it. Haha.

Magnus and Catarina had a lot of work to do after their conversation, preparing a room for the shadowhunter. They used both their powers and knowledge to create a barrier of blue magic, surrounding the room and the bathroom attached to it. They tested the barrier a lot of times, before they becаme satisfied with the result. The idea behind it, was that no shadowhunter could ever cross it. Not with some kind of special rune, and not with an enchanted ball. The spell was made in such a way, that only the warlocks who had made it, could break it. That way the shadowhunter couldn't leave the room once the barrier was there, and if by some awful luck the Clave found his home, his friends couldn't enter it. The idea itself sounded simple enough, but in practice, that was far from the truth. In fact, Magnus and Catarina exhausted themselves, working on this. And though it looked satisfying for the purpose at hand, It had his downsides, which Catarina explained thoroughly. 

"When we made the barrier be unbreakable by any kind of magic tricks the shadowhunters nowadays apparently use, we also made it impossible for any kind of magic to get through it.You aren't going to be able to make anything in this room happen with your powers, unless you physically walk past the barrier and enter the room yourself. Which I don't recommend you doing, considering Alec tried to kill you not so long ago."

"How will we give him food If I can't just make it appear in front of him?" Magnus was wondering. 

"By physically moving the food to cross the barrier, I guess. It's not the safest option, but I can't think of any other. His arrows and his stele won't be in the room with him. He won't be such a threat in this circumstances." Catarina replied.

That was reasonable. So they put the shadowhunter in the room, got out of it and raised the barrier. It looked like a veil in a palest shade of blue. You could definitely notice it, but it was transparent enough so you could see the room behind it clearly, as well. Around the time Catarina said her sleeping spell was about to wear off, the boy slowly started waking. Magnus was watching him, in a not creepy kind of way of course, standing a few feet away from the door. Because to have it any other way, and let your guest stay in your house without having as much as a simple hello and introduction with him, was simply bad hospitality. The shadowhunter opened his eyes, and at first, nothing happened. Magnus was just about to think that it was a normal everyday occurrence for him to wake up in someone else's home on a foreign bed (and there was nothing wrong if that was the case), when the panic finally came. The boy started looking around himself with terror written on his face. Then, his eyes landed on Magnus. Hazel eyes, Magnus added to his incomplete mental notes about him. There was a long moment when there was not much, but mostly fear in his expression, his posture, and all around the energy coming off of him. Magnus was debating with himself whether to say something, or just call for Catarina to do the talking, because her presence surely will be more reassuring and non-threatening to the shadowhunter. But then, just like that, his guest calmed down. What the hell? It was such a sudden change, made in a blink of an eye. In one moment he was terrified, in another- he just wasn't. It was so odd to Magnus, but then again, he wasn't sure what he was expecting, if it was anything at all.

The shadowhunter moved his eyes from him to the barrier, and then around the room again, taking everything in. Magnus decided it was a good enough time to break the silence.

"You needn't worry for your life," he started, and continued by explaining there was no way outside of the barrier, so it was useless to try anything. He told him he was free to spent his time reading the books in there, watching TV, or find something else to do to pass the time, since Magnus wasn't sure how long will his stay be. He also explained he would come back few times a day to give him food, because he couldn't make magic in the room from outside, and if he needs anything, because of a good enough reason, he has to call loud enough for Magnus or Catarina to hear and come to him.

When he was done, the shadowhunter still hadn't said anything or asked any questions. He eyes were still wandering through the place, stopping at different things for different periods of time, but never for too long. Next, he stood up and started walking towards the door. He was getting closer and closer to the barrier, looking at it now with more curiosity than before. Or was it curiosity? Magnus actually couldn't read him that well, which was annoying to him. In a way, his look reminded him a lot of the look on Maryse's face at the begging of that unfortunate meeting. He could pick up on some emotions behind it, but as a whole, he couldn't see much. So yes, definitely annoying and irritating. I mean, Jason's expression during the negotiations was filled with hate, but at least Magnus could see it, so he knew what he was dealing with. He had a feeling though, Maryse and Alec had a lot of experience hiding their emotions, and that's why it was hard for Magnus to perceive much. 

When the shadowhunter was in only a couple centimeters away from the barrier, he was also kind of close to the place Magnus was standing as well. Which Magnus didn't like at all. After all, this guy tried to kill him. But Magnus wasn't going to be the person to back away first, that was indisputable. And the boy was, at this point, ignoring Magnus's presence anyway. He reached his hand and touched the blue wall separating them. It was supposed to feel like glass to him. A glass that could never break. He ran his hand through it a couple of times, examining it. Then he moved suddenly, walking and following the barrier to the other side of the room, then outside it through the bathroom door, and back, until he stood at the same spot as before, in front of Magnus. Yep, that's your space, Magnus wanted to say sarcastically. But his guest was extremely rude, not paying much attention to him, and Magnus didn't want to feel like he was talking to a wall. Wasn't it bad manners not to communicate to your host? That reminded Magnus of Jason's silence on the meeting. Was it bellow shadowhunters level to speak to a warlock? Magnus wouldn't be surprised if the answer was yes. Well, once again he decided to be the bigger person in the situation. 

"Alexander?" he tried, just as the boy was retreating from the door again, and going to the bed. He didn't react at all to the calling of his name. Magnus was getting more and more annoyed at him by the minute. "What? Was your nap so bad? I'm so sorry. Next time you try to kill me, I will do the best of my abilities to make the aftermath more pleasant for you. What can I do now to make you more comfortable?" 

"Just stop talking," was what his guest decided to eventually say, before turning his head to look at him. There was something in just his voice, that Magnus liked. His tone though, was a whole other story. It was calm, deadly calm, too even in some way. There was boredom in the look he gave Magnus. How do you go from vulnerable and terrified to bored in that short amount of time? That was the million dollar question. 

Okay, Magnus decided he has had enough mind games. He had important matters to attend to, and time was not on his side lately. Nothing was keeping him there anymore, so he was happy to leave and do some serious work.

He sent a fire message to the shadowhunters, informing them he had Alexander Lightwood as his hostage, and if his family wanted to see him again, a new meeting must be arranged. He also met with his warlock friends for a brief hour to discuss the recent events, and decide how will they proceed, given the situation they were dealing with. They needed to be very careful with their demands. Maryse had big influence in the Shadow world, but even her reach wasn't endless. Also, they needed to be very careful with her as well. Magnus didn't doubt Maryse cared for her son, but he knew that if he were to push too much in the wrong way, she could decide her shadowhunters duty is above all else and comes first, even over her family. It wasn't something Magnus would exactly condemn her for, but he could never comprehend this kind of thinking himself. 

They needed to be wise about this and start small. That's why they decided another meeting was the only thing they were going to ask from the Clave for now. And then, they will go from there. They gave the Clave two days to decide whether to accept the offer.

After that was done, it was like 4am, so Magnus retreated to his room to sleep for a while. The day that followed, he spent traveling from portal to portal, to the warlocks who couldn't attend the earlier gathering, informing them about the recent events. Sharing their disappointment, meeting their doubts or support about his new plan. Given the fact that he was rather busy, Catarina had proposed to be the one to give the shadowhunter food. But he had declined her offer as fast as it was mentioned. As long as he was concerned, she had taken enough risks as it was.

It turned out though, they were probably worrying too much about this. The three times that day he brought food to the boy, Magnus was safely ignored by him, and simply slid it on the floor surface, until it crossed the barrier. Then he left his guest to eat in peace. The whole endeavor took seconds. The odd thing was, Magnus kept finding the shadowhunter on roughly the same spot of the room every time he came. He had no idea what his guest was doing all day, but was hoping he wasn't just staring into the void all the time. Cause that would be weird.

It was getting dark outside and Magnus was ready to have a much needed rest, when he and Catarina suddenly heard the shadowhunter screaming. They rushed to his room to see what was happening. Magnus couldn't think of anything that could be the cause of such a scream, his mind usually overcrowded with thoughts and ideas, was blank now. When they reached the room, stopping near the barrier, they saw the boy on the floor by the bed, lying on his back, his body was shaking. He screamed again. 

"What's happening?" Magnus asked just as loud, "What is it? What's wrong?" 

Please don't die on me, please don't die on me, was chanting in Magnus's head. I need you alive, please don't die now. 

"Jace.....don't....you....okay.....Jace.....," was what Magnus could hear, and the words he could distinguish from the shadowhunter's mumbling between his struggles to take a breath. They weren't helpful for Magnus to understand the problem though. What were they going to do? Even if they were seriously considering crossing the barrier to go heal him (and let's hope that's not needed), they still had to know the cause of his suffering. They couldn't be of much assistance if they didn't. But then, Catarina intervened.

"Alec, is Jace in trouble? Is he hurt? Is that what you're feeling?" her voice was steady and collected, like when she was in her doctor mode and was helping mundanes. Her face looked concerned as hell, but as opposed to Magnus who was just standing there, she sounded like she knew what she was doing. "Alec, answer me, please. Is Jace injured?" 

"No......no........he......s'trying.......track me......our rune......," the shadowhunters's voice sounded weak to Magnus's ears. But then he screamed so loudly, the hair on the back of Magnus's neck bristled. "Please.....please......help.......please.....," he pleaded. They needed to do something immediately. Right now. Things must be pretty serious if the shadowhunter was willing to beg them, of all people, for help. His condition must be horrible. 

"Okay, I think I understand," Catarina turned at Magnus, her words were spoken in a rush, "His brother is trying to locate him, using their parabatai rune. It won't work, but I imagine Jace doesn't know that. This method of tracking is very dangerous and usually harms both shadowhunters. I can't do anything for Jace, but I can help Alec." 

Parabatai, Magnus realized. The shadowhunter had a parabatai.

"No," Magnus said so suddenly, he would have startled her if her body wasn't on high alert already, due to what was happening. He grabbed her hand to prevent her from passing through the barrier. His fear for her was overwhelming him out of nowhere, powered by some instinct he couldn't quite understand, "I will heal him. I don't want you to take any risks. Please, stay here." Maybe he was exaggerating the risk, the shadowhunter didn't look capable of hurting a fly right now, let alone Catarina, but it was better to be overly careful, than be sorry later. Catarina's safety was the most important for Magnus, more important than the shadowhunter's life. And some feeling in his gut was telling him to watch out, to expect everything, to be cautious. Also, after she had told him what was the matter, he could actually be of help, instead of just stand there stupidly. Magnus knew what a parabatai bond was. It connected two shadowhunters physically and emotionally through a special rune they both carried, for as long as they were both alive. It appeared that Jason was not only Alec's brother, but his parabatai as well, which was something Magnus should have known. And if he didn't, it was due to his own stupidity and carelessness. Wasn't it a written law that you must know as much as you can for the person you decide to kidnap? While Magnus was engaging in unnecessary silly useless things, like what color the shadowhunter's eyes were, he was missing out on the information that was actually important. 

Without giving Catarina time to say anything, Magnus was already on the other side of the barrier, in the shadowhunter's room. He stopped for a second to take precautions, and then hurried to the boy. He couldn't waste any time. He was moving as fast as he could, when he kneeled next to him, concentrating on the task, and started the healing. 

What followed, happened really fast. The shadowhunter moved suddenly, and in a quick motion changed his position, the back of his hand hitting Magnus's neck in a movement that could have knocked the breath out of him. And though it couldn't quite achieve that, it left him lying on his back with the shadowhunter over him, holding a big sharp wooden object he took from under the bed (piece he chopped off of some furniture???) and was most certainly intending to kill him with.

"Sorry, I'm not a damsel in distress," were the boy's words before he tried his luck with taking Magnus's life again. 

And failed again. 

"Sorry, I'm not that easy to fool." Magnus told him as a silver dagger he controlled with his magic cut the shadowhunter's hand in exactly the right way for him to drop his improvised weapon. His attention was no longer on Magnus, which allowed Magnus to quickly stand up. Before the boy knew what was happening, the dagger was pointed at his throat. 

Yes, Magnus had taken precaution when he entered the room. He had that dagger in him when he went inside the room, and then had moved it with his magic in as unnoticeable way as he could manage, making sure the dagger was close enough to protect him if needed. It had been levitating in the air, not too far from the back of the shadowhunter's head, before Magnus had kneeled in front of him to heal him. But the boy was too busy with his acting performance to see it. Catarina had seen it trough. That was the reason she didn't immediately rushed in to help him. 

"I'm okay Cat. Please, don't come here." He said, just in case. He had his back to her, but could still feel the concerned eyes behind him. 

"If you don't want me coming to you, then come to me," she pleaded, indicating that Magnus was still in the room, his dagger not moving from the shadowhunter's throat. Was she worried about him or the boy at that moment, Magnus wasn't sure. Probably for the both of them. Which was one of the things making Magnus angry right now. Because if it was Catarina who came to help the boy, if he hadn't stopped her, she could be dead now. 

She could be dead! Dead! Magnus could have lost her. Not that he didn't believe she could protect herself, but when Catarina was healing someone, when there was a person in need, she forgot about herself. She focused all her energy at that person. That's who she was. Even today, when they created the barrier, Catarina was the one to tell him not to cross it, because it was dangerous. And yet, she was the one ready to do just that a minute ago. Without a second thought. Because the shadowhunter had asked for help, and when someone did that, Cat was already on it. Every time. 

But it was a trick this time. Looking at him now, the only pain the boy seemed to be in, was from the bleeding wound on his hand, which Magnus caused. When he took the means to protect himself, Magnus actually didn't think the shadowhunter was faking everything. It was more the matter of what will happen when Magnus heals him, after he becomes better. There was a gap between that and the time Magnus will need to exit his room. That time span was bothering Magnus. That's why he stopped Catarina, that's why he took precaution. He didn't actually believe it was a ploy. But it turned out it was. The shadowhunter was never in pain because of his parabatai. Jason never used their rune to find him. And Magnus felt cheated and furious. Catarina could have been hurt.

"You can't kill me. You need me to blackmail my family, " the boy said, looking at Magnus intently. 

Oh, so now he was talking. Now he was acknowledging him. Magnus wanted to see the fear on his face, as he had seen it when he had woken up. He wanted it so badly. He searched for it. But couldn't see much of any emotion. Was the boy so sure of himself, so sure Magnus will just leave him to have a good night sleep after this, because he needed him? Or was he acting again, pretending he wasn't afraid? Was he plotting this second murder attempt the whole day? How did he think he could take down two warlocks by himself? Was passing an acting course now a requirement for all shadowhunters?

It doesn't matter. Magnus took a deep long breath. Then he snapped out of his anger. What was he doing? Trying to scare that shadowhunter, trying to understand him. It just wasn't worth it. Cat was alive, he was alive. They were both okay. That was the only thing important. He could be hugging Catarina right now, instead of playing the ridiculous and childish game of: You can't kill me -- Oh, are you sure of that? 

"I'm won't heal that," he stated, pointing to the shadowhunter's wound on his hand, "But you are a badass shadowhunter so I'm sure you don't need me. Bandage it. There is first-aid kit in one of the drawers next to the bed. I really hope it leaves a scar." 

Magnus walked to the barrier, pulled the dagger in his hand with his powers quickly, and crossed it without a second look at the boy. Catarina was watching him with sad eyes when he went to her. He didn't want to interact with her where the shadowhunter was able to see them. He didn't want to be seen from him now really at all. At this moment he wanted only to be seen from people who cared for him, loved him. She understood somehow, always reading him extremely well. Without saying anything, she made a portal taking them to Magnus's living room.

"I'm sorry." Magnus whispered once they were there. Like he was afraid if he says it at normal volume, the shadowhunter will hear. Which was silly and not possible, this room was so far away from his. 

Catarina nodded and hugged him tightly.

"Drinks?" she whispered in return after. 

"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out a little longer than I thought. And a little more weird. But I like it.


	5. Then and now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kudos and the comments.
> 
> There are mentions of previous violence here. Also in the end, this chapter gets really heavy. So.....I've warned you, I guess.

Magnus couldn't sleep well. He had this dream when he knew he was going to die, and he knew how. The dream version of him kept having visions of some unknown man capturing him, tying him up, and driving a blade through his chest multiple times. Magnus was crying in the visions. At the beginning of the nightmare, he was untroubled actually. Thanks to the visions he knew when, where and how. He knew what to avoid to prevent it from happening. So he was positive he wasn't going to die. But soon, he found out that things were just happening without his control. Like, he would choose not to go to the night club he visited in the vision, and after some time, he would find himself exactly there, having no idea how. Then, he would avoid drinking the alcohol he had in the vision, but that same cocktail will, out of the blue appear in his hand, the glass almost empty. After that it came the most terrifying part of the dream- when he realized it didn't matter he knew what was going to happen, it was still happening; it didn't matter what he wanted to do, or was trying to do, he didn't have control over what was happening to him. He felt like an object, a doll, a thing put in situations by some greater force, used for someone else's entertainment. The visions were becoming more frequent. He started seeing the face of the man who was going to murder him. He was smilling at Magnus in expectation and eagerness, getting ready to get his hands on him. At one point, it really felt like the man could see him through the vision as well, and was sending creepy stares and laughs his way. The image of Magnus tied up and crying always followed. Magnus knew his death was near, and there was nothing he could do to stop anything. And then.....he woke himself up abruptly. Luckily, he managed that before things would start to look ugly. He was so relieved when he found himself on his bed, reassured the dream wasn't real. He thought it was over, but sadly, that was not the end if it. When he went to sleep for the second time, he found himself in the exact same dream. And it simply continued from the place it had stopped before. How long until it happens? How long did Magnus have? Minutes? Or more? What will he do when the horror starts? When the man he saw only in his mind, turnes into someone in the flesh, a full real presence in front of him. Who can touch him, harm him without much difficulty. After so many visions, Magnus knew how things will look like, how ugly they will be. But he didn't know how it would feel, never wanted to find out. But no one was giving him any choice. He was a puppet, didn't belong to himself, he was nothing. What else was left to do, but try not to feel it when it starts? Shut off what was happening? He didn't want to experience the fear and the pain, didn't want to cry. Could he avoid that? Could he become just a body, his soul somewhere far away, somewhere safe. Magnus suddenly remembered the shadowhunter in his home. How the boy was afraid when he woke up, but it went away. It wasn't exactly what Magnus was contemplating, but it would do. He was going to try the same. How though? Is there some button in your brain about these sort of thing? And if yes, how do you reach it? How do you work with it? Magnus continued thinking about the shadowhunter in his attempt to figure this out. And between that, something occurred to him. Wait a second.... The shadowhunter, Robin Hood, his guest. That was real. Magnus had his life endangered, he really did, so many times. But not like this. In an actual real-life way. The previous day, the day before, and more and more days back. It had been scary, but not scary like this. Because this wasn't real. It was a nightmare, he was dreaming again.

So Magnus woke himself up once again, his eyes opening sharply. When he calmed his breathing, he wasn't sure he wanted to try the whole going to sleep thing any more. If anything, dreams like that were draining him even more. He was sleepy and he didn't want to drift off, so he took a cold shower and drunk some coffee.

Аfterwards he took up with reading every information Catarina had gathered on Maryse's family, and had left for him the night before. Magnus should have done that a long time ago, but better late than never. Or at least that was what the mudanes were usually saying. He actually knew quite a bit about Maryse by now, their paths had been crossed once or twice in the past. She had divorced her previous husband, Robert Lightwood, a long time ago. And she had a romantic relationship with the Inquisitor - one of the shadowhunters holding the most authority, power and control in the Shadow world- by current date. It was one of this weird situations where everyone knew about the relationship, but it was never spoken of it. Because neither the Inquisitor, nor Maryse had officially confirmed that there was such a relationship. They were kind of pretending there wasn't. And Magnus really didn't understand this. Why not just make it a public thing and get married already? Nothing was stopping them, they were both single adults with enough power to marry whoever they choose. And it looked like a better option than acting like everyone hadn't already figured out a long time ago that they were a couple. Shadowhunters- always taking the opportunity to complicate their lives further, using more and more creative ways to achieve this goal.

Apart from Maryse, Magnus had next to no knowledge about the rest of the Lighwoods. There was a lot written about the daughter- Isabelle. Most of it was negative in fact. She had many violations against the law and the Clave under her sleeve, had been benched many times because of being insubordinate. She was even sent on trial four different individual times by now, one of which she had been way too close to being stripped off of her runes and sent to exile. She was continuously described as too wild, allowing emotions to cloud her judgement, disrespectful to authority, uncontrollable, acting on her own, even immoral. She sounded just lovely to Magnus. But given the fact that she was probably out there hating him, he wanted to refer himself from developing a sympathy. Then, there was the adopted brother - Jason. There wasn't anything written about his real family. Both him and his brother, the shadowhunter Magnus kidnapped, were the acting head of the New York Institute, which was home to many more shadowhunters. Jason was described in a completely different and opposite way from Isabelle. He was apparently the golden boy, the perfect son, the amazing shadowhunter. There were pages and pages about his many successful missions. Once he killed three shax demons single handedly, other time he discovered one of the shadowhunters- a man named Hodge- was a traitor, going behind the Clave's back, and he managed to catch him, expose his plan, and bring him to justice. He wasn't the most obedient shadowhunter out there, but every time he had done something against orders, it had turned out to be in the Clave's best interest. Hmm. That was odd, because the Clave rarely admitted not being in the right. All in all, Jason was portrayed as fair and just person, with good sense of humor. Ha! Everything Magnus hadn't seen in him during their meeting. About Magnus's guest- there wasn't much information to point at what kind of a person he was. He red like a regular shadowhunter, nothing too eye-catching about him, as opposed to his siblings. He was mostly pointed out to be serious and composed, with good head on his shoulders. He had become parabatai with Jason at the age of 15, but the two brothers had fought together many times even before that, since they were around 11 years old. 

Magnus knew that documentation was before shadowhunters and warlocks became enemies, which happened three years ago. He wanted to see information about them after that tragedy. About what kind of people they were now, because they couldn't be the same. 

He must had fallen asleep on the couch while reading, because the next thing he knew, it was bright outside and the sun was high on the sky. Was it midday? Why hadn't Cat woken him up? He had so many things to do. Magnus looked at the time- 11am. Without continuing his idleness, he showered and got dressed. He couldn't find Catarina in the living room, or the room she was staying in. Also- who brought the shadowhunter food while Magnus was sleeping? Magnus knew who and didn't like that one bit. He hurried to the boy's room, preparing a reprimanding speech to Catarina in his head. It was something along the lines of: We share a house with a hostile, unfriendly, rude as hell shadowhunter, who has only ill intentions towards us, and is constantly plotting evil plans for our demise in his spare time (which is basically all his time now). If you are so determend to go to him, and test your abilitty to defend yourself, at least wake me up to let me know. 

Yes, it would be something like that, but put more politely.

Magnus really didn't want to find Cat in front of the shadowhunter's room, but what do you know, there she was. Walking towards her, it looked like she had already given the boy his lunch, and had stayed to........talk to him.......for some reason. She was casually sitting against the wall in front of the room's entrance, one of her legs bent with her arms wrapped around it. She looked like she was telling some kind of a tale, lost in what she was describing. Her voice, not exactly quiet, but impossible to hear much further than a few feet, reached Magnus's ears. 

".......and for someone like me, you think you will know when event like that is about to happen; you'll sense it; you'll smell it in the air. But no such thing happened. I didn't have that luck. It came from nowhere for me as well. The theory that all warlocks more or less knew about the attack, and were in on the plan, and just.......chose not to warn the Clave, is inaccurate and full of logic holes." 

Magnus stopped close enough to be able to hear her, but at a place where the shadowhunter couldn't see him from his room. He was sure Catarina could notice him with her peripheral vision from where she was, but she didn't indicate it. She continued speaking. He knew what she was talking about. The event that marked the beginning of the persecution of all warlocks around the world, after which they were declared as the shadowhunters lethal enemy. That horrible day, when a group of around 200 warlocks decided to rebel against the Clave, and the Accords, doing something despicable to make their point. They had split into smaller groups, and had planned and carried out a massive attack on as many Institutes as they could at the same time. So the shadowhunters were striked from many different sides at once. There were so many casualties. Not just that day, but the week that followed. So much violence had begun. Many shadowhunters and mundanes had died in the aftermath. It was a horrible memory in the minds of everyone who had seen and witnessed it. The big Uprising against the Clave. Magnus didn't move any more, he just sat on the floor like Cat , listening to her. He was somewhat wondering if the shadowhunter outside of his sight was doing the same, or was just ignoring her, following his rude nature. 

"I remember some of the things so well, I can close my eyes and see them if I want to. Others are kind of blind spots for some unknown reason. I was actually in the Los Angeles Institute when it happened. I was leading a lecture to the young shadowhunters there. About the dangers of summoning a memory demon without taking the needed preparation beforehand. I was near the end, when all of a sudden an earthquake started, shaking the walls of the Institute. The Shadowhunters couldn't comprehend what was happening the first minute. It took time to register magic was behind this. The warlocks were able to get past the Institutes wards, because most of them were usually made with magic as well, by other warlocks through the years. Also, apparently the Uprising had been planned for a long time. Everywhere around me shadowhunters were running in different directions, trying to help others and safe themselves, before everything crashed over their heads. The panic settled in their minds really fast. I started transporting the kids through portals to safety. I remember something hitting my head and my left shoulder with the force of a hundred bricks. Next thing I know, I was on the ground on my stomach, disoriented, losing focus about what was going on, my head throbbing. A part of the roof had hit me and I was lying under it, not moving. It was like my brain had separated itself from my body. I knew I needed to try and stand. But my body was disobeying me, and didn't do any effort for that." Magnus knew this story and hated it with everything he had. If he could, if it was in his power, he would do everything to go back in time and change this events. He was wondering again, if the shadowhunter was really listening to this. If his head was turned to Catarina, or not. If he was acknowledging her, or not. If he paid attention to her, if he cared to hear it, if he wanted to. Magnus knew a way to find the answers of his questions. He could use his magic to see what was behind the wall he was facing. He could see inside the shadowhunter's room, without being seen himself. He had the ability to do that, if he wanted. But.....he decided against it. His curiosity wasn't enough of a reason. And this wasn't his business anyway. He had decided last night, that he was going to stop with his attempts to understand his guest, or talk to him. And it was better to stick with that decision. So he closed his eyes and just allowed Catarina's words to have his attention. 

She made a pause to compose herself before she continued, "I think I had a period of lost time. Then, there was someone with me. Shouting words, telling me something. I forced myself to raise my head, to register, to see and hear. It was a kid, around 10 years old. With hazel eyes and brown hair. He looked frightened, but not in panic. He removed the roof piece from above me and started trying to get me to stand up. It wasn't working at first, but then my survival instincts kicked in. And I felt my magic healing me from inside. He didn't tell me his name was Max. But I heard it when someone called for him a moment later, and he run to that person, giving me a final glance to make sure I will be okay. I didn't have a chance to thank him, but he saved my life that day." 

At that, Magnus heard a movement in the room, which caused him to open his eyes and Catarina to turn quiet. He was able to make out the sound of a couple steps, and then a door being opened and shut carefully. He assumed it was the door for the bathroom, and there was where the shadowhunter had gone. Because he wasn't able to access the main door for the room, due to the barrier being in front of it. It turned out that was right. When Magnus went to where Cat was sitting, he saw the room was empty. Which meant the shadowhunter was in the bathroom. He had just walked out of the conversation Catarina was having mostly by herself anyway. 

He held out his hand for her to stand, and they walked away. 

"I shouldn't have mentioned his brother," Cat said when it were just the two of them, "It's too personal of a matter. He hates us, we kidnapped him, and we are his enemies. That leaves us in a situation, when it's not exactly right to try to have a talk about certain things. And that wasn't my intention. I just got carried away." 

"Mhm," was Magnus's answer, because he didn't want to engage himself in a dialogue about that shadowhunter. There were, however, conversations in which he did want to engage in, "You should have woken me up this morning. It's my responsibility to bring him food. You could have at least taken me with you." 

Catarina looked at him like he was just behaving ridiculously about this. And maybe he was. But so what? Who could blame him after everything? 

"You know," she started gently, "I'm not as fragile as you make me to be. It was me who saved you. And then, I said I will help you, so that's what I'm doing. I might act a little irrational and thoughtless at times, but I know how to get myself out of the bad situation. And you know me well enough to know this. Okay?" 

"I'm just saying. You talk with him like he is just some ordinary guy, visiting me and taking my spare room for a while. And I tried this approach too. But last night proved what we already knew- he is not." 

"I know. It doesn't eliminate my previous words. I've got this. I learned my lesson from yesterday. I'll be very careful. Okay?" 

No, Magnus wanted to reply. Why tempt fate to bring out their bad luck? New plan- why not they just throw him the food, from like a very very big distance? Some of it will fall on the floor, sure, but after enough tries at least something will make it's way to the bed, or some other surface, and be edible. It could even turn into a game. It'll be fun- 10 points if you hit the bed, 20 if it's the shadowhunter's head. 

But, of course, Magnus knew it wasn't about that at all. Cat wanted to talk to the boy, so she did. And when she desires to talk to him again, she will. Those decisions were concerning her, and were hers to make. Magnus could only advise her, and have her back. 

"Okay." He said. 

"Thank you. Now, why didn't I wake you up- I need to go check on a human I treat, a woman in a bad condition. She needs me and I'll have to go out in an hour. I'll come back as soon as I can. I wanted you to rest properly, before I would have to leave you in the middle of this. I'm sorry, there is no one else to send to replece me. Most of the warlocks I know to specialise in healing magic live in hiding, changing their location constantly, trying not to be noticed by shadowhunters." 

"It's fine. Go. I've got this." He told her with a smile, around 40 percent real. 

 

A couple hours after, Magnus was becoming more and more anxious that the two days he gave the Clave were coming to an end, and he still didn't have any answer to his fire message. Were they going to wait till the last moment? Why? To torment him, or because they simply couldn't come to a resolve themselves, or reach an agreement, suitable enough for their taste? 

He left dinner for the shadowhunter in silence, ignoring him and being lost in his own head anyway, and had just turned to leave, when his guest's voice stopped him abruptly. 

"Do you know where Madzie is?"

It was technically a question, but it wasn't uttered like a question at all. There was a lot of evident satisfaction in the tone. But if we exclude that, it was said so simply and normally. Like he had asked- What time is it? - or something.

"What?" Magnus slowly turned back to look at the shadowhunter, trying to pretend like he didn't have any idea who he meant. 

"Madzie- 9 year old warlock, long curly hair, has gills on her neck that suffocate and kill people. Don't you know her? Because she really seemed to know you when we found her a month ago. So, my question is- do you know where she is. Because if you think you do, you should seriously check that." 

At that, Magnus was sure his "I don't understand" mask had slipped from his face. No! They couldn't have found Madzie. He made sure to keep her safe. She was okay!

The next moment, he was running to his room. His heart was beating so fast like he could hear it, and it was screaming. Madzie was okay. They couldn't have found her. Of course Magnus knew where she was. He had sent her to Dorothea- a friend of his- himself half a year ago, and she was safe there. He knew this, he was positive. He even had gotten a letter from the little girl two weeks ago, telling him she was fine and well. And she was. Because that shadowhunter was lying. That was his thing, he was a liar. He lied yesterday that he was in pain and needed help, and he was lying now. It was so obvious a blind man could see. Madzie was okay. He started searching all around his room, to find the number Dorothea had given him to connect her. He couldn't use a portal, because part of the safety measures they took was that even Magnus didn't know where Dorothea lived. See? There were careful and this was just a false alarm, he knew it was. He told his heart to stop beating so alarmingly, no need to be dramatic over this. He will call Dorothea, and she will tell him there was nothing to worry about. 

She picked up the second time he rang her. She was probably busy, playing with Madzie and all. He couldn't expect her to stand by the phone all day, that was just unreasonable. After she picked up, Magnus calmly asked her to get Madzie on the phone. 

"I........I thought Madzie was with you. A month ago she wanted to visit you so I took her. And after that she wrote me a letter, telling me she decided to spent more time with you, and everything was okay." 

No. Magnus hung up, not even realising he did, and started shaking his head like there was someone sitting and communicating with him right then. No, Madzie was not with him. No, she was not with Dorothea. He shaked his head repeatedly, and could feel something grabbing his heart, squeezing it, trying to stop it from beating altogether. 

He walked very slоwly to the shadowhunter's room. Then he stopped as close to the barrier as you can get, and directed his look at the boy, watching him straight in the eyes. But he wasn't able to try and likely fail to analyze his expression, because he wasn't even seeing him. All he was seeing was Madzie. Madzie when he first met her, and saved her from the horrible family she was living with. Madzie when she asked what an ice cream was, because no one had ever bought her one before. Madzie when she said she was going to do her make up even better than Magnus when she grows up. 

"She was just a child." Magnus's voice was so even. So not matching with how he felt inside. 

"Come on, ask me where she is." Said the boy, just as evenly. Like they were talking about nothing. Like this was nothing. Could it be possible Magnus was dreaming? Was this another nightmare? Was it not real? Should he try to wake up now? 

"Where?" He asked, not really wanting to. Like the word just came out, without his permission. 

"Nowhere. Because I killed her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the end- I can't say much about it, because it will spoil the next chapter. But please, please don't think Alec is some sort of a child-killing monster. There is more to this, I promise.


	6. I break (part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> Warning: violence

Magnus had to wake up. Like he did before. Now that he knew it wasn't real, what followed was the easy part. Except he couldn't seem to figure out how that part- opening your eyes and stopping the dream- has to be executed precisely. What did he do the last time? Was it some specific thing? And if it was, how could he not remember it? Was it closing your eyes, squeezing them, and then opening them abruptly? He stepped away from the shadowhunter's room, making enough steps to find himself at the same place he was earlier that day, when Catarina was talking about the Uprising. Once he was outside of the shadowhunter's view, he started with his attempts to stop this dream. The eyes thing didn't work. Was pinching yourself what did the trick? Magnus sincerely doubted that, it sounded like a rather foolish thing, childish in some way. But he did it anyway, and nothing happened. Magnus started getting angry with himself, because the things he was trying were too trivial, too stereotypical to actually be the key to waking up. It was probably something much more simple and natural, something you do instinctively. Maybe you just had to open your mind to the fact that you are not really experiencing what you believed you were experiencing. So he focused on that, waiting for the result. And he kept focusing. And he was still focussing when he heard the voice from the room. 

"I know you didn't leave, I know you're still nearby. I didn't think Magnus Bane was a simple coward, running away from the things he didn't like, and not facing his failures." 

Shut up, Magnus thought. I'm trying to focus. 

"Are you so weak you can't admit to yourself that girl should have never trusted you with her life? That you proved useless to take care of her? And you are supposed to be some powerful old warlock, representing millions of other warlocks? Who had the brilliant idea to give you that much power? You couldn't even protect one girl." 

Focus Magnus, focus. Any moment now. This was not happening. And what's wrong with this dream? He never had to put that much effort to wake himself up before. It usually just happens. 

"Do you even care about her? You failed her and you don't even care." 

You failed her, it stuck in Magnus's head. You failed her. You failed her. You failed her. 

Something inside him broke. He was supposed to protect Madzie. He was supposed to be her friend. He was supposed to make sure she didn't grow up the way Magnus did. And now she couldn't grow up at all. He was supposed to be by her side, never letting her believe she deserves less than others, never allowing her to think there was anything wrong with her, teach her to live in peace with her powers and herself. He wasn't supposed to leave her. And she wasn't supposed to leave him. But then this war had to happen, and Magnus couldn't do the things he promised to do for her. Couldn't be by her side without drawing attention to her, making her a target. So he had to let her go, until he could fix this. But he still had one main basic job- to make sure she was okay, no matter where she was. And he had failed her. Maybe that was true- she shouldn't have counted on him. She deserved better. But who would care about this? Because in this world all kinds of monsters got to live long and happy lives, while Madzie had to die for nothing. There was one long moment, when Magnus just couldn't see the point in himself. He forgot why he was waking up in the morning, and it was a struggle to remember.

He wanted Catarina to be there, to tell him something reassuring. Or maybe Ragnor, to give him wise advise. Or maybe his mother, to tell him she regretted killing herself and leaving him, and she wanted another chance to raise him. Or maybe Madzie, to tell him he didn't fail her. He couldn't deal with this by himself. Because he was weak. He had all kinds of powers, had lived for centuries, but he was weak inside. It was so pathetic. The way he always needed other people, never able to just live with himself. Never able to get things done without anyone's help. How was it possible for a mighty creature like him to be like this? How did he manage to be so useless all the time? Where was the version of him that deserved respect? Where was the version of him, whose inner strength made other people feel intimidated? That provoked awe in those, who looked at him? All he was doing these days was whine for the situation he was in, feeling sorry for himself, fearing stupid and absurd nightmares like some mundane, walking after Catarina's heels, like she ever needed him at all. No one ever needed him, and he always needed someone. He was always letting shadowhunters walk all over him, doing absolutely nothing when they mock him, repeatedly try to kill him, play with him, insult him. Maybe the Clave was laughing at him right now. Making jokes about his naive hopes to organise another meeting. All the while they were killing his people, killing kids just because, planning to end all warlocks, probably holding them against their will to use them to do magic. And Magnus was doing moronic things, like pinching himself in his hallway, like he was brainless. When did he fell so low? 

He was Magnus Bane, damn it! No one had the right to treat him like that. His stepfather had tried centuries ago, and Magnus had burned him alive. Was he any less now than he was before? Why? Why be anything less than what you're born to be? He didn't need that shadowhunter, that was bullshit. Even if kidnapping was the way to go, he could find someone else. Maybe Maryse. Yes. She was the perfect choice. Why not take her after he finishes with her son? It wasn't going to be easy, he couldn't just snatch her from the Institute, but he was Magnus Bane. He would figure out a way to get to her. Maybe even put her in the same room. Minus the meals.

He walked to the barrier again, his head and vision a hundread times more clear. He could see the shadowhunter, sitting on his bed, the smirk on his face, the look of superiority, just everything about him. In that moment, he felt like he hated him. He wanted to smash his face somewhere. 

"What? Changed your plans about running away? Do you want me to tell you how I killed her?" The shadowhunter asked, coming closer to the barrier and Magnus, using the same disgusting voice, full of satisfaction. 

"I think it is time for your visit to end." Magnus uttered, knowing his true eyes must be visible right about now. His voice haven't been so clear in a while. 

The shadowhunter flinched ever so slightly seeing them. And Magnus couldn't wait to see him flinch the way he should, the way Magnus wanted to see.

The second he walked foot inside the room, he stepped on something, some mechanism triggered. A rope made of clothes wrapped around his feet and lifted him up, causing him to hang on it upside down, facing the barrier, his back at the shadowhunter. Then he felt the same wooden object, which had been pointed at him yesterday, on his back. 

"Break the barrier right now, or I'll kill you," the shadowhunter demanded. 

Well, would you look at that. Wasn't this adorable? He had set a trap in his room. But of course he would. He knew Magnus would come after all, that's what he wanted. So he could be able to try to kill him again. Honestly, it wasn't the worst plan. The way Magnus was hanging, he couldn't see the shadowhunter, so he couldn't attack him with his magic. Look who thought of the details? And he wasn't going straight for the kill, he wanted the barrier destroyed first. Because killing Magnus now won't get him out of there, and after he would have to deal with Catarina. It was smart, Magnus had to admit. But even if it had any chance of working when Magnus was his usual self, being a harmless fool, now was a different story. Points for the effort, though. To think that was probably the last assassination attempt this shadowhunter was going to organise, it was kind of bittersweet. 

Magnus snapped his fingers and all the light in the room disappeared, turning everything the barrier stood around into a dark cave, where it was impossible to see anything. And then he swung himself forward, using physical strength and magic to give himself enough push, so the wood could pierce his back on his way backward. It caused the shadowhunter to fall back on the floor, the weapon not in his hands anymore, but sticking from Magnus's body. Thanks for giving me that, Magnus wanted to say. He felt so much adrenaline, he wasn't bothered that much from the pain, and didn't let it distract him. It was time for magic. He used it to cut the rope he was hanging on, and to land on his feet. But that took a second too long, giving the shadowhunter time to stumble him in the dark, making him fall on the ground as well. Magnus moved away from the place he had fallen immediately, so the shadowhunter wouldn't know where he is, counting on the darkness to hide him. He took a portal to the other side of the room, close to the bathroom. Once he was there, he pulled the wooden weapon out of his back, trying not to scream at the motion, not to give away his location. He destroyed it and heeled his wound for a second, not having enough time to continue the procedure. After that, the darkness wasn't in his favour anymore, so he allowed the normal light of the day to return.

Then, he saw no shadowhunter around. He had hid himself somewhere in the room. What is this now, a game of hide and seek? Who was the coward now? Everything was very quiet. Magnus started walking slowly, ready for the shadowhunter to jump from anywhere. Well, not from anywhere exactly. They weren't a lot of places he could be, he was too tall. He couldn't be in the wardrobe, that place was too small. He couldn't be under the bed for the same reason. And he couldn't have had enough time to go too far from the last place Magnus knew he was. Suddenly, a blanket was thrown at his face. Under the bed sheets. Yeah, he had been there. That bed was such a not artistic mess, even someone like that shadowhunter could crawl in a ball, and hide under the sheets, without it looking too obvious. The shadowhunter tried to make a run for the bathroom, either to lock himself there, which would be pretty useless, or maybe he had created other traps there as well, and counted on Magnus following him, which was much more likely. But the blanket wasn't enough to distract Magnus, and his reflexes this time ware on point. He jumped at the boy, knocking both of them down on the floor. There was something so poetic about this. At the beginning of their unpleasant acquaintanceship the shadowhunter had jumped on Magnus to kill him. Аnd in the end of it, Magnus jumped on him to kill him. Life worked in mysterious ways. The shadowhunter tried to get away, but Magnus wrapped his hands around him tightly, picked him up, and threw him against the barrier. He hit it, creating some metallic sound. Then he fell to the floor once again. 

Magnus remembered how he screamed at his stepdad as a boy, and killed him. So he started screaming.  
He tried to turn his feelings into noise, and release himself from them, before they could eat him alive. Everything in the room started breaking- the table, the drawers, the TV. Everything started getting destroyed. If only it was always that easy. To destroy what's hurting you, the bad things that happen. To undo what wasn't fair. Madzie should have never had to live in hiding. And Max shouldn't have died.

When he got tired of screaming, he looked around himself. It was kind of calming to see the state the room was in. Like it had been a tornado there. Good thing Magnus didn't have any neighbours. Because this would have been hard to explain. Hey guys, did you hear me screaming today? No big deal, I was just practicing for my upcoming opera performance. Wish me luck. The most ridiculous thing- Magnus liked this room better now. There was something so beautiful about it. Or maybe he was going insane. Also, not everything had been destroyed. There was one living, breathing shadowhunter, sitting on the floor, very slowly removing his hands he had used to cover his ears with. Magnus looked at him, and for a moment, he could swear his eyes were watery.

But of course Magnus hadn't killed him. Not because he was weak, or couldn't. He just didn't want to. He never wanted to. Even when he told himself he was going to, he was never really about to do something like this. He just needed to take his mind away from Madzie for a bit, he needed the adrenaline, the fight. If it wasn't self defence, if it wasn't extreme circumstances, Magnus would never kill anyone. It was a choice he made a long time ago. And looking at the shadowhunter now, his face in a sad grimace, Magnus thought maybe, just maybe, Madzie was still alive. Plus that boy, though really good looking, had proved himself to be a big fat liar in the short time Magnus knew him.

Magnus had to know what happened. How had they found Madzie? What did he do wrong? Where had he slipped? He looked at the shadowhunter for one intense moment, making his decision. He pulled him to himself with his powers, the boy's eyes becoming huge, but Magnus couldn't tell if it was from fear. There was this method of looking into other people's memories. It was a different kind of magic, a lot of practice was required before one could understand it, and use it safely. It was just 50 years ago, when Magnus finally learned how to do it correctly. You needed to know what you are looking for, you couldn't just go wandering through someone else's memories without a specific goal. Because that way you would only overwhelm and exhaust yourself, causing harm to the other person. You couldn't do it for too long as well, because in the best case scenario-you would black out, and in the worst-you might even completely lose your idea of yourself in the mind of another.

Magnus put his hands on the both sides of the shadowhunter's head as soon as he was in a touching distance, positioning him so they were sitting on the floor. As soon as Magnus placed his hands on his head, he started the memory searching spell, not giving the shadowhunter time to attack, or do something along those lines. That spell always left the other person in a weird state of not being exactly conscious, but not being unconscious at the same time. It was impossible for the other person to make new memories once the spell had started, so the mind stopped registering things, and went in some sort of а pause state. The shadowhunter's eyes closed, his body went limp, and Magnus used magic to keep him sitting. Then he said the necessary words in the proper language clearly and distinctly, closing his own eyes, beginning his journey through the shadowhunter's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this turned out a little different from what I thought before I started writing. I can't write fight scenes, and I'm afraid it shows.
> 
> Also, this and part II were originally one chapter, but it got big, and my fear of long chapters showed itself.


	7. I break (part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> Warning: past violence

When the spell began to work it's job, everything in front of Magnus turned into a mess of images and voices, through which he had to find his way. His key word was "Madzie", and he looked for any memory that had it, any memory where that word was uttered. Un unexpected problem occured though. There was one memory, not about Madzie at all, which kept popping up, getting in the way of Magnus's concentration again and again. Magnus would push it away, but then it would reappear. Apparently it was something which had been occupying the shadowhunter's mind a lot a few seconds ago, before Magnus started this. So now, naturally, it was bothering Magnus. Could it be something useful? Magnus wondered about that, and decided if it was where the shadowhunter's thoughts were last at, maybe it had some relation to Madzie, even if it wasn't about her. And also, Magnus was tired of trying to get around it. So he focused on it instead, letting himself be consumed in. 

The spell allowed him to see the memories through the shadowhunter's eyes, as though he was him when they happened. Here, the shadowhunter was somewhere outside, sitting on the grass. There was some sort of magical rope around him, covering mostly his neck and his hands, which were behind his back. The rope put enough pressure on the neck for it to be unpleasant, and make the talking difficult, but not enough to strangle him to death. There was a man standing over him, a couple centimeters away. Not just a man, Magnus realized, a warlock. He appeared to be the shadowhunter's age, with short blond hair and black eyes. He was dressed as a shadowhunter though, wearing black clothes and carrying weapons the way shadowhunters usually did. 

"What's wrong Alec? Feeling uncomfortable, aren't we?" He asked with amused voice, smiling. There wasn't really venom in his voice, but somehow that made it even more unpleasant for the ear. 

The shadowhunter was trying to free himself, but it looked more like mission impossible. He forced himself to say something, struggling with the rope around his neck. 

"Whe........where is Max?" He managed to ask. 

"Who cares? Let's talk about something interesting, yeah?" The warlock got closer to him, reaching his hand to go through his hair, making the shadowhunter pull away, and causing Magnus to frown. "What's wrong? Don't you like me any more? Come on, don't be like that. You know I'm different. Not like the others. Special. I'm your friend, have you forgotten?" He asked with satisfaction and a smirk. There was something in the way he was talking, that reminded Magnus of something. 

He tried to touch the shadowhunter's hair again, resulting in the shadowhunter moving away the second time. Then he suddenly grabbed the hair in the back of his head in his fist, his hold kind of painful, not letting the boy move his head, pointing him closer to himself.

"I thought you enjoyed my company. Don't you any more?" he started talking in the shadowhunter's ear, "Don't you think I'm magical?" He whispered, and chuckled, "I swear that line was so cheesy, I was embarrassed on your behalf when you told me that. Alec, you're lucky you're hot. Because you are not very smart." 

The warlock, still not letting go of the shadowhunter's hair, put his other hand on his back, moving it up and down. Magnus didn't like this memory at all. When was it going to end? He just wanted to know what happened to Madzie, damn it. 

Then shadowhunter succeeded to turn a bit, and bit the warlock's ear, which was close to him in the position they were in. The man made a painful sound, and when he weakened the hold he had on his hair, the shadowhunter hit his head with his own, making his nose bloody. The warlock was distracted from that, which caused his control of the rope around the shadowhunter to slip. The shadowhunter used the moment to reach for his sword with his hands, and injured his opponent's legs with it to prevent him from standing up. The warlock made a loud cry of pain, while the boy got free from the rope. After that, he pointed the weapon to the warlock's heart. 

Good, Magnus thought. Kick his ass! 

"I asked," the shadowhunter shouted, making his throat, which was still weak from the rope, complain, and sounding hoarse, "Where is Max?" 

Something about all of this was becoming too familiar to Magnus. The man looked at the shadowhunter without much emotion. He was wincing from the pain in his legs, but when he met his eyes, he looked composed and a bit insolent. 

"Where now? He is right about nowhere at the moment." The warlock answered, evenly and coldly. 

"What do you mean?" The shadowhunter's voice trembled, and Magnus knew it wasn't because of the rope. 

"Are you deaf? I mean nowhere. You know why, " the man made a pause, lifting himself a little so he was on his elbows, looking at the shadowhunter's blade pointed at him in a way Magnus knew he was onto something. He couldn't see the shadowhunter's face, because he was watching through his eyes, but it didn't seem like he was catching on the fact that this warlock was playing with his emotions. And also, Magnus already knew how that sentence was going to finish, "....because I killed him," the warlock said simply. 

The shadowhunter froze completely. Then the warlock made a quick move, grabbing the sword in a way that probably seriously injured his hand, pulling it from the shadowhunter's grip, and hitting him in the head with the handle. 

And the memory ended. Oh my god, Magnus thought. The chances Madzie was alive were getting bigger and bigger. This memory- it resembled with what happened between him and the shadowhunter minutes ago. The even, not caring way the warlock in the memory said the words, was the same way the shadowhunter had said them. The exact same words! It had been an act, another act the shadowhunter had pulled. And he had been playing that warlock, imitating him, acting like him. Magnus already knew the shadowhunter wanted to get him to enter his room, and the theory that maybe he was lying about the whole thing, about Madzie, was of course the next logical assumption. Even thinking back now- Madzie was missing from a month, but both he and Dorothea had received letters from her. And Magnus's letter was from two weeks ago. Magnus tried to remember and analyze it. There was nothing suspicious, nothing to indicate Madzie wasn't the one who had written it. Magnus would have noticed if there was, and he knew Madzie well enough to be sure, right? Okay, he needed to find a memory with her now.

Madzie, Madzie, Madzie, where are you? Magnus searched and searched, and started to feel a little low on energy, but then........bingo, he found something. He concentrated, and allowed himself to be pulled into the memory. 

He saw her, and the angles of his mouth lifted in a smile right away. She and the shadowhunter were in some kitchen somewhere. The shadowhunter was sitting on a chair, and Madzie was standing in front of him. She didn't look terrified. That gave Magnus so much hope. 

"Please Madzie, you need to stay here." The shadowhunter said in a voice Magnus had never heard from him. It was gentle. Hearing it was so odd. 

"But I want to go to Magnus," Madzie pouted, and the smile on Magnus's face grew twice the size. He missed that girl. 

"I know, but we've already talked about this. It's a bad idea. Look, this is my friend Simon's house. I promise you, you'll like Simon. He is a very nice guy." 

"But Magnus says I shouldn't trust shadowhunters. He says they might want to......harm me. So I should hide from them." Madzie said uncertainly. 

"What? Even from me?" The shadowhunter said teasingly, and made Madzie smile the adorable way she sometimes did. This was so weird. Not at all what Magnus expected. "Okay, listen. First and most important- Magnus is stupid." I am so not, Magnus wanted to protest, "Second- Simon is not a shadowhunter, so no worries about that. And third- it's complicated." The shadowhunter said, his tone more serious now. "But once we cure you, no one will ever want to harm you. You will be a mundane, and it will be our job to keep you safe." Magnus and Madzie frowned at that almost at the same time. 

"But.....I like my powers," Madzie began, incertain again, "They help me do cool things. For example, I can show you -" 

"No no no! No!" The shadowhunter screamed, and grabbed Madzie's hand quickly, making her jump, and putting Magnus on high alert. Then maybe he saw he had startled her, so he slowly let her go, "Please," he said more calmly, "Please, don't show me anything." 

Madzie nodded, looking at the floor, "I won't, if you don't want me to." 

The shadowhunter took a deep breath, "Thank you." He said in a barely audible voice. 

Uncomfortable silence settled, until the shadowhunter decided to break it. 

"We will.....we'll talk about this further. When we have more time. For now- do you agree to stay here?" 

"What if I don't like it here? Could I call you?" 

"Well, no, but.......hey, you can always call Izzy. You like Izzy, right?" 

Madzie looked thoughtful for a second, "I guess. She is very pretty." Then she appeared to be thinking some more, "Could I call Magnus? He is very pretty as well." 

"Is he really? That's debatable. And we don't have his number anyway. Plus, there is no one prettier than Izzy, that's just proven fact." The shadowhunter said in a lighter tone. 

"You just say that, because she is your sister." 

"You so got me there. Also, I never know when she would be listening beside the door." 

Madzie laughed at that, glancing the kitchen door for a second. The tension seemed to have left her. 

"I need to go now. I'll leave you with Izzy until Simon comes. You agree to stay, right?" 

"For now." Madzie reached her hand for the shadowhunter to shake it. And after a moment of hesitation, he did. 

After the memory ended, Magnus was concerned about the whole "cure you; become mundane" thing. He searched for something to do with Madzie and this, and after some time, when he didn't find anything, he decided it was really time for him to stop. There was still a lot he didn't know, but he knew the most important thing- Madzie was alive. She looked okay and unharmed in the memory. Magnus had never been so glad someone had lied to him. He was so glad, he could portal to Hawaii and dance hula. 

He said the words to break the spell, and retreated his hands from the shadowhunter's head, after carefully letting him lie down on his side. His eyes were still closed, and he needed time for his body and mind to start working again. Magnus checked for if there were any serious wounds on him after their fight earlier, and he saw his hand was bleeding. The cut made by Magnus's dagger the day before, which the shadowhunter had bandaged, had opened itself. Magnus made new bandages appear by magic, but cleaned and took care of the wound the mundane way, not using his healing powers, rolling the shadowhunter's sleeves to get them out of the way. After he was finished and satisfied with the result, it was probably time for him to cross the barrier, and go to the safety of his own room. But he just couldn't make himself do that. After seeing what he had seen, the memory with Madzie, after knowing she wasn't killed or tortured somewhere, there was no trace of his anger from before. And he wanted to see the shadowhunter waking up and being okay after the spell. So he squeezed his hand for a moment, before retreating and sitting close to the barrier around the room entrance, waiting. 

While doing that, he inspected his own wounds. His back was hurting in a not fun kind of way, but it was getting better and better by the second, now that his energy wasn't all consumed by the memory spell. A couple minutes after that, the shadowhunter moved, his head going left and right for a few seconds, before he opened his eyes and sat down abruptly immediately after. His breathing increased, he started shaking, and he spared one look at Magnus before jumping on his feet. At first, Magnus thought he was going to attack him, but actually he just rushed as far away from Magnus as possible, to the other side of the room. He stopped by the bathroom, and sat with his back leaning on the wall. His hugged himself with his hands. Then he looked at Magnus with so much accusation. He knew Magnus had searched through his memories, it was evident. Generally after than spell, the other person could slightly feel an after effect on the memories which had been revealed. Kind of like he wasn't alone during them. That effect usually went away after some minutes, and if the boy was a mundane, maybe he wouldn't give the feeling that much importance, not understanding what it meant. But he was a shadowhunter, and since that war had started, shadowhunters knew a lot more about warlocks than they normally did in the past. Apparently, that shadowhunter was familiar with this kind of magic, and had recognized it.

"I had to." Magnus simply said, "I had to know what happened to her."

The shadowhunter just continued looking his way like he was the worst kind of monster. Which was really unfair. Because Magnus hadn't been the one bragging and lying about killing kids.

"You put me in that situation." Magnus continued with stability in his voice, "If you've been through the same, If you know the feeling, why would you want to do it to somebody else? Like......who does that?"

The shadowhunter moved his eyes then, and started looking at the wall on Magnus's left. He looked at it, until his face became neutral, his breathing calmed. Then he looked at Magnus again with a blank expression. But it didn't last that long this time. His eyes started becoming watery, and it was visible, so he wiped them quickly. He rolled his eyes when he moved his hands, like wiping them had been such a tedious thing to do. He appeared to have the intention to look at Magnus again, but changed his mind suddenly, and looked at the same spot on the wall once again. He stared at it for longer this time, until looking at Magnus with his ''I don't care about anything'' kind of bored face. It looked convincing enough, but his eyes were becoming a little red by this point, ruining the whole effect he wanted to create. And also, tears started coming down from them shortly after. He squeezed them shut so forcefully for a moment, started wiping them with his fists now. His breathing became anything but calm, sounding torn. He tried to control it, took a couple long breaths slowly, concentrating. It took a long time, but eventually he looked at Magnus appearing collected. It lasted even shorter. He made another effort, starting to watch the same place at the wall. It didn't seem to be working. His face started to shape into a cry grimace. And Magnus didn't know what to do, or say, when the shadowhun.....Alec.....when Alec broke down crying.


	8. The conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

Magnus didn't know what to do. Alec was crying, and it didn't look like he was going to stop soon. Leaving the room didn't feel right. Going to him felt even more wrong. So what was left? Just staying in his place? No, Alec probably just wanted him to go away. But it was like Magnus was glued to the place he was sitting in. Not moving just appeared to be so easy. Not natural, not right, but easy. So he didn't move. Alec didn't move as well. He could probably go to the bathroom and be alone. Maybe he didn't realize he could. When things like that happen, we forget what we can, and cannot do, where we are, and where we want to be. Maybe he had forgotten Magnus was there altogether.

Or maybe it was another trick. Magnus was usually fairly good at seeing through people, but with Alec he really couldn't tell when he was faking, and when he wasn't. And he wondered if that said more about him, or the shadowhunter. Regardless, Magnus just wasn't going to leave. It was a stubborn decision, lacking any solid logic or reasoning, but he made it anyway. He was going to just sit there, and let Alec cry in silence. And if that was weird, so be it. 

At the beginning Alec had his hand over his heart, but eventually he just used both of his hands to cover his eyes, his palms on top of them, and his fingers on his forehead, touching the beginning of his hair. And Magnus felt like just a statue in that room. He tried not to stare at him, because that was impolite, so he found some spot on the floor next to his shoes, and kept his look there. He could clearly hear the sobbing, but he tried not to let his ears focus too much on that noise. 

After a while, when he heard it less and less, and then stop hearing it completely, he gave up on not looking at Alec, and turned to him again. His hands were now loosely around his bend legs, his head leaning against the wall, turned at some angle to the left, staring at something unknown. Magnus decided it was actually safer not to take his eyes away from his enemy, so ignoring all the politeness pouring from him before, he continued to watch Alec, while Alec was watching whatever he was watching. He didn't look that much better, but he also didn't look like he was going to start crying again. It was easy to watch him, when he wasn't watching Magnus back. Unusually and worryingly easy, like just sitting there like a statue and not saying anything had been. It didn't require much effort. 

At one point something collided with the barrier, and successfully startled both of them. It was a fire message addressed to Magnus, but it couldn't get into the room, so it just kept hitting the barrier, creating an unpleasant sound. Magnus, who was really close to it anyway, reached his hand outside to take the message in his hand, but otherwise didn't move from his place. It was from the Clave. Magnus reаd it through the pale blue curtain the barrier created. He did that out loud, so Alec could also know what it was about. 

Magnus Bane,   
The Clave received and thoroughly discussed   
your last request. It was accepted. Another meeting   
will be arranged at the same place, during a time   
of your choosing. We hope to achieve better results   
for the sake of our two kinds.

Expecting your next message,  
Inquisitor Garroway.

 

"Oh no..." Alec said quietly, but enough audible for Magnus to hear. 

"They certainly took their time responding," Magnus commented, looking back at the shadowhunter. Magnus had given them a two days deadline, and they had sent this almost at the last possible moment, "They were trying to give you time, right? Giving you a chance to escape, or maybe even succeed in killing me. And you couldn't." 

Alec looked at him in a kind of tired way, but also his famous blank expression was trying to creep its way back in. Was he disappointed in himself for not getting out of there in time? Or for getting caught in the first place? 

"Do you think it's your fault the Clave had to sent this?" Magnus asked, "Does the Clave think it's your fault? Would they blame you for putting them in the situation of trying to reason with the enemy?" No answer followed. Magnus exhaled loudly, trying not to laugh sarcastically, "Seriously, who do they think I am? They thought it would be manageable for you to just find your way out, going to them with my head on a silver platter? That is so absurd and unrealistic," and was also making Magnus angry for some reason, "No, it's not your fault you couldn't pull this off. It's not your fault you're here right now. Those are my accomplishments, and I deserve to take the credit for them. I'm not just anyone. I'm Magnus Bane, and I'm awesome, and it's not so easy for anyone to put me down." Magnus stopped himself there, because what was meant to be a sarcastic speech, exposing the Clave's foolishness, turned out more silly than it was intended.

Alec just sighed, and silence followed for a minute, before Magnus spoke again. 

"Have you noticed that every time you try to execute some strategy against me, you end up being hurt just as much as I am?" 

Alec blinked a couple times before turning 180 degrees, positioning himself with his back to Magnus, and facing the wall by the bathroom door. Again, he could have just walked out and went to the bathroom, like he had done when Catarina had been talking to him, but he didn't. And Magnus could just exit the room, but didn't. But maintaining the silence was not the easy thing to do anymore. Magnus wanted to speak. He didn't know about what, but just wanted to do it. And if that meant he was going to speak to Alec's back, talking to himself, then fine. 

"I still don't know how you got to Madzie," he began, picking that subject automatically, not expecting any answer at all. So he was surprised when he got one. 

"I wasn't part of that mission, and the Clave doesn't know anything about it," Alec said, not turning from where he was, his back still at Magnus, "That was executed mostly by my sister, and I know what she told me about it." That explained why it had been hard for Magnus to find a memory about it. Alec continued, "We have a rune which could make us appear as anyone we choose, no matter if we've seen the person face to face, or just seen his or her picture. So my sister pretended she was you, when your friend Dorothea gave her Madzie." 

"That couldn't have worked," Magnus objected, "If they are old enough, warlocks can sense each other, can sense the magic radiating from the other person. The feeling is so authentic, it can never be mistaken. Dorothea would have never fell for that, she would immediately feel it isn't me." 

"Maybe she would," Alec conceded, sounding a little proud, "If she was still a warlock." 

Magnus buried his head in his hands in a moment of surrender. Of course, if the Clave knew about Dorothea, she must be either dead, or a mundane. How could he even suspect anything different? The Clave didn't care that what they were doing was so morally wrong on so many levels. They just wanted to crush his kind, indulging in their revenge fantasy, because of what happened three years ago.

"You just said the Clave didn't know about Madzie." And Magnus had thought maybe they really didn't, because if they did, then why was she at someone's house, and not at the Institute, being forced to give up her immortality and magic. 

"They DON'T know about Madzie," Alec said, emphasizing it with his voice. Yeah, like Magnus had any reason in a world to believe that, "They just know about Dorothea. And that's because she came to us. She gave herself in, and made the choice to cure herself." 

"Well, I'm sure, with her life hanging on the line for three years, she really must have had a hell of a choice. I'm sure she decided this without any pressure. And most of all, I'm certain she would have made the same choice in a different circumstances on her own." Magnus was so close to really raising his voice, but fought it. He had had enough screaming earlier, and it wasn't going to change anything now. He just felt so bad for Dorothea. If she had been able to do this, she must have really lost all hope. And he felt like that was on him somehow. Like she had lost hope in his ability to change things. 

Alec kept talking, like he hadn't heard anything from what Magnus last said, "After she left the Institute, she must have thought the Clave won't deal with her any more. But we decided to keep an eye on her, just in case she comes in contact with other warlocks. That's how my sister found out where she lived, and about Madzie. She was reluctant to notify the Clave, but instead choose to take the girl away from there on her own. Before anyone else could find her." 

"Like who? Other shadowhunters?" Magnus asked, not understanding this. 

"Other warlocks," Alec responded like it was the most obvious thing that was what he meant, "Madzie's gills on her neck are very dangerous. She could be manipulated and used against us." 

"Right. And what would the Clave think, when they found out you and your sister had been hiding a warlock girl, without telling them? Won't this get in the way of your family's perfectly crafted image?" Magnus questioned him in a daring way. 

"No, because Madzie won't be a warlock long enough for this to become a problem." Alec sounded so sure of himself, Magnus wanted to get to him and shake him hard. 

"You have no right to make this decision for her. Who are you?" Magnus had to remind himself again not to raise his voice. 

"She is going to decide it herself. She is a smart girl. She will make a smart choice for her life." Alec replied, and Magnus hated that he sounded calmer than Magnus himself. Listening to him now, you would have never guessed he had been crying not so long ago, "And for the record, Madzie said she didn't like living with your friend anyway." 

"Yeah? Does she like living with Simon?" Magnus asked, using the name he had heard from Alec's memory. He made his voice mocking, reminding the shadowhunter he had looked through his memories. He regretted it instantly, seeing the way Alec froze for a second. 

"You just make me sick." Alec uttered, and it hit Magnus harder than anything he had heard from him by this point. It was just so......difficult sometimes to live knowing there were people who would see you that way. As someone who would made them sick. As someone they would be disgusted from. It was a burden he had to carry his whole life, even before the Uprising. He could never seem to escape that. A hundred people telling him he was beautiful couldn't heal him from the feeling caused by that single one, who would say he was disgusting. And there was always that one person. No matter if it was his mother, or Alec. Someone would always tell him that, and it would always stay with Magnus for years, causing him pain.

He didn't want to fight with Alec, and didn't want to feel like this. He desperately tried to think of something to change the course that conversation took. He didn't want them to stop talking, didn't want to have time to think of Alec's words, or for Alec to think of them further. 

"Is he a mundane?" Magnus blurted. And it was probably the worst thing to blurt, because by pointing the conversation back at that Simon person, he was again pointing it to the reason he knew about him at all.

"A vampire." Alec said, making Magnus feel relieved he gave an answer, not an insult. Then he thought more about that answer. 

"A downworlder. Part demon. And he is your friend?" 

"The Clave hadn't had any really serious problems with downworlders, other than your kind, for over 70 years now. Plus I've known Simon for a long time, even before he was a vampire. He would never hurt Madzie." 

"Why are you telling me so much about her?" Magnus couldn't help himself asking. How did they go from "I killed her", to telling him so much information about how they found her, and what was she doing? 

"Just be grateful I do, and leave it at that. And it's not like I'm telling you the really important things, like where she is." Yeah, that was important. And Magnus needed to find it out. 

"I'm curious, what catastrophe do you think will happen, if I know where the girl I've been taking care of for a long time is?" It was probably because if Magnus knew, then he would take Madzie with him, and Alec couldn't fulfil his terrible intentions to convince her to get rid of her powers. 

"I would never endanger Simon by telling you where he is. And I can't let you use Madzie's powers as a weapon, and threaten the Shadow World." 

"I would never do anything like that." Magnus was in astonishment, and had no idea what did he ever do to make the shadowhunters believe he was capable of using a kid. 

"Sure you wouldn't," Alec said derisively. 

"I would never." Magnus repeated, saying every word clearly, although he knew it was probably in vain. 

Unexpectedly, Alec turned back fast, changing his position so he was finally facing Magnus again. 

"Tell me you've never harmed another person. Tell me you've never, in your long life, hurt or killed anyone who didn't deserve it, using your powers." Alec now looked straight into Magnus's eyes. But it was that kind of look that got Magnus questioning if Alec was seeing him at all. 

"I have," he confessed sadly, then reflected the question back at Alec,"Tell me you've never harmed another innocent being." Because Magnus didn't know if warlocks counted in the "person" section. "Stop lying, and tell me you're 100 percent sure everyone the Clave sent you to kill deserved to die." 

Alec didn't say anything, but Magnus didn't really need him to. His look turned into showing no emotion again, like a shield, guarding his actual thoughts. It was of no importance whether Magnus was looking at him or not at this point. He couldn't see through the shield.

"Don't fool yourself Alexander." Magnus continued, "You have blood on your hands as well. The difference between us- I'm trying to end this, while you are trying to continue it." 

Alec looked at his hands for a moment, then his eyes got to the wound Magnus had bandaged earlier, and they stayed there for a long while. He didn't ask anything about it, or made any comment. His face stayed emotionless and he spoke again. 

"If you really wanted to end it, you would have accepted the proposition my mother gave you at the meeting." 

Magnus was disappointed they got back to that again. How could the Clave think all warlocks were just going to agree to this. No, this could only lead to even more vicious war, resulting in more attacks like the Uprising. And in the end everything will turn into chaos and death. Magnus couldn't let that happen. "If you knew a thing about peace, you would know you don't usually destroy a huge part of the other side to achieve it."

"Oh no. Of course not. Your way to achieve it, is by imprisoning people, using them as pawns for your own agenda. Congratulations Magnus Bane, that's so honorable." Alec said, pronouncing his name with spite.

"It's not how I wanted things to go," He really wasn't proud of that. He just couldn't see any other way then, or now. 

"I can't care less about what you wanted. How do you justify this for yourself? Enlighten me how come what we asked of you in order to protect everyone, is this unheard of terrible act, but what you're doing, putting people in cages so you can use them as you please, it's completely okay." Alec asked, but not really sounding like any answer would be good for him. 

"You can't compare the two things," Magnus started to explain anyway, "No, it's not okay. It would never be, and I would never say it is. But in the end of the day, if we really do achieve peace by some miracle, you will walk out of here the same as before. You will have everything you had from the beginning, and just carry on leading the life you know. But If I agree to become a mundane, I will never be the same. I would lose a part of myself I could never get back, and it would change everything about my life forever. And it won't achieve peace. Even if I agree, there will be many many others against this. And it would be impossible for me to control them, if I'm not a warlock. This is a ticking bomb, waiting to blow up in the Clave's face. How long do you think it will be, before the warlocks who live in hiding decide to unite against the shadowhunters, and against this proposition you're trying to force them into. Even if the Clave manages to kill them all, how many more casualties would there be?" Magnus took a deep breath before continuing, "My powers don't make me dangerous. If they did, you would be dead right now." 

"If you weren't dangerous, I wouldn't be in this cage right now." Alec countered, "Your kind will always be dangerous. You are the only ones who could cause a massive destruction with a snap of your fingers. No other downworlder can do that. No one should be able to do that. You aren't supposed to exist in the first place." 

"Who gave you the right to decide that?" Magnus asked, now really raising his voice. Then he closed his eyes for a second, and sighed, "If we are here, then there is a reason." 

"Right. Some demon decided to rape an innocent woman. Great reason to be here." Alec simply said, indicating the way warlocks were often born. 

"Your hate just lets you see what's convenient for you, and you turn a blind eye to everything else." Like how much good has his kind done. How much good have warlocks like Catarina done, and were still doing as they spoke. 

"Hate," Alec laughed at that, "That sounds way too personal. I don't feel anything towards you, don't flatter yourself. I just think if you are going to go on like this, using your magic to do whatever the hell you want, the world would be a better place with you dead." 

Magnus looked at him intensely, "My death won't bring you anything Alexander. Your days won't become brighter. The birds won't start singing louder. It won't make you happier." 

"Don't talk with me like you know me. And don't think I will just give up now. I'll keep trying. And eventually, I'll think of something that will work." Something that would finally kill him, Magnus added to himself. 

"Well, thank you for the warning, I appreciate it. I'll make sure I'm really careful around you." 

Alec frowned, "That......that wasn't a warning. It was a threat." 

"Whatever you say." Magnus said standing up. Alec traced his movement with his eyes, but didn't make any of his own. 

Magnus felt really tired, this day had been one of the really long ones in his life. He looked around the room which looked like it had survived some sort of apocalypse. He wasn't about to start guessing what was usable, and what wasn't. So he walked out, only to come back a few moments later, Alec still sitting оn his previous spot. He brought him а broom, mattress, new blankets and clothes. He had to make a few walks to the room and back to bring him all that. Naturally, he would have just made them appear by magic, but he remembered Alec's words from the memory with Madzie- Please don't show me anything- and that had stopped him. It was so unreasonable in a way, because Magnus had already done so much magic in front of Alec already, and he was probably about to do much more in the future, if only because he needed to protect himself around him. But still, at that moment magic wasn't really necessary, so Magnus didn't use any. 

"Are you okay to sleep on a mattress on the floor?" He asked him when he was done. 

Alec rolled his eyes, "Why are you even still talking to me?" 

Magnus shrugged, "Because you keep talking back." 

Alec just nodded, moving his eyes away from Magnus, and Magnus knew that was over. He was going to ignore him now. Well, okay then. 

"Goodnight." He said before leaving. And it felt strange to be on the other side of the barrier again, after being in that room for so long. 

Half an hour later, Magnus had already sent a message to Dorothea, informing her Madzie wasn't dead, and he was going to get her back. So he was busy walking aimlessly in his own room, unable to just go to bed and sleep, when another fire message came flying to his arms. It was from unknown sender.

Today, at 3pm the Clave finished their work on what   
they call "a cure for magic", using all of their resources   
to create it. It's a substance, which once injected in any   
warlock's system burns away all their abilities forever.   
At least 40 syringes with that substance have been given   
to the Clave's most trusted members, shadowhunters   
and allies among the downworlders. Watch your back   
Magnus! And don't trust the Clave. 

The Shadow World Guardian   
(your ally amongst shadowhunters) 

 

Magnus looked at the message with a horrible feeling setting in his chest. That was not possible. It wasn't supposed to be possible to take away a warlock's powers like that. Their powers were not supposed to be something which could be taken away from a shadowhunter, only by another warlock. Shadowhunters could manipulate them, threaten their lives, pressure them into deciding to give up their magic, but they weren't supposed to be able to take it away themselves in such a forceful way. That substance was not supposed to exist. Magnus read the message again, holding it with shaking hands. It said the Clave used their resources to make it. And what resources were that? The same ones that had allowed them to create the enchanted ball? Magnus had to get to the bottom of this. In the morning. When he could think properly.

Now, he tried to use his magic to find out who had sent him the message, but it was of no use. The only certain thing about it, was that it had been a shadowhunter. Only shadowhunters and warlocks were able to make fire messages. Warlocks- by creating them with magic, and shadowhunters- by using one of their runes. And you could usually tell one from the other. Once created, the fire message always found it's way to the indicated receiver, no matter if the person sending it knew where the receiver was, or not. But it was incredibly hard to use the message to track it back to the sender, if you didn't know who that person was. Could Magnus really trust this message? Was that unknown shadowhunter telling him the truth? It was hard to believe the Clave could create something like this, but it was also something Magnus couldn't condemn as untrue with any conviction. What if the Clave had waited so long to sent an answer to his request, not only because they were giving Alec time to escape, but also because they needed the time themselves to make this? Magnus had to talk to Catarina about it first thing, when she comes back. 

He sat on his bed, lost in thought. His room just looked so empty. And it appeared to be getting emptier and emptier by the second. He didn't feel like he could sleep there. He gave it more thought, but then just gave up. He took a mattress and blankets, and went to his hallaway by Alec's room. It was the same spot he had been, during Cat's talk today. A place really close to Alec's room, but far enough so they couldn't see each other. Magnus remembered this morning (or midday, because he had slept more than he should have), when he had decided to stay away from that shadowhunter. But could you really stay away from your enemies? You were supposed to keep them close, right? Especially at times like these. So Magnus tried not to make too much noise when he settled to sleep on the floor in his hallway.


	9. Reunions (part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

Magnus actually managed to have a good enough sleep, much to his skepticism about how that was possible. In the morning, he made copies of the fire message about the so called cure, and sent them to as many warlocks as he could, warning them of that danger. He still didn't know whether to believe it, especially coming from an unidentified source, but it was too serious to be overlooked. If there was a substance, capable of erasing his powers, Magnus needed to get his hands on it, and see how it was made. So he didn't want to rush the second meeting about the negotiations just yet. Which was the reason why he notified the Clave that in a week from now, on the same hour and place as before, would be the time he prefers to have that meeting. He didn't know if that was enough time to research what the Clave had and didn't have, what could be used against him, and what exactly were their resources, but it was something. Magnus didn't want to make the mistake of going to the meeting unprepared again, because last time almost had cost him his life. 

On top of everything, he needed to find where Madzie was. He couldn't just leave that, even if Alec was telling the truth and the Clave didn't know about her. Magnus had to see her with his own eyes, to ask her how she was, and decide what to do next. To bring her back to Dorothea after everything wasn't a good option any more, because she was already under the shadowhunters radar. So Magnus didn't know where was the best place for Madzie right now, but he was going to resolve it, taking one step at a time. First, he needed to get to her. And he needed Alec for that. 

"You need to tell me where your friend Simon lives." Magnus started in front of the shadowhunter's room. It looked different than it had the previous night. Alec seemed to have tried to clean the mess, gathering everything that was completely destroyed and couldn't be of use at the left corner, and the rest, about which there was still some hope- on the right, where the mattress he was sitting on was. The room seemed so unbalanced that way, not only in and out itself, but compared to the rest of Magnus's house as well, which was nothing less than clean, tidy and perfect. But Magnus enjoyed that contrast, and wasn't about to try fixing it with magic. If the room had been captured in a painting, standing in some gallery, it was going to be one of those paintings which no one knew the meaning of, but everyone had a theory. 

Alec was holding some notebook that had apparently survived the previous night, and was writing something in it, not sparing a look at Magnus, or giving his request any of his attention. He was wearing a blue shirt, and it was the first time Magnus had seen him in anything other than black. 

"Hellooooo," Magnus tried again, before proceeding with more serious measures. There was no answer, "Okay, you either tell me what I asked you, or I will get in there, and search your memories to find it out." 

Alec stopped with his writing, but didn't raise his head from the notebook, "You won't dare." 

"Won't I?" 

Alec finally looked at him, considering what he had said, "You think I'll just let you?" 

"You didn't seem to have much of a choice yesterday. What makes you think today will be any different?" Magnus asked with steady voice. He was going to get to Madzie, one way or another. He didn't want to have to look through Alec's mind again, seeing as how awful Alec seemed to find this, but he was going to, if that was the only way. 

Alec watched him for a long moment. He was with that fake unbothered expression of his, that shield Magnus had learned to recognise as pretend. True, he didn't know if Alec was afraid per se by the possibility of Magnus searching his mind again, but he knew the shadowhunter was in no way that calm about it either.

He left the notebook beside the mattress carefully, like he was about to prepare for a fisting match and needed his hands free, before he spoke, "I can't have Madzie under your influence. No, I'm not telling you anything." 

"I'll find out anyway. Wouldn't it be better if it's not by this method you dislike so much?" 

Alec shook his head, his face showing nothing but seriousness, "I'll take my chances. Come on, get in. I promise you, I will do everything in my power not to let you get back out this time. So I guess in the end, either you'll kill me, or I'll kill you." 

Magnus sincerely doubted their interaction, although promisingly unpleasant, would ever reach these extremes. Once he could start the memory spell, Alec would lose consciousness, and wouldn't be able to do anything. But if he was honest with himself, he didn't want it to come to that. So, he had another card he could play. 

"What if you could come with me? What if we could go to Madzie together?" Magnus asked. 

Alec raised his eyebrows in surprise. Then he walked to the barrier, putting his hand over it, demonstrating his point, "Hmm, I don't see how that would be possible." 

"There is nothing impossible in my line of work. After I made certain well needed spells to make sure you won't be able to kill me, or go to the Institute, I can let you out of here. I mean, you want to get out of the cage, right? So what do you say you do?" 

Alec looked through the room like there was some hidden answer in there only he knew about, then right in Magnus's eyes, "No." He said with conviction and seriousness. 

Damn it, Magnus thought. He decided to make one last try, before doing things the hard way. 

"Okay, but what about Simon?" 

"What about him?" Alec asked carefully.

"Yesterday you said you don't want to endanger him. Think about that. If I get what I want, and succeed in finding his address from your mind, how could you ensure he would be okay? Wouldn't it be better if you just tell me what I need to know, and we go there together, so you could keep an eye on me, and prevent me from hurting him? Isn't this a better option, than risking I find him out using you anyway, and going there on my own?" 

Alec moved swiftly, grabbing some part of the now non existing drawer, the piece - the size of his hand, and threw it at Magnus's face with force. Magnus managed to move slightly away on time, so it didn't gouged his eye out, but only scratched his forehead. He put his hand there, and there was blood. Wow, that really could have taken his eye out. Alec was smiling at his direction in a way that made him look creepy.

"I have a good aim." He said, "And don't ever threaten my friend again." 

It was a good thing there were no knives, or anything like that in that room, Magnus thought. He and Catarina had taken care of that from the beginning, and thank god they had. Because he didn't want to think about what his head was going to look like now, if it was a knife Alec had thrown. 

"Was this another 'no' ?" Magnus asked calmly, because he didn't want to give Alec the satisfaction of getting on his nerves.

"That was ' just go to hell already', " Alec interpreted, before retreating and sitting on the mattress. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and opened them again, "Fine. I'll tell you where Madzie is, if that means I get to go with you," he looked at Magnus, "But first, you do whatever magical stupid thing you need to do to protect yourself, and then break the barrier. Once I could walk out, I'll tell you where we need to go." 

"We have a deal." 

Magnus went to his living room, healed his wound, and started preparing all he needed. It was half an hour later when he was in front of the shadowhunter's room again. He brought him a cup of tea, and slid it down the floor to pass the barrier. 

"You need to drink this." He explained him. 

"What will it do?" Alec asked, looking at the tea, like it was a grenade. 

"Two things. First, it will connect your life to mine. Don't worry, it's not ''I feel it- you feel it'' sort of connection like the one you share with your parabatai. It's much more basic than that. If my heart stops, your heart will also stop. Needless to say, I don't recommend you trying any attempts of murder. The second thing is, it won't let you go in more than a few meters away from me." 

"A leash. Great. Are you planning on fetching me a bone on our way there?" 

"Ha ha. Our way there will be through a portal we will take from here." Because despite being his unwilling guest, Alec didn't know Magnus's address, and Magnus wanted to keep it that way. So going outside was out of the question. After all, Alec will someday, hopefully not too long from now, go back to the Institute. And Magnus was going to make sure he goes there knowing as little information about him as possible. 

"So, no fresh air and sun light for me. This deal just gets better and better." Alec added sarcastically. 

"You can still choose not to drink it. But that will put us back to where we were at the beginning." 

Alec took the cup in his hand, examining the liquid in it for a while, "Cheers," he said, before he started drinking. He stopped shortly after, his face twisted in a grimace, "That tastes horrible," he complained, "Are you seriously able to make a magic tea, capable of doing all that you mentioned, but you can't make it taste better. Your magic sucks." Alec declared, before starting to drink again.

He drank all of it, making grimaces all the way. And Magnus really didn't want to laugh at him, but that took an effort on his part. 

"That was just blah." Alec said, putting the cup away, "Just like...........blah. And not the fun kind." 

"Thank you for this amazing description Alexander." 

"Amazingly accurate, you mean. If I die from your tea, that's on you."

Magnus was about to smile, but he stopped himself on time. What was wrong with him? He had to find Madzie, and it was a serious matter. 

"The effects of the tea start immediately, and wear off after about four hours. So....Madzie's location?" 

Alec grabbed the notebook he had before, wrote something in it, and teared the page, "It's written here. I will happily give it to you, once I'm able to." 

That was Magnus's cue about the barrier. He closed his eyes, saying the words he needed to, and when special energy started coming out of his hands, he pointed it at the barrier, concentrating. It didn't took too long for the blue vail around the room to start becoming less and less noticeable, until it completely disappeared. The barrier was down.

"You can come out now." Magnus told Alec, who had been intensely looking at him during the whole process.

Magnus stepped back to make place for Alec to walk past him, without that causing them to be too close, but keeping an eye on him nonetheless. Alec took a step after step slowly, until he found himself in the hallway with Magnus. Magnus already had erased any and all evidences he had slept there the previous night, so he wasn't worried the shadowhunter might figure that out.

Alec gave Magnus the piece of paper in his hand, not really paying attention to him any more, but looking around. Magnus read the address there, and made the portal. 

"Let's go." He told Alec. The shadowhunter didn't react for a few seconds, and if Magnus didn't know any better he would say he was nervous. But then he nodded, and him and Magnus went through the portal. 

They found themselves in a room surrounded by many drawings, hanging from the walls, signed by someone named Clary. There was a man whose back was in front of them, sitting on the couch, watching TV with popcorn in his hands, apparently still not knowing they were there. He was watching The Lion King from the looks of it.

Alec coughed to make his presence known, "Simon- " he said gently, but causing the man to jump anyway, and to spill some of the popcorn on the floor. Why was a vampire watching movies with popcorn, Magnus wondered. It wasn't like he could eat them. The man who was apparently Simon turned his head at their direction. He had dark hair and brown eyes, which were now staring at Alec in awe. 

"Holly.......Oh my.......Alec......." 

"Miss me?" The shadowhunter asked, coming closer to Simon. Then, a second later Simon used his vampire speed to run to Alec, hugging him in a way that almost caused both of them to fall on the ground. Alec was a little caught off guard, but quickly recovered, and wrapped his arms around Simon without a second thought, smiling. There was no comparison between his smile now, and the one he had after throwing that drawer piece at Magnus. That one was so different and so warm, Magnus though he could never mistake it with any other now, sarcastic or fake one, because it was just not possible. It was peculiar that Simon could be so close to Alec's neck during that hug, without Alec giving any indication of getting concerned about that even for a moment. The thought that Simon could lose his control under the influence of his surprise, and bite him without meaning to, never seemed to cross Alec's mind. No, he was just so carefree, hugging a vampire, not pulling away. 

Magnus knew a lot of vampires. And some of them really had friends amongst the shadowhunters. But it was rare to see a shadowhunter and a vampire behaving so casually, so not caring about what they were, and what that meant. True, vampires were far from being treated like the warlocks were now, but there were prejudices about them as well. Apparently, not in this case.

It was strange for Magnus to see Alec and Simon, knowing this was what he had wanted his whole life. To be treated without prejudices. People to see him as who he was, and not just what he was. He never seemed to have that, and this filled him with a sense of deep loneliness. 

"Are you okay?" Simon asked, letting Alec go to get a good look at him. 

"I was tortured with magical tea, but I'll be fine. I'm like Superman, remember?" Alec joked, then turned serious and looked at Magnus, pointing Simon's attention at him, "I'm so sorry." Alec told Simon guiltily, looking sideways for a second, probably apologising that he had brought Magnus there. 

Simon looked at Magnus, and that was all it took for his happiness from before to turn into tension, coming off of him in waves, ''It's okay.'' He told Alec to reassure him he wasn't mad at him, but it didn't look like it was okay at all. 

"I don't think we've been properly introduced," Magnus stepped up, raising his hand for a handshake, "I'm Magnus." 

"I know." Simon said, not raising his hand back, so Magnus retreated his own in an awkward move.

"Okay, since we cleared that, where is Madzie?" He asked, happy to get to the point already.

Simon sent un uncertain look at Alec, until the shadowhunter nodded, showing him it was okay to answer. Magnus was getting annoyed at this.

"She is in the room down the hall on the left. She didn't want to watch the movie with me, so she went to play a video game." 

Magnus debated with himself whether it was a good idea to leave Alec and Simon alone to go find Madzie. But he couldn't think of anything crucial Alec could tell Simon in the meantime, anything serious enough to be used against him, or cause his demise somehow, or anything like that. And it wasn't like Alec could go very far, thanks to the spell in the tea. So he just went the direction Simon showed him, being careful not to let his guard down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I split what was supposed to be one chapter in two parts again. I really hope that didn't cause the ending to be out of place. But, yeah, long chapters make me nervous I guess.


	10. Reunions (part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

On his way to Madzie, Magnus passed through the kitchen he had already seen in Alec's memories. It felt different seeing something through somebody else's eyes, and with your own. Magnus couldn't explain it, but that kitchen felt like it was lacking light now in some way. Not too long after, he reached the room Simon was talking about. The door was opened, and there was Madzie, sitting on a chair, looking very absorbed in what was on the screen in front of her. In the game she was playing, her character was beating up two other people, using swords which were on fire somehow, trying to kill them, and Magnus truly wondered if Simon knew which games were suitable for children, and which ones were not. 

Magnus hadn't seen Madzie for so long. And looking at her now, it was one of those moments when you forget all your problems, and all the things you could never fix, things that couldn't go the way you wish them to, things that were haunting you at night. All those things just went in the background now, because Magnus couldn't help but feel so grateful, that it overpowered everything else he was feeling before that moment. He was so grateful he found her, that he had the opportunity to see Madzie was okay with his own eyes, and not from someone else's memories, not having to trust or rely on someone else's word for it. It felt like nothing was stopping him to breath anymore. Feeling relief, being hopeful was easy now. To keep fighting for his people didn't appear so meaningless or daunting. And he also felt gratitude to the people in the other room. No matter if they were his enemies or not, Madzie was going to be in a much worse position now if it wasn't for them. If other shadowhunters had found her, things would have been very different. 

Magnus knocked on the open door, and Madzie turned her head at him. Then she smiled so widely. 

"You came to see me!" She said loudly, forgetting all about the game, and jumping to give him a hug. Magnus kneeled to hug her in return, and it was like all the loneliness he felt minutes before was chased away by Madzie, and had hid itself somewhere to become undetectable. At least for that moment.

"Don't tell me you doubted I would."

"Well, I didn't exactly, but they told me you were probably very busy, and I'll put myself in danger if I went to you. So I said okay, but one day I waited for Simon to fall asleep, and I wrote you a letter. Did you get it?" Madzie asked. 

"I did. Thank you." Magnus said simply, smiling at her.

Madzie kept smiling back proudly. Then she started to fire up questions, "How did you know I was here? Are you planning to stay? Are we both going to go somewhere? How are you doing? What happened since the last time you saw me? Did you have interesting adventures? Did you make new friends? Did you encounter other kids like me? Did you learn new spells? Did you meet someone and fall in love? I want to know everything." 

Magnus laughed, "I'm sure your adventures were much more interesting than mine. And I promise to tell you all about mine, if you tell me about yours. About how I found you- well, I guess you could say a certain shadowhunter named Alec showed me the way." 

"You met him," Madzie exclaimed with astonishment, "That is so awesome. Did you become friends?" she asked, sounding hopeful. 

But Magnus had to disappoint her, "Well.......not really, no," he confessed, "But let's say we made a deal for him to take me here." 

"Oh," Madzie sighed, appearing a little down and subdued, "If you're not friends, is it okay that I'm friends with him? You're not angry at me for that, are you? Because I want to keep being friends with you as well." 

Oh, of course he wasn't. How could she think that? His enemies didn't have to be hers as well. It was never something Magnus wanted.

"Madzie," Magnus started, putting his hand on her shoulder, "You can be friends with whoever you wish to be. That's never going to affect the friendship between you and me. Because that one is so solid, it will keep going forever." He winked at her and the optimism returned in her eyes. 

She looked like she had an idea, "You know, this could even turn out great. Now that I'm friends with shadowhunters, I could be your secret spy in their lair. We could meet in secret late at night. Or rather- during the day, because that's when Simon sleeps, and I could tell you information about them." 

She sounded so enthusiastic about this plan, Magnus couldn't stop smiling, "That's genius. Okay partner. What information have you gathered so far?" 

Madzie started thinking, "So, it's not much, but listen," she checked if Magnus was paying attention, before continuing, "Izzy is Alec's sister. She is very beautifull. Simon is affraid of snakes. He has a cat. Alec loves cats. Izzy and Simon are engaged. Alec doesn't have a favourite movie. Simon has hundreds of favourite movies. Alec can imitate characters from Disney movies. Simon can talk really fast. And...........I think that's all I can think of right now. But I'll know more in time." 

Magnus nodded, amused. What really caught his attention and stayed with him from the things she mentioned, was the engagement between Simon and Isabelle. That was really really rare. A shadowhunter to have a romantic relationship with a downworlder on this level- this was not something you could usually see at all. What other surprising things were going on at that Institute?

It explained why Alec trusted Simon so much. Once again, Magnus found himself sort of envying what Simon had. But it was a healthy kind of envy, he hoped. With no bad feelings, or actual jealousy behind it. Magnus just wished someday he could have the same, although sincerely doubted there was a possibility of that, if he was honest with himself. 

"Wait," Madzie said remembering, "You didn't answer whether I'm going to keep being here, or not."

Magnus thought about that. Could he let her stay? 

"Do you feel safe here Madzie?" He asked, "Do you wish to stay? I mean, apart from the secret spy idea, what would you want?" 

"Well, the truth is, I would really want to live with you." She answered with certainty, which warmed Magnus's heart. He wished that was possible, he really did. But he knew it wasn't an option. Magnus's life was in danger every minute of every day. Being around him wasn't going to do Madzie any good. 

He hugged her again before saying what he had to, ''I'm sorry we can't just do that. With me you won't be safe.''

Madzie signed, ''I know. I knew you'd say that.'' She didn't sound disappointed, but resigned maybe, ''If I can't live with you, being here longer is not such a bad thing," she stated.

Magnus played and played with that possibility in his mind. He tried to think of another place he could take her, where he could be sure she will be safe, but he came out short of ideas. The problem about leaving her with a warlock was always the same- what if the Clave finds that warlock? What if something similar to what happened with Dorothea repeats again? Thinking about it from this angle, Simon was not a shadowhunter and not a warlock. At the same time he was engaged to Isabelle, which meant he must have the Clave's trust. Would someone suspect him of hiding a warlock child in his own house? 

Madzie apparently saw how thoughtful Magnus was, so she continued, "Really, it's okay if I stay. Simon is a little strange, but he and Izzy treat me really well. I like it better here than when I was with Dot." 

"Yes, Alec said something along those lines," Magnus remembered. 

"Not that she didn't treat me well and all," Madzie was quick to reassure, "But she was just so melancholic and sad. She wasn't in a good mood very often." 

Oh Madzie, Magnus thought. You should see how I get some days. Or actually, I wish you never see me like that, "Sometimes it's hard for people like us in times like these." He said, and Madzie nodded. Magnus knew she didn't really understand it, she was too young for that. But she could be incredibly perceptive at times as well. 

There was a silence after, but it didn't last for long, "Hey, did you bring me anything? You haven't seen me in a long time, so when you come to say 'hello', it's polite to bring a present." 

"Oh, is it?" Magnus asked, chuckling, "But of course I knew this. I just left the present with Simon. Would you excuse me for a moment so I can go there and get it?"

Madzie nodded, a knowing smile on her face. She knew he was bullshiting her, and was about to go and create a present with his magic. Just like Magnus knew she deliberately changed the subject, because she didn't want to see him sad as well. 

 

Magnus was just walking past the kitchen, thinking about what would Madzie want, when he had a feeling there was someone behind him. And he didn't know why exactly he was sure it was Alec, but probably as a result of everything that had happened until that point, he could sense his presence now. Maybe if it was somebody else, anybody else, Magnus wouldn't notice until it was too late. But with Alec, he was just positive. He turned around immediately, not waiting a second longer, seeing and catching the hand which was going to the direction of his neck. Magnus's fingers closed around the wrist tightly. And it was indeed Alec's hand, and he was holding a syringe. Alec gasped in surprise, not ready for Magnus to turn around so quickly. 

"What is this?" Magnus asked quietly, but steadily, his eyes darting from Alec to the syringe he almost got injected with.

Watching the shadowhunter's expression, Magnus had a flashback of the first time Alec had opened his eyes in the room he and Cat had prepared for him. That time when Alec had looked at him with fear, one of the only times that had happened. It wasn't the same look now, but for a few moments- it was so close to it. There was something else in Alec's eyes as well, but Magnus couldn't name it.

Then, in a flash, Alec was just gone. In one moment Magnus was holding his hand, in another- there was just air. Vampire speed, Magnus realized. Simon must had done that. He had most likely pulled Alec away fast enough for Magnus to lose his hold on him. And if Magnus had to guess what would follow now, he would say they were going to attack him together. 

Since the negotiations, Magnus had been working on the protection spell he had around himself back then, trying to improve it. He had made that same spell today, while making the tea for Alec. The difference now was that he could turn it on and off when he desired. So he turned it on, waiting for Alec or Simon to make their move. 

He didn't need to wait too long. Someone tried to grab him from the side, and it happened so fast that Magnus felt it at the same time as the scream of pain happened. It was Simon. He wasn't moving fast anymore, so Magnus could see him falling on the ground, injured. His hand was badly burned after touching Magnus, and he dropped the same syringe that had now been on him. Magnus took it from the floor and gave it a closer look. You couldn't see the liquid in it, and he needed time, Catarina and his spell book to analyze it. But even now, it wasn't that hard to figure out what it must be. Magnus didn't want to believe it yesterday, didn't want to think how horrible it would be if that message about the cure for magic turned out to be the truth. But now he didn't have a choice. Alec knew their lives were connected so he couldn't have tried to inject him with something meant to kill. And Simon was apparently an ally of the Clave, so it was logical that he had been one of those who were given the substance. He must have told Alec about it when Magnus was talking with Madzie. And they had decided to try this. Because why not. Apparently Magnus's right to choose to keep his magic was now non existent. Apparently he didn't count as a person who deserved to have a choice in the matter. 

But it wasn't even just that. Magnus had no idea how this so called cure was made, how exactly it worked, what effects did it have. So he knew absolutely nothing about how it would work alongside with the tea Alec had drunk. How the effects of the one will combine with effects of the other. If they had succeeded to inject him and take away his magic, what happens to Alec? Will he turn into a mundane as well, will he remain unaffected, will he die? That was all very valid questions Magnus didn't know the answers of. And Alec himself couldn't have known the answers. Because even if he was well-informed about that substance, which Magnus really doubted, he knew next to nothing about the tea Magnus had given him. To know what something does, isn't equal to knowing how it does it. This was a tremendous risk on Alec's part, no matter how you try to twist it. How desperate was this shadowhunter to get rid of Magnus, if he was risking his life in every attempt? How reckless and how stupid was that? Was he trying to get a medal for idiocy? Magnus regretted so much he hadn't just kidnapped Maryse at the end of that meeting. Stupid inconvenient circumstances, not letting that happen. He so wished he could bring back time and take her, instead of this son of hers. The prospect of dealing with Maryse now sounded like a dream, compared to Alec.

Why was everything so hard? He couldn't have one hour of peace visiting Madzie. Where were the days when shadowhunters actually protected the ones who needed it, as opposed to attacking them? Nowadays they acted more like common killers. Was that what it meant to be a shadowhunter now? How in hell was Magnus supposed to achieve anything, anything close to a better future for Madzie, if everyone was so convinced he was pure evil that needs to be restrained? 

Alec showed himself from the direction of the room they had portaled in at the beginning, and ran towards Simon who was lying in pain on the ground. 

"You're going to be okay." He started telling him, examining his burned arm, his voice shaking, "Just breath, you will be okay. Does it hurt a lot? Of course it does. It'll heal. Don't worry, I'm going to help you okay? I'm going to get you some blood and I'm coming right back." Simon made a slight nod, his face looking pale. Alec ran to the kitchen, and Magnus heard a sound that was probably him opening the fridge. He turned back with some cup with a straw, and carefully gave it to Simon. 

Magnus was watching them, feeling something he couldn't quite define. But it was dangerously close to disappointment. He was just so disappointed of everything, "There is a possibility you could have died at the end of this." Magnus said, his voice flat, the words felt hollow somehow. Alec was preoccupied with Simon. Or wanted to look like he was preoccupied with Simon. 

"Wait, what? What is he talking about?" Simon asked weakly between sips, looking confused. So he hadn't told him about the tea. Or at least, not everything. 

Alec shook his head in a weird gesture as the only answer to Simon's question. Of course he wouldn't tell him everything. If he had, Simon might not have been on board with this plan. And Alec just couldn't let anything stop him from taking away Magnus's choice from his hands. After everything Magnus had said during their conversation, about how wrong it was to force this decision on warlocks. About how no one had the right to do that. The more Magnus thought about it, the more revolted it made him feel. 

''I feel sorry for you.'' Magnus said.

Alec turned his head at him. Another look Magnus couldn't interpret. And he wasn't trying to. He just looked back at Alec. 

How long that lasted, he didn't know. His focus entirely changed when he heard Madzie's scream. He turned off the protection spell without second guessing that decision, because he could never risk hurting her by mistake, "What's going on?" she came running from her room, going right to Simon and kneeling beside him, sitting next to Alec, "What happened? Is he okay?" 

She looked at Magnus, but no words were coming to Magnus's mind all of a sudden. How do you explain this to a child? What do you say? For a long moment, everyone was silent.

"I'll be fine. Don't -" Simon started, but he was interrupted by Alec right away. 

"No! No, he is not okay." Alec said.

When he looked at Magnus again there was clear determination in his eyes, "Magnus Bane just tried to kill Simon." He declared, pointing him.

What? No, that was not what happened. Alec couldn't think that was what had happened. He couldn't, right? He knew it was a result of self defense, and Magnus never intended to kill anyone. Simon had tried to grab him, Magnus was just protecting himself. Alec had to know that, how could he not? 

Magnus was fighting with his confusion over this, when it came to him. Oh, Alec knew very well what had happened. He was acting now.

Madzie looked at Magnus with shocked eyes, "No, Madzie! It didn't happen like that." Magnus rushed to tell her the truth. Because the truth might be hard for her to understand, but it was a whole lot better than the lies Alec wanted her to believe.

"You're lying!" Alec interrupted again, "Madzie, look at Simon's arm. You can recognise right away this is caused by magic, can't you? And what does that tell you? He did this to Simon, it's obvious. Madzie, he tried to kill him, and he will try again. He hates shadowhunters, and he hates that we took you in. We need your help. Madzie, you need to do something to help us now. Please!" Alec pleaded, faking being scared at the right parts of his speech, enough to be convincing. 

Madzie moved her eyes from Simon's arm to Magnus's face. Yes, she could recognise it was done by magic. Magnus opened his mouth to tell her what he needed to, but she stopped him, raising her hand, ''You can't do that. I told you, they are also my friends.'' She said, watching him with accusation and disapproval.

"Look at me,'' Magnus tried again, ''Look at me partner. You know me. You know I would never do this. Alec is pretending, trying to fool right now. I wasn't trying to kill anyone. That's not-" Magnus couldn't finish, because Madzie raised her hand again, but this time it was more than just a simple movement. Her sleeping spell hit him right on the spot he was standing at. 

Magnus collapsed on the floor, dropping the syringe he had been holding, and fell asleep.


	11. I promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> I can't believe this is chapter 11. Fun fact, but I have never written more than 4 chapters about anything before. So the feeling now is kind of amazing. This chapter both turned and didn't turn out the way I was planning. Confusing right? I hope I succeeded to show what I wanted to.
> 
> Warning: mentions of past violence

Magnus woke up on а couch. But it wasn't his couch. He was in some room, but it wasn't his room. Hmm, where was he? Not in his house, that was certain. He blinked a couple of times, feeling kind of disorientated. What was this place? How did he get here? He had never been here before. 

Oh! It was coming to him now. Oh, he had been here. Simon's house, Magnus realized. That was Simon's house, he and Alec had portaled here. And the room he was in, was the same room where Simon had been watching TV when Magnus came. What happened after? Where was Madzie?

Oh no! Madzie had used a sleeping spell against him. Magnus quickly got up from the couch. All kinds of horrible and more horrible possible scenarios were playing in his head. Madzie hated him now. She didn't want to listen to him. She hadn't even let him finish. She thought he was a killer, she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. He had lost her, this time for real. Not in the way he thought he had before, she was still alive, but he had lost her in another way. In just as painful way. She wouldn't want to see him again. She wouldn't want to listen to him anymore. Another person he had lost. How many more until it's over? But it would never be over. It was going to continue forever, because Magnus could live forever.

Or could he still? He didn't even know what had happened while he was out? He remembered the syringe dropping from his hand. Was Magnus even still a warlock anymore? Had they injected him with that syringe right after he had fаllen asleep? Because why would Alec miss a chance like this? Why lose any time? This was his golden chance. 

The relief Magnus felt when he sensed the magic pulsing in his veins was immense! And then it was gone just like that. What if this substance needed time to take effect? What if it couldn't erase your powers right away, but it was doing it slowly over time? It could be, because Magnus didn't know anything about it. He could be on the process of losing his powers already. There was a chance that his powers might leave him any moment now. How would it feel? Is it going to hurt? Magnus didn't want to find out. But maybe it was too late. Could you make an antidote to this thing- again, Magnus had no idea. 

Was Madzie still a warlock? Was she okay? How much time had passed since he fell asleep? Because if it was less than four hours that meant the tea Alec had drunk still hadn't wear off, and therefore he couldn't go far. He had to be still in the house. And Simon probably wouldn't leave him, which meant that Simon and Madzie could still be here as well. Right now. But if he had been sleeping for more than four hours, everyone could be everywhere. Alec could be in the Institute now, telling everyone where to find Magnus and kill him. Madzie could be anywhere in the world, and this time Magnus had no lead to find her. This time, even if he does find her, she wouldn't want to see him. Madzie would never want to see him. 

No, you can't think like that, he said to himself. You can't just give up, thinking this way every time something bad happens. You are Magnus Bane. You are still alive! You are still a warlock! So move your ass, and see what you have missed. 

He needed a watch. What time was it when he had portaled here? In the past Magnus didn't give much attention to things like time, because he was immortal, and the concept of time was different to him. But since the war with the shadowhunters had started, time had been as important as breathing. Time could save your life. If you know how to let it. Simon had left his phone on the table next to the couch. Magnus looked at the hour on the screen, and frowned. That couldn't be right. He wasn't sure exactly when he had portaled here, but if Simon's phone was working properly, and if the hour on it was right, Magnus couldn't have been sleeping for much more than 20-30 minutes, roughly speaking. Except sleeping spells usually last at least 2 hours. So, where was the logic here? Then it occurred to him- he never actually learned Madzie how to do a sleeping spell. And normal sleeping spells usually don't strike you that suddenly. If the other person is fully conscious like Magnus had been, he usually needed a minute before falling asleep. Magnus tried to remember what exactly he had felt after Madzie raised her hand. His mind had been completely invested in trying to explain her the truth, so he wasn't quite sure about that. But from the looks of things, Madzie had made a spell which was meant to be a sleeping spell, but in reality was more like part sleeping spell- part a spell to knock out somebody. So the effects were kind of in between as well. Also, Madzie had been really distraught, which probably also had played its role. 

Well, on one hand, around 20 minutes sounded so much better than anything Magnus had imagined. Not much can happen in that short amount of time. For once his luck didn't betray him. And thank god for that! On the other hand, when this was all over, he had to teach Mardzie to use a sleeping spell. Because he was going to get her back. He had to believe he could. They had known each other for enough time not to let a bunch of lies destroy everything. And Magnus was certain she was still in the house. 

Magnus started walking very slowly. He needed to be smart about this, if he really wanted Madzie to believe him. Simon and Alec wouldn't expect for him to be awake so soon, and he needed to use that in his advantage. Maybe invisibility spell? Until he has a better overview of the current situation, it seemed like not that bad of an idea. 

Once he was done, he checked the lack of reflection in the window to be sure it was working. Because Magnus couldn't shake the maybe irrational fear that his magic was going to leave him any time now. He was trying to make his steps as quiet as possible. Now long after leaving the room he woke up in, he heard voices. Alec's voice, coming from the kitchen. What was about that kitchen that this shadowhunter always seemed to find his way back there? That could be turned into a joke, if Magnus had time to think of any, and if the situation wasn't so damn serious. 

He made his way there, being careful and silent. The door wasn't closed, so Magnus didn't have to make a spell for intangibility as well. Madzie was there, as well as Simon. Great. Everyone at one place. Saved him the trouble of having to look for them one by one. Simon had changed his clothes. He looked fine, like nothing had happened. But it had, and Magnus's uneasy feeling in his stomach now was a constant reminder of that. Simon and Madzie were sitting on chairs not too far from each other, but not close as well, and Alec was sitting on the floor beside Simon's chair. The table was pushed at the corner of the kitchen for some reason, and Simon and Madzie's chairs weren't around it, but just positioned randomly in the free space. There were other chairs where the table was, but Alec seemed to had decided not to get any. Madzie looked kind of upset. Which was no surprise, given the fact that now she thought Magnus had attacked Simon to kill him. And how could you do this to a child? It was one thing for Alec to play with Magnus's emotions, but it was another to play with hers as well. Honesty, at this point, Alec had crossed so many lines, that it was really time for Magnus to stop being surprised. He was toying with people left and right, treating warlocks like garbage. He was the perfect example of everything wrong with the Clave's politics. If there was ever a doubt about the way the Clave proceeds about things, about their laws and believes, if anyone was ever unsure if they were right or not, you just show Alec to whoever is hesitant. Exhibit A about everything wrong with the Clave's way of thinking. You didn't even have to search for an Exhibit B after. Just two days with Alec were enough for everyone in their right mind to be convinced. Magnus wished he didn't know this from experience. But he did. Liar, manipulator, heartless killer when you point him a warlock. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you the shadowhunters of the new era. It was so disappointing. Because why try to be a decent person when you could just pretend all day, playing lies? Magnus wished he could say it was what he had expected from Alec. He wished he could say it didn't hurt him. But one of Magnus's greatest flaws was his inability to stop judging people by himself. He always thought if he would never do something, than another person would also never do it. But the world didn't work this way. Sadly. 

He focused on Madzie more. She was holding something, moving it between her hands. When Magnus saw what it was, his blood turned cold. It was the syringe. His instincts screamed at him to just go to her now, take that syringe away from her hands, and take her away as well. 

He couldn't. How was he going to do it? By forcing Madzie to go with him against her will? That was out of the question. But Madzie didn't trust him now. She wouldn't want to see him, or go with him. Maybe she would use another spell against him. And that was the last thing Magnus wanted. To put her in a position where she would ever think she needs to do something like that. He needed to gain her trust back first. And that was the reason why he had to wait, to see what the situation was, not to rush. He stood right at the entrance, where the door was going to be if it had been closed. He had a good look on all three of them from that position.

Madzie was the first one to speak since Magnus saw them, "Maybe that's not necessary," she said. 

"You saw what Magnus just did. Do you really want to become like him? This is your chance to be better." Alec told her, pointing the syringe. 

They were trying to convince her to inject herself with it, it seemed. Okay, Magnus started to feel even worse about this, but he continued to fight with himself to wait. Acting out now was no way to gain Madzie's trust back. It was just going to prove what Alec wanted her to believe. 

"I'm a warlock now. And I would still never attack Simon." She said. 

"That will change. Your powers will change your perspective of right and wrong eventually. I've seen it." Alec told her, sounding all knowing, and Magnus really just wanted to shut him up already.

Madzie continued to look at the syringe. And Magnus knew her well enough to see that she wasn't going to do this. She had no intention to use that syringe, but she wasn't saying it out loud, probably because she didn't want to upset Simon and Alec. Oh god! Give me the patience to keep standing where I am. 

Madzie stood up, went to the table, and left the syringe on it, returning to her chair, "For right now I don't have this problem. Maybe you could just keep an eye on me? And if I really start to change, you will be around to help me, and I'll think about removing my powers then." Madzie proposed. Magnus could see the hope in her eyes that this will be the end of that conversation. 

Well no, judging from Alec's expression this conversation had just begun. He got up, and started walking around and around that kitchen. Which made Magnus really anxious. What was he up to? When he was passing by the table, he made some odd move with one of his hands which Magnus couldn't understand at the beginning. But then he saw the syringe was no longer there when Alec retreated and went to sit on his previous place on the floor. Simon was watching Alec with a frown, he had seen that. But Madzie hadn't, because she was nervously looking at the floor currently, expecting a response to her words. And Magnus realised what was about to happen. No matter what Madzie says, no matter what decision she makes, Alec's intention had never been to let her leave the kitchen with her powers. Because this was his chance. He thought Magnus was going to sleep for a long time, and this might be his only opportunity left. He was going to try one more time to convince Madzie to listen to him, and if she doesn't, he was going to inject her with the syringe himself. Against her will. It didn't matter if she didn't want this. Maybe it had never mattered at all. 

This whole situation was just getting more and more revolting. If there was no Shadow World, if there were no such things as cure for magic and shadowhunters, if Alec was just some person and Madzie was just a little kid, what Alec was planning to do was no different than a violent act against a child, for which he deserved a place in jail. Magnus knew now what he was going to do. He created a plan of his own. He was going to let Madzie see that side of Alec. She needed to see it with her own eyes. To know how dangerous he really was for her. And hopefully after that, her trust in Magnus was going to be restored. Magnus knew Madzie. He couldn't see how Alec might convince her to change her mind. He was going to fail, and when he fails, he was going to try to inject her. And that was going to be when Magnus interferes. He was going to use his magic to make the syringe disappear from his hands, and appear in Magnus. And Madzie was going to see what kind of a person Alec was. 

"Alec, could you come with me for a second?" Simon asked suddenly. 

Magnus had to move back as quietly as he could manage, when Simon and Alec moved away from Madzie, and went closer to the kitchen door.

"What?" Alec asked emotionlessly. He was so close to Magnus right then, that Magnus had the sudden desire to just reach out a little and strangle him. 

"You know what." Simon said. 

Alec kept looking at Simon, and Simon kept looking at Alec. And they proceeded to have some type of a conversation without words. Alec's expression turned from emotionless to really sad. And it was reflected right back on Simon's face. Simon was not on board with this. That much was clear. Alec sighed like there was some weight on his shoulders he was trying to get rid of. He covered his face with his hands for a second, before sighing again. 

Simon and Alec's wordless conversation, which Magnus couldn't understand for the most part, lasted for a couple more moments, until Alec walked away, taking his previous place in the kitchen. Simon followed him. 

Alec cleared his throat, "Madzie, do you want me to tell you a story about when I was around your age?" 

Madzie nodded, not appearing so down now, probably glad for the change of topic. But was the topic really changed? 

Alec started his story, "One day, me and a bunch of other kids snuck out of the Institute without a permission to. We were curious about the mudanes, wanted to see more of their lives. And back then, if you still didn't have your first rune, you weren't allowed to go out much. We were so enthusiastic to break the rules for once." 

"Did you have fun?"

"Oh, yes," Alec made an attempt to smile, but his acting abilities weren't the same after that wordless conversation, "We went to a diner, ordered so many pizzas, like three times more than how many we were. At the Institute they usually teach you to eat healthy all the time. So we were like 'If we're breaking the rules, let's break them the way they deserve to be broken'. But after we ate all that, we realized we didn't have any money to pay." 

"So what did you do?" Madzie asked, looking invested in this. 

"The only thing we could. We ran away. You know, most mundanes aren't really used to running on a daily basis the way we were. So we got away really easy. And we were so proud of ourselves, it was ridiculous. We found a playground with swings and everything after that. We spent a lot of time there. At one point, we were sitting in a circle on a sand I think, talking about our biggest dreams and what we wanted to achieve when we get older. One of the kids said he wanted to become Inquisitor, other- that he wanted to play piano better than any mundane ever has. And then there was this friend of mine who said 'When I grow old, I want to become a warlock'." Alec laughed, but it didn't sound like he was laughing from joy. There was something right then, that made Alec more readable for Magnus than he had ever been. 

"What did the other kids say?" Madzie asked. 

"They laughed at him mostly. Told him this dream was impossible, because he was of course a shadowhunter. Told him it was also disgusting to have a dream like that. Because warlocks were downworlders, they were part demon, some of them were just as evil as the actual demons they were fighting against. My friend said he didn't believe that. He said he had seen warlocks, and they didn't seem evil. They seemed so intriguing, mysterious in a magical way. He said he found some kinds of magic to be pure and good. He told them he knew the dream was impossible, but...............but you could dream of anything, can't you?" 

"Are you okay?" Madzie's voice was quiet, and she looking attentively at Alec's sad face. 

Alec nodded, "My friend was just so deluded. The same way you are now. I understand you. When we are little, it's easy to only see the outside of things, and to think we saw everything. We don't see all that's ugly, because our minds can't recognise real ugliness yet. It just took him so much time to understand this. Please, don't be like him Madzie. It will cost you too much. Please, just see nothing good comes out of magic. Nothing good comes out of having powers. It will only hurt you." 

"What happened to him?" Madzie asked. 

Alec shook his head, "Nothing good. He was just so stubborn, holding onto his believes. He should have known better." 

Simon put his hand on Alec's shoulder, and Alec put his on top of Simon's. 

"Is there more to the story? About you and the other kids? How did the other shadowhunters found you?" 

"Does that matter?" 

"I'm curious." She wasn't that curious, Magnus knew. She was trying to change the subject, because she didn't want to use the cure, and she didn't want Alec to be sad either. She was trying to point his thoughts somewhere else. 

"Well, the others told my friend he had to change his dream with something else, because he couldn't possibly dream of that. He refused at first, but they said if he doesn't change it, they were going to tell his parents that he was the one who organised the sneaking out, and made them all come with him. It wasn't true, but my friend knew he was going to be in a serious trouble if they fulfil this threat. So, he thought of another dream. He said he wanted to be the best archer in the world. Because he loved archery so much." 

"Oh, so you took that idea from him? Because you use arrows. Did he inspire you about this?" Madzie asked. 

"Something like that." 

No. It hadn't been like that. Magnus didn't know why, but Alec's face was so readable at that moment, he could see the truth. There was no "friend". Alec was talking about himself. He was the kid he had been describing. He was the kid who wanted to be a warlock. 

Something stuck in Magnus's throat. How many others like Alec were out there? How many who just didn't believe there was anything good about magic? How did Alec go from that kid to the person he was now? But he knew how. He had seen too much death. Too much ugliness. 

"Anyway," Alec continued, "Our parents found us not too long after, tracking us by our belongings. And given the fact that we were all together at the same place, it wasn't so hard for them. It was this big scandal, and all of us received punishments. My mother watched me with disapproval for a whole week." 

"Did you regret running away?" 

"Yes and no. It was fun for the most part, but knowing what I know now, me and all the other kids put ourselves in a great danger just leaving the Institute like that. We were risking mundanes asking questions about the diner incident, and we were risking to run into a demon. The Institute has Wards against them, but the outside world is different. They are demons who can just smell shadowhunters, and none of us even had their first rune yet, so how were we going to protect ourselves?" 

Madzie nodded. She was about to say something, but Alec beat her to it, "Madzie, we need to talk about the cure." 

Madzie sighed, giving up on her quest to change the subject. Well, she never had any chances of succeeding from the start, and that was making Magnus angry. And by the way, what was Simon even doing there? He had said no words to Madzie so far, Magnus could even forget he was in the kitchen in the first place. What was his role? Being Alec's emotional support? Oh, come on! Magnus could sense Simon was against this, but he was doing absolutely nothing to stop it. So there was really no point of him being there. Surely he could stand around and look pretty somewhere else. 

"Okay." Madzie said resigned, "Okay. Just hear me. I know about the Uprising. Not much, but a few things. I know there are evil warlocks out there who started this, and that's why I have to hide. But I'm telling you, I can control my powers. I have a lot to learn, but for now, I don't feel like I need to take them away. It doesn't feel right." Madzie said, pleading with him to understand. But he wasn't going to, and Magnus could see that. 

"You think you know about the Uprising?" Alec challenged, "From who? Magnus Bane?" Madzie made a small nod, Alec shook his head, his voice was harsh, and Magnus had to once again fight his desire to intervene, "And what does he know about it? Was he а part of those who attacked? Because he is claiming he wasn't, and if he's not lying, then how could he know? I imagine he was probably fixing his make up when it happened." Pain spread in Magnus's chest. He had been crying that whole day. Because he couldn't find Catarina anywhere, and because the wounded shadowhunters who were sent to get his help were so many he couldn't possibly heal and save them all. And he had felt useless, "I'll tell you about the Uprising. In one day my home was invaded and destroyed untill nothing exept wreckage was left of it. At the end there were three types of shadowhunters - the ones who managed to evacuate from the Institute and run away, the ones who died, and the ones who wished they were dead." 

Because they had lost a loved one, or because they had been violated somehow. Magnus knew. Maybe he didn't know the way Alec did, the way Catarina did. Maybe he hadn't been there, but it had affected him nonetheless. It was still affecting him now. It was affecting him every time someone behaved like Magnus was less than a person. 

"Hey," Madzie started, her face devastated, but comforting at the same time, "I understand you've been hurt by magic-" 

"Hurt?" Alec's voice was more calm now, but more sad as well, "No. Magic just......ripped my heart out. And it's gone now. And I've had to live without it ever since." 

Max. Magnus remembered how when Alec had cried yesterday, there was a moment when he had put his hand over his heart. At the time Magnus had thought it was just a simple gesture, but maybe it had more meaning behind it. Maybe his heart was a metaphor for Max. 

But Magnus knew Max hadn't died during the Uprising. It had been an year after that. It had been two years ago. There was more to this, and it was about that warlocks from Alec's memories. 

"I don't understand." Madzie said, sounding disappointed in herself about that, and Magnus wanted so much to hug her. But she probably wouldn't let him. She thought he was a bad person now. Just like so many other people in this world. 

"I'm sorry. That's not your fault." Alec said, burying his head in his hands. Simon's hand had never left his shoulder. Alec stayed like that for a while, before dropping his hands the way they were, "What I want to tell you, is that some day, somehow this magic you think you love now is going to make you a different person. Warlocks think they can do anything, and that's such a scary way of thinking. What's even more scary is that they actually can do anything. That messes with your head. I don't want that for you Madzie. Because I don't want you to be the person who will do some of the things I've seen being done. I don't want you to be the person who will hurt someone someday. And I'm afraid it will happen. And when it does, it will be on me. Because I've had a chance to prevent it and I didn't. And what am I going to do then? You have gills which can kill Madzie. And I don't want to see you this way. I don't want to see you as a warlock. Because I know you're so much more than that. And I know you could be an amazing person when you grow up. I don't want to have to think about everything that could go wrong, and every way you could become dangerous. The millions and millions of ways that could happen. I'm afraid that if it happens, I'm going to have to be the person who has to........" Alec stopped abruptly, and exhaled. He took a deep breath after, moving his eyes from Madzie for a moment. 

The person who has to kill you, Magnus finished the sentence in his head. And it was then, when Magnus understood him. Finally he did. He couldn't understand him when Alec had been trying to kill him. He couldn't understand him when he had looked through his memories to find out Madzie. He couldn't understand him when Alec had cried. He couldn't understand him during their conversation after that. But now, after everything he had said from the story about when he was a kid to this, he could look at him, and understand him. For the first time, after witnessing Alec's many faces, he could see him. It didn't fix anything. It didn't make anything better. But it was true. 

"Please, please Madzie just use the cure! Because of yourself. Because I care about you. Please! Please!" He was begging her now, looking desperate. And Magnus realised that both he and Alec were broken. In different ways, but broken all the same. 

"What if......" Madzie started, but she had to stop to wipe her eyes which were becoming watery, "What if I promise to be really careful with my powers? What if I promise to tell you if I ever feel that I'm about to lose control? What if I promise to learn really hard about how to use my magic safely? What if I promise to do everything I can not to hurt anyone? What if I promise to never hurt you?" 

"You can't carry that promise. Please, use the cure!" Alec begged again. His face and his voice were flooded with sadness.

"Why can't I?" Madzie asked, starting to get angry, "Because I'm not an adult yet? I can make promises and keep them just as anyone else can. And I promise not to hurt you." 

"Please Madzie, use the cure!" 

"You're not hearing me! You need to hear me. I said I promise." 

"Please, use the cure!" 

"Alec, please hear me!" 

"Please, use the cure!" 

"Please, hear me!" 

"Please, use-" 

"No!" Madzie screamed so loudly, frightening Alec and making him stop.

Alec didn't look sad anymore. He looked scared.

Magnus needed to do something. This couldn't go on. But he was so freaking afraid that if he reveals himself now, he could stress out Madzie even more. Was it possible to do more harm than good if he does something now? Was Madzie going to hate him if he shows up? 

Madzie took a few moments to compose herself. Then she stood up, going straight to Alec, who looked like he was about to run from the kitchen. All of this was making Magnus even more nervous, if that was possible at this point. Madzie sat on the floor close to Alec, facing him. She raised her hand, and Alec flinched immediately, ready to move away. 

"Don't." Madzie told him, so he didn't. Instead he just froze in his place. 

Madzie put her hand on his left cheek. Alec's eyes became huge. He looked so afraid, and it contrasted so sharply with how Madzie looked. Because oddly enough, she looked really calm now. Then she put her other hand on his other cheek. Like he was a child, and she was the adult. 

"Alec Lightwood, fix your ears and hear me." Madzie said, "I won't use the cure. Because I know I can control my powers right now. And because my magic is a part of me. You can't take a part of me. I need all parts of me to exist as myself. I'm not trying to take away your shadowhunter runes, am I? This is my last word. Simon and I watched a movie a couple days ago. There was a trial. Everyone waited for the judge to make a decision. And when he did, he knocked with his wooden hammer and that was it. And everyone had to accept that decision. For some of the people that was the right decision, for others- it was against their interest. But you know what no one did? No one jumped at the judge to tell him to change everything he had decided. Imagine this- I am the judge. And I am telling you the verdict. I'm saying I won't take away my powers, I knock with my hammer, and the case is closed. It's final. If sometime in the future things go the wrong way, it won't be on you. I'll be responsible, because I made the decision. As I should, because it's my decision to make. I care about you too. You are my friend. And I promise you, I will never hurt you." 

Magnus knew that was it. Alec had to no other choice, but to try to inject Madzie with the syringe he had taken. And when he tries to, Magnus was going to stop him, and show himself. 

But Alec seemed to have forgotten how to move. The only movement he was making, was blinking. A living statue. 

Madzie moved her hands from his face, and used one of them to knock on his head two times, "Imagine this is me knocking with my hammer. Did you hear me this time?" 

It was a couple more seconds of tension for Magnus before Alec finally moved. First, it was opening and closing his mouth. Then- moving his gaze around the kitchen. Until ultimately he put his hand in his pocket, and took the syringe out of there. Magnus started to move almost at the same time as Simon also made a move (???). But they both stopped immediately when Alec actually got up, going away from Madzie. Alec went to............ the sink. Then he just poured all the content from the syringe there. Getting rid of the cure. Then he threw away the empty syringe in the garbage. 

After he was done, he looked at Madzie with clear eyes, "I heard you. Okay. The promise is accepted. Thank you for making it. And also.........I apologise for before. You're right." He said. 

Magnus stared at him in complete surprise. He wasn't sure if his mouth wasn't hanging open at that moment. It probably was. 

Madzie, you wonderful beautiful creature! How did you do that?


	12. The truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter.

Magnus watched Madzie's smiling face with such adoration. His whole plan to show Alec's true face to her had just gone to the trash along with that empty syringe. But he didn't care. He couldn't care when all he felt was genuine delight. Moments like this were rare. When innocence and light can defeat hatred and fear. What Madzie just did, just made Magnus feel so proud of her. 

Simon jumped happily, and went to hug Alec. And that's when Magnus saw the same pride he felt in Simon's eyes. But Simon's pride wasn't directed at Madzie, it was directed at Alec. And it was all Magnus needed to finally figure out why was Simon there in the first place. It was the same reason Magnus was there. He wanted to fix what Alec had done, manipulating Madzie and trying to convince her to use the cure. And the reason he was just standing there, not doing much, was the same reason Magnus was doing exactly that. The difference was that Magnus was doing it for Madzie's benefit, he didn't want to confront her and stress her out when she didn't believe him. While Simon was doing it for Alec's benefit. Sure, he could have just stopped him, telling Madzie everything, using his vampire speed to snatch away the syringe. But Alec was just going to try another time, and it wasn't what Simon wanted. He didn't want just to tell Alec "Stop!" and hope he didn't have to say it again. He didn't want to impede Alec's plans today with no thought about tomorrow. He wanted Alec himself to realise his mistake. He wanted him to see it, and decide it on his own. Because Alec was his friend, and Simon cared about him, and he wanted to give him a chance to see that what he was doing wasn't right.

What Alec did had never really been a possibility in Magnus's mind, so it was surprising that in Simon's it was not just that, but a desired searched outcome. Magnus saw this more as Madzie's achievement, but Simon probably saw it as Alec's as well. Still, Simon must have known the chances of Alec not realising his mistake were huge. Magnus remembered Simon had moved when Alec took the syringe out of his pocket. Yeah, he knew Alec might try to use the cure on Madzie anyway. And if it came to that, he was going to stop it, that's why he had moved. It was refreshing for Magnus to know that even if he hadn't woken up so early, Madzie still wasn't going to be forced to use the cure, because Simon was going to prevent it if there was a need to.

Despite everything, Magnus wasn't going to delude himself into thinking Simon cared about Madzie as much as he himself did. No, he cared about Alec way more, and that was clear. But after his realisation, he couldn't help but feel a shred of respect towards Simon he didn't feel before. Because he had managed to be Alec's friend, but look out for Madzie at the same time. 

Before letting go of him, Simon told Alec something Magnus couldn't hear. Alec nodded and patted the other man's shoulder. Madzie started moving towards Alec, maybe wanting to hug him as well Magnus suspected, but Alec moved slightly away.

"What's wrong?" Madzie asked, her previous smile replaced by a serious expression too. 

"Madzie, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to answer me truthfully, okay?" Alec's tone was light, gentle, but also careful at the same time. 

"Of course. I would never lie to you."

Something passed through Alec's face for a second, and Magnus hoped it was guilt, but he couldn't be sure, "What you just did a minute before, going from angry to calm so fast, I've seen much older warlocks who are unable to do it. Were you always like this? Did you always have that much control?" 

Madzie looked unsure of how to answer. Alec saw it, and encouraged her, "It's okay, you can tell me anything. I won't judge. And the discussion about the cure is over, I promise." 

"I know you don't want to hear about him," Madzie started, "But Magnus taught me how to deal with my magic mostly. It was a struggle before. Some things, about my life before I met him- I don't remember. But nothing regarding my powers didn't come easy. It still isn't easy. I don't know so many things and I have a lot to learn. But Magnus taught me a lot. How to not let my emotions take over me fully at the wrong time. He used to say........," Madzie stopped herself and looked at Alec cautiously, "It doesn't matter. I'm sorry, I won't talk about him any more. I know he did a terrible thing today with Simon." 

She looked guilty for mentioning him, and Magnus closed his eyes in despair. How was he going to fix this? 

"No Madzie, I promise you it's fine," Alec said, "You can talk about him, it won't bother me. I want to know. What did he say?" 

Magnus wasn't sure where was Alec going with this. He didn't know if he should be nervous or not. He just hoped that Alec didn't plan to mess with Madzie's emotions any more. 

"He used to say that my magic was a gift, and I shouldn't be afraid of it. That some people might be, but it's because they don't know me. That it's not magic that's evil, but people. He inspired me, pushed me to overcome my struggles. One of the things he used to say the most was, The magic others perceive with suspicion and prejudice, is the same magic which will help you safe someone in need, the same magic which can let you protect the people around you." 

"Like Superman." Simon commented. This first thing directed to Madzie he had said since Magnus had woken up. 

Listening to Madzie now, hearing that according to her he was the reason she was able to do what she did today, Magnus wasn't sure how to feel. This was what he had wanted- for Madzie to know that her powers were a gift, and could be used for good. Even her gills could be used for good. Their ability to suffocate was far from being the only thing they could be used for. 

Madzie removed her eyes from Alec to Simon's direction. "Yes, kind of like Superman. But I won't wear glasses all the time, they won't suit me." Simon and Madzie smiled at each other, before Madzie continued, "Listen Simon, I'm so sorry for what Magnus did to you. I had no idea he would do something like this. I still don't understand it." Madzie said that carefully, and Magnus thought she suspected the reason Simon wasn't talking with her much was because he was in some way angry at her for what happened to him. But that wasn't it. Magnus knew he wasn't talking with her, because he didn't want to lie. 

Simon looked at Alec. It wasn't a look meant to criticize, it wasn't "how could you lie to her". It was simply a look of care. And Alec responded to it. 

"He uhmmm.....he didn't." Alec said quietly, and Magnus's heart missed a beat. 

Madzie turned at Alec, not understanding. 

"He didn't." Alec repeated more loudly. 

"Didn't what?" Madzie asked, appearing confused. 

Alec cleared his throat. "He didn't do......he didn't.......not really....I mean, not like......not like that, that wasn't......it wasn't exactly what he did, it wasn't that.....," Alec was fighting with his words now, looking like he was about to choke on them any moment. And Madzie looked more and more confused. 

Alec was quiet for a moment, and Magnus thought he gave up on explaining things, but then started talking again, trying again, "He didn't do what I told you he did. That wasn't.......what I said it was. He umm, he.......didn't try to kill Simon." 

Madzie frowned, and Alec hurried up to continue, his words coming somehow easier once the main thing was out. "It was some.....some spell he used. I'm not sure what it was, and it doesn't matter anyway. The point is......he had to use it. He had to, because Simon and I were trying to inject him with the cure. Without his consent." 

Madzie watched Alec intently, her eyes filling with sadness, "Why did you lie to me?" 

"I just.....I could hear you telling stories about him to Izzy day after day. Magnus this, Magnus that, it was like he was on a pedestal for you. It scared me that you were so close to him. And I thought maybe he was the reason why you refused to become a mundane so much. I thought if you see him doing something like attacking Simon out of spite, you will change your mind about the whole thing. And I believed changing your mind was the best thing for you. I'm sorry." 

There were tears in Madzie's eyes. And Magnus couldn't even be happy the truth was out now, he couldn't be glad about it when Madzie looked like that. "You used me against him." She said with sorrow. "Friends don't do that to each other. Goodbye Alec. I don't want to see you." 

"Madzie, I-"

"I don't want to listen to you either." She was crying. 

And Magnus forgot he was invisible when he said, "Madzie, please don't cry!" 

All three of them froze, and turned at the kitchen door. 

"Magnus?" Madzie asked hesitantly. Her tears were falling on her face. 

Magnus undid the invisibility spell. After being a passive observer, it was strange to finally be seen again. Alec and Simon were watching him with utter surprise, speechless. And Madzie was watching him with guilt through her tears. 

"I didn't know. I'm sorry I used my magic against you. I thought I was protecting Simon. I didn't know." Madzie told him sobbing, going to hug him. Magnus took her in his arms, picking her up and leaving the kitchen hallway with her. He would talk and deal with Simon and Alec later. He had to be beside Madzie now. 

 

About half an hour later, Magnus and Madzie were sitting on the bed in her room. Or at least, the room Simon had given her while she was living with him. Madzie had apologised dozens of times, and Magnus had done everything he could to reassure her he was still her friend, he wasn't mad at her, he could understand why she had reacted that way back then, and it was alright now. It was alright because in the end of the day, she believed in him once again, and that was all Magnus wanted.

"From now on, only Izzy will be my friend." Madzie said, moving the handkerchief she was holding in her fingers. The same disappointment Magnus had been dealing with before, was creeping in her words now. 

"Madzie, I really don't think Isabelle hates me any less than they do." Magnus was going to be honest with her. The truth could be hard, but it was safer than anything else. 

"I don't think she hates you at all. Well, I could be wrong. Like I was today. I shouldn't have been so quick to believe you would want to kill Simon. I was just...what was I thinking? It's you. It won't happen again, I promise." 

"It's in the past Madzie," Magnus tried to assure, "The important thing is that it's over now." 

But there were still a few things he felt like he had to say. "About Alec- you still don't know the whole story. One of the things you don't know is that because of me, he can't return home to his family." 

Magnus wasn't telling her this because he was under the impression he owed Alec something after he had confessed the truth. No, he didn't owe him anything, that shadowhunter was still a liar. But Magnus wanted to be honest with Madzie, and there were two sides to honesty- the one you like, because it's convenient for you, and the one you don't. Magnus wasn't going to pretend he was perfect in all of this, because he wasn't. 

He checked Madzie's expression for accusation, but he only found her attention, making him go on, "It's only temporarily, and I've never intended to hurt him. It's just that I need him so my people could have a chance at peace. I'm not proud of this. It's not the right thing to do, and it's not something I would ever teach you to repeat. I just feel really trapped and out of any options." 

"You want shadowhunters and warlocks to stop being enemies. So things like what happened today don't have to happen. I can understand that." Madzie said. "Just bring him back to his family as soon as you can. I'm mad at him, but....I don't want something bad to happen to him." 

Magnus nodded, understanding her concern. "And about Simon- he didn't tell you the truth, because he was waiting for Alec to do it." 

"But he still tried to inject you with the cure." Madzie reminded. 

"He did." There was no way around that one.

"Do you think that cure is now being used against warlocks who don't want it?" Madzie asked with worry. 

"I'm afraid so. I've warned everyone I keep in contact with about it, but there is only so much we can do. We don't know which downworlder has it and which doesn't, we don't know what it's made of." And though Magnus was infinitely glad Alec had gotten rid of the cure, now he couldn't bring it home with him to analyse it. So he was back at the start, with zero knowledge. 

"I'm going to stay here," Madzie said unexpectedly. Magnus was about to say something, but she continued before he had the chance to, "Listen to me, I'm going to stay here to help you. Like we've talked before. I was only half serious, but what if it could work? You need all the help you can get, and it would be useful if I'm around shadowhunters." 

"Madzie, I won't use you. And wouldn't you feel better if you are around people you can trust? Somewhere safe?" 

"I am safe here." Madzie insisted, "And 'use' suggests I don't know about it. And in this case I'm the one giving you the idea. You've done so much for me. Why can't I try to do something for you if I can?" Magnus was thoughtful about it, considering it in his head, "Come on, partner." Madzie said. "It would be like in the movies. I'm the ally no one suspects could be important, but in the end blows away the entire operation of the enemy.''

"I'll leave you a number you could call at any time. Any time you don't feel safe, or there is something you need to tell me, a problem or anything else. I'll pick up, no matter what time it is. Okay?" If Madzie was staying here, precautions needed to be taken.

"Of course." Madzie agreed immediately. 

"And I'll be coming back to see you. Whenever I can, I'll come here to check on you." Magnus added. He didn't care that Simon could try attacking him again. Or that he wouldn't be comfortable with Magnus visiting. If Madzie was here, he was going to have to get used to it. By the looks of it, Isabelle didn't live with Simon, but she was probably coming by very often. So she was going to have to get used to it too. Madzie smiled and started nodding with enthusiasm. 

"This would be great. And we will come in this room to discuss our most secret plans, using magic to make the walls soundproof so no one could hear us." 

"Oh, look who have been thinking a lot about it?" Magnus winked, and Madzie laughed. Finally the dark mood she had been in started to wear off. "You know, I never gave you that present I was about to." 

Madzie's attention was full on Magnus when he used his powers to make a spell book appear. That was the very first spell book Magnus had ever possessed back when hadn't known much about anything. It had illustrations and descriptions about basic potions and spells. Madzie had seen it one afternoon in Magnus's house before, and she had looked interested. So maybe now was the time for the book to become hers. Magnus hoped it would be useful to her the way it had been useful to him. 

"Don't show this to Simon. Or Isabelle." He advised her. 

"I won't. Thank you so much!" Madzie said happily, and started going through the pages.

After a couple more minutes, when Magnus gave her the number she could call him on, and instructed her do so anytime she feels something is wrong, they had to say goodbye to each other.

 

Magnus went to search for Alec and Simon, and found them still in the kitchen, talking. They turned quiet as soon as Magnus stepped there.

"I need to exchange a few words alone with Simon." Magnus said. More quietness followed, so he turned to Simon directly. "If I was going to hurt you, I would have done so when you couldn't see me." 

"Why didn't you?" Simon asked with suspicion. He was looking at him while Alec was doing the opposite, looking everywhere but at Magnus. 

"That's not who I am." Magnus said simply. 

"How long were you there?" Simon wanted to know. 

"A while."

Alec made the slightest quiver at that answer.

"If you want to take Madzie away, we won't stop you." Simon informed. 

"I thought I was a horrible influence." Magnus was looking more at Alec while saying that, but it was like Simon and Alec had switched their roles from before. Now Simon was talking, and Alec was keeping quiet, looking sideways. 

"Madzie doesn't seem to think so. And we think her judgement is good enough." Simon kept using 'we', but Magnus was wondering if Alec thought the same way. Also, Simon's tone was very guarded and there was tension in the air. 

"Madzie actually decided to stay here." It was so odd for Magnus to just calmly talk with them as if they hadn't attacked him not that long ago. It was unfitting somehow. "I'm going to give you some time to say goodbye. Then, I need to talk to Simon, and we're leaving." He needed to talk to Alec as well, but it was probably better to do that after they portal back to his home. 

Magnus left the kitchen, going to the room with the TV to wait there, but then he did a double take, hiding behind the nearest corner. He wanted to hear what they were about to say, because he wanted to make sure they weren't preparing another strategy against him. He felt stupid for going that, but that was what apparently happened when you know Alec long enough. You develop a full blown paranoia about your safety. Next thing, Magnus was probably going to walk around with that protection spell plus being covered in arrowproof armor every day for the rest of his life. 

"I don't want you to go back to him." Simon stated. 

"What are you going to do Si? Lock me up in your closet to hide me?" 

"Nah. Too double-meaning." Alec laughed, but it didn't sound natural. It was robotic somehow. Simon made a pause before continuing, "We were just so close to getting you back today. I hoped we would."

They would have, if Magnus hadn't woken up so early. 

"I hoped so too. Fat chance. Come on, tell Izzy and Jace I love them." 

"You worry me Alec. Take care of yourself."

"Always." 

Ha! Always was so not the case, Magnus almost laughed at it. Alec was doing everything, but taking care of himself. All the attempts to take down Magnus had been life threatening for him so far. 

Magnus walked away. Soon after that, Simon came. "Alec went to wait outside. What do you want?" He asked. He was watching Magnus very warily, and Magnus thought that maybe Simon didn't outright hate him, but he was also very far from liking him, and his body language was proof enough. Simon didn't want him in his house. Well, too bad for Simon then. 

"I saw you when you were about to stop Alec from using the cure on Madzie. This is the only reason I agreed with her to stay." Magnus begun, going closer and closer to Simon, remembering Madzie's words that he was afraid of snakes. "But let's get one thing straight. I won't forget you attacked me. And I intend to keep a close look on Madzie from now on. So, during the upcoming days, you might see more of me. If you or Isabelle ever do anything to hurt Madzie in any way shape or form, tell the Clave about her, or try to cure her, or if you attempt to move away so I won't know where she is, I'm going to know, and then I won't just burn you hand. I'm going to turn myself into the biggest snake ever existed, I'll hunt you down, and I'll eat you. Slowly, taking brakes, so you can feel everything for longer. Do we understand each other?" 

Magnus was only a couple feet away from Simon when he finished, looking him straight in the eyes with his real ones, not even blinking.

"Understood." Simon said with semi-stable voice. His face didn't express that much fear really, but again, his body language was telling a lot.

''Do you have more of the cure right now?'' Magnus asked, not stepping away from the short proximity they shared.

''No.'' Maybe Isabelle had. But that was a problem for another day. And Simon could be lying, of course. 

"Good." Magnus walked past him, relaxing his expression when he was out of his view, and covering up his real eyes. See? Alec wasn't the only one who could play a role convincingly when he needed to. Let's hope Magnus didn't have to anymore. 

 

Alec and Magnus portaled back to Magnus's hallway. Alec went straight to his room, searching and finding his notebook. Treating Magnus like he was still invisible. 

"We need to talk too." Magnus told him. 

"I have nothing to say to you." 

"Perfect. You'll be free to listen." 

Alec sat on his mattress, and began writing in the notebook. So, Magnus took this as 'whatever' and the only sign he was going to get to just say what he had the intention to. 

"If one of the warlocks who were part of the Uprising were to come to you one day, and tell you he or she only did what they did because some shadowhunters attacked them prior to that, and killed some of them, what would you say? Would you say that doesn't excuse their actions? Because if yes, you'd be right. Now turn that around and ask yourself if what happened during the Uprising gives you the right to do what you're doing. You know, in my life I've met people who had been through similar experiences that you've been through. But that wasn't a reason for some of them to feel justified turning around and doing the same thing to somebody else. What logic is that? Because this way you're only going to fall and fall, lower and lower? Until when? At what point will you stop? When you become like the warlock who killed your brother? Because sometimes I can see the resemblance which-" 

"DON'T TALK ABOUT MY BROTHER." Alec screamed so suddenly, throwing the pen he was holding at Magnus. This time it didn't appear to be a calculated move, because it was nowhere near taking his eye out. It just hit him in the shoulder. Magnus remembered the barrier was still down, so Alec could do much more than that. But seriously, after everything that had happened today, Magnus wasn't just going to raise the barrier and go away. No, he was going to face this head on.

"I wouldn't have to, if you didn't try to manipulate Madzie today." Magnus responded as calmly as he could. "You think I'm not sorry about the Uprising? You think I'm not sorry for what some of the people from my kind did? I am, and not because I have a fault in it, but because of common decency. Because I would never enjoy someone else's suffering. I'm so sorry for everything Alexander! And I'm sorry you have to be here. I'm sorry that I just couldn't find any other way to stop the Clave from killing my people. I mean, if you have a suggestion, I'm all ears." 

"SHUT UP!" Alec screamed again. "YOU'RE NOT SORRY! YOU CAN'T BE! YOU DON'T KNOW!" 

Alec got up and started just throwing things in his reach at Magnus. But his aim wasn't good now, and Magnus easily dodged them. 

"I wasn't fixing my make up as you said. Some of your people survived that day because of me." 

"SHUT UP!" Alec gave up on Magnus being his target, and continued just throwing things around with no particular goal. Magnus started to get worried. 

"You need to calm down." He told him. 

"SHUT UP! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DIE? WHY? JUST DIE!" 

Magnus begun to be more and more concerned. Was he having a psychological crisis? Was Magnus the cause of it? He walked into the room by an impulse, not sure what he was doing.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Alec ran from the room, passing by Magnus. Magnus easily could have stopped him, but he didn't, and let him run. He didn't know what to do. He knew how far approximately the spell in the tea would allow him to go. And maybe he should just let that happen, and wait for Alec to come back when he wanted. Maybe it was better to just not do anything. 

But then Magnus heard a troubling sound from the living room, and he just couldn't stay in his place. He went there and saw Alec punching the wall with his fist. He had to stop doing that, he was going to hurt himself. Magnus made a sound to announce his presence, and not startle him. Alec didn't turn his way, he was just hitting the wall. 

''I HATE THIS PLACE!''

"You're going to open the would on your hand if you keep doing that." Magnus tried to warn him. 

"I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE!" 

Magnus could use magic to stop him in theory. But he didn't want to do that. So he started going closer to him, making his every step as loud as possible so it wouldn't look like he was sneaking in behind Alec. But what if this ended horribly? What was Magnus even doing? It was like an 80 percent possible scenario that Alec will turn around and try to kill him. What happened to taking precautions and being careful? Well, these wonderful advises flew out the window it seemed.

Alec stopped punching the wall. And just when Magnus thought it was over, he started it again. What could Magnus do? What calms down people in such condition and keeps them grounded? Magnus didn't know where that idea even came from, and it was probably in the list of top 10 of the most ridiculous things he had done, but he started singing. Not loudly, but enough so it could be heard. It wasn't just any song, but a one which Magnus knew was often sung to young shadowhunters to bring them strength in times of hardship. He sang and continued going closer. When he was beside him on his right, Alec stopped hitting the wall again. And Magnus used the moment to slowly reach his right hand across Alec's left shoulder, while never stopping with the song. Then he put his other arm on his other shoulder. He waited a couple more seconds before he started to gently turn him around. Alec didn't put much resistance which Magnus thought was a good sign.

When Alec was with his back at the wall, Magnus moved away from him and stopped singing. There was a very quiet moment after that. Alec needed time to get his breathing under control after all that shouting and hitting. He was the first one to speak.

''I hate this place.'' 

He sounded tired. He was looking at Magnus, but not intently looking at him.

''I'm sorry,'' Magnus said as a reply.

Alec started walking towards his room again, and Magnus automatically followed him. Once they were there, Alec started tidying up. Magnus felt uncomfortable not doing anything, so he started tidying up as well. But there was blood on Alec's hand, and it didn't took him long to realise he needed to take care of that first. 

"Will you bring me more bandages and disinfectant?" He asked. 

Magnus walked out to return with them. Alec took care of his hand, then he helped Magnus cleaning.

Magnus walked out and raised the barrier. 

"Thank you." Alec said when Magnus was about to leave. 

"You're welcome."


	13. Searching for answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

Magnus passed through Alec's room one more time during the rest of the day to bring him food as usual. He also wanted to check on him. Alec looked better, but he seemed to have returned to his not talking habits, because he barely said anything to Magnus. However that 'thank you' he had said earlier kept rolling and rolling in Magnus's mind. Was it a pretend, was it genuine? Thank you for what? For cleaning the room with him; for singing; for leaving without trying any more to have that conversation that had maybe made him react the way he had? Maybe thank you for all of the above? 

Magnus decided he was putting way too much thought on this than he should. He should just be glad Alec didn't try to kill him, and stop trying to analyze. 

He was holding the fire message warning about the cure, trying to figure out a way to contact the person who had sent it, when Catarina returned. She looked at Magnus with unease, seeing the message in his hand.

"Is it true that something like this exists?" She asked. 

"Not only is it true, but it was almost used on me." 

Catarina was completely taken aback by that. 

"Oh Cat, I have so much to tell you." 

 

So Magnus told her about pretty much everything that had happened since she left. They were sitting in his living room, the message lying on the table between them. 

"The person who sent it has signed with The Shadow World Guardian. I've heard that code name before once." Catarina informed. 

"You have? When? Do you have a suggestion about who this is?" 

"I don't know this person's identity," Catarina started, "But about a year and a half ago, I was hiding in some cottage near the mountain with other warlocks. One day we received a fire message by someone called The Shadow World Guardian, warning us that shadowhunters had found the place, and we needed to run away in the next couple minutes or we're going to get caught. We didn't know if that was true, but we were scared enough by the fact that a shadowhunter had sent us a message, that we didn't lose any time and got out of there. A couple days after, I took the risk to come back, intending to look for clues about whether that warning was a lie or not. I found the cottage destroyed and my magic could sense shadowhunters had been there. That warning saved my life and the lives of my friends. But I've never heard of this shadowhunter after that. Until today." 

"You're sure it's the same person?" Magnus asked. 

"I'm 100 percent positive it is. I've spent enough nights staring at the message I had received to be able to recognise that writing anywhere. The way every letter is inclined at a specific angle, I could never mistake it." Catarina explained. 

"Why would a shadowhunter want to help us? Everyone I've met so far despises me. Could it be some trap the Clave wants us to fall in?" 

"Why would the Clave want you to know about the cure? And why would they save me and the others so many months ago just to disappear, not wanting anything from us in return? And in this message it's clearly written- don't trust the Clave." 

"It might be a long game. Maybe they're taking their time, counting that we would think exactly this way." At this point Magnus expected anything from the Clave. We were talking about the same people able to create enchanted balls all of a sudden, and to make a cure for magic when that thing should not supposed to exist.

"Maybe," Catarina agreed, "But maybe not." 

"Wait," Magnus said, when an idea came in his mind, "You said you would never mistake this way of writing. Maybe that's what we need to get in contact with that person. I thought we couldn't send a message on our own, because we don't know who to send it to. But what if we can, using the writing? Do you think we can use magic to send a note to the person this writing belongs to?" That wasn't how fire messages worked. You needed to know the name of the person. But maybe it's not going to be a fire message they could send, but some form of alternative to that. 

Catarina thought about it, "It's worth a try." 

Magnus suddenly remembered Alec's words to Madzie about how warlocks can do anything. Well, let's hope that was true, because what they were about to try was very complicated. 

 

Catarina and Magnus worked for hours, using and experimenting with different spells on the fire message, looking for a way to extract enough about the shadowhunter's personality through the way of writing, so they could send something back on their own. At the end, the message was completely dissolved into a potion with many other ingredients in it. Magnus and Catarina took a piece of paper and dipped it in the potion for just a second, before leaving it to dry. 

"If this works, you can write anything you want on that, and it will appear in that shadowhunter's pocket." Catarina explained. 

"Doesn't sound so bad. But what if that person doesn't have a pocket in that particular moment?" Magnus asked, pointing the hole in their plan. 

"Hmm," Catarina thought about that possibility, "The magic will find a way to work it's job I hope. The note might appear in а shoe as well." 

"Let's hope that shadowhunter is at least wearing shoes then." Magnus started to doubt this idea. What if they make a mistake, and send the note to somebody else? But they had to try.

"Have faith." Catarina said, "I have a good feeling about this." 

After the piece of paper was dry enough, Catarina asked what Magnus wanted to write on it. 

"If this works, I want to take the full advantage of it. I don't want to have to go this rounded way every time I need to say something. Plus we and that....Guardian or whatever need to have a real conversation. Not one with notes and fire messages, those won't get us anywhere. I'm going to put a phone number on the note. The one I gave to Madzie. If this person really wants to help us, then they'll have to call. If no one calls, I will take it as a sign not to search for this person's help anymore." Magnus stated and turned to Catarina, "What do you think about this? I don't want it to look like I'm deciding on my own. And you put a lot of work to help me." 

"Honestly," she replied, "Your idea sounds way better than what I had in mind."

So that's what they did. Magnus gave the note a final look, before completing the spell to send it to the Guardian's pocket, or shoe, or whatever. It said this: 

 

Thank you for warning me about the  
cure. But I need to actually talk to you.  
So please, if you want to help, call the   
number on the back of the note. 

Magnus Bane 

 

After they had done what depended on them, Catarina and Magnus started waiting. They waited and waited, and nobody called. It was late at night when they decided to go to sleep, and see what happens tomorrow. 

Magnus didn't want to go to his room. So he slept in the same place in the hallway again. 

 

The next day Magnus received many fire messages from warlocks panicking about the cure, asking to speak with him as soon as possible. Keeping the people from his kind under control, preventing them from trying some sort of attack against the Clave, was getting harder and harder to manage. Especially now, with the cure existing. Magnus was afraid that if the second meeting about the negotiations ends like the first, with Magnus running for his life, the warlocks will lose faith in him. And once that happens, he wasn't going to be able to keep them in check. And there would be a bloodbath to follow. That was one of Magnus's greatest fears. That warlocks will stop hiding and start killing shadowhunters. Which will result in shadowhunters, who never really stopped killing during these three long years, responding the same way and becoming even more convinced they needed to erase every warlock from existence. And everything will crash until it's beyond repair. 

Because Magnus was so busy responding to the messages he got, and going to visit the warlocks, he left Catarina with Alec. He hoped that wasn't a mistake on his part, and Alec won't try to hurt her or something along those lines. He went with her when she gave him breakfast. Alec was his quiet self, but the emotionless expression wasn't on his face. He looked kind of normal. Magnus expected Catarina to leave after bringing him the food, but she didn't. Instead, she sat down on the floor, and started talking about the patient she had returned from healing, and how that went. Like Alec had asked or something, though he hadn't. At first, Magnus thought she should really go. After yesterday, he didn't know what could set Alec off. And that made him worry about both Alec and Catarina. He didn't want what happened yesterday to repeat, but this time with him absent and Catarina being the only one there. But though Alec did clear his throat as a sign for her to leave, he didn't look that annoyed when she pretended she didn't hear it. After Magnus checked his expression again until becoming semi sure Alec didn't mind Cat's stories all that much, he left them.

Magnus was questioning how much did Alec know about everything. About how the cure was made, about the Clave's resources. He wished they were in some alternate reality where he could just ask him, and Alec will answer. But he couldn't. 'Thank you', Magnus remembered again. He should stop thinking about those words. Just because they were one of the few non hostile things Alec had told him, didn't mean they were all that important. 

 

Magnus's meetings with the warlocks were exhausting. He had his phone with him the whole time, waiting for the call that didn't seem to come. He didn't tell the other warlocks that he had figured out how to send a note to that shadowhunter. He preferred to keep that information for only himself and Catarina for now. 

It had been a long tiring day, when he was having drinks with Catarina at home, and the phone finally rang. Magnus didn't want to get his hopes up too fast. That could be Madzie. Catarina gestured with anticipation for him to pick up. He did, and made sure Cat can hear everything as well. He didn't want to mention her to the shadowhunter though. They had talked about it yesterday, and she had agreed with Magnus to keep quiet about her involvement in everything. That is, if The Shadow World whatever was the one calling now, of course. 

"Hello," Magnus said. 

"You shouldn't have done that." A rough male voice answered. 

Yeah, definitely not Madzie. Chills ran through Magnus's spine. 

"Who is this?" He asked. 

"Don't you know? Please, tell me this is not the number everyone calls you at." 

"Are you The Shadow World Protector?" Magnus mistook the name on purpose to test if the person he was talking with was going to correct him. 

"You know who I am."

"Just answer the question." Magnus demanded. He had no desire to talk in riddles. 

"The Shadow World Guardian, on your services. Although you don't deserve it, after you tried to have me killed." 

"I did no such thing." Magnus said with astonishment. 

"Oh, really? What did you think would happen if a shadowhunter catches me with that note of yours? Or if I'm in the middle of a mission, and it falls from me in front of someone during a fight? Do you not think at all? You just put my life in danger!" 

Is the Clave really going to kill one of their own if they find out he is helping Magnus? Honestly, Magnus never though they would get that far. He thought getting deruned was the worst it gets for shadowhunters who betray the Clave's orders.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think your life would be on the line. And I needed to contact you. This was the only way." Magnus explained. 

"Yeah? How about you don't contact ME? I contact YOU." The man sounded a little frustrated. 

"Were you going to?" Magnus wanted to know. Was he going to send another fire message? 

"Now you'll never know.'' Great. So maybe the frustration was more than a little. ''I really hope you risked my life for a good reason. And how did you do that anyway?" 

"I'm a warlock. I have my ways. I apologise again, if I caused any trouble." 

"I'm alive, aren't I? Enough about me. Why did you want me to call?" 

"You did me a big favour with your message about the cure. Yesterday someone almost injected me with it, and the fact that I knew what it was, was helpful. But there are still a lot of things I don't know the answers to." 

"And you want me to give you these answers." It wasn't a question. And Magnus decided to go straight to the point.

"In your message you say the Clave used their resources to make the cure. What resources are that?"

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you that." Was the answer. Magnus waited for something else to follow it, but there wasn't more to the reply.

"Do you not know?" He asked.

"Of course I know," the man said, " but I can't tell you." 

Right. If this was the answer to all of Magnus's questions, he really shouldn't have sent that note. 

"I'm confused," Magnus stated, "Regarding which matters do you support the Clave, and about which ones you don't?" 

"This is not about the Clave. I can't tell you, because I don't trust that you'll make the right choice once you know." 

"I don't understand. Can you be more specific?" 

"I won't say anything else about this. Just know that I'm trying to deal with it." 

"No, not good enough, " Magnus said sharply, "How is it that I have to trust you regarding the safety of my own people, when I have no idea who you are, and when you don't trust me about the same thing?" 

"I never said I don't trust you about your people, or in general. I called you, didn't I? I just don't trust your judgement about this." 

"What is this?" 

"Do you have any other questions, or is that all you called for?" The man asked, ignoring Magnus's words. Damn, since when did all shadowhunters become so rude? Even this one was no exception. 

"Are they going to try to kill me during the upcoming negotiations meeting?" Magnus voiced another one of his important issues, hoping to get more of an answer on that one. If not, this conversation was pointless.

"I don't think that's their intention right now. They don't want to give you motivation to cause harm to Al..... to the shadowhunter you're holding captive." 

"I wouldn't do that." Magnus assured, not really sure why he did that. It was like he could sense some sort of concern from the other end of the line, and that possessed him to say it. 

"I know." The man said in response, and Magnus asked himself how did he know. "But the Clave doesn't know. And right now that's a good thing. So, about your question- I'm going to say I'm almost certain the answer is 'no', but don't drop your guard down no matter what. The Clave is planning something for that meeting. I'm not sure what, but I think they're going to ask something of you." 

"I really hope it's not the same thing they wanted last time. I won't get rid of my magic, and I won't try to convince the other warlocks to do the same. Not that it would work, even if I did." 

"It's something else." The man said, sounding sure. "But be careful anyway." 

"I will." Magnus promised. "Okay. What other things can you tell me about which-how did you put it- you trust my judgement with?" 

"You know what? I can still help you about the cure, even if I can't tell you everything." 

"And how could you help me with that?" Magnus asked, not wanting to make any assumptions. 

"You need one of the syringes with it right? To see what it's made of. And see if you could reverse the effect. You don't have it, but I can help with that." 

"So, what's the plan? Are you going to bring me one?" 

"Obviously, I can't."

"Obviously." Magnus repeated with irritation mixed with little bit of amusement. Why should anything be easy? "You know, if you're worried about me knowing your identity, you don't have to be. I would never give you up to the Clave, if I knew." 

"Said the person who almost did exactly that by sending me a note." The man reminded. 

"I thought we were past that." Magnus didn't regret it that much actually. It was absurd for this man to think Magnus could just stay in his home, drinking tea, calmly waiting for a fire message to come landing in his hands, when the future of his people was at stake. Of course he would do something. He would do everything. 

"We will be past that, when I'm sure you won't do anything like it again." Yeah, Magnus wasn't about to give any promises. I mean, he still didn't have proof that this shadowhunter wasn't instructed from the Clave to deceive him. That was still a possibility. "Anyway, back to the matters at hand," the man continued, "I can help you get a syringe with the cure yourself. Without needing me to give you one." 

"Again. Be more specific." Magnus insisted. 

"Well, I'm coming up with this strategy right now, so I need time to rethink the options. Maybe we should go directly to the source. I think the best option is to go to the Institute and get one from there." 

"Aha." Now Magnus was really starting to think this was a trap. Sure, he would just go to the Institute like it was no big deal, hoping a fully grown (very beautiful, dare he says so himself) warlock, passing through their Wards, won't get the attention of anyone there. Easy. "Now who is trying to get who killed? That suggestion of yours right there shows me that you're nothing more than a spy from the Clave. Exactly how I feared. I'm hanging up now." 

Catarina put her hand on top of Magnus's, probably to prevent him from hanging up. But she didn't have to do that. Magnus winked at her, and looked her in the eyes. She nodded, understanding him. He wasn't about to hang up. He was just acting like he was, to see what the reaction from the other end of the line would be. 

"Wait." The man said in a hurry, "You're making a mistake. I'm no spy from the Clave." 

"Prove it." Magnus challenged. 

"I can't prove it without giving away too much information about myself. You know that. But I'm telling you, we have a shot at this. Are you really going to just end the call, and give up on the opportunity to help your people?" 

"This could easily be a manipulation to get me to do what you want. What the Clave wants. Prove that's not the case, or just tell me goodbye." Come on, Magnus through. Give me something, come on. He wasn't about to end their conversation, but he needed more reassurance that he wasn't trusting the wrong person. 

"I already told you, I can't-" The man started, but Magnus interrupted him. 

"It was lovely talking to you. Send the Clave my best wishes." Magnus said, trying to make his decision sound final. I guess you could say Alec was rubbing off on him when it commes to faking. 

"Madzie," The man said fastly, "I know that before the Uprising, a little warlock girl was living with you. And her name is Madzie. Now you're hiding her somewhere, don't you? And the Clave doesn't know about it. If I was working for them, why haven't I told them about her existence? Why haven't I made them search for her? Why would I keep this to myself?" 

"How do you know about her?" Magnus asked, feeling nauseous. Damn it, how many people knew about Madzie? Because they were surely getting more and more each day. First Alec and his siblings, now-another shadowhunter. Magnus must really do a poor job of hiding her. 

"I saw you once with her. Back when our kinds weren't enemies. And I haven't said anything to the Clave for three years now. Isn't this proof enough that I'm not their spy?" 

"Maybe," Magnus said, but not feeling sure still. "Do you know where she is now?''

''How could I? You won't tell me, and I won't ask you.''

''Tell me something. Why are you helping me? What do you gain?" Magnus hoped that wasn't one of the questions this man can't answer. 

"Because I know you want peace." The shadowhunter said simply, "I want the same thing. You don't want more people to die. I don't want that as well. I've lost enough. We have the same goal. That's good enough for me to want to help you." 

"Don't you think all warlocks are evil?" 

"I think the Clave wants us to believe that, because they want revenge on all of you. I prefer to think for myself. And I never think in extremes." 

Magnus thought about that answer and finally smiled, satisfied with it and more relaxed. "Thank you. For everything you've done." For the message he had sent to Catarina and her friends before, and for all of the things Magnus probably didn't know about. He was still cautious. He would always be, until he could actually look at this person's face and stand next to him, looking in his eyes. But for now, he didn't want any more proof. "So how am I going to get inside the Institute, and snatch a syringe from there without being noticed?" Magnus asked, returning to the plan, "And about which Institute are we even talking about? There are many around the world." 

"I know the syringes get delivered to each and every Institute in a particular order, since the moment they were created. So, maybe you need to choose an Institute you know the most about, and I'm going to tell you when the delivery there is going to happen. But about how to get inside- I don't know yet. I must think about it, and you must as well." 

"So I'm assuming we will continue this conversation another time? After we come up with some options?" Magnus was already trying to think of something. 

"That's right. I'll call again. But you can't call me. Ever. Unless you want to endanger me again." 

"I need to know exactly when you'll call," Magnus told him, "And by exactly, I mean you give me specific time. I'm not just going to wait on the phone all day, not knowing when I'll be hearing from you." Like he already had done today. 

"Very well. Tomorrow, at 7pm. Is this a good time for you?" 

"It'll do. If you don't call precisely then, I'll think something happened to you, or your gave up on our plan." 

"I'll call. Don't worry." The shadowhunter assured. "In the meantime, you think which Institute would be a better option for you to try to infiltrate, and how. I'll do some research about it as well." 

"Okay. I guess this is goodbye Shadow World...... can't I just call you Guardian? Your code name is so long, it's not convenient to pronounce." And why was that? Why hadn't he picked an easier one? Which is one or two words at most, and gets straight to the point. Like Spiderman or Batman. 

"I don't care how you call me. Goodbye for now." 

"Bye." Magnus said, and the conversation ended. 

 

It was many minutes later, when Magnus was sitting in his room, writing down every information he had gathered through the years about every Institute he had ever been in prior to the Uprising. It was then, when he realised something. Funny, but it was something not connected to his task at all. During the conversation with The Guardian he had missed this, but now, thinking back, he found something really odd about it. Near the beginning of the call Magnus had clearly said he almost got injected with the cure. And he hadn't mentioned anything more about that incident, not sharing how things had turned out. Then, later on, The Guardian had proposed to help him finding a syringe. Okay, but if he knew Magnus had been attacked with one, and he did, wasn't it only logical to assume Magnus already possessed a syringe? Or rather- ask if he did? Say something along the lines of "By the way Magnus, when you almost got injected, did you manage to take the syringe with you?''. But no, he hadn't asked. He had straight away proposed this plan to go get one. How could he be sure Magnus didn't already have one? He couldn't be. But he was. He had been. He knew Magnus didn't have one without Magnus having to tell him that. How could he know by himself? It was impossible to know. The only people who knew, were the ones who had been there. The ones who had seen Alec pouring the cure in the sink. The only people who knew, were Magnus himself, Madzie, Simon and Alec. 

And that didn't make any sense!


	14. Strategy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

Magnus was suffering a bad case of headache the next day, after all the assumptions, theories, and cogitations which had popped into his head last night. He had to use magic to make the pain go away. But once that was done, he was good to go.

Magnus had thought a lot about the way the Guardian had answered about whether he knew where Madzie currently was. He hadn't said a straight up 'no'. He had said something like 'how would I know'. And that wasn't a 'no'. That only implied he had no idea, but it wasn't an outright denial. And the whole incident with Magnus and the cure was deeply connected to where Madzie was. How could he know more about the first, but not know more about the second? Maybe he hadn't just said 'no' to Magnus's question, because he had wanted to get out of the it without actually lying, but without telling the truth as well. Maybe the answer was 'yes'. This was just speculation, but he had already confessed he knew about Madzie. Was it possible that he knew everything- where Madzie was; why was she there; how long has she been there; who were Simon, Isabelle and Alec? Maybe this person was their friend. Maybe Simon had told him about Magnus's visit in his house. But he should really be a pretty close friend if that was true. And Magnus had been under the impression that Isabelle and Alec never had any intention for a lot of people to know about Madzie. So Simon probably wasn't just going around, telling things to someone who wasn't really close to all of them. Someone who wasn't family. 

The only person who fitted that speculation, for whom it was possible to have been told about the Magnus and Alec's visit, was Alec's brother- Jason. And there was where one of the impossible theories Magnus had come up with previous night had started from. He had wondered if the Guardian was Jason. But looking at this possibility now, without his brain being that much sleep deprived, it didn't seem to be the answer. Jason clearly hated him when they met during the negotiations. And the Guardian was someone who had helped warlocks long before that event, who had said yesterday he knew Magnus wouldn't harm Alec. And even if we say Jason had been only pretending when Magnus first saw him in order to fool Maryse and everyone, even if we assume he was as good of an actor as Alec was, he had went as far as trying to kill Magnus. There is pretend, and then there is intention. He had been the one to throw the first enchanted ball at Magnus, and it had been perfectly aimed to hit his heart, making him an easy target without his magic. The only reason that didn't happen, was because Magnus had managed to move away. It wasn't because Jason had somehow secretly warned him, or something. So he couldn't be the Guardian right? 

Thinking back, Madzie hadn't said anything about Jason when Magnus went to see her. She had talked about Alec, Isabelle, Simon, but not a word about Jason. Why? Did she not know him? And during Magnus and Alec's conversation about how they had found Madzie, Alec also hadn't mentioned anything about his parabatai. Did that mean he was never a part of the whole "let't hide Madzie, and don't tell the Clave" idea? Was he told about it, or did he knew nothing if it? Either one was possible, and Magnus hadn't really put much thought on that until now. 

He decided he was going to ask Madzie when he had the chance if she had ever met Jason. But for now, he just had to accept that this Guardian apparently somehow knew more about him than he wanted Magnus to think. More than Magnus was comfortable with. Especially if we count the fact that Magnus knew nearly nothing about him. It was too uneven, and that was what had him bothered. 

 

Later that day he was discussing with Catarina how could he go to the Institute, get in and out, without being captured. 

"Their Wards can detect downworlders." Catarina told him, "But they can't make a difference between the different kinds of downworlders. Back before the Uprising, it was a common practice for shadowhunters to pay some warlock to reinforce their Wards, and make them able to differentiate werewolf from a vampire from a warlock and so on. But now, since that was one of the reasons for warlocks to be able to get behind their Wards on that dreadful day, that's a thing of the past, and the Wards they use nowadays are being created by shadowhunters and shadowhunters only. The only problem with that, is that the runes they use to create them have limited options. And being able to tell a downworlder from another type of downworlder is one of the things they can't do. That may work on your favour. I don't think there is a way for you to not get detected by the Wards, I think they would withstand any kind of magic you try to use to avoid that. But I do think you can use the fact that they wouldn't know if you are a warlock specifically." 

"Still. They will find out soon enough, after they go to check. The Wards always trigger an alarm. And there are always shadowhunters with the particular job to act as soon as the alarm is triggered." Magnus said. He just wouldn't have enough time to try to hide, or anything like that. You trigger the alarm, you're in trouble. 

"So find a way not to go as yourself." Cat suggested cripticly. 

Hmm. How could that work? "The only downworlder I know of, who probably wouldn't create panic amongst the shadowhunters if he sets off the alarm, is Simon. He and Isabelle are engaged, and as much as I could find out about it, it's a very public thing. He probably has been at the Institute Isabelle lives in multiple times. But I can't try to go as him. Even if I could use magic for that, it's not something I can get away with in the long run. Once Isabelle and Simon actually talk to each other, the truth will come out, and it would be known he wasn't the one at the Institute. And how would the Clave take that? The last thing I need right now, when the next negotiations are so close, is for shadowhunters to decide warlocks are trying to sneak out in their home again." And that was a big concern for Magnus. He had to do everything he could not to let his actions compromise other warlocks. That should be a priority number one for him while trying to execute this plan. 

"What if the real Simon actually goes to the Institute?" Catarina said after a moment of silence.

"And get the syringe?" Magnus asked, "No, he wouldn't help me." 

"Are you sure? What if you tell him this would help Madzie as well? You said he didn't want her to be cured against her will." She reminded. 

"But he tried to cure me against mine. No, Madzie is one thing. All of us- that's another. To ask of him to help all the other warlocks? To betray Isabelle and Alexander by doing so? I don't see him agreeing. I see him telling our plans to Isabelle, and her warning everyone else. This will surely blow every strategy we're trying to come up with." 

Catarina sighed. She knew Magnus was right. She may want to believe Simon wasn't that much against them, but she wasn't naive. "You have a point. We would be risking way too much if we tell him about this." 

This was a dead end. Magnus felt like his brain was about to block soon. Cat looked at him for a long moment.

"I think you should stop thinking," she told him, "Just stop thinking and try to do nothing." 

What? And how would that help his people? 

"The Guardian will call after about 5 hours. We need to think about our options until then." Magnus said. 

"We did that. We thought, and we discussed. So now, we'll take a break. Listen to me. Just forget about time, about what you have to, and don't have to do. Just stop. Rest and don't do anything. Your mind needs to be at peace. So use these 5 hours just for that. If you come up with something along the way- great. If you don't, then you don't." She advised. 

Oh, so they would hope Magnus will get enlightenment this way. But he knew he couldn't afford to do that. He had to keep using the time he had to figure it out. He had to keep looking for a way. There was always a way, so therefore-there had to be one right now. And he was going to find it. He just wasn't trying hard enough. 

Catarina went to him, and put her arm on his shoulder, "You're under a lot of pressure. You need peace and quiet once in a while. Or else- you're just going to stress yourself too much. And that way you wouldn't be able to help anyone." 

Magnus thought about her words. Was he stressing? He didn't feel like he was though. And how does stress feel like? Since he was young, Magnus had used to do many things at the same time, and multi task whenever he could. Why now should be any different?

Also, if he stops trying to figure this out, what would he do? Cat was suggesting nothing, and just resting, but...... 

"This apartment doesn't bring me peace and quiet." He admitted. 

He wasn't sure when that had happened. He couldn't exactly pinpoint the moment when he stopped feeling his home like a safe place anymore. Although technically that's what it was- it was safe, because his enemies didn't know where he lived. But he couldn't feel it as a shelter anymore. Sometimes, it felt like prison. Where he was all alone in. Other times- like a delusion and a lie. You see the expensive and comfortable furniture, you see how spacious the place was, and it's like you are trying and failing to delude yourself into thinking there was happiness here. That's why Magnus liked Alec's room better than anything else. Because it didn't look all that good now.

"I see. Go somewhere else," Catarina proposed, "Doesn't matter where. Wherever you feel good. And before you say something like, 'But I can't, because shadowhunters might spot me if I'm not careful', we can make a spell to help with that." Catarina took his hand in hers, and took off one of the rings he was wearing. "I can enchant that and give it back to you. If there is a shadowhunter in close proximity to where you are, it would start glowing to warn you, and that would be your cue to portal back here." 

This wasn't such a bad idea when Magnus thought about it. But it meant he would be leaving her alone again. He voiced that worry, but told him she didn't mind at all.

"Stop thinking about me, and start thinking about you." She said. "Just for today. I'll take care of Alec, I'll take care of everything. It's not a problem for me." 

Magnus felt selfish for going along with this when he nodded. But he didn't want to argue with her about this sort of thing. He didn't want to be one of those people who couldn't let anyone do them a favour, who didn't appreciate when someone wanted to. 

When Catarina put a spell on his ring, he thought about where he wanted to go. If he could be almost anywhere now, what place would he choose?

 

He took a portal to Greece. In that country there was a small town called Keramoti, where Magnus had been in once or twice in his life. He went to a beach there, and found a place without any people around. He took off his shoes, started walking on the sand close to the sea, allowing the coming waves to touch his feet at every step. At the beginning he didn't know how to relax, but after walking for many minutes, he stopped asking himself how, and just observed what was in front of him. After a while he sat down on the sand, grabbed a handful of it, and started moving it between his hands.

At one point he decided to go for a swim. He checked if the spell on the ring won't wear off in the water, or if there was a chance for it to fall from his hand, and after being satisfied, he took all his clothes off. He wasn't one of the people who liked to get in the water for like two seconds, and start swimming right away. He preferred to take his time, walk slowly towards the depths of the sea, until the water covers more and more of him. It wasn't warm, but it wasn't too cold to really bother him at the same time. Going deeper, his body started adjusting to the temperature. When the water reached his neck, he closed his eyes and dunked his head into it, opening them right after and seeing a group of small little fish the size of his finger passing his way.

He began swimming parallel to the shore. Fun fact, but Magnus actually had no idea how to swim the first 70 years of his life. He remembered his mother bringing him to the beach when he was around 6 or 7. He had watched the waves from a distance, how they they rise and fall, how the whole sea moves in an inscrutable way. At the beginning it had been enjoyable, but Magnus had started feeling more and more weak and dizzy the more he stared at the waves. He wanted to stop, to look away, but it was like he was getting pulled in, and he couldn't. He had felt like the sea was hypnotising him somehow, making his sight blurry and his knees weak. Until he had fainted.

Nobody could understand why he would have such a reaction later. His stepfather had tried to grab him and force him to go into the water two days after that as some misguided attempt to show him there was nothing scary, but Magnus had started to scream until his mother came to prevent that. Then his stepfather had hit him when she wasn't looking and called him a spoiled brat.

Magnus's unexplainable fear from the sea had continued for years after. He didn't want to get near it, didn't want to look at it for too long. It was like there was another world he knew nothing about, and it would swallow him whole if it had the chance. 

After he had outgrown this fear, he still hadn't made any attempt to teach himself how to swim. It just hadn't been something he thought he would need, or something he thought he would enjoy. Until one day one person changed that. Her name was Laura, and Magnus had a relationship with her for two years. She had long blond curly hair and blue eyes that shined every time she smiled. Magnus used to call her his sunshine. She was actually a mundane, one of the very few humans Magnus had trusted enough through the years to reveal them he was a warlock and could do magic. She used to go swimming every time she had a free day from work, she loved it so much. And though she never tried to change the way Magnus thought about it, never pushed him to change his mind and try it, Magnus had decided he wanted to be a part of this side of her life. So at the start, she was his inspiration to try going into the water, first only dip his feet, but getting braver and braver every day. It was meant to be a surprise for her. Magnus intended to just show up while she was swimming one day and ask if he could join, watching the surprise on her face. Well, it didn't work exactly like that, because for some reason he couldn't quite get the hang of swimming by himself. There was magic for that sort of thing, but Magnus had been stubborn not to use it. He had started to read a book about how to teach yourself to swim, but one day Laura had found it lying on his bed, and the surprise was ruined. That had actually worked out for the better in the long run, because she proposed to help him with that, and that had proved to be a lot of fun for both of them. Eventually Magnus found out he really liked swimming, and what had started as something he was doing for her evolved into something he was doing for himself. They used to swim together and race each other, waiting for the other one to get tired and give up. 

After two years they ended their relationship, because they realised they weren't exactly in love with each other, but shared a form of deep emotional attachment to one another. They had stayed very close friends from then on. Magnus loved going to see her when he could, and they used to stay talking on her porch, sharing how their life was going. Laura met the love of her life a couple years later- a man she used to say made her truly happy, and with whom she spent her life with. They married and she had two beautiful children with him. Magnus and her kept contact til the end of her life. 

She was 85 years old when her health started getting worse and worse, and she got admitted to a hospital. Magnus visited, but at one point she began forgetting who he was. When that happened, he used magic in front her, and watched the recognition return in her eyes. It worked every time, until one day it didn't. Magnus made a rose appear in her hand, expecting her smile, but instead she had looked at him horrified. She started screaming for help, saying an evil spirit was in her room and was trying to take her away. The nurses came immediately, giving her a sedative and advising Magnus to leave. That was one of his last memories with her. 

Laura's death took its toll on him. He couldn't go swimming years after that, because it made him feel empty. He kept the book about how to learn to swim as a reminder of her, because he had been terrified he might forget her the way she had forgotten him. That was a tradition for Magnus - to keep some item as a reminder of the people he loved and lost during his life.

 

Magnus got out of the water when he got tired, got dressed, and sat on the sand. He had a sudden desire to call Madzie. The truth was that the phone and the number he had given her were more so that she could call him when she needed, not for him to call her. And it was probably irresponsible, she might be with Simon, it might be a bad time. Yeah, he wasn't going to call. But.....he wanted to hear her voice. Maybe he could send a message asking her if it was okay to call. Magnus made his phone emerge in his hand, and sent the message: ''Is now a good time to call you? If not, don't worry about it. It's not anything urgent.'' Five minutes later his phone rang and it was her. 

"Hey," she said, sounding in a good mood. 

"Hey," Magnus said back, "How are you?" 

"I'm fine. I'm playing with Simon's cat- Alfonso right now. But he doesn't listen to me. It's kind of funny. Is everything okay?" 

"Everything is good. You could say I'm having a break from my usual duties and I just wanted to hear your voice." 

"Oh, okay. I'm really glad to hear you." 

So they started a conversation. Magnus told her about where he was, and she made him promise to take her there some day. Madzie told him about what she had read from the spell book Magnus had given her, and what she was the most interested in, while Magnus gave her advices about what wasn't written in the book, but according to him was useful and should have been included. 

Magnus also used the moment to ask her about Jason, and what did she know about him. First, she corrected him about his name, but Magnus explained that he knew very well what his name was, but he had been lied about that from the beginning, and now he was stubbornly using the name wrongly on purpose as a protest to that. Madzie found this explanation reasonable, and said she will also start calling him Jason from now on, because she also wanted to protest about Magnus being lied to. Apart from that, she said she had heard about him multiple times, mostly from Alec, but she had never actually seen him face to face, and she was almost sure he didn't know about her existence. Well, there goes the theory that Jason was the Guardian. It just wasn't likely. Of course, you could still twist it, say that maybe he knew a lot of things anyway, because of his parabatai bond with Alec or something. And even if he could know that way, it still didn't feel like Magnus was on the right track with him.

Magnus and Madzie kept talking about different things. At one point during their conversation, Magnus could feel Madzie was getting distracted after she asked him to repeat what he had said for the second time. Magnus started to feel guilty for keeping her on the phone for too long. 

"I'm sorry." She said, "I'm listening to you, I promise. It's just......Alfonso keeps trying to steal my sandwich and.......Don't do that! It's my sandwich, I made it myself! I'm going to tell Simon if you keep going." 

Magnus started laughing, but then he stopped suddenly. Her words kept repeating in his head, and he froze for a second. That's it! He figured it out! He knew how he was going to get inside the Institute. 

"Madzie, have I ever told you you could inspire people when they're completely blocked?" 

"Well......no, I think you haven't. What do you mean?" She asked, sounding curious. 

"Tell you what- I have to go to Catarina now, but I'm going to tell you all about it when I have a chance. Is that okay?" 

"Okay. But you must keep your word. And also.....be safe, whatever you're doing." 

"Deal. Bye partner. Thank you for talking to me." 

"Anytime. Bye Magnus. Don't forget to tell me everything." 

Magnus couldn't wait to share with Cat what he came up with. He still didn't have a full thought out plan, but he had figured out the main thing. Before, when they had been talking, Catarina had suggested two very good ideas- that Magnus shouldn't go as himself, and that Simon has to actually go to the Institute. And though, looking at them apart as two separated individual strategies they didn't seem to work so well, they could actually work together. Magnus had to find a way to make Simon decide to go to the New York Institute, and he had to bring his cat with him. Well, not his cat exactly, but Simon wouldn't know that.


	15. Execution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

Magnus returned to Catarina, and told her about what he was planning. 

"You're going to go as Simon's cat?"

Magnus nodded, "I need to get in and out alongside with Simon. That way the alarm will trigger, but the shadowhunters would think it's only because of him." 

"This may work." Catarina smiled. 

They discussed back and forth the details about this. Magnus needed to go visit Simon again to get better acquainted with that cat of his. Once he could take a strand of his fur, he could create a potion which can turn him into the same replica of the said cat.

The Guardian called exactly on time. After exchanging a brief hello, they went straight to the matters at hand. 

"According to my calculations," the Guardian said, "The Institute in Toronto will be the best option. There are tunnels the building is connected to, and which you may use to find a way inside. Also, the best team of shadowhunters living there are currently sent on important mission regarding some Greater demon, so there will be less shadowhunters in the Institute. Not that much less, and the security is still solid, but it's something." 

"I appreciate the effort you put into gathering this information." Magnus responded, because he really did. But he had a plan of his own now, and he felt safer with going along with something he came up with himself. And he had decided it was better not to share too much about it with the Guardian. It wasn't that Magnus still thought this shadowhunter was working for the Clave. But there was a lot Magnus didn't know about him, and a lot he knew about Magnus. So Magnus felt the need to keep some things to himself as well. To balance the scale a little. It was hard to completely trust someone with your life in a situation like this. And trust usually needed more time to be earned and develop.   
"But I've set my mind on going to the New York Institute actually." Magnus explained. 

"There? Why?" The Guardian asked, sounding like he wasn't expecting that at all. 

"I have my reasons." Magnus simply said. 

"Are you sure it's the best option?" 

"No. But I don't think we can be sure of much at this point. There is always going to be something which could go wrong, and something which could go right unexpectedly." 

"Well," The Guardian replied, pausing, "If you've already decided, what can I say." 

"Exactly. So do you know when the syringes are going to be delivered there? And where could I find them?" 

"Wait a second," There was a noise of something Magnus couldn't quite define, before the Guardian continued, "At noon, at 1pm probably till around 1.20pm. But not tomorrow. The day after. You need to go to the 5th floor, and find the facility with ''storage'' written on it. The next delivery will be sometime after the second negotiations are scheduled for. And I'm assuming you prefer to get to the cure before then." 

"You assume correctly. Thank you for telling me this." Magnus said in gratitude. 

"So what now? I take it you have an idea. Will you share more about it so I could be of more use?" 

"Don't take it personally," he answered, "Because believe me, it's not. But the same way you hide your identity for your own safety, I'll keep some things for myself for mine." 

"Really? You're using my own rules against me now? I suppose it could be said it's fair. I don't like it, I don't think it's that smart really. I think it would be better for both of us if I know more, but okay. I'll roll with it, I guess." 

Well, you don't have another choice, Magnus wanted to say. It wasn't like this was a debate. He was simply stating his intentions, and the reasons behind them. 

"There is something else I'll ask of you." He said, very unsure if it was right to ask for such a thing, "If you can, if you're able to, could you go to the New York Institute," if you don't already live there as I suspect you do, Magnus added in his mind, " and stage some sort of а fake attack right after the cure is delivered. Something that would get most of the shadowhunters worried. But, by the love of God, not an attack by warlocks, please! Maybe some demon. Something that would look real for a while, and it would take them time to realise it's a setup."

Magnus was asking a lot, he knew that. And he was going to understand if it couldn't be done. Or if the Guardian wasn't willing to do it. True, it won't be real, so it won't put any shadowhunters in danger, but still. Magnus didn't want to push this man for more than he was willing to do to help him. 

"Is this fake attack going to work for you as a diversion? So the shadowhunters will be busy with that, and with their attention elsewhere it would be easier for you to sneak in?"

"Something like that." Magnus answered vaguely. In truth, he needed this fake attack as a reason for Simon to want to go to the Institute. To help Isabelle, and protect her. There's been some years since Magnus had been truly in love with someone. But he knew that when you are, you are ready to walk into fire for the one you love if you have to. 

"Right. I think I can manage to do what you're asking. Or try, at least. I promise, I'll try." 

"That's all I ask. I know it won't be easy, and it may be a fail. And if it would put your identity at risk and cause shadowhunters to suspect you, I'll understand if you don't want to do it. I can try to find another way to achieve what I need." 

"Aww. Are you worried about me? Already? That's only the second time we're talking, and you don't even know me. I didn't know I was that charming." The Guardian said with a little too much mocking for Magnus's liking, making him roll his eyes. "That's cute and all, but don't be. I know how to take care of myself when I'm not being surprised with exposing notes, emerging from thin air. I said I'll try. My main concern is that I may not succeed. But as you said, nothing is certain." 

"Okay. I won't want anything more of you." 

"Good luck Magnus." The Guardian wished. 

"Thank you. Is this the last time I'll hear from you?" He wanted to know. Was that it? The final goodbye?

"No. I need to know if you managed to get a syringe. So I'll call at the end of that day, at the same hour as I called now." 

"Very well." Magnus agreed, "How about after that? Do you want to continue helping me about other things?"

"Let's see how this will turn out first." 

They said their goodbyes, and ended the call. 

 

The next day Magnus went to visit Madzie. He was about to just portal to Simon's house, like he had done before, but he realised that showing unannounced for the second time in a row probably wasn't very polite. It was probably better to give Simon some heads up about his arrival this time. Whatever agreement they had about Madzie, it was fragile to say the least, and Magnus didn't want to break it by crossing more boundaries than he already had crossed by taking Alec away from his family and friends. So he called Madzie to ask her to warn Simon he was coming by. He was going to say he was coming simply to see Madzie again, but of course, that wasn't the only reason. Apart from seeing the cat, Magnus also needed Madzie's help with his plan.

Magnus portaled to the same room he had before, which was probably the living room. It was empty this time, but a couple seconds later he was welcomed by Madzie and a woman who must have been Isabelle, entering the room together. Madzie jumped to hug him, and Isabelle simply watched the exchange. Magnus wasn't sure if he was supposed to tell her hello, or she wanted from him just to ignore her. It was the first time Magnus was seeing her after just hearing about her from different people. He still didn't know what to expect. She looked a lot like Alec in a way, but also had many distinguishing individual features of her own. She had long dark hair, and dark brown eyes. And surprise- she wasn't wearing all black. She was dressed in a red long sleeve shirt with buttons, which looked a little big for her, and Magnus made a guess it was Simon's, and jeans. There was something really confident in the way she was carrying herself, but not too confident to be arrogant. She really was beautiful, like Madzie had said. Magnus wasn't getting exactly hostile vibes from her. It was maybe more like an interest, like she was looking at him searching for something. 

"I'm going to wait for you in my room." Madzie stated, ''Be civil with each other.'' She added, pointing a finger at bоth of them, waiting for them to nod before leaving. 

So Magnus was supposed to introduce himself apparently. That hadn't gone that well with Simon the other day. But being uncomfortable was the least of Magnus's worries now. He had another ones. 

"You're not hiding the cure somewhere behind you, and planning on ambushing me with it, are you?" He asked. There was nothing more likely to break the ice with a stranger than asking them if they're intending to perform an attack on you. 

Isabelle laughed, much to Magnus's surprise. If that was funny to her, she must have a bad sense of humor. 

"Not today. If you expect it, then I won't have a chance." She said, and then she raised her hand in a gesture to shake his, which surprised Magnus even more. He had done the same thing the other day with Simon, but it hadn't been welcomed.

"I'm Magnus." He said just for the formality of it, taking her hand and shaking it. 

"Izzy," she introduced herself. 

"Oh, so I can call you by your little name without that making me disrespectful?" He asked half-seriously half-jokingly. With shadowhunters you never know what the protocol is, what was considered insulting, and what wasn't. In the case with Alec, Magnus had used his full name-Alexander, a few times by now when he was talking to him, but it hadn't been for that reason. It hadn't been because of manners. It was just that Alexander had more depth to it, and Magnus liked to use it when he wanted to make a point. 

"I don't care how you call me. Either one is fine. Just don't go with Iz, that one is reserved for my brothers only." She replied, "Speaking of which, how is my brother?"

The question was asked carefully, so Magnus was careful with the answer. "Alec is with a friend of mine who wouldn't do him any harm. He is safe." 

"He better be." She said, lowering her voice. It sounded a lot like a threat, but the thoughtful way she looked at Magnus for a moment got him wondering if that was what she had meant when she asked how Alec was. 

Then she walked passed him, "I was on my way to the Institute when you came, so I can't stay. You can go see Madzie now. Simon is in his room, rehearsing a song. If you hear a guitar playing, that's him. I'll tell him you're here, and I'll go. It was nice to meet you." 

"Am I what you expected?" Magnus asked, making her stop and turn around to look at him. 

Am I a monster, he wanted to say. Am I an evil creature, which demonic side can't be controlled? And was that what Isabelle had expected or not? 

She watched him with a great concentration for a while, almost going into a staring territory. And if Magnus was a shy person, he would have gotten uncomfortable by that. What could she see? Was it something Magnus couldn't see himself? 

Then she just walked out of the room, without granting his question with an answer.

Yep. Shadowhunters.....Who could understand these people? 

Later Magnus was with Madzie, telling her about what he was intending to do tomorrow. Who could have guessed they would have to use that soundproof spell Madzie had been talking about before so soon? But yeah, they did. Magnus made sure to explain to her that lying was wrong, and after that awful event with Alec lying to her, she completely agreed. So they were trying to figure out a way for Madzie to make Simon check on Isabelle tomorrow, and convince him to go help her without actually lying. There were other ways for Simon to go to the Institute surely, but Magnus wanted it to be a last moment decision on his part, something he would do under the influence of the moment, so the other shadowhunters won't be prepared for his arrival. Because it was crucial for Magnus's plan that Simon has to trigger the alarm. In reality, it will be both Simon and Magnus triggering it, but who would suspect a cat? Also, the shadowhunters would be distracted enough, dealing with that "demon attack" they would think they're under. 

"I can tell Simon to call Izzy, because I can't find my yellow hairband, and he needs to ask her if she put it somewhere." Madzie proposed, "And that's not a lie. I really can't find it anywhere. I've been searching for it since yesterday. Don't tell me if you've seen it, because it would ruin this idea. When he calls her, he would know something is wrong. Then, I'll tell him in movies usually the guy shows up and saves the girl in need, and it's this really romantic thing, proving they're meant for each other, and will always be together. That's also not a lie, and will make him want to act." 

Magnus smiled widely, "You're a genius." 

"Oh, stop! Keep going, keep going!" She joked. 

After that, Magnus officially met the last one of Madzie's new friends he still hadn't seen- Alfonso. He was a cute cat, a standard size, with orange-brown fur with a little white in it around the eyes and ears. 

"I need a tuft of fur to make the necessary potion I have to drink." Magnus explained. 

"That's easy. He throws up hairballs when you least expect it. We can wait for that." 

"Umm," Magnus started uncertainty. 

"I'm just messing with you." Madzie said with a smile, lightly patting him on the shoulder, "I'll just comb his hair and give you the brush." 

"That works." He agreed quickly, also smiling.

One of the other tricky things about their strategy was also the fact that Simon was a vampire, so therefore he couldn't walk outside during the day. Luckily they came up with a solution- Magnus will make another potion for Simon, eliminating this problem for a few hours, which Madzie will graciously offer him tomorrow, not lying she made it, but making it so it would look that way.

 

When he returned to his home, Magnus started preparing the two potions right away. The rest of the day went by rather fast. Magnus still needed to meet a couple more warlocks, and discuss a few things about the negotiations coming. 

With everything that has been going on, and everything Magnus was doing lately, Catarina had become the only person to bring Alec food. In fact, Magnus hadn't seen him since that day he left them alone for the first time. Hadn't talked to him since that 'thank you'. It didn't escape his notice that Catarina always came back from Alec's room after a long while. Which meant she always spent time talking to him about something. About what, Magnus didn't know and hadn't asked her. But whatever she was doing, it was apparently working since there were no incidents caused by Alec lately. Her approach was, by the looks of it, better than Magnus's, so he decided to leave them be. The only time when Magnus was coming near Alec's room at all now, was to sleep in the hallway next to it, which had turned into a recurring thing.

The next day was the big day. When Magnus was either going to succeed and help his people, or fail, get caught or even killed. He and Catarina talked about the final aspects of his plan while Magnus was throwing nervous glances at the clock the whole time. Time passed so slowly in moments like these, it was nerve-racking. It was like not a few hours, but a few years took for the clock arrows to travel to 1pm. Then he wanted to wait till 1.40pm before drinking the potion. It was going to take effect after around five to ten minutes, and wear off after 4 hours. He quickly said goodbye to Catarina, her concern evident, but she was also supporting him in every way, wishing everything to go smooth, and Magnus was grateful for having her there. 

 

He took a portal to Madzie's room. She was expecting him of course, Alfonso was in her lap. No one except her had to know he was in the house. 

She put her hand on top of his, and they waited together for Magnus to stop being Magnus. 

"Have you done something like this before?" She asked and he nodded, "What is it like?" 

"Overwhelming, unnatural, restrictive, because you're not in your own skin, but also liberating for the same exact reason. Could be scary, different, extraordinary. The first few minutes until you get used to it are the hardest. You can still do magic, still think the same way you usually would. But you can't see the same way. Can't move the way your impulses want you to or......" 

Magnus didn't know why he almost screamed when he felt it happening, and he suddenly became ten times smaller while everything else turned huge. He knew what was happening, knew why, but it still managed be a huge shock for his system. 

He felt a lot of pressure on his back, and wanted nothing more, but to stand up straight, but he couldn't, because he was supposed to walk on four feet now. He also felt really fragile. Like everything could hurt him and cause him damage. Like he needed to be more mindful of his surroundings than he ever was before. There was a sore feeling in his mouth, and if he concentrated on it, it was maddening. He wanted to cough or drink water until it was gone. One of the most important things he had to adjust to, was the new way of taking a breath and releasing it. Once he could do that, he was more confident about his chances of not suffocating during this experience. The walking was also tricky when you need to navigate two extra limbs every step of the way. 

But it wasn't just a downside. He had been really worried about not being able to see and hear everything the way he was used to. And he really couldn't, but that was actually the most intriguing part for him now. Everything in front of him was 10 times more interesting, especially if it was moving. There was a fly in the room, and the way it was moving and turning was simply fascinating. Magnus could watch it all day.

His visual field was slightly wider than usual, but the more distant something was, the more blurry Magnus was seeing it. The colors were a little more different as well. The shades of blue and green were easy to determine, but red was very problematic. For instance, he knew the vase beside the window was red, but he couldn't see it that way now. His hearing was slightly different also. There were sounds he could catch now that he was almost positive he couldn't before, maybe because they had been too high-pitched for his human ears. 

He was walking around, watching everything in awe when he heard Madzie's voice. 

"Magnus! Hey Magnus! Are you hearing me? Can you continue with the plan?" 

What plan? The fly made a back flip in the air, and Magnus catched part of the movement, staring amazed. How could it do that? He had to turn himself into a fly sometime. They had such sweet moves, it really wasn't fair Magnus can't repeat them in his usual form. But then the beautiful creature turned around, and flew out the window. Wait, Magnus was going to say if he could, but instead what came out of his mouth was "meow". Don't go! Stay! I can do interesting things too. Give me a chance. You won't get bored with me. I'm a good company. 

Magnus ran to the window and looked intently through it, waiting for the creature to return, but that didn't happen. Instead someone picked him up, which was about to cause him a heart attack until he realised it was Madzie. She placed him on her bed, watching him with a lot of worry. 

"Magnus, you're freaking me out!" 

He did? But why? He hadn't done anything wrong.

"Are you okay?" 

Of course I am. What's the matter? 

"Give me a sign you understand me." She asked. 

Well, meowing was the only thing Magnus could do. So he did that. She didn't seem convinced. Then Magnus remembered that no, he could do so much more than meowing. He was Magnus Bane. He could do magic. He focused, saying the spell in his mind, and soon a sheet of paper appeared in Madzie's lap with the words: "I'm okay and I understand you." Madzie sighed with relief. 

"You got me scared for a bit. Are we following the rest of the plan?" 

Oh, right. Right, he needed to get the cure. That was the whole point of everything. Right. 

He magically wrote a "yes" to answer her, and satisfied with that, Madzie moved away from him, taking the other cat with her. 

"I'll take care of the real Alfonso, and I'll talk to Simon as we agreed. You stay here and don't do anything stupid." 

Madzie left to play her part while Magnus was waiting in her room, trying not to think of the fly any more, but to stay focused on what he was supposed to do next. He couldn't hear what was Madzie saying, or what was Simon saying, but at one point he started to feel really guilty for doing this. Simon was going to be worried sick for Isabelle. Maybe......maybe the same way Magnus had been worried for Madzie back when he didn't know where she was. He knew why he had to use such measures, but that didn't help the unsettling feeling in his gut which started to grow. First kidnapping, now- this. Always with the excuse he had to. For one long minute Magnus was wondering if he truly wasn't dangerous as the shadowhunters were saying. Was he? Was he cold blooded for doing this? Was his vision of right and wrong becoming messed up? Was he slowly, but surely turning into what Alec saw in him? Excusing your actions with the lack of choice never leads to anything good for people like him. For people like him the path to hell is easy. And climbing out of there is painful. There were only so many times you could do it. You couldn't do it forever, but you lived forever. 

Then Madzie opened the door, and his previous thoughts were scattered in the air. He started this. He was going to finish it. And when it was done, he was going to take a good look in the mirror, and hope his fears were unnecessary.

"I'm coming to report. My part of the plan is completed with success. And your shadowhunter friend also did what he said he would. Everyone thinks the Institute is attacked by shax demons. I said what I needed to Simon. No lying, bit twisting the truth a lot. Which is also bad, but it's for a good cause. He is going there. Now is your turn." 

She picked him up, and Magnus thought he was never going to get used to that feeling, "Are you ready?" 

He meowed and this time it looked like that was enough. Madzie carried him to the living room and to the couch where a rucksack was lying, "I'm going to put you in there now. I made sure you won't suffocate while you're in," she said while gently placing him inside. Yesterday they both had come to the conclusion that it made no sense for Simon to bring his cat, if he thought there was a battle at the Institute. But Madzie also had pointed out he never goes anywhere without his rucksack, so Magnus could go in there, and travel with Simon without him even knowing. 

"Be safe partner. My fingers are crossed for you," was the last thing she whispered before pulling the zipper almost completely, but not quite. 

It was very uncomfortable being in there. Magnus didn't know in what position to put his legs in order to feel better. At one point he could feel someone, probably Simon, lifting the rucksack. There was a lot of shaking of the bag after, which Magnus didn't appreciate. And just when it stopped, well, the worst part came. It turned out that Simon's vampire speed plus Magnus being in a rucksack on his back while he was running, was such an awful combination. Don't throw up! Don't throw up, Magnus was telling himself. When was this going to end? How far were they? Weren't they there already? Take a break Simon, please. Just stop for a second. Isabelle can wait, she's not in danger. This was such a nightmare.

When it appeared they had finally reached their destination, and the running from hell stopped, Magnus felt incredibly lucky he survived all of it. He thanked the stars when he was sure it was over, and what felt like normal walking followed. Magnus waited a little more in anticipation and after a while- bingo, he heard the alarm. Thank you Simon! I can almost forgive your running like a madman. There were different voices after that. Simon was arguing with someone. Magnus worked with his claws to pull the zipper a little. He briefly looked where they were, and after he was certain they were at the Institute indeed, he braced himself and jumped out of the rucksack, getting the attention of Simon. This part was also important. Because if it had been better for Simon not to know there was a cat with him when he came here, now-it was essential for him to find out. Because he needed to search for Alfonso later, when he was leaving. Simon and Magnus needed to exit the Institute the same way they had entered it- together. So Magnus made sure to make quite a show of running around demonstratively, Simon screaming something and trying to chase after him. And while he was doing that, Magnus discovered once you get used to running on four feet, it was so fun. Remarkable! He felt free and full of energy. 

It wasn't that hard to run away from Simon, but after that he had to be careful not to draw too much attention to himself anymore. Shadowhunters might be occupied with the fake attack, but he needed to keep a low profile anyways. A cat running around might not be the most odd sight in a moment like this, but still.

Magnus walked mostly in the shadows, trying not to get lost. The place was huge. A long time had passed since Magnus had seen so many shadowhunters at once. It made him feel vulnerable. He felt like someone could grab him any moment and lock him up. Because his senses had gotten used to associating shadowhunters with the feeling of danger. He was so out of his element here. He passed some room filled with weapons, then another room filled with weapons, a few training rooms, a big hall with a lot of diagrams. Shadowhunters were everywhere. Some were running towards somewhere, others-gathering to do something. Some of them saw Magnus, but didn't think much of him. 

When Magnus finally found where the elevator was, he used magic to take it, and go to the floor he had to reach. There was hardly anyone on that floor, which was a pleasant change. He searched for the storage the Guardian had told him about. When he thought he could finally see it, just a few feet away, Isabelle was there, holding some small laptop and doing something on it. She wasn't that close to the facility Magnus needed to get in, but he still had to get passed her to reach his destination. She was with her back at him, and Magnus realised she shouldn't see him. While other shadowhunters might not be that interested by his presence, she knew he was Simon's cat. Well, he wasn't, but he looked like he was. Maybe she already knew Simon was here and he had lost his cat. Maybe she would try to catch him, and bring him to Simon. But that couldn't happen yet. He couldn't allow that before he manages to find these syringes. If he was to start running away from her now, he might get lost, and then he would have to begin searching for the storage again. And he couldn't waste that much time. Not when he thought he had already found it, and he was so close to his goal. He tried to get around her unnoticed. 

It didn't work. She sensed something was moving behind her, turned around, and made a loud startled sound, after which there was a very long second when her eyes were right at Magnus. Her actions got the attention of another shadowhunter who appeared from the opposite direction, running towards her. Magnus didn't want to run for the reasons the had thought about before, so he decided to try to hide. He moved quickly, using the moment Isabelle looked away at the other shadowhunter when he called for her, asking her what happened. Magnus picked a dark corner, not too far from Isabelle and closer to the room the cure was supposed to be in. He lowered his body as much as he could, hoping the darkness would hide him enough, and Isabelle would decide he ran away, so she would leave to go find him or something. 

"Is everything okay?" The other shadowhunter asked her when he reached her, "Did you see the demon? Is it in here?" 

"No." Isabelle answered quickly, "I mean, I don't think so." She turned to the place she had seen Magnus standing at moments before, checking it. "I thought I saw something, but it looks like I was mistaking. My mind is playing tricks on me, because I'm on edge. I'm sorry if I worried you." 

Huh. Magnus could swear she had seen him clearly. Was it supposed to be a secret Simon's cat was running around in the Institute? Or maybe she hadn't seen him that clearly after all. Or she had, but she thought she was imaginating it. Doesn't matter really as long as she leaves. 

"Are you sure?" The shadowhunter asked, "We can look around if you want." 

Please don't do that!

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary." Isabelle said with asuring tone, "As I said, I think it was nothing. Come on, we need to help the others." She gestured for him to follow and they left. 

Magnus took a breath of relief when they did. And without losing any more time, he went straight to the facility, using his magic to unlock and get in. 

It was a little dark, but that wasn't such a problem for Magnus, being in a body of a cat right now. There were a lot of things there. Mostly more weapons, but also a few magical objects no shadowhunter was supposed to possess. After looking for a while, he found the syringes, lying in an open box on a table. They were around 20 and looking exactly the same as the one Alec and Simon had tried to use against Magnus. It must be the cure. Magnus decided not to take just one, but three just in case. He hoped no one will notice they're missing, but even if someone did, it wasn't that odd right? Besides there were hundreds of different explanations why some syringe might not be there anymore, all of which sounding more believable than saying a centuries old warlock, disguised as a cat, had taken them.

Magnus took the three syringes in his mouth, and made a portal to Catarina's room where he threw them. He also checked if he himself could go through the portal, just in case, but no, it was impossible. He could transport things, but he couldn't take it himself just as he thought it would be. He had to leave with Simon. 

It took Magnus a moment to realise the mission had been successful. Wow, he had actually made it! He had! The syringes were with Catarina now, where she could analyze them. He managed to do it. Yessss! He knew there was nothing impossible, he knew there was always a way. He felt so happy. And thankful to everyone who had helped. He was thankful to Catarina, to the Guardian, to Madzie. This had all been a group effort really, and Magnus felt so lucky to have the people he had.

Now that his job was done, he could actually allow himself to be found. By Isabelle or whoever. He just had to make sure he gets out of here safely with Simon, and everything would be fine. 

He was about to exit the facility when a rune drawn on the wall got his attention. It was a rare kind of rune, not used very often. It was the shadowhunters equivalent of taking a portal. If a shadowhunter draws that rune somewhere, and then draws it somewhere else, it could take him or her from that place to the other. The rune wasn't used often, because it was considered dangerous. So it must be a reason for it to be used now. 

Magnus knew the saying: "curiosity killed the cat". But when else would he have the chance to be in the Institute? It took so much preparation and people helping him to get him to reach this point. Shouldn't he try to make the most of it? He wanted to know where that rune leaded. And though he wasn't a shadowhunter, he could use his magic to find out.

He gave himself a couple more seconds, as a time for the more reasonable part of him to prevail, and make him leave. But it didn't happen, and instead he felt more and more intent to find out what he could about this. So he finally gave up, going closer to the rune, hoping he didn't make the wrong call. 

He touched the rune with his paw, using his powers to chanel it, and it worked faster than he had imagined it would take. Before he knew it, he was somewhere else, facing that same rune on some other wall. He was in another facility that looked like a part of some other Institute. Which Institute exactly, Magnus had no idea. 

The place was well lit and twice as big as the one Magnus had been in just a moment ago, but as opposed to it, it looked completely empty. No weapons, no syringes, no anything. Or so Magnus thought at first. A few meters away in the left corner, there was some sort of a glass wall, and behind it- there was a person. Magnus went closer. This person, a man, was chained, but in a way that didn't really restrict his movements. His clothes were maybe gray, but Magnus wasn't certain because through a cat's eyes you're never completely sure of the color. They do appeared to be covered in some dirt though, and also teared up in a few places. Magnus couldn't see his face clearly, but he though he saw some scars on one of his cheeks, which showed he had been experimented on. He was playing with a coin, throwing it in the air and catching it right back, like he was playing heads or tails. 

Magnus didn't realise when he had moved really close to the glass, but the man stopped what he was doing abruptly, and took a deep breath through his nose, turning his head at Magnus right after, like he could just smell him being there. And when Magnus was able to look at his whole face, at his dark eyes, Magnus recognised him. And he just couldn't look away after that. It was so different to see him now. Like the kitchen in Simon's house- it's not the same seeing something in someone else's memories, and then seeing it yourself. Magnus felt like he was nailed in place, staring at the warlock who was staring at him. He was the warlock from Alec's memories. The one who told him he killed Max. 

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here." The warlock whispered, crawling closer to the glass wall to have a better look at Magnus, moving slowly like a spider while doing so. 

Magnus's heart started racing without him knowing why. Then, the warlock smiled. And Magnus had a sudden flashback of Alec throwing a piece of drawer at his eye a few days ago, and smiling the exact same way. All thoughts but one vanished from Magnus's mind - How much time Alec must have spent with this man, if he could copy his smile so well that Magnus was able to make the connection that instantly?


	16. Results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

Magnus couldn't take his eyes away from the warlock. And he couldn't stop thinking of Alec. Alec's memory of him was going around his mind. It turned out he didn't remember it that clearly, probably because he had been mostly thinking of Madzie when he had seen it. But he tried to put more thought on it now. The warlock had said a bunch of things to Alec: "I'm your friend, have you forgotten?", "Don't you like me anymore?", "You know I'm different. Not like the others. Special." 

This clearly wasn't a case about some random unknown warlock, killing Max, and fighting with Alec after that. No, Alec and that warlock must have known each other long before that event. Magnus remembered how awful it had been when Alec had used this man's words to lie to him that Madzie was dead. Maybe he couldn't imitate him just because he was good at pretending. Maybe the fact that he could was another proof that the two of them knew one another very well. Did they, Magnus second guessed that right after he thought about it. And if they did, how well exactly? That was also something Magnus couldn't tell. It was disturbing that Alec could copy his gestures, and he did so in his every day life. Was it something he did on purpose when he wanted to, or did he not realise when he was doing it? Was the emotionless expression also something Alec had learned from this warlock, or was it not? What had happened after the end of that memory, after Alec was knocked out? What had happened long before then, when Max was still alive? What had happened to Alec in general? And to Max as well, the circumstances around his death were unknown and had never been common knowledge. 

"Are you here to set me free?" The warlock asked, pointing Magnus's thoughts from Alec and his family to the Clave. 

For how long had the Clave had this man? How long was he locked up in here? Different scenarios started playing in Magnus's head.

"You seem to do lots of thinking. Interesting. You're not the 'act first, questions later' kind of man, are you? Oh, excuse my mistake, I meant to say cat." The warlock stopped smiling at Magnus, and for some reason that bothered him even more. His voice was becoming rougher. "Did you come by accident? In that case, I'll give you 13 seconds to get me out, or that accident might be your last. I'm counting: 13-12-11..."

Magnus started backing away from the glass, unsure of what was this man doing. But he was sure of one thing- he wouldn't set him free, even if he knew how. Not now, when he knew so little, but probably not ever. He shouldn't be a prisoner to the Clave, because they were using him, but he sure as hell shouldn't be out in the world as well. He was apparently a killer and a monster, and just because he happened to be a warlock, didn't mean he deserved Magnus's protection. 

Magnus was about halfway to the rune he needed to touch to travel back to the storage, when the counting ended. 

"I'm sorry my friend," the warlock said, "You disappointed me."

Then he jumped from his previous place as quick as the chains were allowing him, and before Magnus could understand and see how that happened, he was holding a huge black phone he had grabbed in his hands, talking fast. 

"Alert to everyone! There is another warlock in the building! I repeat- another warlock in the building. Send someone here right now. He's getting away, you need to........" 

Magnus didn't hear the rest of it, because he was running like the ground was on fire. He had to get out of there as soon as possible. He shouldn't have stayed that much in the first place. Where exactly was that rune drawn again? Magnus started fighting with his anxiety not seeing it. No, no, no! Where was it? 

He was turning his head at so many directions at once, running from one spot to the next while looking for it, and it was crazy. How can something be under your nose, but when your life depended on finding it, you couldn't notice where it was? It has to be here. It was here when Magnus had used it to come. Runes don't vanish like that. He tried to calm down, because he knew his panic was keeping him from seeing it. He tried to breathe evenly. He stopped moving altogether, still shifting his eyes around the place, but he forced himself to do it slowly.

He saw it! It was a few feet away. He hurried to it and touched it, disappearing from that place at the same time as a door started to open. Luckily Magnus didn't see who opened it, or what happened after that, because he found himself in the storage once again. 

Okay. That had been too close, but he managed to get away. Now all he wanted was to go away from here. He exited the storage and started looking for Simon. A part of him was anxious the man will tell everyone the ''another warlock'' was currently in a body of a cat, and the shadowhunters from the Institute there will alert the ones from here. Were they going to believe him though? And was he so keen on ruining Magnus's plans anyway? In any case, the sooner Magnus goes home, the better. 

He found the elevator, going back to the first floor, passing by shadowhunter after shadowhunter during his search for Simon. Thankfully, that didn't took too long. In one of the smaller rooms with a lot of diagrams Simon and Isabelle were together, talking to each other. Magnus walked towards them, their voices reaching his ears in a way that helped him hear the specific words. 

"I can't believe it turned out to be a false alarm." Simon said, looking embarrassed. 

"I know," Isabelle placed her hands on both his shoulders, "It looks like someone from above wanted to see how we would react in a case of such emergency. You know, to check our response time and the way we handle such threats." 

"That's so mean." Simon added, pouting. 

"I know," she repeated, "But what can we do? It's part of who we are. We need to train and learn all our lives in order to be better at what we do." She circled her arms around the back of his neck, bringing him closer, "Baby, you can't panic and swoop in to save me every time something like this happens. Because these things happen for real, and when they do, it's my job to deal with them." 

"Yeah, well, I'll have you know that I hate your job sometimes." Simon stated, putting his arms around her waist. 

"Sometimes.....I hate it too. More than you know." Isabelle told him more quietly, and they put their foreheads together. 

"I'm sorry. I looked like an idiot today." 

"In my eyes you can never look like an idiot." Isabelle said, before turning her head to gently kiss him. 

Magnus smiled. Or he tried to, but when you're a cat it doesn't look the same. He was glad everything between them was alright, and he hadn't caused too much trouble with his plan. He had started to really regret playing with Simon like that. But if he could go back, he would probably do it again if he had to. Did that make him a bad person? A callous one? Maybe there wasn't a straight up answer to that question. Maybe Magnus lived more in the gray area than he had realised. In any case, he was happy to see them being okay. 

How the Guardian had managed to make what happened look like a standard check-up, Magnus had no idea. But if he was honest, he was impressed. 

He came into the room and meowed, making himself noticed. 

"Look, someone came back." Isabelle said seeing him, and gestured towards his direction to Simon. There was no uncertain look from her sent to Magnus's way, nothing to indicate she thought she had seen him earlier. Maybe she didn't really gave that much importance to it, believing she had been mistaking. Or she might have already told Simon about that before Magnus came.

Simon made an interesting face, which reminded Magnus of Michelangelo's expressions when the inspiration for another painting used to strike him. "I've looked everywhere for you." He said, and then proceeded to scold Magnus like a parent, "Where were you? I can't believe you did that. What were you thinking? It's dangerous here! It's no place for you." 

Simon took Magnus in his arms, a feeling Magnus still found hard to be accustomed to. Simon scolded him some more, until Isabelle interrupted to tell Simon she needed to go find Jason. Then Simon said it was probably time for him to leave, and they separated. 

Once Simon and Magnus passed the Wards and got out of the Institute, Magnus felt more at ease. And the way back to Simon's place was much much better than travelling to the Institute had been. Magnus wasn't in the rucksack, but in Simon's arms, and Simon wasn't running- thank god!

Simon was petting him from time to time, running his hand through his fur absentmindedly. It was a very nice feeling actually, once you stop thinking too much about the fact that Magnus was no cat, but a grown up warlock. Magnus associated this with getting a massage- something he used to do back in the day when life wasn't so crazy. Only this time he didn't need to pay Simon even a penny for his services.

He was so glad when they arrived at Simon's home, being welcomed by Madzie. Simon and Madzie had a long conversation after, about Simon's adventures at the Institute, while Magnus was walking around, taking a closer look at the place now that he had the chance to do it. There was still some time before the potion he drank wears off. And now nothing was stopping Magnus to just be a cat, and actually enjoy it while it lasted. He would probably be so weirded out by his fascination with the least expected things when he turns back to being himself once again. But so what? 

In truth, Magnus suspected that his meeting with the warlock had affected him negatively, and his brain wanted to focus on all non serious things for a while. He just wanted to be a cat, not have any burden to carry on his shoulders, not have so many people depending on him. Being Alfonso in a world where people loved cats, took care of them, made them part of their families, sounded like a pretty good deal. Cats had rights. They weren't killed, weren't persecuted, weren't hated. For example, Magnus even broke a plate by accident while he was running, and Simon just cleaned up without thinking much of it. No judgement, no accusation.

Magnus ran inside and outside of the house, enjoying the feeling, played a race with a bug he met hiding in a crack of the floor, even ate the cat food Simon brought him and found it really delicious. He also spent a little more time with Madzie as well, used his powers when they were alone to write her a few words, and inform her the plan was successful. But he didn't write too much. First, because he didn't want to ever have to tell her about that warlock. Seeing him had unleashed a whole lot of worry Magnus didn't want to deal with right now. Worry for Alec most of all, but for Magnus's people as well. Nothing about that warlock was something Madzie needed to know. She was just a kid. And Magnus wanted nothing more than for her to be just that for as long as possible. She didn't need to have his nightmares, didn't have to wonder what had happened to Alec and his family, feeling bad and worse about the prospects. All Magnus wanted her to know was that they made it, and they were okay. Another reason he didn't write that much was because he wanted to take a break from using his powers. Not because he was tired, but because he felt that was needed. And what better time than now? 

Magnus was in Madzie's room when he turned back to himself. Again- it took him time to adjust. But he had to admit, after all there was something reassuring in the normality of looking in the mirror and seeing yourself. Once he was in his body, staying in Simon's home wasn't a possibility anymore. So he took a portal to his own apartment without waiting. 

 

He and Catarina talked a lot about the cure when he went back to her. It was going to take them time to examine it, but she hoped they could do it before the negotiations come. 

The Guardian called later, as he had said he would. He asked how the plan went, and Magnus was short with his answers. He expressed his gratitude for the provided assistance again, and explained it was a success. He wanted them to finish talking about that, so he could get to the part where he could ask his own questions. 

"I know the Clave has a warlock for a hostage." He said. 

The line went quiet. Magnus waited, but his words weren't followed by anything from the other end of the call. The Guardian didn't hang up either. So Magnus simply continued. 

"I saw the travel rune on the wall, I followed it, and I saw him. He is the Clave's resources you were talking about, isn't he? They experiment on him and make him create magical objects." 

Magnus interpreted the lack of response as a 'yes'. So he had been right all along. When he had said to Catarina that must be the way the enchanted ball was made, he had been right. That must be the way the cure was made as well. 

Magnus carried on further, "You should have told me when I asked you about this. But instead you said you didn't trust my judgement. What did you think would happen if I knew? You thought I'll be horrified, and I'll go there with the intention of saving that warlock. You thought I'll forget everything, but the need to help him. And I won't listen to you if you try to convince me he's dangerous. Because he's a warlock, and I'm one too. Is that right?" 

"And what if it is?" The Guardian finally spoke, his voice sounding uncertain for the first time.

"Then I'll tell you a few things," Magnus replied, "I admit, that partly sounds like something I would do. But you still have a long way to go before you actually know me, let alone predict my actions. The warlocks which I call my people- the ones I'm helping, seeing, protecting, and standing behind, are warlocks who I know or I'm almost positive weren't part of the Uprising. They are warlocks who want peace, and wouldn't kill an innocent person. Or an innocent child, as the case here is. I'm calling the man I saw today 'the warlock' simply because I don't know his name. Not because that's all I see him as. Not because I'm associating him with the others like myself. His magic isn't everything that is to him, it's just a part, how big or little I can't know. I think both me and you are aware that the warlocks who are responsible for the death and destruction that happened, didn't commit their crimes just because they can do magic. But because they were evil people from inside. Magic can be the means to achieving horrible things, but it can't be the reason. You know that, or you wouldn't be helping me. I use the same logic in this case. Just because he's a warlock, doesn't mean I would want to protect him. Even if I didn't know what he did, even if I didn't know he killed Maryse's younger son, I would still be more open to listening to your worries about it, instead of blindly jumping to his rescue, because we happen to share one in a million other traits, some of which I hope we'll never have in common." 

Magnus felt better saying all that. Like he needed to say it to himself, and hear it also. Sometimes he wasn't proud of his actions, but it was always up to him to choose what kind of person he wanted to be. He could never be perfect, but he could try to be better when he could. He loved his magic. Even when he struggled with it, and others hated him because of it. Even today when he was happy without it for a while. He loved it and hoped it would always be a part of him. But it couldn't define him as a person. 

"How do you know what he did?" The Guardian asked and there was tension in his voice. Magnus didn't need to guess to be sure he meant how does he know about Max. 

"Alexander," he explained, "he didn't tell me exactly, but you could say I know it from him." And the fact that the Guardian also knew, was another evidence that he was really close to the Lightwood family. Because as Magnus had pointed out in his head earlier today, what had happened to Max wasn't common knowledge. Even if you are a shadowhunter, it still wasn't. To know about it, the Guardian couldn't be just anyone. And Magnus suspected he actually knew the whole story. "Look, I'm around 98% sure you know Alexander and his family very well, so please don't act like you don't." Magnus added. 

"Listen to me very carefully," the Guardian started a little threatening, which Magnus didn't expect, "Don't force Alec to talk about this. About his brother, but especially about this warlock. Unless he expresses the desire to do so, don't ask questions, don't make him tell you anything he doesn't want to. I'm serious. Do you understand me?" 

Magnus closed his eyes, rubbing his forehead, hoping that would take away his concern, but it wasn't possible. Why couldn't he foresee the conversation would take such a turn? "I understand. I won't do that." He promised. 

"I hope so. Don't make me regret helping you."

"I understand." Magnus repeated, feeling like he didn't understand fully, but it wasn't his business to. Who was he? He wasn't Alec's friend, he wasn't anyone. This whole thing wasn't his business. And he should just stop trying to make it so, and focus on what only concerns him, "We have to talk about that warlock though," he said. Because the results of the Clave using him were really something concerning Magnus, and not just him, but all the warlocks he was helping. 

There was a pause, but Magnus wasn't about to keep talking to fill it this time, so he waited for the Guardian to speak. Which happened eventually. 

"You're right. I did expect you to want to rescue him." 

"I don't want to rescue him," Magnus said, "But he can't stay where he is. That way he's always going to be a weapon the Clave would have against me, and I can't allow that. If they were able to make a cure, I don't want to think about what they would do next. We need to get this man out of the Institute, away from wherever they're holding him in." 

"And if we could, then what?" The Guardian asked, sounding defensive now, like Magnus was about to insult him or something. Magnus just kept explaining what his idea was. 

"I can send him in limbo," he proposed. "There, he won't be able to hurt anyone." 

It was known that a person could get stuck in limbo for eternity when they enter a portal unconscious and alone, or without knowing where they're going. Magnus thought it was a reasonable idea. 

"No." The Guardian said. Well, apparently it wasn't to him. 

"Why not?" 

"He'll escape." 

"No one has ever escaped from limbo." Magnus explained. 

"You can't know that for sure. And even if it's true, then he'll be the first." 

The Guardian seemed to have set his mind about rejecting this. Did he have a better idea? 

"What do you suggest we do?" Magnus asked, "When we talked about this the first time, you said you were dealing with it. How exactly?" 

"I'm trying to find a way to get rid of him. Permanently." The Guardian replied. 

"You mean....kill him?" 

"Exactly." 

Magnus was about to object to this, but he suddenly thought of something he had wanted to ask before, and still hadn't. 

"Hold your thought. For how long has the Clave had him?" 

"A long time," the Guardian responded, ''Why?'' 

"Because the way they are using him is something they came up with recently. Right?" Magnus said with conviction. The first time he had seen shadowhunters use magical objects this way had been during the previous negotiations. And that was pretty recent. He kept in contact with a lot of warlocks all the time, he was going to know if shadowhunters had been using something like that before. This tactic to benefit from the warlock being their hostage was something new, Magnus was sure of it. But then what about before? What was the excuse for him to be alive before?   
"I don't understand," he said, "If they've had him for a long time, why haven't they killed him a long time ago? Before they realised he could be useful." Magnus knew that since the Uprising the Clave didn't believe in taking prisoners. They would much rather just kill you and be done with it. Especially if we're talking about that particular warlock. If he had killed Max, why wasn't he executed as soon as they had captured him? 

"They can't kill him." The Guardian explained, "The official version about why is that he made same spell to protect his life before he was caught, and they can't go around it. That's not the full truth though. What I found out not long ago is that he knows things about the Clave, dirty secrets they don't want to get out, because they fear it would cause chaos amongst the shadowhunters. If he is to die, he's made sure everything will get out. So they can pretty much do anything, but kill him." 

"Have they tortured him?" Magnus couldn't stop himself from asking. Because ''do anything, but kill him'' leaves way too many possibilities. And this was like falling on his level. 

"Maybe at the beginning they had, but not now." 

"But they experiment on him." 

"When they have to- yes. Or when he refuses to use his magic for what they tell him. So? What is this? Why do you want to know? I thought you said you didn't want to save him." 

I don't, Magnus thought. I want to save the people who think this kind of act should be done. 

"This is not about him. Experimenting on a living person is a messed-up thing to do, and I'll always be against it. How long do you think it would be before they start experimenting on innocent people?" 

"As much as I know he is the only warlock they're holding captive." The Guardian said, maybe to reassure Magnus, but Magnus knew this could change. He needed to do everything he could to bring peace, and put a stop to all of this. 

"The secrets you mentioned he knows. Do you know them?" Magnus asked. 

"No." The Guardian replied, "Honestly, it could be anything. The fact that the Clave has a lot of dirty laundry is not news to me. But I don't even have guesses about this. I just know it must be something important to get them so worried." 

"So you don't know what it is, but it's something that would create chaos if it's known. And still, you're ready to kill that warlock? Before trying to learn more?" Magnus questioned, going back to where they had left off about the Guardian's intentions. 

"Whatever it is, it's not worth that man living because of it. He needs to die. And don't you think it would be better if the Clave's secrets and lies come to light for once? Isn't this something you would want?" 

"Depends." Magnus specified, "Generally speaking- yes, I would want that. But I wish I knew more to be sure. Anyway, I don't think you should kill him."

"Seriously?" The Guardian asked, raising his voice a bit. 

"There are other ways to deal with him. You don't have to do this." 

"You're saying he doesn't deserve it?" 

"I'm saying don't taint yourself with his blood. It's not worth it." Magnus clarified, trying to get through the person he was talking to. But it was a hard thing to do over the phone. Magnus wished the Guardian was in front of him so he would be able to look in his eyes when they're talking, to have something more than just his voice as a guide to his thoughts. "We can figure out something. If not sending him in limbo, then something else. Killing is not the only way. It's not going to fix anything he did. I know you are a good person. That's why I'm telling you this. It's not about him, it's about you." 

"I'm a shadowhunter Magnus. You think I've never killed anyone who isn't a demon? I've killed plenty, you know that. And if I find out how, getting rid of that man will be the easiest kill in my life." 

"I don't want you to become like him." Magnus uttered more quietly than usual, and he felt so strange saying it. He didn't know the Guardian, he should be a stranger to him. But there he was, saying things like that, because he just couldn't not say it. It was what he wanted to say to Alec also.

"You don't get it." The Guardian told him, and the words affected Magnus more than they were probably meant to. They reminded him of Alec screaming Magnus couldn't be sorry about what had happened, because he didn't know. 

The Guardian kept talking, "He needs to die not because I want revenge. Not because I think it would fix anything. But if I know he's dead and truly gone, I'll sleep so much better at night. I'll breathe so much easier every day. I just want it to be over." 

Magnus sighed, feeling like he was at a loss for words. What could he say now? That it wasn't the right thing? That there were other options? What he actually said, was something entirely different. 

"Fine. I'll help you kill him." 

The Guardian would keep trying to do this, and Magnus didn't think he had the right to try to convince him otherwise. So if this couldn't be avoided, then Magnus didn't want to leave him risking everything to do it alone. The Guardian had helped him, and Magnus wanted to help in return. And maybe, just maybe there was a part of him that didn't think it was wrong.

He needed that warlock out of the picture any way this could happen. He couldn't stay in the Clave's hands, that was a huge obstacle in Magnus's task to protect his people. Even if he manages to find a way to reverse the effects of the cure, who knows what would the Clave create next. And he couldn't find the warlock again without the Guardian's assistance.

"So, how do we do this?" Magnus asked, starting to prepare himself, "First, I need to know where exactly are they holding him, because although I was there, I couldn't get to that very important detail. It was another Institute, I'm sure, but I don't know which one. I'm guessing you do. We can proceed with this the way we did about getting the cure. You can call tomorrow, we'll think of a strategy and-" 

"Magnus?" The Guardian interrupted him. 

"Yes?" 

"I think we've stretched out the whole working together thing enough already, and it's time for it to end. I usually work alone." 

"But....this affects me just as much as it affects you." Magnus said. This was important for both of them. And they had better chances as a team. Finding the cure proved that. The Guardian couldn't just put a stop to everything. Why? 

"I know. I'm sorry, but I feel it's time to part ways." 

"No! That's stupid. Why? I can help you, and you can help me." 

"If I can help you with anything else, I'll send a fire message. But I won't call anymore." 

"Is this because you don't trust me? Do you think I'll release that warlock, and set him free? That's not what I'll do."

"I don't think that. I believed you when you said you'll help. I just don't want your help about this. And like I said- I think it's time our agreements to end." 

Magnus shook his head, feeling awfully like he had lost that battle, and nothing he could say would change the Guardian's mind. "Why are all the shadowhunters this stubborn? If you were in front of me right now, I would just shake you until I could bring some sense into your head." He said, but not making it sound bitterly. He was disappointed that this was it. He felt it was a mistake on the Guardian's part. What was he afraid of? And Magnus deserved better than his help to be rejected so blatantly.

The Guardian laughed lightly at his statement, and Magnus should've been angry with him, but he couldn't bring himself to really be.

"Take care of yourself Magnus." He told him, "And take care of Alec." 

"Take care as well." Magnus said, feeling defeated, "Goodbye." 

"Goodbye." 

 

The next day Magnus and Catarina started working on the cure. It was a long day, and they realised this process is going to take them more time than they originally had thought. At the evening Magnus couldn't stop himself from looking at the phone, but of course no one called. 

The next morning he was passing through the hallway near Alec's room, because he needed to pick up a blanket the forgot there the other night. He saw Catarina sitting a few meters away, having one of her talks with Alec, being a little too close to the barrier for Magnus's liking. But what made him come closer to hear them, was actually Alec's voice. Before Magnus had kind of thought Catarina's talks were mostly one-sided, with her speaking and Alec just listening, or not even that. So the proof of the opposite made him interested about what were they talking about. He got closer, but not enough to see Alec, or for Alec to see him. 

"Could you slow down a little? I'm trying to write it correctly," Alec said. 

"Of course," Catarina agreed. She was holding a plant, explaining something about how it helps with treating wounds. "You need to leave it in warm water for about half an hour, and then mix it with the other ingredients I mentioned to make a paste, and only then apply on the injury." 

"When you say warm water, what temperature do you mean?" He asked. 

"The exact degrees are not that crucial. Warm enough to extract the juice from the leaves, but not too hot to burn your skin if it comes in contact with it." 

"Got it. Can you pass it to me through the barrier? I want to try to sketch it to be able to find it easier in the future." 

"Of course," she said, giving him the plant. 

"I'm no Clary, but let's hope I can make a decent enough drawing. I can't believe I never knew any of these things before." 

"Don't they teach anything about nature's healing abilities at the Institute?" 

"No, they just tell you 'this is your healing rune, use if necessary',''Alec replied and Magnus smiled at his tone. 

"What if you don't have a stele?" 

"I know right, " he said in agreement, "It's what I'm saying. Magnus Bane stole mine along with my bow, and I haven't seen them in ages." 

''Well, I might have helped him with that back then.''

''Shame on you. But fortunately I know a great way to earn my forgiveness- bring me that book I told you about.''

Magnus left them to proceed with what appeared to be a lecture Catarina was giving. She had always been good at this. It was what she loved to do before the Uprising. And if Alec was interested, then Magnus was happy.

 

After a lot of testing of every component the cure was made of, Magnus and Catarina just couldn't find a way to make an antidote to it. Maybe someone else could, maybe it just wasn't in their ability right now. They were going to keep trying, but their chances to succeed didn't look that big at the moment. On the bright side though- they could make a substance that prevents the cure from working if it's injected before it- something like a vaccine against it. It couldn't help the warlocks who had already been cured, but it could protect others. And that was sort of a win for now. 

Tomorrow were the second negotiations. Magnus had thought a lot about them during the past week. He had decided not to go himself, and he had came up with something he shared with Catarina in the evening. 

She listened to him carefully, before saying, "You need to go and ask him." 

Magnus nodded, touching her shoulder briefly before walking out and heading to Alec's room. He could have asked Catarina to talk to Alec instead, because they had better communication, but he stopped himself from doing that.

Hе stopped next to the room entry. It looked a lot better than the last time Magnus had helped to clean it. There were two extra chairs and a table, which weren't there before, and had been probably brought by Catarina. Alec was sitting at the table on one of the chairs, holding what looked like the biggest book about herbs and plants Magnus had ever seen in his life. And Magnus had lived for many years, keep that in mind. Dear god, was Alec supposed to read all that? 

He was so caught up in it, he didn't even see Magnus was there. His notebook was also with him, and he was taking notes. Magnus almost didn't want to interrupt him. The light from the lamp was hitting his face at an interesting angle. Magnus just looked at him for a moment. How old was he? The information Magnus had read about the Lightwoods before claimed he was 21. But it was from three years ago, so Alec must be 24 now. It was still way too young to experience the things he had experienced. Magnus tried to remember what kind of a person he had been at 24. Well, he definitely had been young and stupid. But he was young and stupid now as well if you ask him, maybe just a bit more wise regarding some things. But the truth was, Magnus also felt like he had a lot more to learn. About the world, about life, about everything. 

He didn't want him and Alec to be enemies, he realised. Because he really didn't want to be any shadowhunter's enemy, but also because there was something about Alec that made Magnus think they were more alike in some ways than they know. That if they weren't busy hurting each other, they had a real chance to understand one another. Magnus had tried to see Alec as just a shadowhunter, but it was getting harder and harder for him to do that. The problem was that he couldn't see him as Alec too, because he didn't know much about who Alec was. Sometimes he wanted to know more about him, but sometimes he felt that's not what Alec would want. Maybe Alec wanted for Magnus to see him only as a shadowhunter. 

Alec turned the page, putting his pen behind his ear while doing that. And Magnus had a sudden realisation that he really liked his hair. It was out of order most of the time, but it wasn't truly that messy. It wasn't a style Magnus would use on himself, but it suited Alec. Magnus liked his eyes too. They were so easy to just look at. His whole face could be very expressive when Alec allowed it to be. Magnus remembered the way Alec had smiled when he saw Simon back when they first portaled to his home. It wasn't a define thought then, but he had looked beautiful. Magnus wanted him to smile with his own smile more often. Maybe he will, once Magnus just lets him leave this place. "I hate this place", Alec had screamed before. Yeah, Magnus also hated it some days. 

"Hey," Magnus said to get his attention. 

Alec slightly jumped at that, then looked at Magnus and frowned.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Magnus said.

Alec kept frowning, "Where is Catarina?" He asked. 

"She is in the living room, just working on something." 

"Why are you here?" Alec asked, clearly not pleased with Magnus's presence. 

"Tomorrow are the negotiations." Magnus explained, "I have an idea about them, but it includes you. So I wanted to come and see what you would think. If you're not okay with it, I'll forget about it." 

Alec looked thoughtful, then he pointed his chair at Magnus, facing him more directly. "I'm listening." He said.


	17. Negotiations 2.0 (part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

Magnus's plan was tricky and he knew it. So when he saw Alec's conflicted reaction about it, it was expected. After what happened during the last negotiations, he had thought a lot about the possibility of not going to this meeting himself. Catarina had proposed to go instead of him, but of course, Magnus couldn't allow that. He couldn't allow any warlock to go instead of him, because that meant he would endanger them and forever feel guilty if something was to happen. And then he had thought about Alec and the fact that Maryse was going be at the meeting. Alec must want to see his mother, and she must want to see him as well. That way she could make sure herself that he was okay and unharmed. And although Magnus hadn't really had a family most of his life, he remembered a time when he had a mother too. A time when his mother loved him and wanted to protect him. It was so long ago that sometimes Magnus wasn't sure his brain wasn't fabricating memories out of scraps and pieces at this point, but if he was sure of one thing, it was that his mother had loved him once. And that knowledge was enough to make him confident in his decision today.

Tactically was also a good plan. If Magnus wanted truce and was using kidnapping as a driving force to it, he should at least show his intentions were only to achieve an understanding, despite of what the chosen methods implied. Magnus had let Alec out of the apartment before, he could do it again. True, last time things didn't exactly turn out as he planed, but when did they ever? One of the things Magnus had learned through the years, was that even if you give your best to have more control over a situation, you might still end up with no control at all. 

So, the question once he had made his mind about this, was how to do it. Making a tea for Alec, making sure that he would come back as soon as the meeting was over, was a good starting point. While thinking about this, Magnus had remembered the Guardian's words during one of their conversations. He had said the Clave didn't know for sure that Magnus wouldn't be a threat to Alec in some particular circumstances, and for the moment that was a good thing, working in Magnus's favour. So he wanted to do something to maintain that as well. Yes, he wanted to show the Clave that he meant well, but also he didn't want to look like they could toy with him if they want to. Having a warlock in their dungeon was giving them enough advantages already. Magnus wanted to do something symbolic, but harmless, something to show them it was better to think twice before trying to kill him. That was how the idea about Alec showing up in the forest wearing Magnus's face was born. It wasn't that far from the mind, and as Alec had said before- shadowhunters had a rune which could make them appear as anyone. Magnus was certain it would take Maryse seconds to see it wasn't Magnus she was meeting, but her son. But this would send a message- that they should be more careful next time they decide to attack Magnus, because he could not be Magnus. 

Maybe it was stupid, maybe Magnus's brain was in another need of a rest, but in the end of the day Alec would always be the one who was to decide if they're doing this or not. Also- Magnus didn't want sending Alec to the meeting to look like something completely selfless on his part. He didn't want to admit out loud how bad he had started to feel for keeping Alec between the walls of a room, something that was probably not good for him. He didn't want his guilt to be too obvious to Alec and everyone, because then what happens to his well known and famous reputation of an evil warlock? He needed something to get the attention away, a catch, something Alec would see and think, 'aha, Magnus is only doing this for his own gain'. Or whatever it was he was thinking right now. And presenting this as some sort of warning that he could make Alec look like him any time he wanted, and it would end tragically if the Clave tries to hurt Magnus again, seemed like a way to go.

He also needed to have eyes and ears on the whole meeting from the start to the end of it. And a way to talk to Maryse about the Clave's latest intentions regarding warlocks, despite not being physically in the forest himself. Luckily, nowadays mundanes had technology for pretty much everything related to communication, and Magnus didn't have to use magic for that part. 

"That sounds.....overly complicated," Alec stated once he had listened to Magnus's whole plan. "Are you suffering from an extreme kind of boredom these days? Or do you just fear my mother that much?" 

Magnus rolled his eyes, "Are you looking for a creative way to refuse? Cause a simple 'no, thank you' will do the job." 

"I don't know," Alec said. 

He started circling the pen around his fingers, considering what Magnus had offered. Magnus didn't say anything more and gave him time to do that. 

"They're not supposed to think I'm you for long, right?" Alec asked, "So I don't need to act like you." 

"Of course you don't," Magnus assured. Then he thought about Alec's words, and couldn't help asking his next question. "Can you? Act like me, I mean. If you want to, can you do that?"

And how would that look? 

Alec looked at Magnus like he wasn't sure why he was asking this of all things, but he actually answered, "Now- I can't. But in the future, if I spend more time observing you, probably yes. But always to a certain extent. I can never recreate the way you move, for example." 

"And what way is that?" Magnus wanted to know, suddenly really interested. 

Alec slightly tilted his head to the side, like he was still wondering why were they talking about this, instead of discussing the negotiations. Then he looked at Magnus, choosing his next words carefully.

"Everyone has their own way to move their body." He said, "Sometimes the difference between two people in regards to this is almost indistinguishable. But not with you. You move in a very.....very you type of way. When you walk, your upper and lower body are in a rare kind of harmony. Your arms and legs are more coordinated than with most people. Like you know exactly where you want to go, and there is a purpose to every movement you make. It's very graceful and deliberate. Not something I could repeat." 

Magnus was watching Alec with surprise after his statement, "When did you have the time to notice this?" He asked him. You hardly ever look at me, he added in his mind. 

"Oh, I've noticed this a long time ago." He spoke with a simple shrug, "Before you knew of me, or met me. Remember the last negotiations meeting?" 

Right, back when Alec had been on a tree, watching his exchange with Maryse and Jason the whole time without Magnus knowing of his presence there. So apparently he had noticed the things he mentioned way back then. Magnus nodded. That day wasn't a good memory, probably for both him and Alec.

A silence followed, until Alec broke it, "Okay. I agree with your plan." 

"Are you sure?" Magnus asked, just in case. "You'll still look like me from the beginning to the end of the meeting, keep that in mind." 

That might be awkward with his mother and Jason, if Jason would also be there this time. Magnus wanted to make sure Alec was okay with that, and only then proceed. 

"It's not a problem." Alec told him, looking thoughtful about something for a moment, and Magnus thought for a fraction of a second that the shadowhunter was about to smile, but he stopped himself, clearing his throat. "Is that all?" He asked. 

"Well, yes, I guess it is. Till tomorrow then." 

"Tell Catarina to come by here when she can. I have something to tell her." Alec instructed, before changing his position the way it was before Magnus came, with his eyes focused on the gigantic book he was reading. 

"I will." Magnus said and left. He didn't know if he should be wary of Alec or not. 

 

Magnus prepared Alec's tea first thing in the morning, trying to busy himself to block the nervousness he was feeling about what was to come. He didn't know what he should expect from the meeting, and all he had as some sort of information in his disposal, were the Guardian's words that the Clave would want something from him. That could mean anything. Magnus really hoped this meeting won't end in disaster like the first. 

He brought the tea to Alec. "It does the same things as the previous one. The only difference is that you could be at a greater distance from me. Or more specifically- the distance between here and the forest, where the meeting will take place. But you would still use a portal as your way to travel." 

"How I love using portals," Alec said with sarcasm. 

"Well, you did agree to this." Magnus reminded him. 

"I did," Alec said, his voice quieter, but also sure. 

He took the tea then, watching it like it was his enemy, and they were about to test their fighting skills in combat. But after the first sip, he made a surprised sound. 

"This doesn't taste awful," he exclaimed in bewilderment.

"I did some changes." Magnus informed, "I couldn't just add sugar or honey to it, it would mess with the magical formula. But I found an alternative way to change the taste, and make it more like a normal tea." 

"Thank you." Alec said drinking it. 

And now, as it had been before, it was so unexpected for Magnus to hear it. Don't thank me, he wanted to say. It's just tea. It's nothing.

He tried not to pay unnecessary attention to this, but that wasn't easy. It wasn't just the words themselves, but also the way Alec said them. His voice turned softer, and that hit Magnus in the heart. It was really weird. Magnus didn't want to give it significance, but he didn't have much luck achieving that particular goal yet. Maybe because the 'thank you' was so different and unlike anything he had seen from Alec before, it always left Magnus wanting to check his ears if he heard correctly. 

Magnus didn't say anything more, and just started to bring down the barrier between them. When he did, Alec stepped out of the room, like had days before, but then something appeared to have grabbed his attention, because he looked at something behind Magnus with confusion. And only then Magnus realised he was so nervous over the negotiations today, he had forgotten to remove the mattress he had slept on, and it was now laying in the hallway casually, looking very odd to Alec no doubt. Damn it! This day was already turning not so great. Now Magnus would not only be a warlock in Alec's eyes, but also.....well, Magnus didn't know. Someone with really weird habits maybe? Was that hate worthy as well? Alec was eyeing the mattress, and Magnus just blurted out the first thing that came to his head. 

"I'm redecorating my room at the moment, so I can't sleep there." 

What? Why did he say that? If he was going to speak such nonsense, he better mostly just keep quiet. Alec was probably even more confused now. And one mattress did not necessary mean he slept there. Maybe that was so not what Alec had thought at first, and now Magnus had revealed that, and probably made everything look worse. 

Magnus looked nervously at Alec, who was now looking at him. He didn't look at him the way Magnus feared he would. In fact, Magnus realised that this was probably the first time Alec would look at him this way. That he would do it not because Magnus was simply in his line of vision, not because of some human basic instinct to look at the person you're talking to. He was looking at him, because he wanted to understand him. Could he? 

Alec nodded slowly, and for one insane moment Magnus thought he had read his mind somehow, and was answering Magnus's inner question with that nod. 

"After the Uprising it was so hard to sleep in the Institute again." Alec said, his features changed like he was remembering. His eyes started moving around the place, but they were always coming back to Magnus's face, checking it, going through the entirety of it. 

"It's cool. Don't worry about this." Alec said after some seconds, indicating the mattress, and Magnus was relieved by that. Then Alec's face turned more serious and focused. "You need to give me my stele back in order to do this," he told him, and Magnus understood that the previous topic was finished. Which was a good thing, because the most important thing now were the negotiations. 

Once Alec was holding his stele again, he lifted up his shirt to get to the rune he needed to draw. His eyes locked with Magnus's, and just like that the next thing Magnus was seeing wasn't Alec, but....himself. Another Magnus standing in front of him. Like there was an invisible mirror somewhere between them, though there really wasn't. Everything about everything was the same, even the clothes they were wearing. 

Then the other Magnus....Alec opened his mouth, speaking with Magnus's voice. To hear himself when he wasn't the one saying anything, was so peculiar for Magnus. 

"It's not like I'm in your body or-" Alec made a sudden pause there, frowning at what he had said, while Magnus was busy adapting to what he was watching, "….or anything like that," Alec carried on. "It's just an illusion everyone will see. In reality I'm still me, just not in the people's eyes." 

"The voice is also mine." 

"Another illusion. You hear it like it's yours, but it's not. The rune can also just trick you with the appearance only, but leave my voice unchanged if it's drawn from a different starting point. The other way around is also possible. You could see me as me, but hear me as yourself." 

"That would be an unusual combination." Magnus stated, trying to picture it for a moment. 

After, he gave Alec a necklace with a bug device in it. "This would allow me to see and hear everything." He explained. 

Alec took it and put it around his neck. Then Magnus handed him the earpiece he was supposed to give Maryse later, so Magnus could have a conversation with her. 

"How do I look?" Alec asked when their work appeared to be done. 

"Honestly Alexander, I've never seen you more handsome." Magnus couldn't stop himself from commenting. 

"You're so vain," Alec said lightly, shaking his head. 

Magnus opened the portal, telling Alec exactly where it leads, so he could use it himself on his way back. Then he moved away, so Alec could take it. I'm glad you'll see your mother, Magnus wanted to tell him before he left, but he stopped the words from getting out. That just sounded so wrong given the circumstances.

When Alec disappeared, Magnus went to the living room where his computer was, to watch how this would go. 

Alec was in the forest, standing not too far from the place Magnus had been standing before. What followed for both Alec and Magnus was just waiting, because Maryse appeared to be late this time. That was unlike her and it bothered Magnus. For a moment he started to get worried she wasn't going to come. But when she emerged from the trees, his worry vanished. 

She was dressed and fully armed the same way she had been before. Her face was like a stone when she saw Alec, thinking it was Magnus. She stopped walking when she was at a reasonable distance from him, and started talking first. 

"Magnus Bane, thank you for coming."

Instead of addressing her, Alec started turning around, first on his left, then on his right. 

"Is something wrong?" Maryse asked, using a collected tone. 

"Yes," was all Alec answered with, while he kept moving his gaze. Magnus didn't know what was going on, and he couldn't see Alec's face exactly (which was now his own) to make a suggestion, because he was watching from the camera in his necklace, but Alec appeared to be....searching for something maybe? Was there a trap? It wasn't how Magnus thought the meeting will begin. He thought Alec will tell Maryse it was him the first chance he gets, not do what he was now doing.

Then Alec exhaled loudly, his body pointed at a specific direction now, half behind him. "Jace, get down from the tree, please." Alec demanded, raising his voice. 

Oh come on, Magnus thought. Again? From now on if Magnus has another meeting with Maryse, he would just have to check all trees, it seemed. Shadowhunters just loved climbing them. 

There was dead silence following in the forest. Maryse's serious stone expression started to shift with uncertainty ever so slightly. 

"Seriously Jace," Alec continued, sounding impatient, "Don't make me come up there to get you." 

There was a noise after that. And a few moments later Jason indeed showed himself, appearing from the air and making a backflip to land right in front of Alec, standing face to face with him. That stunt looked impressive, and he had surely used a rune to jump this way. 

"What the hell?" Jason asked with despise, ready to shorten the already small distance between him and Alec, and punch him the way he probably wanted to do with Magnus. 

Alec didn't back away at all. He cleared his throat rather dramatically and demonstratively, before he started to do what sounded like an imitation of Jason, but it was really not. 

"I'm Jace Wayland," Alec began, "Everybody thinks I'm the best shadowhunter. But the truth is I leave the Institute way early some days, without finishing my reports, so I could go to bars and flirt with all kinds of girls all night. And do I take my older brother Alec with me so he could have some fun too? No. I leave that poor soul to stay up until late and take care of the paperwork I was supposed to help him with. And then I even make him wash my leather jackets- something I still haven't learned to do myself." 

Jason's face was shocked. All resentment and despise left his features, replaced by recognition. It looked like Alec had done that before, messing with him in this exact way. But it was nothing like any other time Magnus had seen Alec pretending. This was something else entirely. There was nothing serious about it, he wasn't trying at all, not meaning to try. This was simply his way to tell Jason it was him.

"Alec?" Jason asked quietly, with vulnerability. 

"If when I get back to the Institute I find it in a terrible condition, you and I are going to have a discussion. I hope you know that." 

Magnus remembered that Jason and Alec were the heads of the New York Institute. And in Alec's absence, everything was Jason's responsibility. 

A grin began spreading on Jason's face, "Oh my god!" He said. His smile was growing and growing. He even made a short laugh. 

Alec reached to show him the necklace he was wearing. "A bug." He informed, "Magnus Bane can hear and see you." 

That eased Jason's smile a bit, but not his happiness, "I can't believe it." 

Maryse was coming closer now, but still staying at a distance. Her face was more relaxed, but Magnus could notice there were emotions she was hiding behind that expression. Jason on the other hand, didn't seem like he was hiding anything at all. He was sort of easy to read, especially at that moment. The way he was watching Alec looked like he could see him now, even if not with his eyes. He could see him with his senses. Much better than Magnus could any day. 

"I've missed you," Alec told him with such an intense emotion in his voice, which Magnus didn't expect to follow after Alec's rather not that emotional previous approach to the situation. 

Magnus was almost surprised by the way he had switched from messing with Jason to telling him this with such great fondness. He suddenly wanted to hear it in Alec's voice, because he had no idea how it would sound. 

He also felt really bad. Alec had missed his parabatai and it was Magnus's fault. But then Magnus saw Jason's response to Alec's words creeping in his eyes, and because Jason was more easy to read, Magnus realised this wasn't it. Alec wasn't talking about the kidnapping situation at all, but about something else. Something different. Something theirs. 

And Jason understood. He looked so guilty. Like he was about to say a thousand apologizes to Alec. But he didn't. Maybe he didn't have to. If Magnus was seeing his regret so clearly, Alec must be seeing it even better. But maybe it wasn't an apology he wanted. 

Jason walked towards Alec, finally coming up to him to hug him. 

"You...you don't have to," Alec said carefully, but his voice was still full of emotion, "I know I look like-" 

"Oh, if you think I care...." Jason declared, wrapping his arms around him, apparently not giving a damn he looked like Magnus. 

Magnus couldn't see anything during their hug, because Jason's body was blocking the camera. But he didn't give a damn as well. 

After Jason retreated, his feelings looked more in check, and he was more composed. 

"How are you?" Maryse asked, who still hadn't really moved closer to Alec. Her face had become closed off. Maybe because she knew Magnus could see her. 

"I've been worse. Besides, if anything was really wrong, Jace would feel it." 

"Oh, I felt it, alright," Jason commented, tapping his head to indicate something.

Magnus remembered how he had hit Alec's head after the end of the last meeting to protect himself. He had completely forgotten about it, like it had been so long ago, even if it hadn't. 

"Hmm," Alec uttered, sounding like he had forgotten it too, "They must have....healed me, I guess." 

"They? Who's they?" Jason questioned. 

Magnus felt so uneasy with his question. Because yes, Catarina had agreed to be a part of everything and help Magnus, but he just didn't like how he was dragging her into this, when it hadn't even been her idea. 

"Magnus Bane and another warlock." Alec replied, avoiding the name. 

"Who?" Jason asked anyway. 

"Don't ask me. Please." 

Jason looked uncertain, but then Alec showed him the necklace again, and both him and Maryse made a sign they understood. Because yes, Magnus was listening, and maybe it wasn't a good idea to ask about things he wasn't sure he wanted them to know. He was an evil warlock after all. Who knows what he might do in response? 

In truth, Magnus couldn't shake the hope that Alec was using this as an excuse not to tell them, because he wanted to protect Catarina. Maybe Magnus was mistaking with that suggestion, he couldn't know.

"The thing is, I'm okay, as you see,'' Alec explained, about which Maryse and Jason looked anything, but convinced, ''But after this is over, I need to go back. He made a spell in a tea I drank, so....you know."

"Warlocks are the worst kind of disgusting assholes I've ever seen in my life." Jason stated, watching the necklace like he wanted to spit the words in Magnus's face.

''Mhm,'' Alec uttered and Jason looked up at him.

"How are we supposed to continue about this?" Maryse asked. 

"Talk to him," Alec said, taking the earpiece out of his pocket. But instead of Maryse coming to him so he could give it to her, Alec gave it to Jason, who went to Maryse to bring it. 

That looked strange to Magnus. He didn't think too much about it though, because the conversation with Maryse which was about to follow required all his concentration. What would happen next for him and his people was going to be decided by it.


	18. Negotiations 2.0 (part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> This chapter is so different from the last one, it's strange it comes right after it. While the previous one was more light, this one sort of brings the sense of doom.

"I must admit, I didn't expect this meeting to go such a way." Maryse commented, after her and Magnus had exchanged some formal greetings. 

"Well, I hadn't expected for the last meeting to go the way it did, so I think we're even." Magnus replied, trying to clear his voice from any indignation, and let the words themselves show how he felt. 

"If we say we're even, then we should start from a fresh and clean slate. After all, your actions regarding my son hardly say you're the victim." 

"I might not be, but I can assure you, there are many warlocks who fit that description frighteningly well. Who can't live a normal life, because if they stop watching behind their backs every day, they get captured and killed."

"You speak in a very general manner Magnus Bane, because if you had to really go into details, everything would look too different from what you're illustrating. But like I said, we should start again, and try turning a new leaf. After all, the Clave didn't have to agree to another meeting, no matter how you tried to push their hand and force them, but they agreed anyway. That should be enough of a reason to put what happened last time behind us." 

That was all Magnus wanted, but he didn't believe Maryse would have good intentions, let alone the Clave. It was evident that she was seeing him as a foe and a threat.

"What happened last time won't influence my choices now, only if they are choices made for the good of the warlocks who deserve piece." Magnus specified, "I don't know if it goes without saying or not, but getting rid of my magic is not an option I could take, or force upon my people. And although I sincerely doubt you really understand that choice, I would ask you, only this time, to make the effort and put yourself in my shoes. If someone wanted to destroy the whole shadowhunter race, would you let them? Would you just accept it, stand there and watch?" 

"My offering might have been a little extreme, I could admit that. But I hope you know I would never back out from the other things I've said. The warlocks, proven guilty of serious crimes, would be punished by death." 

"I never objected from this, however barbaric I may have found it. But who is guilty and who is not, should be something we decide together without being biased, after we make stable rules for those of my kind who never harmed anyone. That is the most important reason I wanted this meeting for. To create those rules, so any further unjust bloodshed could be avoided." 

"Well then, I'm glad to tell you the Clave is willing to consider pardoning those proven to be innocent, without taking their magic away." Maryse announced. 

Her voice was firm, her face didn't show much. Magnus should be happy with her words, he should be over the moon. What she was saying was such an enormous step towards peace, he should be smiling right now.

But something wasn't right. She spoke like this now, saying what the Clave had told her to say, but they were still using a warlock to create weapons, to create the cure. They were still playing their own game, and maybe this was part of it. Until there were new Accords signed, protecting his people, Magnus would never believe the Clave. No matter what. 

"Then let's discuss the terms for the warlocks proven innocent." He said, keeping any expectations and hopes he might have far away, ready to just hear Maryse and digest what she would tell him. 

"Last time I told you that the warlocks who want peace would need to prove themselves. Since you represent them, that burden falls on you. You need to prove you really want that truce, and once it's made, you would do everything in your power to keep it, not letting any of your people commit any more crimes against the Clave or the Shadow World." Maryse declared. 

"How do I prove that?" In other words, what does the Clave want me to do, Magnus thought. 

"It's not a secret Magnus Bane, that you are famous for having many different lovers over the years, am I right? Around 10 000, but probably even more." 

And what does that have to do with anything? 

"You're right. But I don't see the connection with what we're discussing today." Magnus remarked. 

"The connection isn't something, but someone. You know Мiss Camille Belcourt rather well, don't you? She was one of your former lovers, correct?" 

Magnus slightly flinched when he heard the name. He hadn't heard it in a while. 

"Yes, she was," he replied, trying not to let his voice become weaker. 

"The Clave has personal business they can't seem to settle with Miss Belcourt. They think your previous attachment to her might be of help." 

"My attachment to her is in the past. Ancient history even. I can't see how it might be relevant to whatever her business with the Clave is." Magnus explained. 

"I'm sure she still remembers you," Maryse told him, "And I think your charm might still have an influence on her. If you use it the right way, the results might be better than you think." 

Magnus's hand clenched in а fist. What in the name of everything holy did the Clave thought he was? Did they think he would just go and seduce Camille, because they want him to? What would that make him? He wasn't some toy! He really hoped he misunderstood that. 

"If you're telling me what I think you're telling me, I advise you to choose your next words more wisely," Magnus warned, "You're on the edge of saying something truly disrespectful. Please, don't cross it." 

Maryse's face was as steady as ever, not showing if she was bothered by Magnus's answer or not. "My words are only disrespectful if you make yourself hear them that way. Think about it- I only ask that you get in contact with her to fulfill a precisely defined task." 

"What task?" 

"It's about one of the mortal instruments." Maryse explained, talking about the instruments which were a possession of the shadowhunters since almost the beginning of time. Since after they've been first created by the Angel. "Five years ago, when Valentine was a threat to us and to every downworlder, he was searching for the Mortal Cup. Do you know what powers that item has?" 

Magnus thought about it, "I know it could create new shadowhunters, but it hasn't been used for that purpose for ages, because that's considered against the Angels wishes. I know Valentine wanted to use it in his war against the Clave, but he could never find it. And soon, he was defeated." That was pretty much all Magnus knew about the Cup. 

"That's true." Maryse confirmed, "During the war Valentine declared us, we needed to take really strong measures against him. There were a lot of downworlders who helped us win that battle. Miss Belcourt was one of them. After we made sure the Cup's power can only be accessed by another shadowhunter, we gave it to her, and trusted her to hide it in a place Valentine would never find. She did, and we'll always be eternally grateful for this, and everything she has done in favour of the Clave. But today, when Valentine is long dead, there is no danger of the Cup getting in the wrong hands. So the Clave wants to get it back, as they should. The problem is, Miss Belcourt has proven to be quite difficult to bargain with lately. Every time we try to get information about the Cup and its location, she evades the subject, stalling, not giving us the answer we seek. Her diversion tactics are almost like the one of a seelie, you might say. She's always diplomatical, without causing offense to the Clave, but without respecting their demands as well. And although the Clave considers her a friend, and is hopeful she would be nothing but that for many years ahead, they don't think she would tell us what we need to know. We don't want to cause disagreements with her, and the vampires under her wing. So the Clave came to a conclusion they could use your help in persuading her to change her mind, and tell where the Cup is. Given your shared past together, we thought you would be the right person." 

While Magnus's mind processed this information, he remembered something. The last conversation he ever had with Camille was close to the events Maryse was talking about. They were broken up for many years now, but the last time he ever actually saw her, really was around 5 years ago. It had been short, their paths had been crossed completely by accident, and all they had said to each other was a bunch of meaningless words. But going back over it now, when Magnus was trying to piece the things he had thought then, to what he knew now, he thought maybe he had some vague idea how Camille might have chosen to hide the Cup. And if he was right, bringing it back to the Clave would be harder than Maryse ever suspected by asking this of him. 

"Camille can't be persuaded to do anything she doesn't want to." Magnus informed, while still going through the memory of their last meeting. Also, he didn't believe the Clave was asking him to help with changing her mind, instead of simply capturing Camille to torture her for information, just because she was a "friend" the way Maryse had put it. The whole friend thing was bullshit in Magnus's opinion. They knew they couldn't extract information out of her with torture, they at least knew her that much. They must be desperate if they were willing to go to Magnus for help, and to use this as part of the negotiations with him. 

"I could try to go and talk with her." Magnus continued, "If it's in the interest of my people, I can do what's in my ability to talk her out of hiding the Cup. I will. I just don't think it would work." Magnus admitted, because he needed to be honest. Of course he wouldn't start flirting with her for information, as Maryse had suggested, but he could talk with her. But the chances of that getting her to give the Cup's location away, were so very little. "If Camille doesn't want to share with you where the Cup is, I'm not sure I'm really the person who would change that. Past or no past." 

"I think you're underestimating your persuasion skills." Maryse said in a way which Magnus didn't like at all, because of what she was implying. "Besides, she doesn't need to know she is sharing anything with the Clave. You can try to make her think she's simply confiding in you. She doesn't have to know about our arrangement. And once she tells you where the Cup is, you can bring it to us, and then we will discuss the conditions about the warlocks." 

Right. They wanted to use him to lie to Camille. The Clave appeared to really like using everyone. They used the warlock in their dungeon, now they wanted to use Magnus. What if after Magnus gets the Cup (if he has any chances of that at all), Maryse just backs out of her word to work with him to achieve peace. What if she tries to kill him right after he gives her the Cup? What if she and the Clave weren't honest with Magnus from the start? Because what else could Magnus expect from them after everything? 

"He can't do that." Magnus said. No, wait....Magnus didn't say that, he didn't even open his mouth when it was spoken. But it was spoken with his voice. That was Alec. 

Maryse seemed to take her time to make the same conclusion, after which she looked at Alec, her eyes asking why he was interrupting. Magnus also didn't know. He had been focused on Maryse the whole time, watching her and listening to her. But Jason and Alec were there as well, also listening. 

"He can't do that," Alec repeated firmly, his body pointed at his mother. "What do you even mean? He can't bring you the Cup. Because he can't ever know where the Cup is. Don't you see the danger if he knows? It's one thing to ask him to talk to his vampire girlfriend. It's another to trust him with the location of the Cup. This is Magnus Bane, and you want to give him one of the Mortal instruments? Who thought this was a good idea?" 

Alec's words stung Magnus if he was honest. But he had some point. Letting Magnus know where the Cup was, was really risky move on the Clave's part. Because how could they know he won't just take it himself, or do something evil with it, or whatever else Alec was imagining now? They couldn't know. But they were asking this of him anyway. There must be something more to this. Another plan, another intention they were trying to hide. What if it wasn't simply desperation from Camille's refusal to cooperate that was driving their actions? What if something else was driving their actions also? 

There was something wrong about all of this, and Magnus started to sense it. 

Maryse was watching Alec with narrowed eyes, appearing very displeased with him, "The Clave carefully thought about this before proposing it. They've considered the dangers, and decided not to let them get in a way of pursuing a goal that's worth it. Don't forget- no downworlder can ever access the Cup's powers, Magnus Bane included. Considering what's at stake, and how much the Clave needs to get the Cup back, they've made their final decision." 

"Is this your decision as well?" Alec asked, "Is it yours?" He repeated, this time looking at Jason, who slightly shook his head. 

"I agree with you," Jason told him, "But no one will hear me. I tried Alec, I'm sorry." Jason looked defeated. He didn't want this any more than Alec did. 

"No," Alec said still firmly, "No. We're not doing this." 

"Enough!" Maryse raised her voice, her anger creeping out despite her trying to hide it. "The Clave made the decision and you won't question it." 

"How could I not question it?" Alec kept going, his tone also getting angry, "This is ridiculous. So what if Magnus Bane can't use the Cup himself? He would just kidnap a shadowhunter who can. That's what he does." 

Maryse tried to subtly indicate to Alec's necklace, reminding him Magnus was hearing everything, and he better stop. But Alec was having none of it. 

"I don't care he hears me. I'm not saying anything he shouldn't hear. The Clave made the wrong decision. Are they crazy?" 

Magnus closed his eyes. It wasn't that he didn't agree with Alec. This was fishy. It was just....Magnus had felt like him and Alec had created an understanding between each other this morning, but it appeared that the Clave's recent demand had brought back Alec's worries and fears about magic, and had crushed that understanding.

When he opened his eyes again, Maryse had taken some big steps towards Alec, and was right at his face. Her eyes were so cold, you would never think Alec was her son who she hasn't seen in days, because he had been taken away from her. No, you would think a lot of other things, but not that. 

"I said enough!" She spoke every word like she was shooting her own arrows at him, "Watch out what you're saying! You, of all people, have the least right to question the Clave's orders. Remember that and know your place!" 

What was she talking about? Was she talking about the fact that Alec being kidnapped led to this meeting in the first place? No. She was talking about something else. Magnus understood that by Jason's face once again. Jason was startled, like he couldn't believe Maryse was referring to whatever she was referring. 

"She didn't mean that." He started nervously telling Alec with a lot of worry, "What she meant was, this is already decided, and there isn't much that could be done. We could only hope it goes smoothly." 

"What I meant is what I said, Jace," Maryse declared, turning her icy cold look at Jason. 

"Stop," he told her weakly. He was about to say something else, but Alec stopped him. 

"No, she's right." Alec said, and there was zero emotion in his voice now. "She's right. I don't know what came over me. I've spoken out if turn, and I apologize. Won't happen again." 

Magnus felt deep pain in his chest for reasons he couldn't understand. He shouldn't feel it, there was no source anywhere around him which could have caused it. Maybe because Alec said that with Magnus's voice. Maybe that's why he felt what was said so strongly. What else could be the reason to react in such a way about something not concerning you? Not concerning you, but concerning someone who seconds ago was speaking of you like you're..........

Magnus didn't have words for himself anymore. Every word was wrong. Every word was too far from anything true. Maybe he was just a big endless emptiness, and words applied to him no more. 

But how could an emptiness relate to its enemy? How could one mother resemble another mother this way? Did all mothers love their children only when it was convenient? Did all sons not appreciate their mother's love until they lose it? Can you lose love at all? Was it something jumping around from person to person, going away and coming back? Or was it something which could be destroyed by man, until it's gone for good? 

Magnus didn't like it, but something about this situation triggered him. It triggered the feelings he was carrying towards his own mother. And he had to fight not to let these feelings overcome him. 

Back at the forest, the necklace started moving. It looked like Alec was removing it from his neck. Time passed until Magnus could see something clearly again. When he could, he realised the necklace was around Maryse now, carried by her. Alec and Jason were visible, but barely. They seemed too far away, but still just there, in the background, like dots not suiting the overall view of the forest. Maybe they were talking, maybe they were not. Magnus couldn't hear them anyway, and he didn't want to. He felt like this was Alec's way to disconnect himself from the meeting. Maybe it had been a mistake for him to be a part of it from the start. Maybe it had been a mistake for Magnus not to just bring him to the Institute way back after their first encounter. When he had been sleeping, after Catarina had healed him, Magnus should have just brought him back to his people. He should have done that. This, whatever it was, wasn't right. How could you expect from someone not to think badly of you, when you don't let them be? When you think of restrictions and rules to everything. 'Drink this tea, Alec.'; 'Wear this necklace, Alec.'; 'Stay in this room, Alec.' 

How more absurd can this get? Well, Alec never said it was absurd this morning. But maybe he thought it was. What did Magnus know anyway? 

"I'm sorry about my son's outburst." Maryse began, talking with the earpiece again. "I wish to go back to what we were discussing before we were so unreasonably interrupted." 

Magnus needed a second to clear his mind, before going along with the rest of this.

"I said I'll talk to Camille. But if she tells me where the Cup is, I have one condition before telling you." He stated, still not having a clear idea how he would convince Camille to trust him (he didn't want to lie to her), but if this was how things were going to be, it could have been worse. The Clave could have asked something so much worse of him. This....this was tolerable. For the moment. And Magnus had to think about his people, not about himself. It would be so incredibly selfish of him if he doesn't try, just because it was going to be hard for him to see Camille again.

"What condition?" Maryse asked warily. 

"I want the Clave to cancel the death order for warlocks. Not for all of them, but the ones against which the Clave has no evidence." 

"That's a huge thing to ask."

Really? There was nothing huge about it for Magnus. "Do they want the Cup, or not?" He was so tired of all the politeness which wasn't even real. "I'm not asking for new Accords so soon. I'm not even asking for respect. All I want, if I'm bringing you the Cup, is to pull back the shadowhunters hunting us out there, and command them to stop. Cancel the death order, or I won't move my finger for you." 

There was silence. Magnus continued talking. 

"If you are truly open to negotiate in the future, I don't see how this would be too much to ask. It's simply the natural beginning of what you yourself said the Clave is willing to consider." 

"It's a huge thing in the light of here and now," Maryse clarified, "When you haven't really done much to prove you're any different from anyone we call our enemy." 

It looked like Maryse was also on a path of turning her back on politeness. 

"You said the Clave has considered the risks and has accepted them, because the goal is worth it." Magnus reminded. "If that's true, if they want the Cup, they would have to do what I ask." 

"Is that your last word?" 

"It is." 

"Very well," Maryse said, "I need to discuss this with the Clave and the Inquisitor. You'll be notified with a fire message about how they took your demand. But be certain, the Clave will never cancel the kill order if you don't give us some proof you could actually lead us to the Mortal Cup first." 

"I'll keep that in mind." Magnus finished with. 

He really didn't know where the Cup was. But if the suspicions he was having earlier about its location were close to the truth, finding it would be a challenge. Because Magnus suspected the Mortal instrument was in another dimension. 

 

When the meeting was over, Alec went back through the portal. He changed back to himself with his rune, leaving the stele with Magnus, going back to where his room was. Magnus raised the barrier. Step A, step B, step C, following the order. Magnus hated this. He didn't why he started to hate it just now, but he did. If before he hadn't thought much about these things, now everything was like needles in his eyes, impossible to go unnoticed. How did this transition happen? 

"This is not your fault," Magnus said, instead of leaving. "Getting captured wasn't your fault. The Clave making this decision wasn't your fault." 

Magnus really needed to clear that out. If Alec was that much against the Clave's demand, he shouldn't think he made it happen somehow. 

Alec raised his eyes at him. "It's because of you." 

What he said didn't sound so much like an accusation, but more like a simple fact. The sky was blue, the sun was yellow, Magnus was responsible for the Clave's decision.

Magnus looked at the floor. He wasn't going to argue about that, it was pointless. Things happen and you can't always have a clear reason for why. He turned to leave. 

"Wait," Alec told him unexpectedly. 

Magnus debated with himself whether to leave anyway. A part of him was tired and wanted to, but that wasn't the bigger part. So he turned back at Alec.

"I know why," Alec said, pointing the barrier, "This...I know why." His eyes settled on the left corner of the room for no apparent reason, before he continued, "You want to do everything you can to save the ones like you. They count on you." 

Magnus felt like Alec was bringing so many contradicting feelings in him with his attitude. Because his attitude was also very contradicting on itself. One minute he would say something hurtful, then- something like this. Magnus didn't know how to take this. Yes, of course, he was doing that for his people. He didn't normally just take people away from their families for fun. Or for the sake of being evil. That should be obvious. But still, to have Alec admit out loud he knew it, was something else. Didn't make him feel better though. 

Alec proceeded, "I also have people who count on me. And a lot more who aren't my responsibility technically, but I feel them as such. So I know why you're doing what you're doing," Alec gestured to the barrier and the room again. "I don't know if I would have done the same thing if I was you. Who knows, maybe I would have done something much worse. You know what, scratch that. I did do much worse. But that doesn't change how things are. The thing is....the ones I care about could be in danger because of the ones you care about. That's not going to change. If you succeed, I would need to once again protect the ones I have to....from the people from your kind." 

"I could say the same thing," Magnus responded with, "And who is hurting who now? You're talking about the past, I'm talking about the present. The Uprising was suppressed, but shadowhunters keep hunting warlocks down. Why? To protect themselves? From what? They're not the ones in need of protecting themselves anymore." 

Alec looked back at him. "The past can repeat itself, if we never learn from it. Happens more times than not. Can you promise me there won't be another Uprising?" 

"If the Clave keeps persecuting warlocks it would be harder and harder for me to make promises. If you don't want people to rebel, why give them so many reasons to?"

"If now we're giving them reasons, than what about before?" Alec asked, "What made them attack us before? There were no persecutions, no more restrictions than with any other downworlder. And the Uprising still happened. Everything still happened. Why?" 

"It wasn't just because they were warlocks." Magnus stated, "The reasons are much more complex than what the Clave might say. Amongst other things, they were greedy for more power. But what is greed, if not a quality we all possess, no matter our kind? If we get rid of every creature, capable of greed, no one would be left standing, not even the animals, and the Earth would become deserted. So we're getting rid of the warlocks instead, because that is the easier more manageable option. Is that what you're saying?" 

"No," Alec said, "I'm saying- what if it happens again?" 

"Why are you so certain it will?" 

"Why are you certain it won't? Can you promise it?" 

"Who could promise we won't all die from an asteroid colliding with the Еarth tomorrow?" Magnus asked, raising his eyebrows. 

"You're changing the subject." 

"And you have the wrong idea about what the subject is." 

Alec shook his head, picking a chair and sitting. He interlaced the fingers of his one hand with those of his other, putting his elbows to rest on his knees. 

"What the Clave wants from you," he started, "It won't end well. Don't you feel it?" 

Magnus did feel it. But in the end of the day, what choice did he have? "What do you want me to do? If I refuse, what other solution is there for me and my people?" 

Should we just let ourselves be forcefully cured and killed? 

Alec looked uncertain, watching his hands like he was battling something. 

"There's no solution. There never was." He spoke finally. "I don't believe there is a chance for peace. Not really." Alec confessed, pretty much denying the reason Magnus was getting out of bed for the last three years. 

He looked at Magnus, and he must have seen something in the way Magnus was looking back, because his features changed like he was hurt. 

So he tried again. "I don't believe there would be a chance for peace now. Not in my lifetime anyway. But perhaps.....perhaps there would be in yours. Perhaps after a hundred years, when new shadowhunters are born, they will know about the Uprising only by tales they heard of. They won't know it by experience. Maybe then things could go back to how they were. Maybe....it won't be so awful when they do. But I'll be too dead to see it." 

Magnus swallowed, trying to chase away the heaviness in his throat, but it didn't seem to be successful.

'Not in my lifetime anyway'

"No,'' Magnus denied, trying not to let his voice break. ''No, look at me.'' Alec did. ''Change happens. Sometimes unexpectedly and surprisingly, but sometimes it happens, because we make it happen. You are the example. A week ago I couldn't get anywhere near you without you trying to kill me. But this morning was different, wasn't it? Ever since you threw away that syringe, it has been different. Ever since you heard what Madzie told you. If it could happen with you, how can you be sure it can't happen with others?" Maybe it could happen with Jason, with Maryse. Who is to say it was hopeless? 

Alec's face looked hopeless though. No, it wasn't that. Magnus couldn't actually recognize the emotion. He wished he could. It pained him nonetheless.

"You're mistaking," Alec said quietly, "Madzie....she loves you. And I wouldn't want to hurt her. But if you think some monumental change has happened, you're mistaking." 

Not monumental. But some. Just some change. And what was Alec saying? That if it wasn't for Madzie, he would still try to kill Magnus? Okay. Fine. But what about Catarina? What was the excuse about her? Madzie hardly knew Catarina, and yet, Alec was spending a lot of time every day with her by his own will.

Magnus didn't ask those questions. He didn't want to bring Catarina into this. But things couldn't be as Alec was saying they were, even if he believed it. 

Alec got up and started pacing around the room in circles. "You're a warlock." He declared after a while. "And I'm a shadowhunter. That's what's important. It's how things are." 

"You're also Alexander."

Alec flinched, like Magnus had said something bad. Something worthy of guilt. A crime. He went closer to the barrier. His tone was steady now, but still quiet, his face conflicted, as opposed to the certainty in his words. "About this, I'm not. I can't be." He took a deep breath. "No, it's not that,'' he corrected, ''Maybe I can, but I don't want to be."

Magnus had the sudden urge to reach past the barrier and touch Alec's arm. Maybe his shoulder. Or his palm. Or not touch his arm at all, but his face. The way Madzie had done when she told him she didn't want the cure. Maybe Magnus could step into the room, put his hand on his cheek, and tell him something he would hear. Then move his hand down to the side of his neck, finding his pulse with his fingers. He would relax his hand then, let his fingers wander around the rune on his neck. Or not. Maybe he could just listen to Alec's heart. Because the heart never lies, even when Alec would. But Alec claimed he didn't have a heart. Magnus remembered that very well from his past conversation with Madzie. 

'Magic just......ripped my heart out. And it's gone now. And I've had to live without it ever since' 

Maybe Magnus could find it. Put his hand where it was. Show it to him. 

'Not in my lifetime anyway'

Magnus emerged back from his thoughts like he was waking up from a dream which had prevented him from seeing clearly. Of course he needs to do the opposite of what was going around in his mind a moment ago. He stepped further back. Away from Alec. Alec followed the movement with his eyes. 

"You shouldn't trust me," Alec concluded. "Because I'll never trust you." 

The heaviness of his last sentence settled on Magnus's shoulders like it wanted to take him down. Magnus didn't want to stay anymore. So he didn't. He walked away.


	19. Camille

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> About the last chapters where Jace was present- I realised it might be a little confusing with Magnus calling him Jason the whole time, but I hope it doesn't take away from the story. Jason is Jace, if anyone had doubts about that. Magnus doesn't use his real name on purpose. It's kind of like a defence mechanism. He is trying to distance himself from someone who hates him, because that hurts him. And Magnus has been dealing with a lot of hate in his life, so he found different ways to deal with it. This is one of those ways. He was doing a similar thing with Alec back in the earlier chapters. He avoided calling him Alec, but was addressing him with ''the shadowhunter'', or ''the boy'', or ''Robin Hood'', or ''his guest''.

The next couple of days were rather uneventful. Peaceful even. Magnus hoped it wasn't something like piece before the storm. Him and Catarina made many doses of the substance they had created, which made warlocks immune to the cure if they hadn't already used it. They made enouth of it to give to every warlock they knew, and could reach. So if the cure was ever used on them, it wouldn't work. 

After the meeting with Maryse, Magnus didn't know if Alec would keep spending time with Catarina as he had before. He was clearly bothered by what the Clave wanted, and was concerned Magnus could get advantage of the situation, and use the Cup if he gets the chance. Or maybe not even Magnus himself, but any warlock Magnus might trust wrongfully so. But Magnus had decided to be very careful, and didn't intend for the Cup to ever fall into the hands of any other warlock, beside him or Catarina. He could try to put Alec's mind at ease, but after their last conversation he didn't want to push it. If that was how Alec was feeling, then it just was. Magnus accepted it, and even if it pained him sometimes, he felt like he couldn't do much. He should save his energy to deal with the Clave. They were in the center of everything, and if Magnus can get them to stop seeking revenge and agree on truce, then Alec and other shadowhunters like him would stop being constantly told warlocks were their enemies, and would have better chances to actually heal from everything the Uprising had put them through. 

So Magnus wasn't sure how the negotiations meeting would affect Alec and Catarina. He wasn't sure whether Alec would close himself off or not. Alec didn't, at least not where Catarina was concerned, and Magnus was glad for that. Catarina was giving lectures about herbs and their properties for healing every day, and Alec wanted to learn, so they appeared to have formed some bond through that. Magnus went back to not seeing Alec much, and it looked like Alec preferred it that way. 

Magnus was wondering if Alec was separating Catarina from the rest of his kind somehow, looking at her differently. He truly couldn't understand Alec's way of thinking sometimes. Because sure, Cat hadn't really done any magic in front of Alec specifically, but she was no less of a warlock than Magnus was. And Alec knew that. His behavior towards her was in a conflict with some of the things he had said to Magnus. Maybe Catarina was like Madzie for him in a way- a separated case from the general rule about warlocks being his enemy. An exception. But how many exceptions can there be, before the general rule crashes down and stops being true altogether? That was the question Magnus didn't have an answer to. 

Apart from all of this, Magnus was trying to get in touch with Camille. Which shouldn't really be that hard, because she was at hotel Dumort, as Magnus had suspected she would be. But if the vampires in her inner circle, with which Magnus had been talking to for the past couple of days, were any indication of her wishes, she was somewhat reluctant to see him. Or unsure at the very least. Eventually they managed to set up a meeting at the hotel. A meeting that Camille had called "a date" in the note Magnus got from one of her trusted vampires. ''Date'' didn't sound right for Magnus at all. It made him feel on edge, waking up all kinds of nerves and anxiety. It was just a word, but it was troubling him too much. 

Magnus spent two hours preparing for going to see Camille, and then he was angry at himself for doing that. Because it wasn't a date, and Magnus shouldn't care at all about how he looked. Furthermore, he shouldn't even look like he cared. He should probably do everything he could to look his worst, because that was the right impression he wanted to make when he sees her. He didn't want her to spare one glance at him, and read on his face that he had been spending two hours looking in the mirror and changing clothes like an idiot. He should change into the ugliest clothes he owned.

No.

No. He was putting too much thought into this. He was going to stop changing clothes right now. It didn't matter how he looks, or how she would look, or what would she think. This was about the Cup.

So Magnus finally turned his back on the pointless mirror, took the ring Catarina had enchanted to glow in the presence of shadowhunters, and went outside, deciding to go to the hotel using the subway. 

When Magnus arrived, he was told in which room Camille was, and they called her to let her know he was there. He came up, knocking on the door. 

"It's open." He heard Camille say. When was the last time he had heard her voice? Hmm, he knew that. It was 5 years ago. What was the last thing she had said though? That, he couldn't remember. He wished he could.

He opened the door, going inside and seeing.....well, there was a huge dinner prepared, with fragrant candles all around the table. The light was dimmed so the candles can provide most of the lighting. What the hell? Camille came, emerging from the next room, at which Magnus looked for a split second, and saw a huge bed, covered in rose petals. What the hell??? He really hoped Camille had another date with someone after he leaves, and all this was for him or her. Or she had just set this up for herself after a long day. Any other explanation, besides the very obvious one, was an explanation Magnus could take in a blink of an eye, grateful for it. 

Camille was dressed in a tight violet dress, with just one shoulder strap over one shoulder. The dress was short on her left side, exposing most of her thigh, and going longer on its way to her other leg, covering it till the beginning of the knee. She was in high heels, the same colour as the dress, and her dark hair was mostly down, with some barely seen barrette in it. She was stunning, as always. There was a part of Magnus which was really pleased to see her, but he would have been happier had she showed up in simple clothes and slippers maybe. Or something like that, if it made any sense. 

"Long time, no see," she said alluringly, her bottom lip separating from the upper slowly, as she watched him from head to toe. 

And it was around then, when Magnus's anxiety, which he had been feeling before he came, washed off in the absurdity of this. Were they in a bad romance movie or what? Everything about this was so unsuitable. When he requested this meeting, he hadn't really specified why he was requesting it, because he didn't know how to approach the situation. He didn't know what to say, how to say it, what to refrain himself from saying, how to get to the part about the Cup. But looking at Camille now, he realised there was only one way he could do this. He was going to just be straightforward. 

"I know you have the Mortal Cup. The Clave wants to know where it is." Magnus told her, getting to the point.

Camille's seductive face started to falter and transform into awareness.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She claimed. 

Great. This was already taking a bad turn, but Magnus wasn't going to be a part of the charade Camille had planned for him, and he wasn't going to be dishonest about his motives coming here. 

"They asked me to talk to you, and convince you to hand it over. That's a condition in the negotiations I'm having with them on behalf of the warlocks." 

Camille's eyes narrowed. "Is that the only reason you wanted to meet me?" Her face was becoming more serious, but the way she was looking at him was more intense. 

"Yes." Magnus simply replied. Because it might sound harsh, but it was the truth. It was the right impression she needed to have about everything. 

''Hmm,'' she uttered, blinking and turning her back at him, "Then you know where the door is."

Oh no. He wasn't going to just leave so easily.

"When did you stop caring about me?" Magnus asked, making her stop, and look back at him. 

"Excuse me?" 

"You heard," Magnus stated with firm voice, "When did you stop caring? And not just about me, but about others. I'm telling you, you can do something to help thousands of warlocks who are dying without reason, and you don't even want to listen? You're ready to kick me out the minute I tell you this isn't going to be some one night stand. If you don't give a damn about my life, that's fine. But you also don't give a damn about hundreds of other lives." 

Camille's eyes were piercing through him harder and harder. There was nothing welcoming in her body language anymore, and for a moment Magnus thought she was going to hit him. "You don't know what you're talking about." She said through gritted teeth.

"Don't I? Then by all means, please, prove me wrong. Did you ever, during the last three years when you knew I was struggling, made any effort to reach me and see if I was okay. Or if I was still alive?" 

Camille was closer to him in a second, there faces inches apart. "You have no right to say that to me," she was close to shouting, "You were the one who left! You did! You gave up on me! Was I supposed to stick around after that? During the last three years, as you say, did you ever give me any indication you wanted me to reach you? No, you didn't. You're a hypocrite! Blaming me for the very thing you're guilty of." 

Magnus stepped back, her words overwhelming him more than a punch would.

"I never gave up on you. Never! You know why I left. I had to! After you cheated on me again and again, and I continued coming back every time, I got to the point where I couldn't come back any more. You betrayed me way too many times, and I had to leave." Magnus's words were soaking with his pain. She must see it. Magnus wasn't hiding it. "I didn't contact you, because it's hard for me to do that after what you did." He added. 

Camille made a laugh-like sound, which was like a knife in his gut, making him bleed. "What you call cheating and betrayal, in reality was nothing more than a bunch of meaningless random sexual encounters, happening because I was bored. You didn't leave because of this. This meant nothing to me, and I told you it didn't. I was yours!" She shouted, "I was yours and you were mine! Until you decided to destroy that, and turn it into nothing." She made her way closer to him once more. "You left, because you couldn't deal with me not needing only you every second. And because you never accepted who I was. You are such a joke. You kept telling me I needed to be myself, and that I could be myself with you, but when I was, you turned your back and left." 

Magnus didn't step back this time. He just watched her, the fury in her eyes, the resentment. And the hurt. Did he cause that? 

Magnus couldn't believe that after all these years, Camille was still so deluded about why they broke up. "Of course I wanted you to be yourself," Magnus began more quietly, "Of course I meant everything I said. I knew who you were. That never stopped me from loving you. What stopped me were your actions. What you call meaningless encounters, was the very thing tearing my heart apart. I had to leave, because we never had the same idea about love, and that was unhealthy for both of us. The love I wanted was never the one you offered." 

Camille sighed. There wasn't anger in her expression anymore, but the hurt was overtaking her face slowly. "The love you want doesn't exist. You sacrificed what we had for something that never existed." 

"I don't know if it exists," Magnus admitted, "But I can't not search for it. I can't fool myself I want what you want, when I don't." 

The words seemed to have wounded Camille more than Magnus ever wanted, her face disappointed and let down. "I gave you more than I've ever given anybody. And you acted like it's nothing. Now you're saying it wasn't enough." 

Magnus felt like he wanted to cry. The way she was seeing this was never the impression he wanted to leave her with. "Maybe I wasn't the right person to give it to. Maybe I was never the right one for you." Because if he had been, either Camille wouldn't have kept cheating on him, or it wouldn't hurt so damn much every time she did. 

Camille turned away, going for the bedroom and slamming the door. Magnus didn't leave. He didn't think she really wanted him to leave. He tried to calm himself down. It was difficult seeing her, and hearing what she said. But what was the hardest, was to see how not in sync with each other they still were. Part of Magnus wanted to follow her. He fought that part and just stayed, taking one of the chairs around the table, but putting it away from it, before sitting to wait for her. 

When Camille came back, her make up looked refreshed, and Magnus wondered had she cried. 

"I was a little bit much earlier," she explained, her hands going through her hair, although it didn't need fixing. "That's what happens when you reunite with someone after a long time. Forget about it. Please, let's sit down and eat." She gestured to the table. 

''I'm not sure if it's a good idea. We need to talk.''

''Talking can wait.'' Camille said dismissively. Then her eyes went through his body thoroughly. ''We would postpone it until the morning after. After we've had.....a good rest.''

Magnus shook his head. Not this again. This was fake. This wasn't her. It wasn't them.

"I prefer not to," Magnus replied honestly, looking at the candles like they had personally offended him (and they actually had), "We need to talk about the Clave and the Cup." 

"Like I've said- I don't know what you're talking about." Camille picked a chair, positioning it in front of Magnus. She tugged her dress up more than it was needed when she was sitting, probably on purpose. 

"Do you deny you have the Cup?" What if she didn't have it after all? It didn't sound logical for the Clave to think she did, if she didn't, but how could Magnus know for sure? 

"I have a lot of cups in a lot of different places, and I'm not ashamed to admit it," she crossed her legs in a rather demonstrative way, "And I can tell you all about them. Even show them to you. One by one. If you.....if want." She grabbed the side of his chair, pulling him towards her, "Most of them are souvenirs from the places I've been, but there is this one cup, saying 'The hottest people are the most deadly'. That's my favourite." She bit her lip, her voice low now, and she put her hand on Magnus's chest. 

"I'm talking about the Mortal Cup." Magnus clarified, taking her hand away. She probably had it, but insisted on playing games. What she was trying to turn this into, was something making Magnus irritated. He also felt a sense of unsettle on her behalf as well. She was doing a disservice to herself, when she could be so much more than she was making herself appear like. Come on Camille, you're better than this. He preferred when they were fighting earlier.

"Mortal Cup? What? I've never heard more stupid name for a cup." She put her hand back where it had been, hooking her fingers in the buttons of Magnus's vest, unbuttoning them.

Magnus frowned. He doubted that she even wanted to sleep with him at all. She was just on a mission to prove something she didn't need to. 

"Are you really going to keep behaving like that?" He asked. 

"Like what?" She continued unbuttoning his vest, her voice raspy. 

This was getting nowhere. And Magnus had been right when he thought she wasn't going to tell him anything. He stood up, the movement surprising her, and he went to the other side of the table, creating a distance between them. He magiced a paper and a pen, and wrote his address. It was reckless, but he felt like doing it. He wanted to move somewhere else anyway, but he also wanted to test if she would tell the Clave where he lived. He made a mental note to himself while he was writing to put the same barrier surrounding Alec's room around his whole apartment, so shadowhunters wouldn't be able to enter, if she does tell them. He had a feeling she won't though. He hoped she won't.

"This is where you could find me," he told her. "Do that, if you ever decide you care after all and want to talk." 

He turned to leave, but she used her speed to get in front of him, blocking his way to the door. 

"What's the matter?" She asked, faking innocence, but there was mockery hiding behind her words. "Are you afraid of what might happen if you stay? Of what you would do. That you might want to kiss me? Or that you might want to do more than that? What scared you so much that you're running like a little girl?" She laughed. "Run Magnus, run. Save yourself from temptation." 

Magnus's exasperation started growing. 

"I thought you were It for me, you know that?" Magnus spit the words in her face, not trying to hide his feelings. "I thought you were my happy ending. The love of my life." Her mask started to slip off, so Magnus continued, "I imagined how we would be together for eternity. And now, after everything we've been through together, you're just going to act like that? You're just going to play games with me? It's disrespectful to both of us. And I'm done playing games with you! I'm done!"

His words caught her off guard and he used that to remove her from his way, going out and leaving. She knew where to find him if she wanted to help. That was all Magnus could do. 

 

About four hours after Magnus got home, someone knocked on the door. And that could be only Camille, because Magnus and Catarina had already put a barrier around the place, and shadowhunters couldn't really reach the front door. Magnus actually didn't expect her to come this soon. He thought if she ever does at all, it would be after days. 

Sure enough, Magnus saw Camille after opening. Gone was the dress, replaced by just shirt and jeans. Her face was serious. They watched each other for a moment, before Magnus made a place for her to enter, and she did. 

He invited her into the living room, where they both sat on the sofa. She was quiet, thoughtful. Magnus was about to offer a drink, but he abstained himself from that. They shouldn't drink together in a moment like this. Or at least not anything alcoholic. 

"Did you come to help?" He asked. 

"I do care," Camille declared, keeping eye contact, "I never said I didn't." 

Magnus wanted to hear that. He wanted it to be true. 

"Your actions.....made me unsure of that." He told her. 

"And what about your actions Mister Perfect?" She countered. "You can't show up after all these years, throwing the Clave in my face, not giving a damn about how I've been, or bothering to ask me. And then going with the line 'after everything we've been through'. Because if what we've been through meant something to you, you should have at least tell me 'hello' and ask how I've been, instead of saying you came just because of the Clave. You have double standards and you're oblivious to them." 

"I do want to know how you've been. But I didn't know how to handle seeing you. Maybe I could have handled it better, sure. But so could you." Magnus remarked. 

Camille watched him for a long moment, inspecting. "I don't want to get you back, if that's what you're afraid of." 

"I'm not afraid," Magnus denied, "I just wished you wouldn't try to make things look like a date. And everything else you did was uncalled for." 

"Okay. So I didn't know how to handle seeing you too. Will you stop judging me for one second?" 

Magnus raised his hands in surrender. "No more judging. You have my word. I may even ask you how you've been." 

There was a brief smile on Camille's lips, which caused a bigger one on Magnus's. 

"I want to talk about us." Camille stated after, which kicked Magnus's cautiousness again. 

"Don't take this as more judging, but....is this another game?" Magnus wanted to know. 

Camille shook her head and Magnus chose to believe her. 

Camille carried on. "There are things I need to say, but if the Clave is all you care about nowadays, then screw you, and I'll never say them." 

"Screw the Clave," Magnus said, using her words. "If you want to tell me something, then just tell me." 

Camille nodded swallowing, looking like she was trying to pick her words from a big pile of all kinds of phrases, searching for the ones which best suited her thoughts.

"I don't know when I stopped loving you," she began, "I think it was before you left. At one point I just didn't look at you the same way. But I thought you were It for me as well, and I thought you should be, so I ignored it. I was so mad when you left, because I never felt like we had closure. Everything for me was like open for interpretation. I waited for you after, to get that closure, but you never came." 

"I still loved you when I left," Magnus admitted, making her gasp in surprise. "But these feelings were making me into someone I didn't want to be. Every time I came back after you cheated, was like I was losing parts of myself. I didn't want to love you, I wanted to stop, and I couldn't do that with you around. I had to be far away to forget you. Years after that, I still didn't reach you, because I was afraid my feelings would come back." 

"Did they?" Camille asked. Magnus was sure she already knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it loud and clear. 

"No." 

Sharing what he did and hearing what she shared- it felt relieving to Magnus. Her presence itself now felt relieving somehow. They were both in their own mind, processing what they had said to each other, repeating it, making sense of it. But they were also present in the current moment, when they were so close, metaphorically and literally, looking at one another.

"I don't remember our last kiss.'' Camille said with regret. ''Do you?" 

Magnus shook his head. "We didn't know it was the last. So we forgot it." We were fools, Magnus thought, but didn't say. Such fools.

Camille was looking intently at him, and Magnus was looking right back. There was something really pure in simply being like this with her, as opposed to the ugliness in the hotel earlier. Suddenly Magnus was grateful the Clave asked him to contact Camille, he was grateful she didn't wait days and days to come here. He was grateful for this moment. His head started filling with memories. Happy ones this time. 

Their first kiss, which Camille had initiated, surprising the shit out of Magnus, who then had been under the impression she didn't have romantic feelings for him at all, and they were just friends. 

When he had told her he never celebrated his birthday, because the date itself was making his mind go to dark places. So Camille had turned her birthday into his birthday, searching and finding some of his friends, scattered around the globe at the time, to make a surprise for him. 

That morning when Camille was acting like a bitch with Magnus, but then he told her he loved her with a wink, and she froze before pulled him in, kissing him. They both had laughed at the end, because they made a maneuver to the bed, but fell on floor instead, missing the bed by a few inches. For a vampire with supposedly quick reflexes, and a warlock like Magnus, that was really laughable.

All those memories were passing through Magnus, and maybe he was smiling, but he wasn't sure. Then, easily as breathing was, he moved closer to Camille. He reached for her, his hands going around her back, his eyes moving to her lips. Magnus made his intentions very clear, left time for her to push him away, and when she didn't, he kissed her. 

Camille responded to the kiss right away, her hands went to grip his shoulders. Their lips were moving against each other, but there was no tongue involved, nothing anyone would call too passionate. Because that wasn't about passion. They kept kissing in the simplest of ways, stopping for a second or two, then starting all over again. Their hands never moved much from the positions they had found. Only their mouths were moving in a way that was so familiar. So recognisable. So known. Magnus felt like kissing Camille would never feel too much out of place, never too odd. His body recognized her, even when Magnus's mind was unsure.

Magnus felt good. For the first time in a while, he wasn't just somehow alright, or simply fine. He was good. That was the moment he wanted, even if he hadn't realised it until now. The moment when they're finally in sync with each other. Finally! 

They knew they weren't kissing, because they were coming back together. They were kissing, because they weren't. This was goodbye. Not goodbye between the two of them (Magnus hoped not), but it was their goodbye to what they've had. It had been something real, something they both lost, and would both miss. But they had to go forward. 

"You better remember that, because it's never going to happen again." Magnus said with a smile between kisses. Because yeah, if Camille forgets their last kiss again, Magnus would hold her personally accountable for that til.....forever. Camille smiled as well, and Magnus felt like not enough years had passed to make them lose this, and he was happy. 

They pulled back sort of at the same time. Letting each other go.

 

The next hour they spent talking about themselves. What had been going on with them, and mostly what they had the desire to talk about, because there was so much awful events between their last encounter and now, about which Magnus wanted to avoid talking at all cost, because it would ruin his mood. 

Magnus didn't brought the topic of the Clave back. He didn't want it to look like that was all he cared for. Because he cared for her, and she had said she also cared for him, and that discovery was keeping him content. Besides, Camille knew. Back at the hotel, he had told her what was going on. Now it was up to her to choose what to do with what she knew. She could just go to the Clave herself, and tell them the information they wanted. She could start the topic again with Magnus. Or she could not do anything. Magnus had to admit, he would be really hurt if she chooses option 3. Especially after today. He felt like that would make the moment they shared less important, less meaningful. But having her around him now, not fighting with her for the first time in ages, Magnus thought it was a risk he was willing to take. 

But it turned out, Magnus didn't need to guess what her next move would be for much longer. 

"Tell me again- what does the Clave want, and how did everything happen." Camille requested. 

Magnus did. He told her about the second negotiations, and what Maryse had said to him. 

"I see," she commented, her eyes glowing with a lot of disapproval, but it wasn't pointed at Magnus this time. "They were counting on you not telling me about the negotiations, and that arrangement. They thought you would not mention this, and pretend I'm only telling you were the Cup is." 

"So you do have the Cup after all?" 

"I do, honey," Camille confessed, "But I'll never give it to the Clave. They know it. That's why they send you. They were hoping you would choose not to be honest with me." Camille laughed, shaking her head at the thought, "They don't know you at all. You wouldn't lie about that. You're too precious for this world Magnus. And they have no idea." 

Magnus exhaled, brushing off her words he disagreed with. He was far from innocent. 

"Why are you so hell-bent on not giving the Cup back? Technically, it belongs with the shadowhunters, doesn't it?" 

Camille tsk-ed. "Like I said- too precious for this world. Maybe too naive also." 

Magnus looked at her through narrowed eyes and she smiled coyly. "It's good to see I can still get on your nerves," she remarked. Then her face became serious. "Look, today you told me I don't care about the warlocks, because I keep quiet about the Cup. But it's the opposite. It's because I care about them that I keep the Cup hidden. Believe me, shadowhunters shouldn't get their hands on this thing." 

Magnus frowned. "What do you mean by that?" 

"Do you know what the Cup could do?" 

Maryse had asked him a similar question before. He answered the same. "It can create new shadowhunters." 

"Aaand....." Camille encouraged him to keep going. 

"And other things I'm not familiar with." 

"It could control demons. Command them." Camille crossed her arms, looking him straight in the eye. "That's why they want it. It's why they shouldn't have it. I can tell you what will happen if you bring it to them. They would use it's power to send as much demons as they can after you and all the other warlocks. You're not different than a demon to them. It's the perfect way to get rid of you. One kind of demon against the other, until you cancel each other out. Bye demons, bye warlocks, and everything is right in the world. They're tired of fighting with your kind by themselves. They found an easier way to win. And what makes it even more perfect, is that they want You, not anyone else, but You to bring them the Cup. Handing over the means of your own destruction. So the joke would be on you. Brilliant! I should borrow some of their tricks for myself. They could be more devious than I am. Except they didn't really took your ever present honesty into consideration, thinking you would trick me." 

Magnus felt like the whole room started spinning. He managed to sit down before his legs give out. He couldn't breathe. 

"It's alright honey," Camille said, "Take your time. Let everything sink in." She sighed, looking at Magnus. Her voice turned softer. "The Clave is not what they used to be. Since the Uprising, new shadowhunters came in power. Starting with the Inquisitor- Garroway." She said his name with distaste. "The previous one, Inquisitor Herondale, was not that bad, bearable woman. All things considered, you could put your trust in her. But she was killed in the Uprising. The shadowhunters in charge now don't want peace. Sorry." 

Magnus was still trying to get his breathing under control. 

He knew the Clave must be up to something after their demand. He just never imagined it would be something this horrible. If they were so opposed to peace, then what was left for him to do???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like. Or if you want to correct my english, you're always welcome to :)))


	20. The Clave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> This chapter has its odd moments. I hope it's decent overall.

Magnus felt like he wanted a drink, but at the same time he preferred not to have one. It wasn't because of Camille this time, or because he was worried about drinking with her. But when there was a difficulty, a disaster heading his way, a crisis on his hands, he opted for not drinking (sometimes). He wanted to drink when he was untroubled, calm, and relaxed. Drinking was something he enjoyed for many reasons, none of which included using that as a tool to forget his problems. He loved savouring the taste of the drink, opening his senses and his whole being to feeling, letting himself take pleasure in it. If he starts to use it as a problem solver though, he knew he was going to lose that. And then drinking would turn into something he does out of need alone. A simple, ordinary, typical need, not for the pleasure of it. He couldn't allow that to happen. 

"How can you be sure the Clave plans to do what you said?" Magnus asked, running his finger around the edges of the glass he was holding, now filled with lemonade. Camille was drinking blood from a similar glass, but the liquid sort of looked like a tomato juice for the untrained eye. 

"Call it good intuition." Camille responded vaguely. 

"So you're not actually sure?" Magnus challenged.

"Call it good intuition plus I know them." 

"Because you're their 'friend', working with them for a while?" Magnus questioned, using the same word Maryse had used to describe Camille, and raised one of his eyebrows. That was still bullshit to him.

"I was," Camille replied seriously, "Before I was. Now.....let's say I may have something with a certain member of the Clave. He could be.....quite talkative in moments of.....overjoy." She crossed her arms, her hands and fingers holding her elbows with what Magnus thought was more tension than what the simple gesture required. Her pauses gave him the impression she was talking about something unpleasant. "And let's say he might have said something about the Cup without being aware, and that helped me connect the dots, and see what the Clave wanted to do." 

Magnus couldn't stop looking at her posture, and it made him concerned. "Do you like him? The member of the Clave you have something with."

Camille's eyes shifted between Magnus and other directions. For a second Magnus thought she was going to say 'yes', and maybe she was, but she gave up on that in favour of the truth. "Not particularly." The position of her arms more and more appeared to Magnus like she was hugging herself. 

There was a deep unsettling feeling in Magnus's chest he couldn't shake. He remembered Camille the way she was in the hotel. Was she like that with the Clave member they were talking about? She had just said she doesn't like him. But it was clear she was spending nights with him to get information. It was clear she didn't like it.

"Stop looking at me like that," Camille said sharply and defensively, and Magnus wasn't sure how she thought he was looking, but he averted his eyes a little to give her a sense of more space. "It's not like I can encanto him, because he's a shadowhunter with a rune against that." Camille added, "What's left for a girl to do? There aren't many other options to find out what I need to know. What we both need to know actually. You should be happy. If I didn't know what I do, you would be giving the Cup back, and you would've been dead soon after." 

Maybe. But Magnus wasn't happy. He was pretty damn disquieted. 

"You shouldn't do that," he told her, not looking her in the eyes, because he suspected she didn't want him to. "If it hurts you, you should stop." 

"I decide what hurts me," Camille's voice was still defensive. "Nothing can hurt me if I don't let it." 

"Are you sure?" Magnus asked, completely unconvinced. Are you sure sleeping with someone you don't want to sleep with is totally fine? Are you sure it doesn't get to you? How could it not? 

"Who do you think you are? My father?" 

Magnus looked back at her, "I'm someone who cares. And you don't exactly give off vibes to calm my worry. If it affects you, you should stop." There was also the point about the man in question. Did he think she likes him? Did he think she had feelings for him? Because if he knew she didn't, if he could sense it, but was seeing her anyway, then he was plainly an awful person. But maybe he was deluded. In which case, Magnus still couldn't bring himself to feel bad for him after the revelation that the Clave just wanted to lure him to his death. But he felt bad for Camille. He couldn't stop that feeling. He couldn't wash it away. 

After Magnus's words, they had something like a stubborn staring contest, waiting for the other one to declare retreat, and agree with the other. 

"There are still things I might be able to learn from him." Camille persisted. 

Magnus sighed deeply. "Just promise me to think about what I've said. And think about yourself." She should at least do that if Magnus can't convince her to anything else. 

Camille wanted to end this topic. Maybe that was the reason she nodded. But Magnus hoped she really will think about what he told her. 

"Can we move on from this already?" Camille asked, her arms still crossed, but they started to relax and fall to her sides, when Magnus agreed to leave this alone. 

There was still the question about what could he do with the Clave. If they wanted to keep the war going, than too bad for them. Magnus would do everything he could not to give them that. If they wanted to trick him into thinking they considered peace, then Magnus would trick them right back. He had always tried to be honest, like Camille had commented earlier, but if they didn't intend to be sincere with him, then they didn't deserve his honesty. Too much was at stake for Magnus. And giving up was never an option. If they don't want peace, then Magnus would make them submit to it regardless. He didn't know how, but he will. He couldn't afford anything less. Nothing less was on the table and it never will be. 

"I think we should destroy the Mortal Cup." Magnus declared at one point, making Camille turn to him with surprise. "But we should do it in a way that wouldn't expose it was us. They want me to bring it to them? Very well. I can do that. I laid the condition for the cancellation of the kill order regarding warlocks. I'll leave them no other choice, but to agree to that in exchange for the Cup. But before I give them that back, we'll make sure it would be destroyed before they can use it. We can make it look like an accident, or....I don't know. Anything not to have them suspect magic. I need to have the Cup with me, and take a close look at it, to find out how to manage that. Maybe there is a spell I can put on it, before giving it back." Magnus was thinking out loud, his mind creating ideas. 

But them he saw Camille shaking her head, her face not approving. "I don't think we should destroy it. Or give it back at all for that matter. The Cup is where I want it to be, and it should stay there." 

"But I won't make it possible for them to use it. I may not know how now, but we'll figure it out." 

"We don't need to figure anything out." Camille responded. "The Cup is safe with me, and I won't give it away." 

Magnus started feeling uneasy. If he didn't know Camille any better, this would be the moment he decides she wants to use the Cup for herself somehow. But he knew it wasn't that. So what was it? "If I don't give it back to them, I don't know what would follow." Magnus confessed, hoping his sincerity would change Camille's mind. "They probably won't cancel the kill order, and all I've done up to this point would be for nothing. I would be back at the start. I've tried so hard to achieve something, anything, for my people. And I'm willing to keep trying even after what you told me. But I'm not sure I can do this alone. I need you. Whatever the problem is, whatever reason you might have not to want the Cup to be moved or destroyed, we can deal with it. You can tell me, and we'll think of something to get around it." 

Magnus concentrated his eyes on Camille. She closed hers, her head heading to the floor for a while. 

"You're not the only one who has something to lose Magnus." She began, watching him back with more vulnerability than she had before. "You're not the only one, whose future with the Clave is uncertain." Camille made a pause, appearing to be gathering her thoughts. "The future of everyone is uncertain. Remember Valentine? He wanted to kill all downworlders." 

"But he's dead. And the Clave never shared his beliefs." Magnus pointed out. 

"They never shared his beliefs BEFORE." Camille clarified calmly, but emphasized the world. It made Magnus remember what she had said earlier about her being the Clave's friend- 'Before I was'. 

"When you say 'before', you're talking about the Uprising, right? Before that." Magnus wanted to make sure. 

"The Uprising altered many things. It continues to alter them. Look at what the Clave is doing. Who could say they would stop with only your kind? Who could say that after they take you down, it would be over? Maybe the vampires would be next in the list. Who could guarantee any other downworlders won't be next? If the Cup is with me, and they know that it is, it would be my insurance against them. It's better than having nothing. You're asking me to hand over and destroy the only thing that could protect me. I can't do that." 

So this was what the issue was. The possibility of the Clave not limiting their rage with only the warlocks. But....but Magnus had seen Isabelle and Simon. A shadowhunter and a downworlder, being together in front of the eyes of everyone. It didn't look like this was a problem for Maryse, it didn't look like it was a problem for the Clave. Furthermore, the Clave had many allies amongst the downworlders. Magnus couldn't see all that just not having an influence on what's to follow. What Camille was talking about, was some future he couldn't quite connect with the Shadow World now. The Clave didn't seem to have a quarrel with other downworlders. 

"This is just a speculation." Magnus summarised his views on the subject. 

"Speculation now, reality tomorrow." 

"And when is that tomorrow?" Magnus questioned, but Camille had already said. After the warlocks are defeated. After they're gone. Well, in that case they won't ever reach that point, because Magnus wasn't planning on losing everything any time soon, so this whole new take on the future would never really have a chance to come. And why was everybody thinking about the horrible future, or the horrible past, without trying to change the horrible present? Which was warlocks being in danger. That is what people should put their energy on fighting against. "We won't let it happen," Magnus announced with conviction and a lot of hope. Warlocks won't become extinct, and the peace would put an end to everything.

Camille didn't look convinced. "Valentine might be dead, but his legacy lives on. It lives in those with the most authority. Again, the best example of that is the Inquisitor. He is not only Maryse's lover, the woman who lost her child by a downworlder. He is also Valentine's former parabatai. Who's to say he doesn't share his views?" 

"You don't know that." Magnus interrupted. "And even if he does, we won't let it go that far. You're talking about what happens after warlocks are dead. Why are you even considering it? It won't happen. I know we heaven't seen each other in ages, but for God's sake, have more trust in me!" Magnus went closer to her, sitting by her side. "I get your argument about the Cup, but it's hollow when you look at the whole picture. You may think you're safer with the Cup being in your possession, but for how long? You can't hide it forever. If I don't bring it back to the Clave, they would think of another way to get it. And then another, and another. If anything, I think that puts you in more danger than the other way around. Do you want to make sure the vampires won't be next? Then do something about the Clave now. Act now, before it's too late." 

Magnus looked at her intently, pouring his emotions and his hope. She must have hope too. Otherwise why was she still here? He continued, "We can give them the Cup, if they want it so badly. In exchange they would have to cancel the kill order. Then we'll make sure the Cup won't be used in our harm. What happens after that, we'll see when we get to it." 

"It won't be easy." Camille remarked, and Magnus smiled, because he sensed she was on a path of assisting him. 

"When was it ever?" 

"It won't be easy to even give them the Cup." 

"Because it's in another dimension." Magnus voiced the assumption he had since the meeting with Maryse. 

Camille looked caught off guard, "How did you...." 

"I'm genius." Magnus pointed out with a smile, making her raise her eyebrows in doubt. "Also, I remember colliding with you in the Seelie Court a while ago. I didn't know what you were doing there, but now I made the connection. You needed a seelie to open the door between dimensions." 

"You're very observant." Camille stated with a smile of her own, at which Magnus shrugged, because he knew at times he could also be blind for the obvious as well. "We can find a seelie, that's not the problem. But you can't just go to another dimension. It's very dangerous." Camille warned. "I risked a lot when I did. There is no guarantee you'll be able to come back." 

Magnus put her warning into perspective. "We'll find a way. I must ask though- can I take this turn of the conversation to mean you officially agree to help me?" He asked carefully. 

Camille made a resigning sound. "I guess," she uttered. "You're too charming not to." She shook her head in defeat.

Magnus made a short laugh. He was, wasn't he? In all truth, he could see that wasn't really the reason. She had just seen the logic behind his words. 

 

They talked about the dimension Camille had hidden the Cup in- the specific things about it, what was different from this one, and what was the same. It turned out not much was the same. There was no Shadow World in that dimension. There were no demons, shadowhunters, or downworlders. Just mundanes.

At one point Camille's cell phone rang. She looked at the screen for longer than you normally would, before making the choice not to pick up. 

That gave Magnus's other thoughts time to invade his mind. He needed to ask something. He realised he wanted to hear her opinion. 

"Camille," he started, getting her attention back, "Based to everything you know about the Clave, do you think they would abandon this plan of theirs, and end the negotiations entirely if I were to.....let's say release someone, a shadowhunter, I might be holding as a hostage." 

"You're talking about Alec," was Camille's immediate response. So immediate that Magnus was caught off guard. Yes, he was talking about Alec, but the way Camille had pronounced his name was like he wasn't just a stranger to her. But maybe Magnus was reading too much into it. It wasn't a secret who was the shadowhunter Magnus had taken. Given that Camille knew so much about the Clave, it would have been way too unexplainable if she didn't know something as basic as Alec's name.  
"You want to let him go?" She asked, and Magnus confirmed. 

He had wanted to let him go for a long time now, and he hated that he was so uncertain of what will happen if he does. He just wanted for Camille to reassure him that this won't put an end to the negotiations. That the Clave wanted the Cup bad enough not to end them. 

Please, tell me it's okay to let him go. Please tell me that. Please! 

"I won't advise it." Camille stated after a short cogitation on the matter, crushing Magnus's hopes about getting a different answer. "Every single advantage you have over the Clave counts, and could turn crucial. Including that." 

"Yeah, " Magnus mumbled. "You're probably right." 

Camille watched him cautiously. She probably noticed his guilt. It was growing every day. Magnus was trying to stop it by telling himself Alec was okay here. As a matter of fact, he was probably safer here than he would ever be back in the Institute, battling demons all the time. And though that might be true, it didn't soothe his conscience. 

"Is he here?" Camille asked suddenly, interrupting Magnus's train of thought. ''Like, here here? In this apartment?''

"Yes," Magnus responded slowly and guardedly, "Why?" 

"I want to see him."

"Why?" He repeated. 

Camille moved from the place she was sitting nonchalantly, trying to appear like it didn't matter, but Magnus was suspecting otherwise. "Curiosity. I want to check something."

"I don't think it's a good idea," Magnus told her honestly. "In fact, I think we should focus on different things....." 

And Camille was gone. Poof. Vanished just like that. Probably searching for Alec. It wouldn't take her long to find him with her vampire speed and all. Damn it! She had ignored Magnus's request. 

Magnus took a portal to Alec, finding Camille by the entrance of his room. Alec seemed to had seen her, but wasn't paying her any attention, reading one of the books Catarina was providing. Naturally, Alec couldn't reach the door to the room, because of the barrier, but it was Catarina's job to keep it closed after a certain hour in the evening, because that was the polite thing to do. Camille had opened it, and Magnus wasn't even sure if she had knocked first or not. He took her hand, gently trying to pull her away, silently pleading with her to go. She acted like she didn't notice. 

"Is that the shadowhunter you stole under his mother's nose, Magnus?" Camille asked loudly, and Magnus lost all hope she would just leave. "I'm not sure you should keep him. He doesn't seem entertaining in the slightest. Maybe you should train him better. He should at least be kinder to your guests," she kept going, and Magnus wanted the ground to open and swallow him. Why was she doing this? 

Alec was not reacting. But Magnus was so bothered. Sure Camille, why not just make him dislike me more that he already does? Why not? That's exactly what I need. 

Magnus knew she was going somewhere with this, but was really at a loss about what positive thing could ever happen as a result of pissing Alec off. 

Camille moved closer to the barrier, "What is this thing?" She asked like she didn't know. "It reminds me of a the restrictions against animals in the zoo. Is he like an animal? I wouldn't be surprised for a shadowhunter. But then again, those animals are well trained to entertain, if nothing else. This one is disappointing and useless. Can he even do anything? Follow any command?" 

Stop talking Camille! Just stop talking! Magnus was going to strangle her. And after that, strangle her again. He already started scheming different ways for that.

Alec didn't let it pass this time. He closed the book and walked straight to Camille. "I'm sorry miss, but the 'zoo' is closed currently. We have a policy not to open our doors for shallow arrogant pompous snakes like you." 

Camille's eyes indicated surprise for a split second. Was that what she expected, or was it not? Magnus was glad Alec's disapproval was directed at her, and not at him for a change. But he was still wondering about what was Camille doing. 

"Snakes are more clever and inventive than all shadowhunters combined. Not to mention the fact that the Clave has the collective intelligence of a pineapple in its best days." Camille responded back, daring Alec to continue their insult session. 

Something in Alec's expression changed, making him less angry and more engaged in whatever this was. "And yet, here you are, " he commented with a tone like he felt sorry for her. It looked more like he was acting though. "You're dependent on the Clave in every way that matters. If they tell you to jump, you would have to jump. What does that say about you?" 

Camille was going for a glare pointed in Alec's way, but she gave up on that halfway. Her face transformed into a warm smile instead. "I like you." She said out of the blue, surprising both Alec and Magnus.

"What?" Alec asked, clearly not expecting things to go that way. 

"I like you," she said again without trouble, "I like how you answered me. You shouldn't let anyone walk all over you." 

"Oh," Alec spoke, still looking confused about her behaviour. 

Magnus and him both had that in common. This 'you shouldn't let people walk all over you' statement wasn't why she had wanted to see Alec. There was another reason for it. 

"You're brave." Camille told Alec, taking him by surprise a second time in less than a minute. "To be placed in the middle of everything, but still keep your ability to fight back. Don't lose that. Don't let anything break you." 

She wasn't talking about Alec being Magnus's prisoner. She probably meant the Uprising. But Magnus was still really confused. He was suddenly reminded of that Clave member Camille was seeing. Maybe she knew something about Alec from him.

Alec seemed vulnerable for a short moment, but he put himself together fast. His attention was full on Camille, his posture- a bit more relaxed than at the beginning. "You're Camille Belcourt." 

"Alec Lightwood," she replied, saying his name like it was an answer and a natural follow up to what he had said. 

"Your girlfriend is not what I pictured." Alec said. The comment was directed at Magnus, but Alec's eyes never really moved from Camille. 

"Ex girlfriend." Magnus felt the need to correct. 

"I remember you from somewhere. Have we met before?" Alec asked, and Camille's eyes shined with victory. 

Magnus realised that maybe this was it. They probably have. That was why Camille had wanted to see him. 

"Is this a pick-up line? Now that you know I might be unattached." Camille joked, not making it easy for Alec with simply telling him 'yes'. 

Alec's lips curled in something like a smile, "This is definitely not a pick-up line. I'm seriously asking." 

"Do you think we have?" 

"I think so." Alec confirmed. "But I can't tell when and where that was." 

"And here I thought I was unforgettable. Mr. Lightwood, you're damaging my self-esteem." She announced more theatrically than anything. 

"Will it survive as long as I would need to remember?" Alec continued, just as theatrically. 

"For the absence of another choice, it will. But not without some serious effort." 

"I appreciate it My lady. I'll torture my brain day and night to get to the memory of you." Alec promised and then he bowed. 

What?!? Magnus had to blink twice to believe he wasn't dreaming. Alec bowed! 

Then he proceeded to ask, "Can I propose you a dance as a compensation?"

Camille inspected the barrier with her eyes curiously. "Given everything separating us, I think it would be a sin My lord." 

Magnus felt the desire to slap them. Just slap both of them. They carried on in a similar spirit for a little longer. Acting like Camille was a damsel, talking from the balcony of her castle, and Alec was her knight, in God only knows what scenario. 

Well, Alec might not remember Camille, but at least he found someone with whom he could act all he wants. Wasn't this delightful?! 

No! It wasn't. Magnus was irritated, not quite sure why, but he was. Was it possible that he was the only person in the whole wide world, with whom Alec could not find a common language? Cause it started to look that way.

Eventually, Magnus managed to drag Camille away from Alec's room. Metaphorically speaking, of course. It's not like he would actually drag her. Ha ha ha. Of course not. Or....would he? 

Anyway, their previous conversation wasn't over, and Magnus hinted at that, and it was important enough for Camille to follow him, putting a much needed end to the ludicrous rendezvous between the damsel and the knight. 

Camille took a good look on him after they were alone once again. "Don't be jealous. I'm not even his type." She said in a very by the way manner, causing Magnis to almost choke on his lemonade. 

He didn't honour her words with any response, letting them hang in the air until they vaporized without a trace. Whatever she was implying about whatever, she got the wrong idea. Completely. 

Magnus cleared his throat, jumping to another subject. "You wanted to check if he remembers you." He started, extracting a nod from her. "Should I ask?" Was their first meeting something important, or connected to the Clave? 

"It wasn't anything significant." Camille said, seeing what Magnus meant by his question. "Not at all. It was a long time ago. He was much younger. He can tell you when he remembers." 

Hmm. The last part was doubtful. "Okay,'' Magnus responded. ''But I would appreciate it if you're more careful around Alec next time," he added. "When you went to see him, for a moment I thought I would have to prevent you from killing each other." And how odd that sounded given what their encounter turned into. Don't be jealous, Camille had said, I'm not even his type. 

Magnus chased that away from his head, because he was getting distracted. "My point is, I don't like what you did. He could have gotten pissed off, rightfully so. And if we take into account that he kind of, sort of hates me, it wouldn't be the best way for the night to go." 

"Hate?" Camille repeated with deep doubt. "That's a very strong word. He doesn't hate you." 

Her phone rang again, before either of them could say more. Was it the same person calling her the first time? Magnus assured he wouldn't mind her taking the call, and she did. 

"Hello Joanna," Camille answered with, walking to the window, but not exiting the living room to talk in private. "Do you know how late it is? I could have been on a date." 

Magnus couldn't stop the smile, caused by her last sentence, to appear in his face. He apparently couldn't be frustrated with Camille for too long. 

"And that's my problem how?" She continued, after a pause. 

There was a longer pause following, with Camille simply listening, her hands absently tapping along the window sill. At one point there was concern creeping in her features, which in turn caused concern in Magnus. 

"I'll be there," she finished the call with. 

She sent an apologetic look at Magnus, but he told her that if she needed to be somewhere, they could continue later. 

"Is there a problem? Something I can help with?" Magnus asked, just in case, on their way to the front door. 

"It's not about me. Or the Cup. No reason to worry." Camille said. 

"Still. If you need something-" 

"You'll be my Knight in shining armor." She ended for him, and caused him to smile again. His previous frustration was forgotten. "He doesn't hate you," she added, repeating her words from before. 

They exchanged phone numbers to keep in touch.

"I'm glad we got to see each other." Magnus confessed lastly. 

"Same," she replied. 

 

In the morning after, Magnus was surprised with receiving a fire message from none other, but the Guardian himself. First, a sense of happiness coursed through him. If the Guardian had written, then he was okay and alive. Magnus had been worried the past few days. Going all by yourself to kill a powerful warlock, well guarded in an Institute where no one could know who you are, didn't sound like a walk in the park. 

But after Magnus read the entire message, the pleasant feeling melted. The news were bad. 

The warlock was transported by the Clave to Idris,  
and placed under high security there. I couldn't  
prevent it. As long as he's there, neither me, nor  
you could ever get to him.  
I failed. I don't know what to say. 

The Shadow World Guardian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you :)


	21. You should go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

Magnus inspected the fire message from the Guardian. He called Catarina to take a close look at it, and confirm or deny the writing was the same compared to the other messages. It was the same. It was really the Guardian who had sent this. That warlock, one of the Clave's greatest weapons, was really in Idris, out of reach. 

Life was fair that way. It gives you victories to soothe you just enough for when the great losses would gather on top of you to shatter you. Some said life only gives you what you could handle, but Magnus never believed that. How could you not handle the losses if you wanted to live? They never came with some alternative way to move on from them, different than to handle. There was never a choice between handling them and something else. You could either handle, or die, and that was hardly a choice at all. There was no pause button to push while you do it either. Life went on, new losses occured. Or new ways for the old ones to shine once again, even blind you. 

The realisation that the Clave never wanted peace and was plotting his death, wasn't something new at the moment. But it was like it never really kicked in fully. The reality of it, the consequences. Until now. Until the Guardian's message. 

'I don't know what to say', the Guardian had written. Pretty accurate description of the way Magnus was feeling. What was torturing him the most, was that this could have been avoided. If the Guardian hadn't denied to work with Magnus when he did. If he had been honest about the existence of this warlock in the first place, this could have been avoided. 

Was Magnus arrogant for thinking like that? Maybe he was putting too much faith in himself alone, believing that had he been by the Guardian's side, they could have succeeded in getting the warlock away from the shadowhunters grasp. Okay. Maybe he was too fast for saying his involvement would have been enough to alter this course of events. But the Guardian didn't really give him a chance on the matter. And now they wouldn't know. 

Magnus wasn't angry at him. It wasn't a case of him wanting to shout 'I told you so' in the Guardian's face. He just didn't know what to say. Besides, the Guardian wasn't there, so there was no one he could say anything to. 

 

Magnus and Camille met again at the hotel to talk about the Cup and the other dimension. Because there was no Shadow World existing there, the Mortal Cup didn't have any powers too. Camille said the Mortal instrument was in a museum in London, because according to her, the best way to hide something is to put it in plain sight. She thoroughly described the place as well as she could, given the fact that she hadn't been there since 5 years ago. The most serious issue standing between them and the Cup, was the dimension itself. As Camille had put it, someone can not just go to a different dimension, because they were risking not coming back. Ever. Because once you're there, your foreign energy will be so out of place, that the dimension would start fighting your presence from the beginning, trying to erase it. You would have very little time in your hands, until the other reality swallows you and your actual personality, making you lose yourself utterly and permanently, disappearing like snow melting into water, losing your previous form. If there was an alternative version of you in the other dimension, then you find yourself in that person's body when you cross dimensions, and if you stay too long, you disappear into that person mentally as well- what makes you different being erased, until the other version wins over, and there is no more you. If there wasn't an alternative version of you, the result was still the same. You still disappear, but this time not into another, but into nothing. The second case was the case with Camille and Magnus. They didn't have other selves in the other dimension. This was because there were only mundanes there, and Magnus and Camille mundane selves would be dead over there a long time ago, following the lifetime of a regular human. 

It didn't change much though. If you're not threatened by vanishing into another version of you, then you're threatened by vanishing into thin air. Both options sounded equally dreadful. Hence the reason almost no one had travelled through dimensions, daring to open the door between two worlds, in many years. Except Camille and maybe a shadowhunter or two in times of great need, when there was no other choice. Magnus himself had never done it, and this would be his first time.

It was dangerous, and if he valued his life, he needed to think of some precaution against disappearing into nothingness. According to Camille, you have around an hour before the dimension starts fighting your presence. Magnus would much prefer to have at least a day. So this was an issue which needed resolving. He didn't want to do it like Camille had- hoping an hour would be enough. Because what if it wasn't?

There was also the issue about The Clave pressuring Magnus with their latest fire messages, demanding to know what the situation with Camille was. And even if Magnus wanted to not give them too much information, their last message stated that if Magnus didn't tell them more, like possible places for the Cup to be, they strictly refused to cancel the kill order early, before the official end of the negotiations comes. Which might be in months, or even more. So Magnus was forced to give them something, and he notified them the Cup was in another dimension, not saying which. If nothing else, this at least made finding a seelie willing to help much easier. Because the Clave promised to cooperate with everything Magnus would need for his travel to the other reality. All in all, dealing with the Clave was tricky. Magnus still had plans not to bring the Cup back to the them before he finds a way to destroy it, or block its power to command demons. 

After sending them one of his last fire messages about the Cup, Magnus felt restless. Like he needed to do something, but he wasn't sure what. Like there were duties, screaming to receive his time and attention now that he was free, but he was blind and deaf to them, and he should fix that.

Catarina was with Alec, being her amazing self, which had resulted in Alec not having anything against her. Was Magnus less amazing? Apparently so. That was what the facts pointed at.

The thing was, Magnus thought he had a good idea about why Alec would be different around Madzie for example. She was an innocent child, someone he knew, someone who might even remind him of his own brother. And someone who had promised not to hurt him. And true to her word, she hadn't, even when she had found out Alec was trying to use her against Magnus. So Magnus could understand why Madzie could be an exception. But he was still not sure if he understood why Catarina was. Or why Magnus himself wasn't. 

"What's the difference between you and me?" He asked Cat randomly, while she was passing by. 

She made a confused face, merging into a concerned one. Magnus corrected himself to be more clear. "What's the difference for Alec? Why is it easier for him to be around you than around me?" 

Did Magnus really just ask that? Yeah, he did. It was such a stupid, unnecessary question. It shouldn't matter. And yet, he wanted an answer. He couldn't ask Alec, so there he was, asking Cat. His hands went to rub his forehead. 

Catarina put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly. Magnus raised his eyes to her. He was grateful she didn't laugh at him for asking such a thing. Not that she ever would. Magnus's hands went to rest in his lap. 

"What you do isn't easy," Catarina said. "Don't ever think you're anything less than anybody else. Actually, do you know how most of us see you?" Magnus shook his head, and she continued. "You are the light. The light in the end of the tunnel for all of us, who are hunted. You are the reason we keep going. No warlock could ever repay you for everything you're doing and risking constantly to save us. No matter what happens in the end, you are the light without which all of us would be lost." 

Magnus opened his mouth, but nothing came out of it. What do you say to that? Did warlocks really saw him that way? Even if it was just Catarina, he felt like it was everything. Like someone had just wrap a gift full of everything and left it on his doorstep. For most of his life, Magnus had felt unfulfilled, sometimes losing the point of living. But to know that you represent something important, something pure which can make a difference to even one person, let alone more, was a gift, filling his heart with so many emotions at once.

He hugged Catarina tightly and they stayed like that for a long time. When they parted, her eyes were so warm and one of her hands went on top of his, staying there. 

"Alec is in a difficult position," Catarina began thoughtfully, a barely noticed frown forming on her face. "He has unresolved issues, and he is still healing." 

"Have you noticed how he calls me 'Magnus Bane'? Not just Magnus, but almost always using both names." Like Maryse was doing. Like the Clave was doing. Like 'Magnus Bane' was more of an appellative, than a name.

"It's his way of not forgetting you're a representative of the warlocks." Catarina explained, "I think with me, it's easier for him to see just me. But you come hand in hand with the inseparable connection to many of us. It's a restricted way of seeing you, but he does. Sometimes you mean the other warlocks to him. The collective face of our kind." 

Magnus hadn't really thought about it that way. So his connection with the other warlocks, the same thing making him happy to fulfill a purpose that's worth it, and fight for what was right, was the thing keeping Alec away on the other side. 

"It's not just that," Catarina said. "It's many little things. Like he might be more comfortable with me, because I'm a woman. And while I think that's on the surface, I suppose it matters."

The first moment Magnus couldn't understand what Catarina meant by that, but when he examined her face carefully, he believed he did. That was the one common thing between Madzie, Catarina and Camille. They were female. While the person who had killed Alec's brother was both male and a warlock. Like Magnus. 

Catarina carried on, "Also, I might be totally wrong on that, so don't take it as true yet, but I suspect Alec fears what you might know....about him." 

Huh? "I don't know much." Magnus admitted truthfully. 

"He doesn't know that. He might be worried you know more than he wants you to." 

"Why? Because I've searched through his memories?" Magnus tried to make an assumption. Back then he had to. Alec should have never lied to him about Madzie in the first place. Who does that? Telling you someone you love is dead to screw with your feelings. 

"That, but not only that," Catarina replied, "Мost of the time the little you do know about him, you haven't learned because he told you. You've learned it, because of other rounded ways. It's never his choice what you know about him, and what you don't. This might be concerning him. Because he has no way of being sure what you've learned by this point." 

Fair. But not that much, if you put everything into perspective. "I can say the same thing about him," Magnus remarked. "How do I know what he knows about me? He knew about Madzie, and I had no idea. He even used his knowledge of her against me- something I've never done. Plus, it was never my intention to dig into his life. It never was, and it never will be." When the Guardian had warned Magnus not to ask Alec any questions about that warlock he had seen, Magnus listened. He respected Alec's boundaries, or at least he did what he could to respect them. 

Well, yes, now he was questioning Catarina about Alec, but was that forbidden too? Should Magnus just pretend Alec didn't exist altogether, and didn't live in his apartment. Nope, no shadowhunter in this building. 

Plus, Alec could also ask about Magnus if he wanted to. Not about his plans with the Clave, of course, but about Magnus himself. 

"You're right," Catarina told him, her expression calm. "I'm only saying he might be worried about that. I'm not sure. But like I mentioned, it's not just one thing or another that's in the center of treating you differently. It's many little things. Also, me and him- we talk about nature and healing. That's easy. It's a welcome distraction from the difficulty around him. Playing pretend with Camille- also easy. But when he talks with you, most of the times it's not about something simple. It's about everything that's not easy, and could be even painful." 

That's another way of looking at the situation. Maybe. For a second Magnus wished all of the things Catarina mentioned not to be present all the time. Everything to be more simple. For Magnus- it had been at times. Times when Alec stopped being Maryse's son, or a shadowhunter with whom Magnus had to deal with, because he was there for an undetermined amount of time. There were that kind of moments. Like when he had sung to Alec to get him to stop hurting himself by hitting the wall. When he had heard Alec saying 'thank you'. When he had wanted to reach for him across the barrier after the second meeting with Maryse. Just moments when all the bagadge coming from who they were, was somewhere in the background, something not to be ever present, or not present for Magnus at all, not significant.

He had those moments. Alec probably hadn't. 

No, that can't be right. He must have had them also. Otherwise, why thanking Magnus? Why saying it was alright for him to sleep in the hallway? Enemies don't do that. 

Catarina squeezed his hand one more time, offering him a smile, before letting him go. 

 

The next day was a tough one. First, Catarina had to leave for a few hours to see how one of her patients was doing. And though that was supposed to be perfectly okay, the timing turned out to be inconvenient for Magnus, after he read the next fire message from the Clave. There was something in it, which Alec would not like. And 'not like' was probably putting it too lightly. Magnus knew he had to tell him, since Catarina wasn't there, and Alec deserved to know it. Not that he wouldn't sense it when it happens anyway. It was about Jason.

The Clave wanted to send Jason to accompany Magnus in the other dimension. The message stated Magnus would need help, and Jason was the only shadowhunter in the last 10 years to ever previously been to a different dimension, so he was a proper choice. 

That was so......logical. What about Jason's safety? What if he couldn't come back? Magnus himself had no idea how to approach this, and now they were throwing Jason into the mix. It was logical, because they wanted to avoid Magnus going there, going to the Cup, alone. They needed to control him better, and they had decided to put one of their own with him. But now Magnus felt responsible for Jason, because even if he had been to other dimensions, that didn't mean he would be all fine and safe this time around. And how was he supposed to tell Alec about this? 

 

If Magnus thought Alec's reaction would be bad, it was even worse than his expectations. 

Magnus stepped further away from the barrier, when Alec threw a chair at one of the walls. 

"I told you!" Alec said, not quite a scream, but far from normal volume, his eyes throwing lightnings at Magnus. "I told you this won't end well! And I was right! It hasn't even started yet, and Jace is already thrown under the bus because of you! I told you someone I care about would get hurt if you keep going! But you just had to keep pushing and pushing and pushing! Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted?" 

Magnus swallowed with difficulty. "I see you're upset now. It's okay. But I'm not the one sending your brother. The Clave made that decision." Just as they did with the Cup the last time Alec had blamed him. Is this going to become a pattern? Magnus shook his head at himself. Alec was still processing this. He wasn't thinking what he was saying. 

Alec was pacing, and Magnus could hear his unstable breathing from across the room. "Will this be your excuse when he dies?" Alec asked so coldly, making Magnus flinch. "Sorry, the Clave made the decision! Is this what you'll say? You started it!!!" Alec grabbed the chair, throwing it again. 

"He's not going to die-" Magnus tried. 

"He nearly died last time!!!" Alec was full on screaming at that. 

Last time when he travelled through dimensions?

"I didn't know," Magnus told him with weak voice. "If it was up to me, I will never let him go with me. But it isn't," he said desperately. If he refuses to take Alec's brother with him, he might make a mistake. He was walking on a very thin ice with the Clave lately, trying to appear like he was listening to them, but making separate plans. It was draining. "I'll try tough," Magnus added, almost a promise. "I'll try to get them to reconsider." 

"They never reconsider! As if you don't know!" Alec wasn't screaming when saying that, but he looked mad all the same. His eyes were like daggers. Every time he pointed them at Magnus, they were wounding him. "You should've thought about this before!" 

"And do what? Not try to make peace?" Magnus challenged, his own emotions trying to escape his control. 

"I knew it! I just knew it! You don't care who dies as long as you get what you want!" Alec accused with venom in his voice. "How could I ever think you would be different? I can bet you would single handedly murder Jace with your own hands, if you thought this could benefit your cause!"

I AM NOT HIM, Magnus yelled in his head, thinking of the warlock responsible for Max's death. 

I AM NOT HIM!   
STOP TREATING ME LIKE I AM!  
I DON'T WANT YOUR BROTHER TO GET HURT! 

He didn't scream that in Alec's face, even if he wanted to. He stopped the words, biting the inside of his cheek, until he sensed blood. 

There was a long pause when nothing followed. Magnus felt like he wanted to speak, but he couldn't at the same time. He had to fight through it. He fought to find the words which would make this better. 

"Will you believe me if I tell you I'll take care of him?" Magnus asked with what felt like his last remaining strength, and Alec glared like Magnus was mocking him. 

Then, in three big steps, Alec was right in front of the barrier. "If something happens to Jace, I swear, I will make you regret it! I will turn your life into a living hell! You will wish you killed me when you had the chance!"

In that moment, Magnus was sure Alec despised him. It was in his eyes. Somewhere around them, Camille's words flew past Magnus like wind- 'He doesn't hate you'. They were a lie. Wishful thinking. Fantasy even. Magnus shouldn't have believed them. Believing hurts when you're proven wrong. 

Camille had been wrong. Catarina had been wrong. Magnus had been wrong. Alec hated him. 

It was just too much. Too many bad things happening one after the other. First, he learned the Clave didn't want peace. Then, he found out the warlock they were using was untouchable in Idris. Now this. 

Something in Magnus tore apart. And what followed was a cold feeling from the inside of his chest. He felt awful, but there was also a wave of rationality striking him.

"You know what? That's it." Magnus said. 

Then he broke down the barrier, the barely visible blue vail disappeared in the air.

Alec's face turned a slightest bit of shocked, and he started backing away. But he had interpreted this wrong. Magnus didn't want to trick him, or hurt him, or anything. He brought down the barrier for the most simple of all reasons- so Alec could get out and leave. 

"You should go," Magnus spoke, looking at a very bewildered Alec. "Get out of here. Go home. Find someone else to be your punching bag. Leave. Goodbye Alexander." 

Magnus turned the other way, using a portal to go outside of the building more quickly, and he brought down the barrier around his apartment as well, making it so nothing would impede Alec from leaving. 

After he returned, Alec hadn't moved an inch. He was still in the room, room which Magnus would stop calling 'his room' from now on. 

"What are you waiting for?" Magnus asked annoyed. Hadn't he heard him? It was rude to stay in someone's home when you're no longer welcome. But of course, Alec was a shadowhunter. They were all rude, every last one of them. 

"I....I......didn't.......," Alec was trying to create a sentence by the looks of things, being unsuccessful at it. His face looked tortured. Good, Magnus thought. "I didn't......want to........I.....didn't mean." 

"I don't have all day." Magnus let him know, feeling impatient. How much longer will this be? Maybe he should provide Alec with a dictionary to speed things up. But then again, he didn't have one here, so he would have to create one with magic. And we couldn't have that, could we? God forbid!

Alec looked lost. Like he had no idea what he was doing. 

Well, he wasn't doing much, so there was that. How hard could it be for him to find his way to the front door? Surely, he could manage it. He had two feet, both of them working. He had two eyes, both of them working. Magnus's place was hardly an impassable labyrinth. As opposed to the Institute, you couldn't get lost here. 

"I'm sorry." Alec spoke, his voice barely audible. 

But Magnus heard it. It hit him harder than a 'thank you'. No no no! Magnus was doing so well. He was doing so well. He couldn't get soft now. No! He refused to. He couldn't let Alec's broken voice get to him. Alec couldn't just say what he said, and then say something like that. Why? Magnus didn't want to feel like this.

"I'm sorry," Alec repeated, his face like he had just discovered that sentence, and using it didn't make him feel so lost. 

Magnus was just watching him. His eyes didn't show despise. More like uncertainty, and a fraction of pain. Had they really shown true hate before? Or was Magnus just projecting his fears? 

'He doesn't hate you' 

Doesn't he? When had he stopped? Magnus wanted to know the date, the hour, the minute. When? 

Meanwhile, Alec kept discovering sentences, getting under Magnus skin, making Magnus just as uncertain. "I don't blame you. I did, but I don't. It's just....it's Jace. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have.....I shouldn't...." 

Alec sighed, his hand going through his hair nervously. Was Magnus imaginating it, or were his eyes getting red? 

Magnus wanted to touch him. What? Where did that come from?

Magnus wasn't sure, but he couldn't just stay and do nothing. What Alec was doing was huge. Admitting that he had been wrong to blame Magnus was just.....it was a huge change. The cold feeling in Magnus's chest began to melt away, replaced by something he couldn't name. 

He wanted to touch him. 

Had he ever just touched him before? Not in a context of a fight, or necessity. Had he touched him just because? 

He started moving closer, entering the room. Alec's face got even more unsure of.....anything in general. But he wasn't moving away. Magnus was in front of him shortly after. 

Alec's breathing was still unstable. Somewhere in his mind, Magnus realised he liked watching Alec being confused. It was a nice change from Alec being an all knowing shadowhunter, thinking he got everything figured out. 

Magnus touched him like he had wanted to do a couple days ago, placing his hand on the side of his neck, where his rune was. Alec reacted by moving his eyes, trying to set them on Magnus's hand, but not moving otherwise.

It didn't took long for Magnus to become more concentrated on his task. He explored the rune with his fingers, imagining he was a shadowhunter, drawing it with a stele. After doing it several times, his hand started going down, moving to Alec's chest. Alec looked like he was trying to breathe normally, but failing. He wasn't sure where to put his eyes, so they were switching between taking a glance at Magnus, then retreating from him. Magnus found his heart and left his hand to rest there for a while. Alec's heart was beating fast. Magnus moved a little closer and his eyes were following his hand like he himself wasn't the one giving it orders. At one point when Magnus's fingers were travelling past his chest, Alec pronounced a sound like a gasp. Magnus's palm started moving down Alec's stomach. He slowed his movement to a minimum, taking a very long time to move all the way to the ends of Alec's shirt. Alec's uneven breathing was making his hand slightly bounce back and forth, and for some reason Magnus was fascinated by that. He wanted to continue feeling it. 

Magnus was about to take the same route back up to Alec's neck. But then he had the unexplainable desire to find more runes to draw. But Alec's shirt was on the way, covering almost all of them. Stupid shirt. Magnus wished that obstacle wasn't there.

Magnus felt his own breathing speeding, when part of his hand slipped under Alec's shirt, touching the bare skin of his stomach and caressing it with four of his fingers. It was warm. 

Then Alec was moving away, going backwards in a blink of an eye. Magnus was so consumed by what he was doing, that he needed a few seconds to perceive what happened. Alec was still in the room, but far from where Magnus was standing. 

Magnus realised what he had done. What in the world was he thinking?!? Had he gotten insane? Yep. It was a temporary insanity. Why hadn't Alec stopped him earlier? 

Alec was looking at him. Magnus tried to see the emotions behind his eyes, but Alec's face was mostly unreadable. 

"I apologize," Magnus hurried to say. "It was just.....too many emotions at the same time, and things with the Clave are crazy. I wasn't thinking clearly. It won't happen again." He promised, making a note to himself to keep that. He still couldn't believe the thoughts running in his mind just a minute ago. 

"Okay," Alec replied. 

Magnus didn't expect that. Was that it? Was it resolved so quickly? Well......good. All good.

"Okay." Magnus nodded. 

Now Magnus just needed to keep himself in check. And Alec needed to leave.

"Your apology means a lot to me.'' Magnus told him, because although he had a lousy way of showing it, it was true. ''You should go now," he advised him. Magnus wanted him to go. It was better for Alec to go back to his life and his siblings. Magnus wanted to put an end to this hostage situation. He stepped aside, so Alec could move past him without difficulty, or too much awkwardness. 

Alec looked like he was about to say something else, but decided against it. He took one last look at Magnus, then started walking, going out of the room. This time for good. 

What was going to happen when the Clave learns Alec was free? That was the question going in repeat in Magnus's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	22. Wind changing directions (part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

 Soon after Alec left, Magnus becаme aware of the fact that his apartment was compromised for real this time. Alec could tell his location to whoever, and though Magnus really didn't think Alec would want him dead, the Clave had methods to manipulate when they wanted to. Magnus had his own experience with them as proof. And even if Magnus was fairly certain the Clave wouldn't kill him because they needed him for the Cup, they could make an attempt to capture him, or Catarina, and Magnus would rather not have that.

He sent a fire message to Catarina, informing her his place wasn't safe. Then he portaled away.

 

The next two days Magnus spent in one of Ragnor's old hiding places- a village in the middle of nowhere. In that time the Clave had sent only one fire message, going through the details about the mission to get the Cup. That mission was going to be postponed for a couple of days by Magnus's request, so he could have more time to think of a way to make his stay in the other dimension less dangerous and risky. In the Clave's message there was nothing about Alec. No mention of a change of plans due to him being home; no comment about Magnus not being such a monster after all; not even a line, acknowledging Alec was free. Like everything was as before. Magnus didn't know what to make of that- whether to be glad, or worried.

Late in the evening, Magnus received a fire message from someone he hadn't expected to.

 

**Pick up your phone.**

**Madzie**

 

Magnus frantically got his phone, realising the battery had become so low that the device had died. Magnus felt like the stupidest person on the planet.

If Madzie had called him, then there must be a problem. As fast as he could, he portaled to a place with a better reception, making a charger appear, bringing his phone back to life, and cursing himself while doing all that. Good job Magnus! You give Madzie a phone number to get in touch with you at any time, then you don't pick up. Good job! Downright amazing.

There were two missed calls from Madzie, and three messages left. Magnus read them:

 

**Hey, Alec came back. He is here, at Simon's. Izzy is trying to convince him not to tell everyone you let him go, not to sabotage your negotiations. I don't understand much. He is talking a lot about some mission Jace can't go to. I'll keep you posted. You can call me.**

 

**Hey, I called you, but I think your phone is off. So I helped Izzy, and we talked Alec out of telling the Clave he's here. He says he'll try to hide in Simon's home for now, so you don't lose your advantage. How cool is that? I still can't believe he agreed. Now I won't be the only one who is hiding from the Clave. There is two of us:) Don't give away that you let him go. No one besides me Izzy and Simon know. Call me.**

 

**Are you okay? You don't call and you don't write back. Izzy says we shouldn't worry, because you're still communicating with the Clave, and that means you're okay. Also, Alec told me to tell you he needs to speak with you. Come by Simon's when you can.**

 

Magnus took a relieved breath after he was done with the messages. Madzie wasn't in any particular danger, and Alec had decided to lay low for now. That was unexpected. Very very unexpected. Magnus had never thought he could ask that of him. Also, Isabelle had spoken in his favour. To the very brother Magnus had kidnapped. There was a long moment when Magnus felt a great appreciation towards Isabelle. She might not be like other shadowhunters after all. Actually, she hadn't treated Magnus like other shadowhunters had. At the end of the day, maybe Madzie had been right about her when she said Isabelle didn't have bad feelings towards Magnus.

Madzie had wrote Alec wanted to speak with him. That sobered up Magnus from being stupidly joyful. It might be about something bad. Maybe he had lied to Madzie again, and he was going to go to the Clave after all. Or maybe....did he wanted to talk about what happened before he left Magnus's apartment? About what Magnus did, and Alec took his time to stop. Hmm. After a few seconds, Magnus discarded that possibility as well. It was too doubtful that Alec would ask to speak with him through Madzie, if it was about anything personal. If he wanted, he could have sent a fire message to Magnus himself. The most probable answer, was that he wanted to talk about the mission for the Cup, and about his parabatai.

Truth was, Magnus didn't foresee he would face Alec so soon after him leaving. Of course he knew they were going to keep meeting one way or another. If for no other reason, than because of Madzie, and now- Jason. That was unavoidable. And the thing was.... Magnus had been glad it was unavoidable, because he didn't want Alec leaving his apartment to be the last he sees of him. But he was also uncertain about what happens now, and he would rather not be. Magnus wished he had the power to predict. It could come in handy, given the life he was living. The only thing certain, was that Magnus had given his word more or less that he wouldn't do again what he had done last time, touching Alec the way he did, and he had to keep that. Whatever had possessed him to act like he had, it was over, and things were complicated enough as it was. No need for Magnus to complicate them further.

Before he portaled to Simon, he still made the protection spell around himself, making it so he could turn it on if there was need. Because better safe than sorry. He sent a message he was coming, and Madzie was waiting for him in the living room. She jumped in his arms, making him laugh in delight.

"Where were you?" She asked, but not with even a glint of disapproval.

"Forgive me," Magnus began smiling. "I'm forgetting phones had to be charged daily to work properly." Also, mundane technology might be getting innovative nowadays, but with every plus there was always a minus and a few setbacks.

Magnus and Madzie talked and laughed for a little bit, then Isabelle and Alec came. Why Magnus's heart started beating faster when Alec came into the room- for the lack of a good explanation, Magnus overlooked that small piece of detail. Alec's eyes went through him in a thoughtful manner for a brief moment.

"I see you have not disappeared from the face of the Earth," Isabelle commented, but smiled at his direction.

"Not yet," Magnus told her, returning the smile.

Almost by impulse they went to shake hands, and Magnus realised he really found Isabelle to be a rather nice person to be around.

Then he took a more close look at her, and noticed she walked with a barely noticeable limp. She caught the moment he noticed that right away.

"Battle wound. Nothing serious," she explained, shrugging.

"Too busy to use a healing rune?" Magnus raised his eyebrows, kind of like teasing her.

"She says she used, but it's taking longer to heal." Alec noted from across the room, engaging in the conversation. His tone was informative most of all, but Magnus thought he sensed a shred of criticism in it, but was it pointed towards Isabelle or towards Magnus, he was unsure.

"I can heal you if you want." Magnus suggested very carefully, glancing at Alec to make sure his words won't be taken the wrong way, but just as a simple offer.

Alec's expression shifted into a more warm one. "That is a good idea. She was limping since I came back. Thank you."

"It's no trouble," Magnus was quick to assure, trying to not to smile like an idiot at the 'thank you'.

Isabelle smiled again, but gently took down the offer. "It won't be necessary. Really, it's nothing serious."

Alec sighed, closing his eyes for a bit, and Isabelle walked to him. "I'm okay. I'll get better before you know it," she told him, and then left the room.

Madzie also had left. There were just Magnus and Alec now. Alec lingered his eyes at the direction Isabelle had went to for a while, looking after her.

Magnus spoke when Alec's attention was back to him. "Madzie wrote you wanted to speak with me."

"I do," Alec confirmed. "Follow me."

They walked to the balcony. Magnus had already been there, running and circling the place back when he was a cat. It was a pretty spaceful balcony. And the weather at the moment was very pleasant. It was getting dark, the evening prevailing, soon you could be able to see the stars. There was warm wind and Magnus could see it going through Alec's hair. 

"I can't just let Jace go to the other dimension." Alec started, and yeah, Magnus had been right when he guessed that was what Alec had wanted to talk about.

"It's not up to me." Magnus repeated what he had said back at his place.

"I know. I get it," Alec added. "But I can't just let him and wave him goodbye so....you should know I'm coming as well. I'll keep him safe."

"Oh," Magnus uttered, not expecting that. He didn't want Alec there. It was dangerous. "You want to go on a mission the Clave never approved to put you on?" He asked, pointing the obvious setback.

"The Clave thinks I'm still your hostage," Alec reminded. "They don't need to approve anything. They don't need to know."

"Right," Magnus responded. "I guess that was the reason you didn't tell them you're free. If you did, they could have had the chance to stop you from going." That made sense. The reason Alec had listened to Madzie and Isabelle, and had kept his freedom a secret, didn't have anything to do with Magnus really. It was because it was convenient for Alec in the current circumstances. Magnus was fine with that. He didn't need Alec to do him any favours, and didn't think he was entitled to require anything from him. Alec apologizing the other day was enough. But what Magnus wasn't fine with, was Alec coming with Jason and him. Another person putting himself in danger. Now the only thing missing was Catarina deciding she needed to go too, and the situation would get truly dreadful. Why couldn't it just be Magnus? For a moment Magnus wished he hadn't let Alec go when he did. If he hadn't, now Alec would be safe. But the moment passed, and Magnus realised he was thinking selfishly. If it was the other way around, if someone he cared about was going to risk his life, he too would've wanted to be by their side. He understood Alec, even if he didn't like it.

"That's not the only reason," Alec's words flew past him, and Magnus realised he had been distracted with his own thoughts, not keeping track of the conversation. He needed a moment to understand what Alec had said. That's not the only reason for what?

Oh, Magnus picked up. Taking part of the mission behind the Clave's back wasn't the only reason Alec didn't tell them he was free.

"What other reasons are there?" Magnus asked from just curiosity. He wasn't expecting much.

Alec looked away, thinking through it. "When I came back here, I wanted to go to the Institute. I was thinking- maybe they would see I'm okay and this whole mission would be canceled. It would be very unlikely, but....Jace wouldn't have to go anywhere. The Mortal Cup would stay in its place. Things would go back to normal." And the negotiations would be over, Magnus added in his mind. There was a weird moment, when it was like Alec sensed his thoughts and turned his head at him. They looked at one another for a second, then Alec continued. "I wasn't thinking beyond that. Then Izzy jumped at me, telling me why I shouldn't go to the Institute yet. She said that could interfere badly with what you're doing with the Clave, and I should wait a little. Until the death order for warlocks is taken down." Magnus's appreciation towards Isabelle was growing and growing. Alec took a few steps further into the end of the balcony. His hands went around the horizontal bar of the grating. "I didn't want to wait. But then Madzie also came, saying I should listen to Izzy. You know, Madzie is still mad at the for lying to her. The way she puts it, I'm 'on probation' at the moment, and she needs to establish if I deserve her forgiveness." Alec's expression turned more open and warm for a while, and Magnus thought he looked beautiful. Then he turned back to serious. "I do want her to forgive me. She said I needed to do something to compensate for what I've done. And she doesn't even know about half the things I've done. If she knew I've tried to kill you, she wouldn't want to see me again. You could have told her by now, but you haven't."

Alec looked at Magnus questionably.

"I wouldn't gain anything from that." Magnus explained simply.

Alec put his eyes back in front of him. "Anyway, only Simon was on my side, but under Izzy's influence it didn't last. I just didn't want Jace being out there, worrying about me, then going with you. But I had to accept no matter what I do, the chances of Jace being taken off the mission were too small. If I go to the Institute, it might be for nothing. In that case I wouldn't gain anything," Alec said, using Magnus's words. "But you might lose something. And you did let me go when you didn't have to. I never imagined it would end like it did. I thought eventually I would come up with a clever way to escape, and do it heroically, and you would be left standing there, being pissed. But no....that didn't happen. So....yesterday I had a big dilemma about what should I do. Ultimitelly it came down to....I still don't believe there could be peace. But if I'm right, and it doesn't work out, I don't want to be the reason for it. I don't want to do something to get in the way of.....what you're trying to do. And that is....why I never went to the Institute. Only later I thought about going with Jace. And yes, it helps that the Clave doesn't know where I am." Alec concluded.

He brought his eyes back to Magnus. Magnus was going through Alec's words.

_I don't want to do something to get in the way of.....what you're trying to do._

"Do you want peace?" Magnus asked suddenly, failing at keeping this question from leaving his mouth. Alec looked guarded at that, and Magnus added, "I know, you said you didn't believe in it. But do you want it?"

He hadn't wanted it at the beginning, Magnus was sure of that. He remembered clearly that moment when the first fire message since Magnus had taken Alec had hit the barrier. He remembered Alec's disappointment when Magnus had read it out loud, letting him know there would be a second negotiations meeting. Alec hadn't wanted peace then. Was that changed?

"It doesn't matter what I want," Alec replied. "Not much depends on me."

"I beg to differ. It was up to you whether to go to the Institute or not." Magnus pointed out.

Alec sighed. "You want me to say I want peace. Is that it?"

"No," Magnus shook his head. "I just want to know it if you do."

Alec didn't look pleased with Magnus's question. And didn't look like he had a desire to answer it. But sometimes Magnus was getting tired of dancing around Alec, always afraid of saying the wrong thing. There was nothing insulting in the question Magnus had asked. Of course, Alec could choose not to answer it, but Magnus wasn't going to regret asking.

"I won't say I want peace," Alec spoke finally. "I don't want to have expectations. I don't want to want peace, or don't want peace. I don't want to want anything. I prefer to just.....see."

Magnus just nodded. Alec wanted what was best for the shadowhunters. Things eventually always came down to that. He had wanted the same before. The difference now was, he no longer claimed he knew if peace was or wasn't the right step for achieving it, so he was open to both.

The wind changed directions, and Magnus becаme aware of something for the first time. "You know what I just realised?" Magnus asked, "We're talking, and there is no barrier. You haven't drank some special tea linking my life to yours, you are not in my home where I can protect myself best. In theory, there is nothing stopping you from attacking me." Well, Magnus was still wearing a protection spell, even if it was turned off, but Alec wasn't aware of that. But more importantly, what Magnus really thought but didn't say, was how normal this could be. Them talking on a balcony. When had that happened before? A warm feeling spread around Magnus.

Alec appeared to be taking his words about why he wasn't attacking him more literally than Magnus had meant them. "I could, in theory. But you still haven't returned my bow," Alec reminded. "With it my chances would be better."

Magnus threw Alec a hard look, at which Alec almost smiled. Then Magnus caught on the way Alec had said it. Something about that reminded him of Isabelle, like it was something she would say. It was making Magnus think these two might have more common things than just the look.

"Keep talking like that and your bow might never come." Magnus warned teasingly.

Alec rolled his eyes. Then he surprised Magnus by responding to his previous commentary in all seriousness. "I know you don't want me to die. So knowing that, and still wanting you to die, just doesn't feel....like I should."

Honestly, Magnus expected Alec telling him Madzie was the reason he wasn't threatening his life. He didn't bargain for a different explanation. Maybe that caused his next words to him.

"I wish you weren't going to the other dimension." Magnus wasn't saying it because he had some illusion he would change his mind, but because he wanted him to hear it. But Alec frowned, so Magnus started to second-guess saying that. "Or your parabatai. I mean, I wish both of you weren't coming," Magnus added to remedy the situation.

Alec's features relaxed. "I wish he wasn't coming too."

Something about that phrase and the wording made Magnus regret saying what he added about Jason. Even if it erased Alec's frown, Magnus wanted to take that extra part out. He remembered telling himself he should stop dancing around Alec and rethinking his words. And he really should. As of right now. It was taking too much of his energy. And the result rubbed him the wrong way.

If he wanted to say something now, without being cautious, what would it be?

"What I did before you left. When I went to your room," Magnus stopped to take a glance at Alec, making sure Alec knew what Magnus was referring to. Alec made two small steps back, not frowning this time, but appearing nervous. "I didn't mean to cause any offense. I hope you know that."

Magnus wasn't sure how to go on, but he wanted Alec to say something first.

It took a long time for Alec to respond. His face went from worry, to something Magnus couldn't name, to defeat. "It's okay," Alec stated, pretty much repeating himself from back then. He looked like he wanted to leave it at that, but he must have seen something in Magnus that convinced him not to. "Don't look so guilty," Alec told him, taking the same two steps back forward. "It's not like you hit me," he remarked.

"Well, no. Definitely not like that." Magnus agreed. Although that shouldn't be the criteria for what was okay or not. The thing was, though, Magnus wasn't just feeling guilty. There was something else.

"And don't take the whole responsibility," Alec carried on. "It's not what you did, it's what we both did. I could have....moved away sooner."

Magnus was taken aback, because he hadn't expected for Alec to acknowledge that. "Why didn't you?" He asked him straight up.

"Because I'm an idiot," Alec declared, appearing disappointed in himself. "Before I left you said you weren't thinking clearly. I'm saying...let's call it that, and leave it in the past."

Yeah, Magnus had planned the same thing before coming here. To leave it in the past. Now he felt like that was too easy. Like they were running from something. But at the same time, if he wasn't running, he wasn't sure what he would be doing.

Had Alec just said he liked what Magnus did? Was that the meaning of 'I'm an idiot'? If Magnus wasn't worrying about how Alec felt about it, would he do it again, this time fully knowing what he was starting? Hmm. Magnus couldn't get that far in his thoughts. His mind was always coming back to- Had Alec just said he liked what Magnus did?

It was overwhelming, just the possibility that Alec could be attracted to Magnus. That chance had never so directly passed through Magnus's head. It was always- maybe Alec doesn't hate him so much. It was never- maybe Alec could like him...possibly...maybe.

But Alec had said he wanted to leave it in the past. So Magnus should respect that and listen to him. But then again, what was the other choice? The not leaving it in the past choice? Where would that lead? Would it lead somewhere Magnus wanted to go? For the first time, Magnus considered what he wanted.

He supposed he could leave this alone, but for the time being. He could revisit it again in the future, if of course both him and Alec made it alive after finding the Cup. And Jason too. And if Alec doesn't go back to hating him. And if Magnus keeps feeling this way tomorrow. And if the Clave doesn't cause a serious bloody war with the warlocks. Oh god, that was a lot of IFs.

Magnus reminded himself he didn't need to make a big decision now. And even if he does, he would probably go against it later. Maybe he wouldn't leave it alone, but store it in the back of his mind, and see when he would want to bring it up. He could take Alec's words into account tonight, but he won't make any more promises about that subject, either to himself, or to Alec.

"I won't leave it in the past completely. I don't want to." Magnus confessed, being not that honest really. Because he wasn't leaving it in past at all. He just didn't have a way of telling Alec about his confusing reasoning without that taking hours. "Maybe someday, we'll reopen the subject."

Alec closed his eyes, his hand going through his face. "For me the subject is closed permanently."

"If you wish so." Magnus said, his gentle voice not quite matching the words.

Alec turned to leave. But he stopped, not crossing the line between the balcony and the other room. He stayed there, then turned around back to Magnus, taking his previous place.

"Before we met, in the archives of the Institute, I read information about you," Alec began. His eyes- like he was remembering it.

"I did too. Only what was common knowledge about the Lightwood family." Magnus responded, not making it like he had read something confidential. "It was after we met. There wasn't much. Mostly basic things."

Alec nodded. "For you there was a lot. Most of it was bad."

So Alec had made up his mind about Magnus before seeing him. Magnus knew that much. "I don't know what you've read, so I can't say if it's true. I have done things I'm not proud of. If you want to talk about that, I can." Magnus would rather not to, but if Alec needed to have that conversation, they could.

Alec shook his head. He didn't want to. Magnus didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Alec started looking at the sky. The moon could be seen now. Five more days and there would be a full moon.

"When I first saw you, I thought you were exactly what I pictured." Alec said, still looking at the sky. "No surprises. Just a warlock who thinks he has the right to do anything he wants. I woke up and you were there. You were talking and talking. You were showing off your power, I thought. To make me look small compared to you. I just wanted you to shut up and disappear."

"That wasn't what I was doing," Magnus disagreed. "You tried to kill me. You almost did. I wanted to look you in the eye and show you I was alive. I wanted to talk to you."

"Do you know when was the first time you did something I never expected?"

"When I sang?" Magnus assumed, putting a light tone to his voice, and extracting an actual smile from Alec caused by him this time. Even if it was just Alec feeling like laughing at Magnus's singing abilities, it was a victory in Magnus's eyes.

"True, that was unexpected. But it wasn't the first time. The first time was before that."

Magnus was coming short of suggestions. "When?" He simply asked.

Alec's face went back to serious and even troubled. It must not have been a happy memory. "When I told you Madzie was dead." 

That was not just unhappy, but a terrible memory for Magnus.

"Tell me," Magnus said, going against his first instinct. He knew what had happened and he didn't need a retelling, but he didn't know how Alec had seen it. And he wanted to know. He wanted to know what had he done then to make Alec question his firm beliefs for the first time.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	23. Wind changing directions (part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> In case it becomes confusing for anyone while reading this- most of the events Alec talks about in the beginning of this chapter are from chapters 5, 6 and 7.   
> Besides this, there are more mentions of past events as this chapter goes on, but I don't think there would be confusion there.

 Magnus was feeling calm, but uneasy at the same time. Alec was probably on the same train. He looked like he didn't know how to start. It was a difficult matter, although Magnus didn't have the most clear idea which part was difficult for Alec. Perhaps he felt remorse on behalf of Madzie. If he did, that was a good thing.

Tonight Magnus was also really appreciative for everything Alec had done which was unexpected in a positive way. So he considered himself prepared to hear about the time when Alec looked his way with despise, and didn't have many nice thoughts about him.

Alec went back to the end of the balcony, one of his hands on the grating as if it was his anchor to the present. "I knew you gave the Clave two days to send you an answer. One of them had already passed. My time was running out. I had to escape, but this damn barrier....I hated it. I couldn't sleep all night. I thought...the day before, when I got you to believe Jace was trying to find me through our bond, you were too much in control. Too collected. Maybe if I change that, if you turn unstable and your feelings cloud your judgement, your actions would be more chaotic and ill-thought out, so you'll be an easier target. I knew you were afraid for Catarina. My original idea was to...put her in danger somehow, maybe pull her into the room and threaten to kill her if you don't set me free. I was going back and forth with this, I couldn't think of a way to do it. It was too doubtful of her to be that careless around me ever again. But I couldn't think of anything else to get you off the rails. The next day, she came without me having to even do anything. And I thought- maybe I could pull it off after all. But I couldn't get her to be as close to the barrier as I needed. And she was careful, even if she was trying to look like she was casually there, having a chat, she was so careful that it was maddening. I wonder if somehow she knew....what I wanted to do." Alec stopped for a second and looked at Magnus. His eyes were so hesitant, so unfitting the atmosphere created by what he had been talking about. "Do you want me to continue? It's getting worse from there."

"I don't care," Magnus responded. "Just tell me." His voice wasn't quite like his own, surprising his own years with it. He just wanted Alec to keep going. He wanted to hear everything Alec wanted to share with him. Will it be hard hearing some parts- yes. But he would be damned if he let that frighten him.

Alec turned back to watching the world in front of him, outside of the balcony. Magnus asked himself whether it was hard for Alec to look him in the eyes at a moment like this. Alec cleared his throat and continued from where he had stopped.

"Catarina began talking about the Uprising. I thought- what a lame move to manipulate me. It would never work. I was certain most of the things she was saying were lies."

Magnus remembered that. Around that time he had woken up and came there, sitting on the floor far from Alec's gaze. He remembered wondering what does Alec think of what Catarina was telling him. Now he knew.

"One thing led to another and....she told me something about Max," Alec paused to take a deep breath. "She even said his name. How dare she, I thought. How dare she include him in her games? That was so sick, even for people like you. I felt like I was about to throw up. I couldn't stay there. I went to the bathroom and my hands were shaking. When I got myself together...I felt such rage. Like fire, burning me from the inside. I wanted to hurt you both. I didn't want just to kill you and be done with it. I wanted you to die for days, weeks. I wanted to break you down, see you fall apart, watch as your heart gets ripped out of your chest, and laugh when you scream in pain." Alec shook his head chaotically at the nothing in front of him, his eyes closing, and he squeezed them for a moment like he needed to get rid of something. "I realised I could do it. I could hurt you the same way it happened to me. Just thinking about it, I was filled with so much anticipation. I tried not to go ahead of myself too much. I hoped Catarina would be there too, so you both could suffer together, but she left somewhere. It's fine, I thought. I still had you. But I wanted you to bring down the barrier first. Then I was going to take my time killing you. Maybe fabricate some long story about how I killed Madzie, going over it again again, screaming it in your ears until it's nailed into your skull. I couldn't wait to get to that part. But I forced myself to be patient, not to do anything irrational until I'm sure the trap will catch you as soon as you cross the barrier, no matter where you step. Then I waited for you to come. As time passed, I started having second thoughts. My biggest concern was that maybe Madzie doesn't mean that much to you after all, and my whole plan depended on the possibility she does. But what if you don't really care about anyone? It wouldn't have surprised me. But I had seen you with Catarina. If for no one else, I knew you cared for her. I wondered what were my chances at convincing you I killed Catarina before she had the chance to leave, and then I hid her body in the bathroom. But it was too far-fetched, you would have never believed it. Madzie was believable, because you would check on her, and not find her. And I wanted it to be Madzie, because .... because of Max. I wanted it to be an eye for an eye. I decided I should stick with the plan as it was, and if needed to, I would change it along as I go."

Alec threw another look at Magnus. "I'm good. Keep going," Magnus told him. His voice still didn't sound right. But he hoped his face would tell Alec he was good. Mostly. As good as he can be, all things considered.

"You're stronger than me." Alec commented quietly, making Magnus want to ask him if he himself was in a state to keep going. But he didn't ask him. Alec had started this, and Magnus trusted him to know himself best, and to be able to stop himself if he had to.

Alec turned back to the story. "You came and I played my part. As soon as I mentioned her, everything in you changed. You tried to appear unaffected, but I could see through you. Even before I told you she was dead, you were so worried. That was when I thought I would succeed. You really did care for her. I was on the right path. There was such an intense pleasure going through my veins, like a rush, and I felt invincible. The weaker you were, the stronger I felt. For the first time in so long, I felt powerful. Somewhere in the back of my head, I asked myself whether that's how he felt when....when he told me about Max." Magnus swallowed with difficulty. He knew Alec was referring to that warlock. "The question should have put me off, but it didn't. I wanted to feel like him. He was better than me, stronger, more clever, more resourceful. I was just someone who couldn't protect their own brother. I was a useless waste of space, but not him. He was everything I wasn't. I wanted to be him." Alec stopped to chase away some tear from his cheek Magnus hadn't seen.

"You can stop." Magnus said, and Alec turned to him.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked.

"I am, but you aren't. You don't have to continue." Just a second ago, Magnus had told himself he trusted Alec to know if he needed to stop. And he did. Just...Magnus wanted to make sure Alec wasn't doing this for him. Yes, Magnus wanted to hear it, but he could very well live with not hearing it too, if Alec was struggling with it.

Alec looked caught off guard that Magnus would care how he was. Like that chance hadn't crossed his mind. Then he weighed down the possibility to stop, and refused it. "I want to get to the end," Alec said simply.

Maybe that was just as important for him as it was for Magnus. To get to the end. To get to whatever it was Magnus had done, that was unexpected. Magnus told him he could stop at any time, and Alec nodded.

"When I told you she was dead, your face was...I don't know. I thought I would be glad to see you like that, but some uneasy feeling hit me instead. Before that I was feeling mostly satisfaction, but when I said the words and you went away somewhere, it was gone. Just like that, it disappeared. I couldn't understand how it happened. Like I woke up. Back to myself. I didn't feel rage anymore, I didn't want to be like him. But I couldn't allow myself to feel bad for you. You didn't deserve it. I ignored what I was feeling and carried on with the plan. It was important for me to get out of there. Then...it was around the time you got away from the trap that I realised I might die. All the power I felt earlier was fading away, slipping through my fingers. I had misjudged the situation. Thinking Madzie was dead didn't make you weaker like I was hoping. I thought... what if this is the day I die. Jace would be so mad at me when he feels my death. Izzy is going to kill me when she finds out. But on the other hand, if I die that would mean no negotiations, and that was what I wanted. At least I would have died for something important and on my terms. Everyone dies someday, maybe it's my turn. Maybe that was how it was always supposed to happen. Maybe....I would see Max after. He would be mad at me too, but I would finally get to apologize for not saving him."

"I'm sure he wouldn't blame you." Magnus interrupted to say. He didn't care he didn't know what had happened. It was such an absurd concept to think otherwise. "I'm sure if you had known how to save him, you would have."

"Thank you." Alec said, then he got himself in check, clearing his throat. "Anyway, I was out there, already thinking over my death. But you didn't...didn't kill me."

"I was never really about to," Magnus confessed. "I told myself I would. But I was never really about to. I just needed the distraction of the fight, I needed to stop thinking of Madzie for a second. I knew that if I cross the barrier, you would try to kill me somehow. I wanted the adrenaline and the danger." _I wanted the physical pain._

Alec considered that and asked, "Had it turned out I had killed Madzie after all, what were you going to do? Would you have killed me then?"

Magnus didn't have to think about that for long. "No," he replied. "I wouldn't have. That wouldn't have brought me back Madzie."

Alec nodded, "There you go."

Magnus looked at him with a shred of surprise, "Did you know I was going to say 'no'?"

"Yes. I saw it then. When you started screaming, I should have been afraid, but I saw you weren't about to kill me. It just stunned me how....how you could make everything turn into wreckage, but I suffered not a single cut or a blow while everything was flying around, being destroyed. I couldn't grasp why. Why would you not kill me. It went against everything I thought about you."

"Like I said- it wouldn't have brought me back Madzie."

"And like I said- you're stronger than me. Had the roles been reversed, I would have killed you without question."

Although Magnus took this as sort of a compliment, he didn't like the sound of it.

"I'm hundreds of years old Alexander. I'm not stronger, I've just experienced enough loss to know revenge rarely helps. That's different." Magnus walked closer to the grating himself, but he didn't go much closer to Alec. Now they formed a straight line, parallel to it. It was odd that since the beginning of this, Alec had spend around 80% of the time not looking at Magnus. "So that was the first unexpected thing I did?" He asked.

"Sort of...yeah. You know, while you were screaming, something just....I don't know how to describe it. Looking at you, I saw me. Going into this, having this plan, I knew there was a chance it would trigger me...because of Max. But I was so mad, I chose to take the risk. And I was doing okay through most of it. Me saying the words affected me, but it didn't trigger me. Later though, watching you, that did. I didn't know why. Your reaction wasn't my reaction. When it happened to me, I couldn't scream. So why was it your reaction that was having an influence on me? It became a fight not to break down. Everything was like it was happening to me all over again. I was seeing me in your features, and it was horrible. The thought that Madzie was your Max...it was too much of a reminder."

"You cried." Magnus remembered that. The memory was hurting him more now, that it had concerned him then. Maybe because Alec meant more to him now.

Alec nodded. "I lost the fight. I was holding myself together, and I thought- I would not cry in front of Magnus Bane. But then you had to ruin it by saying....'If you know the feeling, why would you want to do it to somebody else'. That's the thing. I don't know. I scare myself sometimes." Alec turned to Magnus. "When something like this happens people say, 'I don't wish this on anyone'. I hadn't known what it means until that day. I really don't wish this on anyone. It shouldn't happen at all. Max had his whole life ahead of him." Alec covered his face with his hands, "I don't understand how Angels allow this."

"If I hug you, would that be okay?" Magnus asked hesitantly.

"I don't know." Alec spoke and Magnus barely heard him, because his voice was muffled by the hands over his face.

"Tell me if it isn't." Magnus took thе steps separating him from Alec. First, he put one of his arms around Alec's left shoulder, his palm ending on his upper back, and when he didn't meet resistance, he put his other arm under Alec's right bent elbow. It somehow resembled a hug. He gambled with himself whether to put his chin on Alec's right shoulder. He did, after a few seconds of debate.

Alec wasn't crying, or if he did, Magnus couldn't hear it, or feel it. He was just covering his face. Maybe he simply didn't want to see anything for a few moments, and didn't want to be seen either.

After around a minute, he moved in Magnus's embrace, getting himself out of it. "Okay. Let me go," Alec asked, and Magnus did right away.

Then Alec moved a couple steps back, restoring the distance. But he didn't turn his face away from Magnus this time.

"You should be more resentful towards me. People say it's a bad thing, but I think in your case it would be healthy. You're too forgiving for your own good." Alec stated, something like an accusation in his tone.

Well, I could not be, Magnus thought. I could not be forgiving, but if I wasn't, we wouldn't have this. Whatever it is.

"Which reminds me," Alec continued. "Another thing you did that very day- you bandaged my hand, didn't you? Why would you do that?"

"It was bleeding." Magnus explained.

Alec shook his head like what Magnus had done was a bad thing. "So? You could have let it bleed."

"It would have ruined the furniture." Magnus joked with a little smile.

"The destroyed furniture you mean? That furniture?"

"Yeah, that one." Magnus had the sudden desire to wink at Alec, but he stopped himself.

He actually hadn't thought Alec would turn too much attention to the wound on his hand he had bandaged. And Alec hadn't really showed he did. Magnus remembered Alec looking at his hand for a second while they were talking, but that was it.

There was silence between them for a while, but it didn't feel awkward. It felt...peaceful. For Magnus at least.

Alec turned back at the sky. "That was the beginning. You continued doing things you weren't supposed to be doing. It was confusing me, so I started dismissing everything. Thinking you wanted to manipulate me, and none of it was real."

"Why?" Magnus asked, feeling like asking that was important somehow. Like the answer was more than just 'because you're a warlock'.

Alec turned quiet for a moment too long before replying. "I have experience with people manipulating me this way. Like...coming into your life suddenly, saying they wish you no harm until you believe it. You think you know him. He isn't evil, he can't be. He becomes important to you. Then you learn the truth and everything crashes down. And it's over. The end. You shouldn't have trusted him."

"Who are you talking about?"

Alec didn't answer. He moved on like he hadn't said anything, and Magnus hadn't asked anything.

"I was dismissing what you were doing," Alec continued talking about Magnus from where he had left off. "I focused on the things about you that weren't a surprise. Like you searching through my memories, or you holding me prisoner. But every time I would dismiss something, something new would come in its place. You bandaged my hand; you woke up early in Simon's home, but didn't attack anyone; you sang to help me; you have Catarina as a friend and she turned out to be one of the wisest people I've ever met. I thought, if she is by your side, there must be a reason. Also, Madzie loves you. And Madzie is not stupid." Alec paused, remembering something. "When Madzie told me you helped her control her power, I couldn't dismiss that."

Alec sighed, turning back to Magnus. "I'm tired of this," he said. "What would you say if we...declare truce between us...for now."

Hmm. Magnus thought they had already declared it more or less before, when Alec had apologized. But was it going to be official now? Should he stop calling Alec his enemy in his head? 'For now' didn't mean 'forever' though.

"You mean, for the moment, if I'm understanding correctly." Magnus wanted to make sure.

"I....," Alec started, but didn't finish.

He didn't have to. Magnus saw it on his face. "I understand, " he told him. "It's like with the idea of peace. You want to see what happens."

"Yeah."

"I would love to declare truce with you...for now." Magnus said with a light smile.

Alec nodded and also smiled.

"Would you stop calling be Magnus Bane, and start calling me Magnus?" He asked, being reasonably hopeful.

Alec made a face like that was such an unusual request. "I'll think about it," he promised eventually. Then he added, "You could keep calling me Alexander. That's okay with me."

"As you wish Alexander. Does anyone else call you that?"

"Behind my back- probably. In my face- only you."

Magnus was content with that.

Alec turned his eyes to the balcony door, "We stayed here too much. Izzy and Simon would get worried."

"Of course," Magnus agreed, "I suppose I should leave." Then he wondered where he would go. He presumed he could go back to his apartment. Alec knew where it was, but the only people he could have told were Isabelle and Simon, and they didn't pose a threat to Magnus. "Have you told where I live to anyone else, besides your siblings here?" Magnus asked him to be sure.

"I told Izzy," Alec said slowly, his eyes big and expressing regret. "I didn't mean to tell anyone, I'm sorry. It happened involuntarily, but I only told her, and she said she would keep it."

Magnus made a gesture to tell Alec that was okay, and assured him that Isabelle knowing wasn't that much of a problem. Although Alec looked cute for a moment when he was worrying.

Then Magnus thought of another important thing he could ask. "Remember how Madzie convinced you she didn't need the cure and you threw it away?"

"Yes?" Alec responded, more a question than an answer. The transition Magnus had made to ask this was probably odd to him.

"Do you think Simon might have told about this incident to anyone?" Anyone like the Guardian.

"Why would he?" Alec looked confused. And still cute. Damn Magnus, focus!

Magnus tried a different tactic. "Does anyone else know about Madzie? Is there someone close to your family I haven't met yet, and who might have been told about her, either by Simon, or by Isabelle?"

"No," Alec quickly said. "I guarantee, Izzy and Simon wouldn't tell anyone. Even Jace doesn't know." Alec watched Magnus, trying to inspect the situation, "Do you think Madzie is not safe here? Are you planning to take her with you?"

"No," Magnus replied. "It's not that."

"What is it?"

Magnus struggled for what to say. He couldn't say much, because any further thing he says might put the Guardian's identity in danger. Alec retreated from his question, probably sensing Magnus was not comfortable with it.

"Just know we would never tell about Madzie to anyone. The only ones who know, are me, Simon and Izzy. And we'll keep it that way for as long as we have to."

Magnus assured him he wasn't doubting that. Then him and Alec parted ways.

Part of Magnus was exhausted, but another part of him wished they could have talked more. He still hadn't gotten used to talking to Alec so much, being in his presence so much. He wanted more of that. Even if they were talking on difficult subjects, it didn't matter.

He just wanted more of that.

It didn't sound so strange for Magnus to think this openly anymore. After all, they had truce now. There was nothing odd about wanting to spend more time with someone you had officially declared truce with. Right?

Magnus said his goodbyes with Madzie and Isabelle. He didn't see Simon, and he started to think the man was purposely avoiding him. Whether because he simply didn't like him, or for another reason, he didn't know.

Magnus didn't use a portal on his way to his apartment, because he decided to use the extra time he would need to get there to clear his head. And the weather was too nice for him to want to close himself in a building so soon.

On his way, he allowed his mind to wander and drift to different places. For starters, his mind went to Alec- Magnus revisited the moments when the shadowhunter had said 'thank you'. Magnus intended to store every single one of them in his head, and make a collection.

Then his mind went to other places- Madzie, Catarina, Camille. After a while, there was one sentence his mind kept coming back to:

_The only ones who know, are me, Simon and Izzy._

_...me, Simon and Izzy._

_...me, Simon and-_

_**Izzy** _

Magnus stopped dead in his tracks. Oh my god! How could he not think about this sooner? How could he miss it???

It was right in his face.

_**Izzy** _

She was the Shadow World Guardian!

Now that he made the connection, all kinds of events supporting that theory came alive, like Magnus was reliving them right on the spot. Pieces of conversations and strange coincidences, to some of which Magnus had paid attention, and to which he hadn't until now.

Even before he had received the first fire message from the Guardian, in his first lasting conversation with Alec:

 

_...That's how my sister found out where she lived, and about Madzie. She was reluctant to notify the Clave, but instead choose to take the girl away from there on her own. Before anyone else could find her."_

_"Like who? Other shadowhunters?" Magnus asked, not understanding this._

_"Other warlocks," Alec responded like it was the most obvious thing that was what he meant...._

 

Of course it had been other shadowhunters. Isabelle had been protecting Madzie from the start. She must have known that if she stays with Dorothea, the Clave would find her. Oh Alexander, you don't know anything.

Magnus kept remembering different details.

During his conversation with the Guardian:

 

_"Okay. I guess this is goodbye Shadow World...... can't I just call you Guardian? Your code name is so long, it's not convenient to pronounce."_

_.................._

_"I don't care how you call me...._

 

During his conversation with Isabelle:

 

_"Oh, so I can call you by your little name without that making me disrespectful?"_

_................._

_"I don't care how you call me...._

 

Magnus had gotten used to thinking of the Guardian as a male, but Isabelle easily could have changed her voice when she was speaking to Magnus, using the very same rune Alec had used to look and speak like Magnus during the second negotiations:

 

_"The voice is also mine."_

_"Another illusion. You hear it like it's yours, but it's not...._

 

At the day when Magnus had sneaked into the Institute like a cat, no other, but Isabelle had been standing near the storage. At a time when there was barely anybody on the floor. Coincidence? Doubtfully. Also, her eyes had been pointed straight at Magnus, but after, when the other shadowhunter had asked, she had said she wasn't sure what she had seen. That was bullshit. She knew very well what she had seen.

Isabelle was the only other person, besides Alec, Simon and Madzie, who could know Alec had thrown away that syringe. She was the only person for whom it made sense to know everything the Guardian seemed to know about Alec, about Max, about that warlock. She was the only person not treating Magnus like other shadowhunters did. For God's sake, she had even went as far as to convince Alec not to tell the Clave he was free.

It was Isabelle. The whole time. It must be her.

Magnus felt a little slow for having this realisation just now, but also satisfied he finally connected the pieces of the puzzle. Well, it still existed like a 5% chance he was wrong, so maybe he shouldn't take this as the absolute and total truth yet. But it fitted so well that....

Someone was following him! Magnus could clearly sense someone's presence, creeping around him in the dark. The hairs on his skin stood upright. 

He started turning around, looking behind himself, searching. There was someone, Magnus was sure. And he had a really bad feeling. He turned his protection spell on and magicked a flashlight in his hands.

"Show yourself." Magnus didn't shout that, because he knew there was no need. Whoever it was, they were close enough to hear.

Nothing happened. Fear and frustration were fighting for dominance inside of Magnus. He walked a few feet back, pointing the flashlight to light the dark corners around, but he couldn't see anyone. He still felt the presence though. Distinctly, unmistakably. Like feeling a worm, crawling on your skin. It was almost like whoever it was, was doing it on purpose, making sure Magnus could feel them, but not see them.

It was so quiet, Magnus could hear his every step, his every breath, but nothing from the other person. Was it even just one person? Magnus tried to listen for every little noise, every little vibration of sound. It would have been easier if Magnus wasn't moving and creating noises himself, but something told him he shouldn't stop, he shouldn't stay at one place.

At one point he stepped on some puddle on the ground. He maneuvered to get passed it, because the splashing sound of his boots going through it was too distracting, but he found that the puddle was too wide. What? What was that? Magnus backed away, taking a closer look with the flashlight. That was... it was a pool of blood. A lot of blood!

Then, just like that, the blood started moving. It happened so suddenly, Magnus barely kept himself from making a sound. It wasn't coming towards him, or away from him. The big pool was just parting itself, creating more smaller ones, which in turn began shaping into different forms. Magnus had no idea what was happening until he realised the blood was shaping into letters. It formed a sentence.

 

**Greetings from Edom**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	24. To catch a Demon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> This chapter is a little bit of a mess, I'm not going to lie. But I hope it's enjoyable. And understandable.

 The feeling of being followed and watched disappeared. Magnus couldn't tell when exactly. Maybe soon after the blood formed the message. The important thing was, it was gone. Magnus had never thought that of all things, the feeling of being truly alone would bring him so much alleviation. The next thing he knew- he was calling Madzie in a rush.

"Hey," she answered with her usual ease.

"Could you give me Isabelle or Alexander?" Magnus asked, while he still couldn't stop himself from looking and scanning the area.

"Of course." Normally, Madzie would ask if there was anything wrong and search for the answer, but this time she just passed the phone to Isabelle, probably sensing whatever it was that was happening, Magnus needed to speak with the others immediately first.

"Hello..." he heard Isabelle saying cautiously from the other end of the line.

"I think I ran into a Greater Demon. No, I mean, I didn't run into him, he was following me. I'm pretty sure he was. He might have been following me all the way from your house. Would you check around? Bring Simon with you, he might sense if there is an odd or unusual smell around the house. I don't even know if it's one Demon, could be plural. Just check, please."

"Slow down, I'm already on it." She replied, and Magnus could hear different noises, voices, and some rustling around her.

Magnus and Isabelle stayed on the phone for around half an hour after, Magnus telling her what the smell of the creature should probably resemble for Simon, and also going over what had happened. Isabelle said Simon hadn't picked any scent similar to what Magnus was describing, and she couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. That didn't do much to soothe Magnus's worries in general, but it was a start. It was possible for the Demon to have found Magnus also by scent, using Magnus's demon blood as a way to track him. Some demons could do that, but definitely not ordinary ones. Isabelle said she would notify the Clave for that, and see if they knew something.

Magnus wanted to go back to Simon's house, because if they were in any danger, an extra warlock dropping by might come in handy. But then Isabelle reminded him that if he had been followed, he better not come back for the moment. Magnus wasn't sure if he sensed he was followed just because the Demon wanted him to, but it could be, which would mean he could have been followed way longer than he knew, so he listened to Isabelle.

Magnus checked around the place one last time, then he portalled to his apartment. He hoped the Clave would have more information, and therefore he would know more from Isabelle in the morning.

 

Sure enough, Isabelle called the next day. With bad news. The Demon was indeed a Greater Demon. The Clave was investigating the case, shadowhunters looking through the surveillance cameras around the city. The Demon had been identified. He had many names in many different languages, but he was best known as The Demon of Truth. He was famous with his ability to extract the truth out of people, doing it by controlling an ancient and mystical fog. The fog pervaded the victim's system, occupying the brain, making the victim completely incapable to tell anything but the truth to every asked question. Magnus had heard the process was quite painful.

Last night the Demon had killed about 10 mundanes, draining them from their blood. _The blood Magnus had found._ Three different Institutes were assigned to find the Demon and banish him back to Edom.

One of the things worrying Magnus, was that someone must have summoned this Demon. Demons like this were usually called out with a specific purpose they were bound to fulfill. And they could be summoned by just anyone who knew how to perform the ritual, so there was no clear clue on that. Somehow Magnus thought the Demon's purpose was connected to him, and that was why he was being followed last night. Did the Demon want to kill him? Had he been testing the waters for vulnerabilities Magnus might have? Magnus actually didn't think so. The creature had put too much effort into killing all those mundanes and using their blood to send the message. Too much effort for it to just be a prelude to the demon wanting to kill Magnus afterwards. No, Magnus was sure the Demon wanted something else from him.

Magnus and Isabelle continued keeping touch throughout the day. At the end of it, the Demon was still not caught, and Isabelle said she wasn't sure how long finding him would take. Two days passed like that, with no progress by the shadowhunters. The Demon had decided to lay low it seemed. Magnus was traveling everywhere only through portals, not to risk being followed again. The next morning he went to Simon's with the hope that there would be some development, but there was none. Simon and Madzie were in her room, playing video games as a distraction, while Magnus, Isabelle and Alec were in the living room, trying to think of what to do next.

"We should use me," Magnus suggested, "The demon wants something from me. So maybe instead of trying to find him by scraps, we could let him find me and be prepared when he does."

Alec shook his head, "We don't know what he wants. I think our best option is to find whoever it is who summoned him and why."

"We tried that," Magnus reminded. "No luck." Neither with the demon, nor with who was responsible for bringing him from Edom.

Isabelle was playing with a pen in her hand absently, probably considering their options. Alec and her shared a look Magnus couldn't catch the meaning to.

"What is it?" He asked.

Isabelle was the one who answered, "We think this is about the negotiations," she explained. "The timing can't be coincidental. And even if it was, he was following you, which confirms it."

Why would a demon from Edom care about the negotiations? He wouldn't, Magnus thought. But whoever summoned him might. Either that, or.....or it might be about the Cup as well. Because it could control demons. Magnus threw a careful look at Isabelle and Alec. Did they know it could do that? They must know. Whatever the case, Magnus didn't plan on telling them what he had found out about the Clave's intentions with the Cup and the warlocks. At least not yet. He couldn't tell Alec, because he was afraid Alec wouldn't believe him, and would think Magnus was using that as an excuse to take the Cup himself. He still remembered Alec's reaction when his mother first brought up Magnus finding the Cup. It had been negative, pointed at Magnus. And when Alec found out Jason would have to come with- the same. A negative reaction, pointed at Magnus. As much as Magnus wanted there to be more honesty between them, Alec was still a shadowhunter, and he saw Magnus as a warlock. Also, Magnus had done enough endangering his people kind of business when he had set Alec free, risking a lot by doing so. He didn't want to risk warlocks lives anymore. Not with something as serious as that. When your entire kind could be threatened by extinction, there was only so much you could risk. Magnus didn't feel like he could tell Isabelle too, first because he wasn't 100 percent sure she was the Guardian, and also because he didn't know if he would tell even the Guardian himself. Or herself, as it turned out. Whatever, at the light of everything, Magnus felt the need to be more cautious and vigilant.

He wasn't about to bring up the Cup. But when Isabelle continued, she did, "The mission about the Cup is a secret as far as we know, but if we don't banish the Demon, it won't be for much longer. When the rumor about the Cup gets out, there would be a lot more demons trying to break free from Edom and take it. Never in all the years since we exist, has the Mortal instrument been in the hands of a full demonic creature. We shouldn't let it happen now."

"Which is why we need to use me as bait," Magnus said, returning to his plan once again.

"And then what?" Alec asked, not seeming happy with that. "Did you know the books say the only way this Demon could be banished, is by the one who summoned him in the first place. If we don't know that, what are we supposed to do if he takes the bait?"

''The books are often filled with incomplete information, which could be misinterpreted in different ways Alexander. What are the shadowhunters told to do if they find him?"

"They're planning on trapping him in a special prison called The Malachi Configuration until they could get rid of him for good." Isabelle informed.

"Then we'll do the same thing. I don't know about that configuration, but I think I have a device which operates in a similar way," Magnus explained. "And we have better chances of capturing him. If he's after me, that would make him show himself. Then we'll trap him and send him to the Clave, let them do their job."

Alec and Isabelle exchanged another look. This one was easier to decode. Isabelle was starting to agree with Magnus, while Alec was uncertain.

"When you say you want to be the bait," Alec began, "Do you have a plan if things go wrong?"

"That's why I came to you two. We'll make a plan together."

 

And they did. As Magnus had stated, he had an alternative of the Clave's configuration. Or more accurately- Ragnor did, but Magnus could convince him to assist. It was called The prison of the four Rings- a magical cage with the ability to capture any being. You needed to place the four Rings around the person you wanted to trap. Then you must activate at least one of them with a potion, created by a spell. That one Ring would activate the rest three, creating an invisible prison. They decided Magnus could try to distract the Demon long enough for the Rings to be placed, and then Alec would shoot an arrow dipped in the potion at one of the Rings, activating the cage.

Magnus portalled to his apartment to get some things for the spell he needed, and went back to Isabelle and Alec.

"If we have so many issues now, when the Cup is far away, I wonder what would happen when it's found," Alec was mentioning to Isabelle while Magnus was passing by. "If would be so much better if it says where it is."

_Yeah, but then the Clave wouldn't have the opportunity to destroy the warlocks effectively._

"And let's not forget how the people going to search for it are increasing every passing day." Magnus couldn't help but comment. Alec going to the other dimension wasn't a plan he had positive opinions about.

Alec's eyes went wide at the comment, and Isabelle's expression turned confused.

"What does that mean?" She questioned. "Are there going to be more people going than you and Jace?"

Magnus turned at Alec, who was glaring at him, "Haven't you told her?"

"Tell me what?" Isabelle followed, moving her gaze from Alec to Magnus.

He hadn't told her, Magnus realised. She didn't know he wanted to come as well. Was he ever going to tell her at all? Magnus tilted his head, his eyes at Alec, who was still glaring at him with some mix of disapproval and irritation.

"That doesn't concern you." Alec told him in a low voice.

"Maybe. But you also failed to mention she doesn't know. Maybe if you had, this awkward moment would be avoided." Magnus pointed out, glaring at Alec just as hardly.

"It's not a secret," Alec stated, making Magnus want to express his honest disbelief. "It's not," Alec repeated. "I was going to tell her. I just...I was distracted by everything else."

"You were afraid she would change your mind." Magnus supposed, but Alec made a gesture to deny that theory.

"Nothing can change my mind," he said firmly, watching Magnus like Magnus had just committed a serious crime, being the reason Isabelle would have to be told now.

Magnus assumed Alec expected him to look away with guilt, but no, Magnus was far from that. He hadn't done anything wrong. First, Isabelle deserved to know, and second- Magnus had been thinking she already does. So whatever conflict he might have initiated, it hadn't been intentional on his part.

"You're going?" Isabelle guessed, interrupting their staring match.

Alec's previous glare melted into a more soft expression when he turned to her. "I was going to tell you. I swear."

Isabelle crossed her arms, a clear discontent coloring her features, "So what? Having Jace to be concerned about wasn't enough, you had to risk your life as well? How many people are needed to get one Cup?"

That's what I'm saying, Magnus thought.

"And when were you going to tell me? Right before you go?"

"No," Alec replied and sighed. "I don't know when, but I was going to. Plus, it's not fair to look at me like that. How many things have you failed to tell me about? Like what happened to your leg. What happened Izzy? Why were you limping for days? Why the _iratze_ rune couldn't help you?"

Isabelle straightened her chin, something like stubbornness radiating from her. Then she closed her eyes and when she opened them, there was sadness.

"Don't go," she asked from Alec. "I just got you back."

"If he's going, I'm going," Alec insisted, talking about his parabatai. "Can't leave him alone."

"He won't be alone," Isabelle reminded. "Magnus would be there." She threw a look at Magnus, like asking a question. Magnus nodded like he was saying 'yes'. He would look out for Jason, insofar as it depends on him at least. But he sincerely doubted that would be enough reassurance for Alec.

Alec traced Isabelle's eyes to Magnus's face too. First, Alec watched him with uncertainty, then it turned into something else. Something more gentle. Then Alec turned his attention to Isabelle once again.

"Jace is never going to trust him," Alec declared. "In a life or death situation, Magnus being there wouldn't matter."

Part of Magnus registered Alec calling him by his first name only, finally, like Magnus had requested a couple days ago. The other part was thinking over his words. Was it hopeless to believe Jason wouldn't refuse help from Magnus if he needs it?

"I don't see them working together," Alec admitted. "I don't see Jace relying on him the way he might need to. I need to be there."

Isabelle shook her head in a weak way. "You don't," she countered. "In fact, you are the only one who doesn't need to go. Jace never chose this. He was ordered to, and we can't do anything about it. Magnus also doesn't have a choice. But you do. You can stay. How do you think Jace would feel about this?"

"I know," Alec interrupted. "He would be mad at me, but Izzy-"

"He won't be mad Alec," Isabelle disagreed, something very gentle in her voice, making her words not sound accusing like they would be in other circumstances. "He would be worried out of his mind. He would also feel guilt he drove you to danger. And he doesn't even have control over it. But you do. You could spare him the self-blame. Just think about him and think about what you're doing. If something goes wrong, and you get hurt, think about how he would feel. He would think he caused it. Because he is as much of an idiot as you are, he would forever feel responsible."

"Izzy...I will take care of myself. I give you my word, I will. And what if me being there could be of help to him?"

"What if it ends badly for you?" Isabelle got closer to Alec, her eyes piercing through his.

"Come," Alec told her, taking her hand and leading her out of the room, so they could talk about this in private.

Magnus didn't have much hope Isabelle would change his mind. Maybe even Jason himself couldn't. And Magnus had made his peace with that. Mostly. Alec was coming and this was it. Magnus didn't need to like it, and it wasn't about him.

_That doesn't concern you._

Magnus just needed to get that in his thick head.

Also, the thing with Isabelle was that Magnus thought she was right, but she was neglecting her own advises when it came to her. If she was the Guardian that is.

When Isabelle and Alec came back, the atmosphere between them felt different. Isabelle did seem a little mad at Alec, and there was also some sense of defeat Magnus could feel. She hadn't changed his mind. Magnus didn't need to be told that to know it. They went through their plan about the Demon one more time, and then Isabelle went to talk to Madzie, tell her not to get worried, and exchange a few words with Simon.

"You'll probably be needing that," Magnus told Alec, coming up to him and giving him his bow.

Alec brightened up instantly at being reunited with his weapon, his hands going through it, like checking if Magnus had damaged it somehow. The inspection went on for longer than Magnus thought, and if there wasn't so many things going on, Magnus would find it hilarious.

"Is the bow in a good health?" Magnus asked with a little smile.

"Yes," Alec replied, still absorbed with the weapon like it was the miracle answer for the world hunger or something. When he looked back at Magnus, the edginess in him from before was gone. "I should have warned you I haven't told Izzy yet. It slipped from my mind."

"I didn't mean to tell her the way I ended up telling her." Magnus said, because it really had been an accident.

"I know," Alec responded.

"Were you about to snap at me back there?" Magnus asked, a little jokingly, but partly not.

"No!" Alec said in a high pitched voice, so it sounded a little funny. "I don't snap at people. What gave you that impression?" Then he took a long look at his bow one more time, and Magnus had the unexplainable suspicion he was thinking of the last time he was holding it. Which had been to use it against Magnus during their horrible first meeting. "Old habits die hard," Alec mentioned, a serious note in his tone.

 

Magnus was on his third tour around аbandoned neighborhoods when he sensed the presence again.

"Would you show yourself this time, or are you feeling too threatened, needing the cover of the night every time?" Magnus asked casually.

There was a long minute before any answer came.

"How stupid do you think I am?" The voice questioned. It was a rich solid voice, confident, filled with self-assurance.

"I don't know. Which level of stupidity are you willing to reach?"

"You should ask your friends that," the voice advised.

Then a seemingly human figure emerged, jumping from the roof of the nearest building, closing around Magnus. The creature was in a form of a man with long dark hair which reached his elbows, a big grey coat covering him all the way to his shoes, and a smirk on his face. The man had light green eyes and a clean shaved face. In the eyes of a mundane, he would look around 30-35 years old. There was a green smoke surrounding him, a fog fluttering at his movements.

"What friends?" Magnus asked, eyes on the Demon, memorising the energy coming off of him so he could be able to track him after, if this goes the wrong way.

The demon smiled in a spiteful manner, "Do you need me to show them to you? Cause I can." He flicked with his fingers and the fog receded, exposing Alec and Isabelle laying on the ground on either side of the Demon and barely moving. They were gagged, their hands and legs tied up, and they looked like they were either passed out or in the process of passing out.

"Was this supposed to be a trap?" The Demon mocked with irony and a shred of disappointment. "Very lousy job. Very predictable. Especially for someone like you." The demon did a thorough stare at Magnus. His tongue licked his bottom lip. "So much power," he prolonged in a lazy, yet somehow excited way, his eyes almost like he was daydreaming. "I feel so much power coursing through your body. It's magnificent. And...hot. But you use it for such petty things. Like making alliances with.... shadowhunters," he accused, not hiding his disgust of that.

"They are not my friends," Magnus said, shrugging, "I don't even know them."

"Really?" The Demon doubted, looking like he was enjoying every minute. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Magnus asked himself whether this Demon had a crush on him. "Then why did I find them hiding in the corners, watching and following you to protect you?"

"Protect me?" Magnus repeated, inserting disbelief in the way he was saying it. "Come on, you know shadowhunters would never protect half demon. They are pity like that, they stick to only their own. They must have been following me for the same reason you are. With nothing good in mind."

"Oh, my dear Magnus. I can promise you, I'm following you with only the best in my heart."

"You don't even have a heart." Magnus challenged, getting out a smirk from the Demon as response. ''Or do you?''

"I would love to reveal you what I have. But not now. Later. We have to finish something first. How about this- I'll prove you I have only the purest of intentions by not killing your friends. And you will reward me by answering a few questions of mine."

"What kind of questions?" Magnus asked neutrally.

The Demon exhaled victoriously. "I knew you and I will get along. All that was needed was a little push, and voila- Magnus himself is ready to cooperate."

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Just ask and then leave me alone."

"Don't be like that," the Demon tsk-ed. "It really doesn't suit you." Then he got a few steps closer to Magnus. Isabelle and Alec were still not moving on the ground. "Be more nice when you tell me what I want. Or I may become irritated and one of your friends might lose a limb. Or...something more important."

"What would you like to know?" Magnus asked, giving a polite vibe to his words this time.

"That's better," the Demon approved. "Tell me my dear, what did the Clave asked of you in exchange for peace?"

It appeared Isabelle and Alec had been right. The appearance of the Demon really was related to the negotiations. Magnus couldn't answer the question. No matter what, he could never answer it. It would endanger the whole Shadow World if demons had any knowledge about the Cup and its abilities to control them.

"I always know when someone lies to me," the Demon added matter-of-factly. "They call me The Demon of Truth for a reason. I wouldn't lie if I were you. For the sake of your friends."

"I can't tell you that," Magnus responded. "Anything, but not that."

"But that's the only thing I want to know," the Demon pouted. Then he surrounded Isabelle and Alec, watching them like prey. "I wish to say I have all the time in the world to get to the bottom of my question and have some more fun with you. But I'm rather busy at the moment. Things to do, people to kill. I'm afraid I would have to rush you a little bit." The Demon kneeled next to Alec, taking a long meaningful look at Magnus, and when Magnus didn't say or do anything, the creature grabbed one of Alec's tied up hands, twisting the wrist in a way that caused a terrible breaking sound. He broke his hand. No reaction from Alec, no indication of him feeling any pain. Magnus pushed back the impulse to frown.

The Demon took a closer look at Alec and his state. "I guess the boy is more unconscious than I thought. How weak. Some shadowhunters you have to watch your back," he concluded. "Anyhow, this would hurt like a bitch when he wakes up." The Demon turned to Magnus, "Ready to talk now?"

Magnus thought the time was right to change the strategy and see what happens, "You know what? I've had enough of your threats. They are not my friends and I won't tell you anything."

The creature's face twisted in displeasure. Some of the playfulness going away. "If they are not your friends, then you wouldn't care if I kill them, would you?"

"You can do whatever you want." Magnus declared.

There was something very dangerous flashing in the Demon's eyes. "You don't seem to understand how this works," he said, his tone giving away some of his venom he had hid behind a smirk before. "This would not be a game of bluffing between the two of us. If you don't tell me what I want, your friends would die a painful death in front if your eyes. You'll beg me to stop their agony, but it would be too late. Last chance to prevent that."

"So you would go against people who can barely defend themselves at the moment, instead of against the one you truly want-me. I am here. Come at me if you have the guts."

The demon shook his head in a slow deliberate motion. "Wrong answer.'' Then he pondered, ''Who should I pick to die first? The boy or the girl? Do you have a preference?"

Magnus said nothing more, holding his ground and not backing out. Something snapped in the Demon's eyes for half a second. The rest happened really fast. The Demon made some move with his hand and Isabelle burst into flames.

"Noooo!!!" Magnus screamed.

He ran to Isabelle, making his legs give out soon after, and falling on his knees miserably. He heard Isabelle's loud scream of pure agony, echoing everywhere, while her body burned and burned. The smell of smoke overtook Magnus's senses for a while and it mixed with the green fog coming from the Demon.

Magnus didn't know how long he stood on his knees, but at one point he started feeling too uncomfortable in that position, his knees hurting. Not to mention his clothes, his trousers probably all dirty by now. Ohhh, the sacrifices he had to make.... He stood up slowly.

The Demon was watching him in his scrutiny of sick pleasure. "And just like that, she's dead. Easy to break like a twig," he commented. "Too bad dear Magnus. You could have protected her, but you chose to keep your secret instead. Did you turn wiser, or should I continue with the boy?"

"Go to hell!" Magnus all but spitted in his face.

The Demon's features turned to full wrath and Magnus thought he looked incredibly ugly with the grimace he was making. He snapped and Alec burst into flames too. Before Magnus had any time to have a reaction to that, scream or otherwise, the green fog started floating around him in rapid pace, entering his ears, trying to reach his brain.

"I'm passed the point of bluffing," the Demon said with a groan of anger, coming to Magnus until only inches separated them. "You don't want to tell me, so I'll force it out of you while your friend dies an excruciating death. But don't worry- I'll let you live after I'm done. To pick up the pieces left from your shadowhunters."

Magnus tried to stay in a stable condition for as long as he would have to, but it felt like the mist was being poured into his very being. The pain from it going into his brain, trying to bring the truth out of there, started coming. It was rather faint at first, but Magnus knew it would get much more intense before the Demon asks his question again. And he didn't particularly have any desire to get to that point. So he decided that should be enough. He really had performed some hell of a distraction. He braced himself and allowed himself to smile.

The Demon looked taken aback. He even took half a step back from Magnus. "Why are you smiling?"

"Because I caught you in the trap."

Magnus pushed the Demon back as an arrow flew through the air, activating the four placed Rings that now surrounded the Demon, and which had been put on the ground by the very invisible Isabelle and Alec while Magnus was distracting. The Rings created the cage, the Demon finally trapped. Magnus continued with the plan quickly, turning on the reflective spell around himself to push the fog back from where it came from in the first place- the Demon. The fog surrounded the Demon, his own powers turned against him. Deciding the creature should use his fog on Magnus was the most risky part of their plan. But it was worth it, because Magnus knew a spell to turn it back at him, and now they could ask what they needed to know and he couldn't lie. Or run away.

Magnus took a much needed deep and long breath, his exhaustion showing, and he suspected it would increase in the next hour. But he could finally let all the illusions he created by magic drop. The burning bodies of Alec and Isabelle came back to their true form- two wooden dolls. While the real Alec and Isabelle materialised from the air not far from him, not being invisible anymore.

Yeah, they had known the Demon would figure out they were luring him through Magnus and trying to catch him. That was unavoidable, he wasn't so stupid to believe Magnus was walking around just like that for fun. So they had decided instead of trying to avoid it, to use it as an advantage, creating illusions from it as part of the diversion. In some way, they all had been bait.

"You okay?" Alec asked, going to Magnus.

"Now that I don't have to keep so many illusions going, I feel light as a feather." Magnus said, the corners of his mouth almost raising in a smile. After this, he would sleep. For at least 12 hours.

Isabelle also went to him, putting her arm on Magnus's shoulder. Magnus gave both of them a teasing look. "Couldn't you try to make your dolls move just a tad bit more? So they would look more alive and believable. I got worried for a second the Demon would realize that's not really you."

"Hey," Isabelle began defensively. "You try to control a piece of woоd you're magically connected to, with a complicated spell you don't even begin to understand, to do what you want. It's harder than operating а puppet. And while doing that, you try not to bring attention to yourself, because you're invisible and you're supposed to put very visible magical Rings on the ground in the most discreet way possible. I can assure you, it's not the easiest thing. Besides, I'll have you know, I did great. My scream was so amazing, Simon would have suffered nightmares if he heard it. It's Alec here who couldn't make his doll do anything, so that criticism should be pointed at him only. He made no reaction to the broken hand part. That alone could have given away everything."

Alec shrugged nonchalantly in response. "I couldn't get the hang of it."

Isabelle smiled like she had passed some test Alec had failed to. Alec looked at her firmly, but he was fighting a smile himself. The Demon's shout of pain, caused by the fog, brought them back to reality. Alec cleared his throat turning serious. "Let's interrogate him and send him to the Clave."

They waited for the shouting to reduce, and after a few minutes, it did. The Demon turned quiet in his invisible cage, his eyes so wide like they were about to pop out of his head. The fog probably had complete control over him now, fully invading his thoughts.

"Who summoned you?" Alec asked directly.

"Iris Rouse," he immediately answered.

Magnus was hit with an uncomfortable and unsettling feeling, chasing away the lightness in his chest from before. Oh no!

"Who is she?" Alec asked.

"She is Iris Rouse."

Alec rolled his eyes at how annoyingly literal the magic of the fog worked. "What is she?" He corrected himself.

"She is a warlock."

Alec turned to Magnus. Magnus could almost feel some metaphorical heavy wall falling between them.

"Do you know her?"

"Yes," Magnus admitted, some dreadful feeling finding its way into his system.

He did know her. She was one of his people.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	25. Complications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> This chapter is rather short. More like a setup for the next ones.

Magnus felt more and more worn out of energy each passing minute. And it didn't feel like he would get to the sleep he needed any time soon with all these new problems coming to light.

The original plan was for the Demon to be interrogated and then send to the Clave in a deep sedated state, caused by a spell from Magnus. That was because the Demon had seen Magnus with Isabelle and Alec and the Clave couldn't know about their involvement. Alec was still supposed to be kidnapped, and it wouldn't do any good to Isabelle if the Clave knew she was communicating with Magnus Bane of all people, no matter the reason. So they had planned to get to the bottom of why this Demon was summoned, sedate him, and portal him in his cage in front of the nearest Institute, like an early already unwrapped Christmas present for the shadowhunters. Magnus had even thought of a card he could send along with the Demon so the Clave would know it was from him. Not anybody else, but Magnus Bane had played a part in catching the creature. The card would have said something along the lines of: "It's a sad day when a warlock has to do a shadowhunters job". Then he would have written who was responsible for the summoning of the Demon so the Clave could banish him.

Now that plan was out of the window. Just the thought of the Clave thinking warlocks were becoming uncontrollable once again was making Magnus's skin crawl. If they had wanted to get rid of his kind before, what were thay going to do now? Could things get worse? If Magnus knew something about shadowhunters, it was that they tend to shoot first and ask questions later. And in this case, questions had to be asked. Magnus needed to know why in the world would Iris go to the lengths of summoning a Greater Demon to make him question about the negotiations, instead of reaching Magnus herself and asking him these questions. Not that Magnus would tell her about the Cup, but he would have probably told her the Clave had a mission for him and not go into details.

But now, Magnus didn't know what to think. Had Iris known the Demon would kill more than half a dozen mundanes to get Magnus's attention? How naive was she if she was thinking anything different? You don't unleash a Demon into the world thinking he would behave. But at the same time, how could she do that if she knew? How could a person Magnus considered as one of his own, a person Magnus had put in the pile of all the ones who he needed to protect, do something like this? This was.... monstrous if she knew what the consequences might be. And she couldn't have been so deluded not to know. She wasn't born yesterday after all.

Why had she done this? Magnus tried to think of the last time he saw her. Was she giving off any suspicious vibes? He couldn't be sure, he was seeing so many warlocks regularly that he couldn't tell. Was this some attempt on revenge against shadowhunters? Maybe, but was there another cause except from the most obvious one- because shadowhunters still hunted warlocks for sport. In general, that was a good enough reason, but just.... Iris had never made any attempt to talk to Magnus first, and it wasn't like her. For a warlock to summon a demon was worse than if it was another downworlder. Warlocks knew first hand what kind of damage demons could bring. They knew it better than anyone. How could summoning a demon feel like the right thing to do for Iris? What good could that lead to in the long run? It could only cause further problems with the Clave.

Had Iris decided she was tired of expecting and hoping for peace? Had she decided to do things her way? Was Magnus losing control of the warlocks?

There. It was that, wasn't it? He was losing his control on them. How many warlocks like Iris were out there? How many would decide to seek their own justice? That was Magnus's worst nightmare- to lose his hold on them. _To lose their trust._ He knew it could happen. He knew sooner or later the Clave's actions would lead to it. But he was just so hopeful that he would prevent it. He was so hopeful even when he knew he shouldn't be. Maybe he had been a fool.

He needed to hear the HOWs and the WHYs of what Iris had done. Even if he thought he had a pretty good guess, he needed to hear her say it to him. Say what drove her to such measures. Maybe she was dangerous and out of control now and she would want to hurt Magnus. Maybe this was all a big mistake she was already regretting and feeling terrible for. Or maybe she had done similar things before without Magnus knowing or suspecting anything. Whatever the case, Magnus needed to find her and make her tell him. _He just needed to know._

The Demon couldn't be send to the Clave, that was obvious. Magnus had had his reservations about sending him to them even before this issue came up. Mostly because of his personal feeling towards them- they were shady cruel unworthy of trust people. But he had been willing to look past this, do a deed symbolising that despite the war, everything he wanted was to reason with them. To show that if he could help neutralise a threat to the Shadow World, he would. He would do it without much thought. Himself being part demon didn't make him less willing to help. He had wanted to demonstrate that. It was sad that he wouldn't have the chance.

Magnus turned to Alec only to have Alec turning away. Was he judging him for not turning the Demon to the Clave? Or for losing his control over a warlock he represented and was more or less responsible for.

There was just too many questions. Magnus wanted to know how Alec felt, but he couldn't tell.

Alec didn't continue the interrogation, Isabelle did, with Magnus asking one or two additional things from time to time. Iris had told thе Demon to find as much as he could about what the Clave wanted from Magnus, and what Magnus knew. That was it. And it was so frustrating, because if there wasn't more to it, then why hadn't Iris just come to Magnus? The Demon didn't appear to know more, didn't appear to be familiar with the HOWs and the WHYs of Iris's actions. Isabelle and Magnus tried different approaches, twisting some of the questions multiple times to make sure they were asking them "the right way". The way the Demon's fog flooded brain would interpret correctly. But they couldn't get any more information. The dead mundanes, the blood messages, that wasn't something Iris had requested. That much they could find out at least. The Demon had done that on his own.

Well, Iris could be out of her mind for summoning him, but at least she hadn't ordered a massive murder of humans.

As time passed, Magnus became more and more convinced he should deal with Iris himself. Not involve other parties. But in the mean time, what were they supposed to do with that Demon? And when Magnus was thinking "they", he mostly meant Isabelle and himself. Alec had turned mostly quiet.

They send the Demon to Ragnor's doorstep. And as expected, Magnus's friend was far from being delighted at that. But he had a basement surrounded with Wards, so that was the best place for the Demon to be, and not get found by the Clave until Magnus could banish him.

The three of them got back to Simon's house. Simon had been worried for Isabelle, but she started explaining him there was nothing really that scary and Magnus had had her back with his spells the whole time. There was this strange look Simon gave Magnus when Isabelle was telling him how much Magnus's magic proved to be helpful with catching demons. Almost like.... a look of pure gratitude which Magnus didn't think he would see. What was even more astonishing was that the look didn't falter when Simon was told a warlock had done this. That piece of information didn't change the gratitude in Simon's eyes. For Magnus that was... unexpectedly comforting. Especially with Alec who now probably thought warlocks were dangerous monsters, and who could be currently making a detailed list of all the reasons why that was true in his head.

Magnus couldn't decide whether to stay in Simon's house and talk to Alec, or to go to his apartment and have some sleep. Did he even have time to sleep? He had to find Iris. Ragnor had promised to ask around about her as discreetly as possible, and send Magnus a fire message with her location. Because Magnus didn't want to be too obvious in his search for her. If he was, Iris could figure out he knew she summoned the Demon and try to escape.

So Magnus was indecisive whether to leave Simon's house or not, but minute by minute he found himself waiting for Simon and Isabelle to retreat, so him and Alec would be alone. They did sooner rather than later. Magnus thought Isabelle could sense Magnus's desire to talk to Alec, and that was why she pushed Simon to go and watch movies with Madzie.

When just the two of them left, Magnus noticed Alec throwing looks at the door, probably debating with himself whether he could walk out. He was also doing this thing where he would look at Magnus only here Magnus wasn't looking at him. But in these moments Magnus could notice him staring with his peripheral vision. He would turn around, but only to find Alec looking elsewhere when he did. It was irritating. And childish actually.

"What's on your mind?" Magnus asked him.

"It doesn't matter," Alec shrugged.

"Just tell me," Magnus pleaded, and it were the same words he had spoken when Alec and him had been at the balcony just three days ago. When Alec had been talking about the unexpected things Magnus had done, which were making him see Magnus differently. Where was that now? It couldn't have vanished, could it?

Alec turned his eyes at Magnus and Magnus hated that he had put his mental shield again. Magnus couldn't tell how Alec felt and he hated it. He wished he had the power to see behind the shield, or just for Alec to stop using it. They both already knew there were emotions behind it, so it wasn't like Alec was fooling anyone he was indifferent. It wasn't like before, when Magnus didn't know any better, and couldn't tell what could be on Alec's mind. Now he thought he had an idea, and he hated not being able to see if he was right.

"What's going to happen to Iris Rouse when you meet with her?" Alec asked, his voice neutral.

"I can't know now," Magnus responded. "First, I need to see her."

"But turning her over to the Clave is not an option, is it?" Alec asked with the same neutrality. Like he didn't really care.

_They'll kill her, if Magnus turns her over._ "I need to know what happened first. I need to know why," Magnus tried to explain.

And the truth was... Magnus couldn't turn Iris to the Clave. He felt responsible for her. What if it was his fault she had done this? What if Magnus's lack of true progress with the negotiations had pushed her that far?

This wasn't the same as the case with that warlock the Clave was holding in Idris. It wasn't the same because....it just didn't felt like it was. If Magnus couldn't see with his own eyes that Iris was a horrible person or a killer, he couldn't send her to death. If the times were different, if the Clave had any fair laws regarding warlocks, any unbiased Accords at all, if there was an option Iris could be judged by a just system as she should be, it would be different. Magnus wouldn't feel so horrible sending her to them.

But no. Not only that, but the Clave was too self-righteous for Magnus to hope they would overlook the fact that it was a case of a warlock summoning a demon. They couldn't know. If Iris was dangerous, Magnus would have to do something himself.

"Just outright tell me you won't turn her in, without going around it." Alec said, like he had been listening to Magnus's thoughts just now. Was it written on Magnus's face? Maybe. He was so goddamn tired, he couldn't hide his thoughts even he wanted to. Which was not fair, because Alec was doing fine with that.

"I won't," Magnus whispered, because there was really no point in hiding it. Then he wanted to frown at himself. Why was he whispering? He wasn't confessing a sin. Right? He cleared his throat, making his voice even and stable. "But I can deal with her myself. See what the problem is. Whatever the case, I'll make sure she hurts no one else."

Alec nodded slowly, ''I would understand if you don't want the Clave to know what she did. It would be bad for the negotiations. That's fine. Cool. Whatever. But could you kill her yourself?''

Magnus flinched at the question. "That's quite an extreme measure, don't you think? What if she doesn't deserve to die? Besides, I try not to kill anyone unless it's self defense."

"Then I don't see how you'll deal with her," Alec concluded, turning away to leave the room.

''Wait,'' Magnus called after him, and he stopped. ''Is anger what you're feeling?''

Magnus hadn't meant to ask that. It kind of just slipped from his mouth.

''Yes,'' Alec replied with eyes on the door. ''But not anger at you.'' He made a long pause, before turning to Magnus for a second. ''Go get rest Magnus. You need it,'' he advised and then left.

What? What does him resting had to do with anything?

Well, he did need to get some sleep. If Ragnor sends him a fire message in the meantime, he would wake up.

 

He went back to his apartment, moving on autopilot almost. One of his last thoughts before hitting the mattress was, his apartment was so empty when it was empty. Maybe Magnus should find a pet.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	26. Harry and Matt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> I'm sorry if this chapter is not a good one. I couldn't focus on this story the way I usually do. There are things coming up in my life right now, so I don't know how frequent my updates will get.

 Iris was in some hotel in **Brooklyn**. At the moment. Ragnor had written in his message that she appeared to move a lot in the past week from one place to another. So it was better if Magnus doesn't wait long to go to her current address. He planned to make a surprise visit late in the evening, because according to Ragnor Iris had a habit of being out all day, going God knows where. First, he would probably look around the place though.

It was currently morning, so he had some hours to spare til their confrontation. Time he could use to clear out with Isabelle and the others what would they do with the Demon. Because the sooner he was banished, the better.

 

Magnus was in the living room at Simon's place, discussing that.

"I don't think we need Iris per se to come and banish him," Magnus declared. "I believe there could be an easier way. I'm going to meet her anyway. So I can take a shred of her magic with me and I believe that should do the job."

"And you think she would allow you?" Alec asked with doubtful eyes and a tone that suggested Magnus was the most naive person alive.

"I won't leave her a choice on that matter," Magnus stated firmly.

"Sure," Alec responded, letting his skepticism show.

Isabelle gestured for them both to focus, "Let's say Magnus can do it. What would be our next step? The Institute archives say the only way for the Demon to be send back to Edom is to be punctured with the same magic which had raised him right where he is most vulnerable, and that's his demonic core. In his corporeal, the core is located between the T8 and T9 vertebrae and is very small, difficult to locate and easy to miss."

Alec took a closer look at the images on the drawings Isabelle had brought from the Institute, taking one of them in his hand, "I can hit that place."

"With an arrow?" Isabelle asked and Alec hmm-ed in confirmation.

There was really no further discussion on whether Alec can or can't locate the core. He just said he could and Isabelle considered that to be enough. Well okay then.

After, they both looked at Magnus. Isabelle- expectedly, while Alec with a little more reluctance. Magnus already knew why.

"You'll have to do some of your warlock tricks and make my arrow absorb Iris's magic," Alec told Magnus. "Then if it works, I can shoot him, and he would be gone."

But you don't believe I can take some of Iris's magic, do you Alexander- Magnus thought, but didn't voice out loud. Instead, he said, "I think I can do something like that, yes."

"Great," Isabelle concluded. "Then we have it. Class dismissed."

Isabelle left for the Institute, and Alec prepared to walk away to some other room too. But before that Magnus could swear Alec threw him the quickest of glances with the corner of his eye and... Magnus felt an alarming feeling spreading in his chest. Like Alec was up to something. Or Magnus was imagining things.

In any case, that just made Magnus all the more convinced they should talk. But you can't really force someone to talk to you, can you? Instead, he decided to stay at Simon's for a while, find a place to sit in the living room, pretend to be in need of going through the pages of information on the Demon Isabelle had brought. While in reality, it was more like a sign saying: Hey, Alec, I'm still here. If you want to talk about Iris, go to the balcony or elsewhere, let me know.

And what do you know, that approach worked. Not with Alec though.

Simon spotted Magnus and came up to him. He looked a little tired.

"Hey," Simon said, and Magnus gestured for the vampire to join him if he wanted to. Simon took the invitation, sitting beside Magnus.

Magnus realised that if he doesn't count their first meeting, which had turned rather unpleasant, Simon had always stayed rather more on the side, not really communicating all that much with Magnus, especially compared to Isabelle. Magnus had even thought Simon was avoiding him, and maybe he had been. But maybe that was about to change. Magnus remembered the gratitude in Simon's eyes the day before. That could be a start.

"How are you? Don't you sleep at that time?" Magnus asked, using his warm and welcoming voice.

"My sleeping schedule is... more confusing than you would think," Simon trailed off, somehow on cue rubbing his eyes with one of his hands. "So how is the... warlock stuff... going?"

Magnus made a short laugh. "We have a warlock running around, summoning demons. It's safe to say we've had better days." But they've also had worse too. Much much worse. It took Magnus looking around himself to fully appreciate that. He was in a house with a shadowhunter and a downworlder who was an ally of the Clave, and they were friend-ish to him. And that was if he doesn't count Isabelle. Magnus couldn't stop the smile on his face. That was such a big improvement from how things used to be. It was refreshing. It was nice. It made him crave more of that, dream of more changes to come. It made him hopeful.

Meanwhile, Simon slapped his forehead. "Oh, that came out wrong. I meant to say... how are you doing, or something. I was trying to start with a small talk."

"Start what?" Magnus asked, his curiosity creeping in.

"My grand apology," Simon muttered.

Oh, this should be interesting.

Magnus smiled wider, pointing his body at Simon's direction. "Oh, is this what you're doing? Please, don't give up! I'm all ears."

Simon chuckled, shaking his head probably more at himself than at Magnus. Magnus graciously gave him all the time he needed to gather his courage.

"Look," he started, looking like he was chasing his embarrassment away to get to what he wanted to say, "I haven't met that many warlocks in my life. And when I say that, I mean the 'talk and not jump on you' kind of warlocks. Because, let me tell you, there was this one female warlock Izzy and I encountered once which tried to tear us apart," Simon shivered involuntary.

Listening to this, Magnus couldn't help but wonder how Isabelle had become the Guardian. She had suffered through the Uprising, then through her little brother getting killed. And yet, against all odds she had found the strength to help his kind after everything. How do you do that? How do you come to the other end with the desire to protect those who had hurt you? Not many people were capable of such thing.

Was it a burden for Isabelle to hide this from everyone? If Magnus implies, in a subtle way, that he knows, or he thinks he knows anyway, how would she react? She must be aware there was a strong chance Magnus could know.

Magnus redirected his thoughts back to Simon who made a pause, tilting his head on the side, also appearing to be thinking over something, "I think Madzie is the only warlock ever I've spent that much time with. And I don't know much about warlocks, I never did. Like... how you feel about your demon side, the acceptance of it. Probably because you're born this way, but for me it's... different. If there was a cure for me, I would be tempted to use it. I would be tempted by the opportunity to be a mundane again. Part of me has always wanted that, ever since I turned. But there is no cure for me, so it was never really an option. Because I died, a cure would probably make me a corpse rather than make me human."

Simon relaxed more fully into his chair, "But I can forget. That I'm a vampire. Sometimes I do." Simon exhaled loudly. "Sounds stupid. How can I forget when the sun is right there, every day, the biggest reminder of them all. And still, being around Izzy, being around Alec and Jace, makes me feel so human that I forget I'm not. I forget I'm a downworlder, more like you than I'm like them. But I'm starting to think that had events turned out differently, I could have been in your place. Had the Clave decided my demon blood makes me out of control, had vampires participated in the Uprising, I could have been the one running."

"For how long have you been a vampire Simon?" Magnus asked.

"Around...4 years."

"You're still too young. And yes, it's different when you're not born a dawnworlder. But it gets easier, more natural as time goes on."

"As time goes on I would outlive everyone I know," Simon commented in a resigned way.

That was too painful of a topic for Simon to think about so early on. He still had a lot of time before it came to it. And he should spend it, enjoying it with the ones he loves, while it lasts. He was too young to think over and fear what would happen in 80 years. He was too young for Magnus and him to talk about that. So Magnus tried to get around it. "But it's not all downside, as I'm sure you know. With every disadvantage, there is an advantage waiting in the corner to be seen and noticed," Magnus told him, trying to point his thoughts elsewhere.

Simon sighed, "This is the worst apology. I'm not even apologising, I'm... complaining.''

''Oh, don't worry. If it makes you feel any better, I'm not leaving until you apologise properly.''

Simon smiled, the expression making him look even younger. He cleared his throat, ''Where I was going at was, it was wrong of me to try to force the cure on you. I feel terrible about it. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I don't think anymore that you deserve anything of the bad things happening to you. I'm just really sorry. It would never happen again."

What a miracle was the fact that these last two weeks Magnus had heard not one, but two apologies. One from Alec, and now from Simon. It was making him feel warm inside. It felt like... Magnus had done enough to earn it. And although 'earn it' was not the right word, because he never had any evil intentions in the first place, it still felt like he had done something right. It was a welcome feeling right at this moment, when at the light of Iris's actions Magnus had started to question if he was what his people needed him to be.

Simon was watching Magnus, waiting for his response. Magnus slowed his answer, giving Simon his best impression of hesitation and unsureness. Should he take that apology, should he not? Ha! Like that was even a question. But he wanted to make Simon sweat for a while.

"We're good," Magnus finally said smiling. "You're forgiven."

Simon returned the smile, his was a relieved one. "Alec did say you would probably forgive me, but still. It feels like a weight off my shoulders."

Alec had said that? When? Actually, Magnus could remember him saying something along those lines in the balcony too.

_You're too forgiving for your own good._

Simon and Magnus fell into a comfortable silence, until Magnus thought of something which he should have asked sooner. "Simon?" He began, drawing back Simon's attention. "Alec said his parabatai knows nothing of Madzie, but I don't quite understand how this works. From what I can gather you're close with him too. Isn't there a danger of him coming here casually, seeing both Alec and Madzie, and then boom- everything is out."

"Jace? Jace doesn't come here," Simon replied simply.

"Why? Have I misunderstood and you two aren't close after all?"

"No, no it's not that. We are, just... he's Jace. When he is not on missions, he knows two places- the Institute, and the bar. Wow, that sounded bad. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. It's his thing. He does come to my concerts sometimes. And we have this thing called 'bro night' and... he has been through a lot. And him and Alec were...... sorry, I have this habit of over explaining when I don't have to - "

"Okay Simon, I got it," Magnus said to save Simon of getting tongue tied one more time. "He doesn't come here. That's good."

Simon nodded relieved and Magnus and him made another try to make a small talk, this time more successfully so. Soon after, Magnus accepted that Alec wasn't about to come talk to him, and he portaled away.

 

A few hours later, at around 5pm, Magnus was sitting on a bench not far from the hotel Iris was staying at. It was still pretty early, and she wasn't there, but Magnus wanted to look around the area. There was nothing special about it, about the hotel or anything, nothing out of the ordinary.

He still didn't know how to proceed about doing this. Knowing Iris.... well, not knowing, but being familiar with one or two things about her, it was better if Magnus doesn't show any weaknesses. If he doesn't appear as lost as he felt. If he looks like he knows exactly what he's doing. His main concern was that Iris wasn't acting alone, and he needed to watch out for that.

"Excuse me, young man, can I sit next to you for a minute?" Magnus heard someone say and he turned to see an old man, maybe in his early 80's, with grey hair and hazel eyes coming towards him. He wore a blue sweater and there was a walking stick he used, helping him.

"But of course," Magnus hurried to say. "Please, you didn't even have to ask."

"Thank you," the man replied warmly, settling on the bench until he was comfortable, placing his walking stick on the side. "This is one of the best benches I've ever had the luck to find in this area. Makes my old bones stop complaining."

"I was actually about to go. So I can leave it all to you, if you'd like," Magnus informed, although that wasn't entirely true. But since this war with the shadowhunters had started, he was feeling rather uncertain about his interactions with mundanes.

The man shook his head disapprovingly, with the 'don't be stupid' kind of expression. "Don't you dare young man, don't you dare. If you don't really have to, I could use some company."

Magnus didn't think it was a good idea to bring attention to himself by staying too long and interacting with the locals, but there was just something about the man that made Magnus want to not rush leaving. "Okay, I would like some company too."

"That's what I like to hear," the man smiled. "Can I ask what's your name?"

Magnus tried to come up with some random, semi-popular, easy to forget name he could use. He didn't feel good about lying, but it was better if he doesn't take risks. Because 'Magnus' was not a common name and that made it all the more memorable, which Magnus knew he should avoid. "I'm Harry, nice to meet you. What's yours?"

The man narrowed his eyes at Magnus a little before answering, "My name is Matt. But you could call me Matthew if you'd like."

Something about this man was off, Magnus realised. It should have made Magnus regret his decision to stay longer, but it made him curious instead. "Okay. Then Matthew it is."

"I have to say, when I was passing by, I couldn't fail to notice you looked very troubled. And I was wondering, what could trouble such young and handsome man so much." Magnus raised his eyebrows at all the oddness of his companion's words, and Matthew began backpedaling. "I didn't mean to pry, of course. At my age, listening to other people's stories and offering advice makes me feel better. And I just couldn't help, but ask you. Forgive me if I'm overstepping."

He was overstepping. And yet, Magnus found that manner endearing. "No, it's quite alright," he found himself saying. "I just don't think I can explain my problems even if I wanted to." He knew he couldn't. And the most reckless thing would be for him to try. But there was some impulse in the back of his mind, making him to do just that. Suddenly, he felt the need to check something. To say something reckless, abandoning his careful facade and see what the response from Matthew would be. "For example, I can tell you I'm not as young as you think, but you may not believe me."

There. That was just at the edge of being really reckless, not really falling off of it yet.

Matthew smiled briefly. "Don't be so sure," he said. "I may just believe you."

Magnus stared at him for a moment, at the hazel kind eyes, filled with some knowledge he wasn't supposed to have. Who was this man?

"Are you having issues with a loved one? Woman perhaps?" Matthew suggested, carrying on and seemingly unaware of Magnus's growing suspicions.

Magnus wanted to tell the truth. Mostly because he wanted to see what Matthew would reply with. He felt captivated by this encounter to the point where he felt the need to play along. Participate. Tell more than he intended to. He just had to be cautious not to be too literal.

"It is a woman, but not like a loved one. More like someone I'm responsible for."

Matthew didn't look surprised at that. "Is she giving you a hard time?"

Yeah, that was an understatement.

"She did something that gave a lot of people a hard time. And I need to do something about it before it gets even worse." Magnus wondered how to say more without really saying it. "There is a chance I might fail. There is a lot at stake and if I do, it would be bad not just for me, but for others."

Matthew considered Magnus's words. "That sounds complicated."

"It feels complicated too."

"What are you more afraid of- that she could do something worse if you don't intervene, or that you intervening would be a mistake."

That was a detailed question.

"Me intervening is unavoidable and I know it. I need to do it either way. But yes, I do fear I might do the wrong thing."

Magnus feared he was doing the wrong thing even now. Sitting on a bench and talking about the future of the warlocks with a stranger, who felt less and less like a stranger. There was something so familiar and whatever it was, was increasing by the minute. There was something foreign too. The kind smile, Magnus realised. That was the most foreign part, second only to the face wearing it. Was it fake? Maybe partly, it was. But maybe there was something real in it as well.

"Have you thought about not doing this alone?" Matthew asked.

"She is my responsibility. And me doing it alone is the safest option." Magnus explained, his eyes not faltering from the man in front of him. ''Do you have any advice for me?''

Matthew also observed Magnus in his own way. ''I thought I did. Now I'm not so sure.''

''And why is that?''

Matthew sighed and something about his whole easy going vibe he was giving off changed drastically in a second, replaced by uncertainty and seriousness. ''Has it ever happened to you to make the wrong choice so many times, that you don't even know what you have to do anymore? Or if you can trust yourself. All my life, I'm always in a cycle of mistakes. I'll make a choice and it would be the wrong one. Then I'll make the opposite choice and be wrong again. I'm still waiting for it to end.''

Magnus felt a recognition so unforeseen it turned all his previous feelings into dust.

He knew who he was talking to!

How had he found him? How had he found out where Iris was? He couldn't have followed Magnus, that was not possible. Magnus was mostly travelling through portals. So how was he even here? And what was he about to do?

And this damn rune for changing appearance...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	27. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> This chapter was rewritten. I wrote it, didn't like it, and then wrote it all over again. First version wasn't that emotional and the ending was different.

 Magnus felt pins and needles everywhere in his body. There was so much new found tension going through him in ruthless neverending waves. It was so daunting to think about how bad everything can end with ''Matthew'' showing up there. 

Magnus did everything he could to swallow away the increasing disquiet he was feeling, tried to get himself in check. If anything, now was the time for him to be rational, collected, so he could have a shot at sorting this out. True, ''Matthew'' was here, but he hadn't went on a hunt for Iris. If he had, he would be searching for her at this very moment, not wasting his time talking to Magnus about what Magnus wanted to do. That was the piece of news holding Magnus together. Because if 'Matthew'' goes against Iris to kill her, this could turn into a catastrophe.

What if he kills her?

What if she kills him?

Magnus's phone chose this moment to vibrate with a message, almost making Magnus jump. That was how consumed in his worry he had been. It was a message from Madzie.

 

**Do you know where Alec is? We can't find him. He told Simon he needed a fresh air and he would glamour himself, but he hasn't come back since.**

 

Oh, he did glamour himself, alright! Magnus took a deep slow breath, his fingers almost shaking while he was writing a reply.

 

**Alec is with me. Tell Simon not to worry. I'll take care of it.**

 

Alec's eyes never wavered away from Magnus while Magnus worked on his phone. So different from yesterday, when Alec hardly looked his way that openly. Now he was observing him like a hawk. Where was the middle ground??? And why him and Alec never seem to land on it?

If he gives it more thought, Magnus would think Alec was more comfortable looking at him when he wasn't... himself. When he was in a role.

But he had revealed himself in a way, even though he didn't have to. What did that mean?

Magnus put away his phone, trying to think of the safest topic right now to start with. "Who is that?" He asked indifferently, referring to the old man Alec was using as glamour. "Someone you just saw on the street?" Now that Magnus thought about it, all the 'young man' sort of comments Alec had thrown at him sounded a lot less sincere and a lot more sarcastic.

Alec was late with the answer, probably adjusting to the silence being ended.

"No," he replied. "That's my grandfather. Just... without the runes."

That would explain why his eyes were the same as Alec's. Magnus wondered was there any specific reason why Alec would choose to disguise himself as his grandfather of all people. Which reminded him of another question he very much wanted to ask. 

''How did you find this place?''

'' With your help, obviously.'' Alec said, trying to be smart, or cryptic, or whatever. It was annoying, but Magnus couldn't give in. He had to be the voice of reason, and that's exactly what he would be.

''You couldn't have physically followed me. So how?''

Alec looked reluctant to say, but he did. "I have something which belongs to you. I can track you with it almost anywhere."

Oh, shadowhunter tracking. Magnus thought he had spells against that, but thay were mostly around his apartment. And it was ages since any shadowhunter possessed anything his. Alec must have taken some object from his home before he had left it. Something insignificant enough that Magnus wouldn't notice it missing. That act alone spoke volumes of Alec's mistrust of Magnus in general. Although it should be the other way around. Magnus should be the one doubting Alec and his motives, and what had happened today was a proof. Had Alec known where Magnus was, during the two days after Magnus set him free and Madzie couldn't contact him with phone calls? Hmm. He probably hadn't, because Magnus had been in the middle of nowhere at the time, and there was also a lake nearby and Magnus knew water was an obstacle for shadowhunter tracking. Had Alec made a try to track him back then?

That wasn't important at the moment. When the problems with Iris were over and dealt with, Magnus would have all the time in the world to think over other things. Now he had to take care of this situation as he had written Madzie he would do, and he couldn't delay it.

''What are you intending to do?'' Magnus asked carefully.

Alec looked doubtful, like he wasn't that sure himself, or he couldn't decide between different options.

"I know you can't kill her," Alec said finally, "You're not... like that. I won't ask you to be. But I am. I can kill her instead of you."

The words, especially the last sentence, sounded wrong and unwanted, and even Alec himself didn't seem to think they were the magical solution if his tone was anything to go by.

"Alexander, why are you always throwing yourself in these dangerous schemes, not caring for your life? Iris is nearly as old as me. You think you could just storm in and kill her? And why do you never wait to see if things are as they look like? We don't know the truth behind Iris's actions. We don't know if she deserves a death penalty. And she is my responsibility. If anyone has to deal with her, that's me."

Alec shook his head, "If you want me to just stay put, it's not going to happen. I need to know she gets what she deserves."

"She will. But have you considered maybe that's not death?"

Alec didn't respond. And that was saying something on its own. He wasn't as convinced in his stand as he wanted to be. Magnus could work with that. He had to. But not here.

"If I ask you to portal with me back to Simon, what would you say?"

Alec seized him under his gaze. "So you could team up with Simon, get his help to keep me there until your meeting with Iris is over? What did you text Madzie? I can assure you, whatever plan you have, Simon won't just follow through because you told him to. He might feel guilty for treating you badly, but that's it. He won't work against me to do you favours.''

''I'm not trying to set a trap for you!'' Magnus objected. ''And I'm not using Simon for anything. I simply texted them not to worry. If Simon tries to dissuade you into not coming back here, that's him. Because he probably has common sense. Why don't you try it?''

Magnus didn't want to sound accusing, but had no control over that. It appeared like Alec always wanted to put himself in the hotspot. First- he wanted to come to the other dimension, now he wanted to show at Iris's doorstep. Not everything was his battle.

Magnus sighed at himself. He knew he was wrong. He knew the real reason Alec was here, was because he couldn't trust Magnus to deal with Iris and he thought she should die.

''I won't go back to Simon.'' Alec stated firmly while Magnus was wondering how to make someone trust you when they don't.

''Because you really think I set some trap for you there, or because you know Simon will agree with me?''

''Both,'' Alec confessed.

''Then how about we portal to my apartment?''

Had Magnus just suggested that? Yes, he had. He was running out of options. They couldn't keep talking there. Magnus couldn't focus on his surroundings enough and he was afraid Iris would come back, see them and escape, and Magnus won't notice. He was so preoccupied with Alec right now. Maybe Alec wasn't preoccupied himself, but Magnus didn't want to bet everything on that. And he couldn't have Alec there anyway.

Alec didn't straight up say 'no' to the offer, but he was about to, Magnus could tell. Magnus beared himself to continue. ''I just want to talk. No traps, no inferior motives besides the ones you know about. Nothing like that. Just talking. I can't even disappear in a portal and leave you there, because you already know this place and you can't actually think I would warn Iris to get out of here and hide her. And even if I do, you could still track me almost anywhere right? Furthermore, Iris hasn't come back from wherever she is yet. If I try to do something, nothing gives me guarantee you won't have enough time to return before she does and we'll end up in this exact position. Because you do have runes for speed, right? And don't even get me started on the whole 'Matthew' thing. You wanted me to know it was you, didn't you? You could have hidden it way better, but you didn't. You wanted me to know and it was for a reason. You could have not revealed your presence, could have waited hidden until she comes, but you didn't and you came to me instead.''

"You would have found out I was here one way or another. I just sped up the process,'' Alec said.

"I guess I would have," Magnus agreed. "But it's not just that, isn't it?"

Alec blinked thoughtfully, and Magnus wished he could see his actual face. "We declared truce,'' Alec told him. ''I thought I owe you.... to tell you I was here."

''It's not just that either.'' Magnus settled his eyes on Alec's, the only part of this glamour that was a part of Alec too. ''I think you do want to talk to me Alexander. But you don't know how. Am I wrong?''

''Damn it,'' Alec cursed in a way Magnus barely heard him. He didn't say it in an angry or surprised way. Just resigned.

And Magnus wished one more time to be able to see him without the glamour.

Alec's both hands went over his face, resting there for just a moment, before Alec withdraw them. "Okay," he agreed. "Let's go talk."

The relief Magnus felt was immense.

But the hardest part was still to come. That was to convince Alec to trust him with Iris.

 

At Magnus's apartment Alec took his stele, finally stripping the glamour away, his true appearance showing underneath. He didn't have to do that, it wasn't a requirement for their conversation, and Magnus suspected he hadn't put it just to hide himself from Iris or the outside world, but from Magnus as well. So he was grateful when Alec decided to take it away. 

"It's odd being here, knowing I can walk out." Alec mentioned, his eyes moving around like he was seeing the place for the first time.

"It's odd having you here, knowing you chose to come." But it was a good 'odd'. For Magnus at least.

"Is Catarina here?" Alec asked.

"No."

He looked relieved at that. He probably wouldn't have felt comfortable to discuss his intentions to go and try to kill another warlock with Catarina in the apartment. Catarina who was also a warlock. With Magnus it was different, Magnus suspected. Because Alec liked Catarina way more. Either that, or Alec was relieved for some other reason.

He also didn't appear to be hiding his emotions very much. The expression Alec was wearing, Magnus could liken to someone running in chase for something for a long time and not finding it. Someone who was now going back through the route he had passed, watching the obstacles and the bumps on the road he had successfully avoided and missed during his run, trying to find what he was looking for by them.

Internally, Magnus sensed he shouldn't start but wait, because he knew Alec wanted to say some things.

"Some time ago, I was in a similar position like you with Iris," Alec began. "But it wasn't a woman or someone I was responsible for. It was the other..." Alec made a pause and he looked like he couldn't pick up from it. Like he was already regretting he started that way.

Magnus felt a little confused until he remembered what they had been talking about on the bench. When Alec was Matthew.

 

_''Are you having issues with a loved one? Woman perhaps?" Matthew suggested...._

_.............................._

_"It is a woman, but not like a loved one. More like someone I'm responsible for."_

 

Oh. Alec wanted to say he had been in a similar position with a man who was... a loved one? Was that what he wanted to say? Was Magnus understanding this correctly?

Alec looked lost, and there was also disappointment in his eyes. Somehow Magnus felt that Alec was directing that disappointment at himself. Magnus started to feel some unexpected sorrow, creeping at him, taking him by surprise.

"What did you do?" Magnus wanted to know. ''When you were in my position, what did you do?''

Alec raised his eyes at Magnus, the answer coming easier than his words when he had started, but it also appeared to be making him feel worse. "I didn't kill him,'' he replied. ''I couldn't. I made the wrong choice." 

Magnus felt like he was sinking deeper and deeper away from where he was. Like he wasn't standing in his living room anymore, but he was somewhere deep underneath everything. Underneath this world. His world anyway.

''You didn't kill him, because... you loved him?'' Magnus whispered because he couldn't speak normally. He had left his voice somewhere above.

Alec made a step backwards, like to protect himself from harm. But then he realised he was harmed already and that was pointless. And there was no shield which was able to erase that. There was nothing. Just air.

So Alec braced himself, because there was nothing else he could do. ''I thought... I thought I loved him. But he wasn't who I believed he was.'' Alec's voice wasn't a whisper, but it was uneven and pained. ''Had I been able to kill him, Max would still be alive.''

Magnus felt the tears in his eyes. He felt the lump in his throat.

_I'm so sorry Alexander_ , he thought. _I'm so sorry your brother was killed by someone you loved!_

Magnus needed to steady himself on something. This pain was hitting him unexpectedly and it wouldn't stop. _Please stop!_

Magnus both wished to had known this sooner, and to still not know it.

Some irrational part of him thought he should hug Alec. He should wrap his arms around him and make him feel better. Comfort him, make his embrace into the shield Alec would need, kiss his hair, hold him, put Alec's head in the crook of Magnus's neck, find his heart again to show him it was beating. And if it was beating, then it wasn't ripped out and Alec would be okay. He would get better, and he won't want to kill warlocks anymore, and he won't think he was responsible for Max's death because he hadn't killed that warlock. That part of Magnus wanted all that, and it was too delusional to remember it couldn't happen.

Magnus took a step towards Alec, just testing, just... wanting to do something to stop the pain.

Alec shook his head, blinking rapidly and shaking, ''I'm sorry, I can't. I need more space,'' he uttered, before walking out and leaving.

Magnus guessed his very presence had been overcrowding. Some of his tears began falling and he needed to sit down before he falls.

But the other part of him, the rational one, noted that Alec hadn't left the apartment, just the living room. He probably needed some time alone, needed to pause this whole conversation for a while. And Magnus would wait for him. Of course he will.

 

About half an hour later, Magnus and Alec found themselves in the same room. Alec had come back and Magnus had more control over his feelings. Or he hoped he did. He had reacted more strongly than anyone would think, but that wasn't the first time something awful caused him to crumble. But it was the first time that the awful thing was connected to a shadowhunter he barely knew. The inability to do something to help had been too disheartening. Magnus felt the need to explain this to Alec.

''Sometimes, the enormous amount of pain in this world gets to me. Because I have all of these powers I would think I have to do something. When I can't, it makes me feel worse.'' Magnus said, but he knew 'worse' wasn't the most accurate word. It made him feel useless.

Alec's eyes went over Magnus's face like he was checking for something. ''Empathy,'' Alec replied softly as a conclusion. ''You seem to have a lot of it.''

''How are you?'' Magnus asked. He had been at odds if he should ask or not, because he didn't want to overcrowd again, but the almost composure Alec had come back with encouraged Magnus to do so.

Alec slowly shrugged, something in his expression like he was floating. They were sitting and facing each other, their proximity a little closer than before. Alec wasn't avoiding Magnus's eyes that much. Because Magnus couldn't touch him to soothe him the way he wanted to, he was trying to send him some of his reassuring energy through the air between them.

Alec cleared his throat, ''I didn't tell you that because I wanted you to feel sorry for me. I told you, because I want you to know why... why I... ''

''Why you want to kill Iris,'' Magnus finished and Alec made a slight nod. It was more than that and they both knew it. It was why he had wanted to kill Magnus and Catarina at first. It was why Magnus hadn't been able to just convince him he wasn't a threat the previous times he had tried.

All this time, Magnus had thought the Uprising was the main reason Alec had hated him. It was much more than that. Alec had picked himself up after the Uprising somehow, hadn't let it destroy him. It was what followed after that he couldn't pick himself up after. It was Max. It always had been.

It was like one of Ragnor's sayings: 'Break me once, I may find the right glue to repair myself. Break me twice, that glue may be unreachable.'

Magnus hated that someone had hurt Alec like that. His usual reluctance to kill was stepping out to make room for the anger Magnus was feeling towards that warlock. It was to the point where Magnus could see himself killing this man. He really could.

Because Magnus knew all too well how it felt to love and be crushed because of it.

That also made Magnus grasp just how fragile the truce they had declared actually was. Because Magnus wasn't perfect. Far from it. One day, maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day he would make a mistake, he would slip, he would do the wrong thing, and that would remind Alec of that warlock causing the truce they had to end. Or because of the positions they were both in, they won't be able to maintain it forever. Magnus felt like that truce had a deadline and it made him sad. If it was up to him, it would be endless.

"What do you know about him?" Alec asked suddenly, his face unusually vulnerable.

Magnus sensed how important it was to be honest.

"I know the Clave keeps him locked up and uses him for his abilities," he declared straight up. Because Alec probably knew that, and if he didn't, he deserved to. ''And before we continue- no I don't feel the urge to save him and he would never be one of my people. But please don't ask me how I know this,'' Magnus added in a pleading voice. His sneaking into the Institute business would look pretty bad at a moment like this.

Alec didn't ask. It looked like he expected Magnus to say as much. Because it wasn't a secret that Magnus knew about the cure pretty much from the beginning, Alec probably thought he had investigated somehow to find out more. Which was true. The investigation itself though was something Magnus better not go into details about.

"What else do you know?" Alec continued.

"What I saw in your memories," Magnus said very carefully. Alec did flinch, but it was only for a second. Even with that, Magnus still wished he was closer to him at that second to hug him. ''But that's all,'' he cleared out. ''I don't know more outside of what you told me. I don't even know his name.''

Truth was, Magnus would lie if he says he never thought there had been something between Alec and that warlock. It was one of the things he had feared, but he never really allowed his mind to fully go there. Until today.

How do you fall in love with a warlock so soon after the Uprising? Or had they met before it? No, that wasn't what Alec's words on the balcony implied.

 

_I have experience with people manipulating me this way. Like... coming into your life suddenly, saying they wish you no harm until you believe it. You think you know him. He isn't evil, he can't be. He becomes important to you. Then you learn the truth and everything crashes down. And it's over. The end. You shouldn't have trusted him._

 

Alec must have been talking about the warlock when he was telling Magnus this.

How had it happened? When everyone was saying all warlock were monsters, didn't deserve to live, didn't deserve to breathe, how had Alec managed to love one?

Going back again to their conversation on Simon's balcony, with Alec almost saying he wasn't a strong person a couple of times, Magnus wanted to shake his head at it violently. Alec was stronger than he realised.

But it was still horrible, because it clearly had destroyed Alec's faith in warlocks. Magnus wished more than anything to restore it, but he might not be the right person.

"I'm so sorry," Magnus told him to fill the void which couldn't be filled.

"I didn't know any better," Alec uttered. "I should have."

''No,'' Magnus said, ''No, you can't know everything. I don't, and I've lived for centuries.''

Alec sighed, his head going back on the chair for a while, looking at the ceiling.

"It's Darian,'' Alec said after some time, raising his head back at Magnus. ''His name. It's Darian. Do you know... that he's not hundreds of years old like you? He is only 32 actual years."

What?!?

"No, I didn't know," Magnus replied.

"How much is 32 in warlock years? Nothing?"

"Not nothing. But not much," Magnus admitted.

"You must be thinking... but how is he so powerful then?" Alec continued, faking shock. "I don't know." He looked at his hands like they were a map, showing the way to something important, "Do you know that he hates apples? I've never met anyone else who hates apples that much. I gave him a keychain shaped as an apple to annoy him, but he said he liked it. He carried it everywhere. I still don't know why. He didn't need it. If he never cared about me, then why?"

Alec looked at Magnus expectedly, there was some hope flickering in his eyes that Magnus would somehow come up with an answer.

"I don't know," Magnus told him desperately.

Alec's head dropped.

"Max was still alive,'' Alec said, his voice lost in the past. ''It was passed the point when I would think Darian was innocent. I've learned about his crimes. And I had the chance to kill him. I couldn't. And Max died.''

"Don't think like that,'' Magnus objected. ''The only reason this happened to your brother, is because of that warlock. Only he is to blame, not you. Do you hear me? If anyone ever has told you anything different, they're wrong. They are so wrong! You never have to feel guilty for not killing someone. And if it's about the What IF's, they are millions. You can't find fault based on that, you'll lose yourself in them. The only person responsible is him."

Alec turned quiet, not replying. It made Magnus angry for some reason.

He breathed in and out. He couldn't understand how in a situation when Alec was supposed to be the one upset, Magnus found himself in need of calming down.

There were so many other questions he had about that warlock. About Darian. So many things he didn't know. Like... how had Alec met him? Why had he killed his brother? Why was he wearing shadowhunter clothes in Alec's memory of him? What had happened after the end of Alec's memory? That memory came rushing back to Magnus and something about it was so disturbing that mixed with Magnus's lack of knowledge, it made him question if... if that warlock had ever forced Alec into something when they were together, or after, or... ever...

"Had he ever done something to you without your consent?" Magnus heard himself say.

What the hell?!? He wasn't supposed to ask that out loud. Why did he ask that? Who was he to ask? The Guardian... Isabelle had specifically said- don't make Alec tell you things he wouldn't want to talk about. What was wrong with Magnus? What was he thinking? He prayed Alec wouldn't understand the question. He prayed he could take it back. He prayed-

"No," Alec said, making Magnus raise his eyes up to him. Alec looked like he was about to be sick. Magnus's question had done that. Magnus had done that!

Magnus was so into his own head, suffering his overwhelming fear that the question was out of line, that he needed time to register the 'no'. Alec had said 'no'. Magnus could breathe easier now.

Alec was starting to look pale, but he continued, "It wasn't like that. He didn't... We weren't really together. And most of it was manipulation on his side. He would say we were only friends. He would say I'm having the wrong idea. And I would believe that, but then he would... kiss me." Alec covered his mouth like he was disgusted, but there was more sorrow than actual disgust in the gesture. "I would feel so... happy. I would think he has feelings for me too, but maybe because I'm a shadowhunter he's not admitting it. He wanted me to think that. He wanted me to chase after him. Eventually it just... it was messing with my head, so I told him not to kiss me. And it never went further, it never... no. No! He was never my boyfriend."

Alec's words provoked another worry in Magnus and again, he opened his mouth without thinking first. "What happened after I broke the barrier. When I touched you it wasn't because I was toying with you like him. You know that right?"

Alec considered it, but didn't take too long to reply. "I thought we were leaving that in the past but yes, I know you weren't toying with me. It didn't feel like what he was doing. It didn't feel deliberate. Also, would I be telling you all of this if I thought differently? Would I even be here?"

Magnus was so relieved to hear that, there were no words. Before he had the chance to ask another thing he wasn't supposed to, something in Alec changed. The vulnerability in his expression was pushed back by some determination.

"But Iris is another story," Alec declared, the topic momentarily changed. "She's not like you. She summoned a Demon, who knows what else she could do." Alec stood up and started pacing around.

Magnus forced his mind back in the 'here and now'. Back on Iris and the warlocks, and the fact that he was supposed to be convincing Alec not to go after her but leave her to him. So Magnus stood up as well.

"Remember how you said you couldn't believe I bandaged your hand?" Magnus asked and Alec nodded. "Have you forgotten I was the one causing the wound on your hand in the first place?"

"I haven't, but that was..."

"Self-defence?"

"Yes," Alec confirmed.

Magnus made a gesture, like asking if he could come closer, much like he had done before. Alec looked uncertain about what was Magnus doing, and Magnus wasn't sure himself, but then Alec nodded and some steps later Magnus was in front of him. Magnus wasn't sure why he needed to be in front of him to do this.

"So you don't blame me, because it was self-defence, is that right?" Magnus asked again to make sure.

"Yes."

"Maybe Iris thinks what she's doing is self-defence too," Magnus suggested. Alec opened his mouth to protest, but Magnus stopped him. "Just let me finish, please. Can I?"

''Okay.''

"Warlocks have a death order on their backs. They live in fear day after day. They need to hide to stay alive. What Iris did is horrible, I know that. She is not justified to do it. That's not how self-defence works. But what if she sees it that way? I'm not saying I'll let her get away with it, I'm simply asking you to let me do this alone. Maybe she's dangerous and then I'll stop her. But if she did this out of despair, I can relate. It's not just the constant running for your life. Soon after the Uprising, when I wasn't a representative of the warlocks, I spent months in an apartment just like this one. I locked myself up and didn't come out of it. I was afraid of trying to reach other warlocks, because I didn't want to put them or myself in danger. And I was too paranoid to reach anybody else, because I was seeing allies of the Clave everywhere. So I locked myself up. At first it wasn't that bad. There were a lot of things I could find to do. But as the months kept passing by and the situation outside was still the same, I stopped having any desire to do anything. I couldn't bring myself to read, or watch TV, or do anything productive. I remember hiding in a corner, counting the horizontal lines on the parquet floor. And there was this ever present nothing that was so big, it took all the space around me, not leaving room for more. I knew there were other people in the world, but I couldn't feel it. It's like... simple things like eating, taking a shower, become your only activity, the highlights of your day. You hate going to bed, because it takes you forever to fall asleep and you don't need any more free time with your thoughts. You hate waking up, because there is no one you wake up with, but yourself.''

Alec closed his eyes and suddenly his forehead fell on Magnus's shoulder. Magnus froze the first second. He didn't know what to do.

He didn't move himself, but kept talking calmly. "If Iris wasn't a warlock, the first response to everyone wouldn't be 'kill her'. Because she never commanded for any mundanes to be killed, if she wasn't a warlock, the Clave would have some law regarding her crime and they would put her in prison for a few years. But it's because she's a warlock that she can't have that option. Do you see the injustice here? Because I do. And I hate it."

Alec's head stayed on Magnus's shoulder when he said, ''I just don't want her to get away with it.''

"She won't. I'll make sure she won't."

"I need to come to know she won't,'' Alec said stubbornly. ''Can't you make some magical tea? If you're so worried and convinced she doesn't deserve to die, make tea. Bind my life to hers so I won't be able to kill her. Do it if you have to, but I need to come."

Magnus could feel Alec's breath on his shoulder. It was distracting, but he made himself focus.

"I can't make this tea if Iris is not here. I can't simply bind you to someone just like that. She would have to participate in the spell, and that's impossible. And I'm not trying to convince you to stay only because I'm not sure she deserves to die. There are many other reasons. Like your safety, like the fact that I have no idea how Iris would react if she sees me with a shadowhunter, like that detail of everyone thinking you are still kidnapped. If you're saying we have truce, then please listen to me. I know you can't trust me, but just this once, let me do this by myself. I know it's not easy to take a chance, but if I disappoint you, you'll have every right to turn away from me."

Alec raised his head, his eyes meeting Magnus's. ''Don't let her get away with it. And don't let her hurt anyone.''

''I won't.''

Alec judged Magnus's words and his face. ''You can make a portal to Simon now. I'll... go back there.''

Magnus's chest lifted in a joy that some would say was rushed. But Magnus knew what it took for Alec to decide that. And finally he felt the negative cloud of emotions engulfing him since Alec told him about that warlock start to make small courses away. The desparation from half an hour ago was not so intense. Maybe there was a chance their truce could be endless. Maybe there was a chance for both of them to be okay. Magnus could never know until he tries with everything he has and then hope.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
>  Thank you for reading :)


	28. I made an experiment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> Warning: some violence occurs.

 Iris entered her hotel room after sunset. She made a few steps in before eagerly tossing her bag away on the nearest horizontal surface she could find. In that case- the little coffee table on her right. Her hands now free, automatically went to rub her neck, which she could reach easily due to her hair being tied. The exhaustion was evident in her gestures. Also- in the time it took her to notice Magnus standing in the opposite dark corner. At the beginning Magnus had been thinking along the lines of knocking on her door properly or something. But as he had realised, after reminding himself again and again, he wasn't there to simply drink coffee with an old acquaintance. He wasn't even there due to a bad occasion they needed to discuss. No, she had committed a serious crime and Magnus beared the responsibility to respond properly. And they could both pretend otherwise, but that would only slow down the process of Magnus getting to the bottom of why. Sure, he could play dumb, fabricate some other reason he was there, but Iris wasn't stupid, and Magnus wasn't that patient.

When she saw him, she stopped dead in her tracks, then her hands slowly went down her sides. She didn't look scared, but inevitably caught, not panicked, but ready to analyze the situation. She probably already knew why Magnus had come. Because like Magnus had been thinking, what other reason would there be for him to show up just like that, without sending a fire message beforehand to tell her he needed to see her. The timing itself was quite a giveaway. Also the obvious fact of him taking the time to find where she was, but not using it to write her a message and ask her himself.

Magnus tried to read her emotional state, looking for the despair he had described to Alec, the despair which could have pushed her to do what she had done. He didn't find it. Iris appeared to be... more in her right mind than Magnus thought he would find her. For someone desperate enough to summon a Demon that is. She didn't look like someone confused, scared, or someone who didn't know what they were doing. She looked more thoughtful than desperate, and it didn't fit Magnus's expectations. It made him second guess himself.

"Hello to you too. I wasn't expecting you," Iris said evenly. "Is there a problem?"

"You tell me," Magnus replied, his voice low.

Iris watched him carefully, "I don't understand."

Well, for someone who supposedly didn't understand, she looked surprisingly concentrated and not in turmoil.

"Did you know there was a Greater Demon on the loose?" Magnus asked, abandoning his unmoving posture behind, and leaving the corner he was leaning on.

"I don't think there was a downworlder left who didn't hear of that." Iris's eyes were following Magnus's subtle movements. Why would she suspect he would make a move against her if she truly didn't understand anything? But she also didn't fit the idea Magnus had of what her behaviour would be. Magnus began to think everything he had thought about why she would summon the Demon was wrong, and there was something else going on.

He shook his head at her, "But you know more than the other downworlders."

Iris blinked and looked like she was clenching her teeth. Something about her screamed to Magnus that she had done this crime with a clear head and mind, and that suspicion made his sympathy for her from before feel misplaced in a way. He was now doubting she had lost her way at all.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean. Are you here because you want my help to catch the Demon?" Iris asked. "My knowledge of Greater Demons is broad, sure, but it has its limits."

Right. She couldn't be thinking Magnus would fall for that. And she wasn't, Magnus thought. By responding in such ways, she wanted to get a sense of how much Magnus knew exactly. Very well.

"About this particular Demon, you know so much more," he challenged.

"Why would you think that?"

Yes, she was definitelly trying to make Magnus tell her which part of everything he had a knowledge of. This could work in Magnus's favour. If he could get her to believe he knew absolutelly everything, so he could lead her to a position where she would be more likely to give something away. And maybe she would, if she thinks Magnus already knows it.

"Because just like you, I know so much more," Magnus continued. "In fact, I know everything."

A flash of something went through Iris's face. Surprise, mixed with something else. Maybe the first glimpses of actual worry. She hadn't expected him to know everything. Which proved there was more to the story than Iris summoning the Demon.

Magnus kept talking, "Come on, you can't be thinking I would come all the way here, and then wait patiently for you, if I didn't know what I'm getting into. You know me better than that."

Magnus sensed the tension in Iris rising. The way she was looking at Magnus changed. She was watching him even more carefully like... like Magnus was a ticking bomb. The air started pulsing with the sense of danger, and the moment Magnus registered it, he stopped being so sure about his approach. How would Iris respond to it? Apparently whatever it was that was happening and whatever she had been doing, she thought it was an entirely possible scenario for Magnus to attack her if he knew what it was. Was summoning the Demon an act leading to something worse?

"I didn't have a choice," Iris uttered, suddenly very defensive, her eyes following Magnus's every move.

What did that mean? Did somebody make her summon the Demon?

"I knew you'd say that," Magnus played along. And then, to get more information he added, "But I'm not convinced of it though."

Iris's face was turning more and more troubled. "They told me I had to. In order to survive, I had to. I couldn't refuse."

They? Were there more warlocks out of control? But Iris couldn't be this worried because of other warlocks, could she? Other warlocks couldn't threaten her to the point when she would think she 'had to'. Iris was strong enough to stand her ground and take care of herself.

Well, maybe if they were too many... But if they were that many, Magnus would have known about it by now. He would have found out, right? He was meeting warlocks all the time, he would have known.

"You could have warned me." Magnus said.

"If they knew I had, it would have been over for me!" Iris snapped like she just figured out something. "But you know! They'll think you know, because I told you. They'll think you know from me."

The sense of danger was increasing, the room heavy with it. Magnus became overly aware of every step he was making, but it was in vain, because Iris wasn't watching him to size his movements anymore. She was watching him to find the right moment to strike. It was on the tip of Magnus's tongue to say something like: Let's just talk, or something like: Why don't we sit down and discuss it calmly. Half of his brain was going over these possible phrases, the other half questioning their usefulness and instead watching out, thinking of ways to counter Iris's attack. Iris's back straightened up, some resolve showing on her face. She moved and-

**knock Knock - knock - knock Knock \- knock**

Someone knocked on the door, making them both freeze. It wasn't just knocking, there was a pattern. It was a sign. Whoever was on the other side of the door was announcing their presence to Iris, making her know who they were.

"Are you going to open?" Magnus asked, lowering his voice so the person outside couldn't hear. Iris's eyes were huge now.

"Believe me, you don't want me to," she said in a rush, then looked at him like he was supposed to know what that meant.

But Magnus didn't, and he needed to find out more. "If you don't open the door, I will," he told her to see what she would say.

"Are you insane?"

"Tell me one good reason why I shouldn't open the door." Magnus challenged, his previous claim that he knew everything on the verge of slipping away.

But at that point Iris didn't seem to notice, too overwhelmed with some fright-like-emotion, like her life was hanging on the line. "Your freedom not enough reason for you? If the Clave finds you here, they may not kill you, but do you really think they'll let you go?"

_The Clave._ Thе word kept repeating itself in Magnus's head. _The Clave. The Clave._

Iris was afraid of the Clave. She had been talking about them earlier. Iris had summoned the Demon, because... the Clave had made her to. They had found her and made her do this.

But why??? Why would they want to do that? What would they gain? This was against everything they stood up for.

Outside, Magnus thought he could hear steps starting and fading, whoever was at the door leaving. Maybe it was a member of the Clave, or a shadowhunter monitoring Iris. Magnus's brain was working on fast pace, trying to catch onto what was happening, but couldn't.

His profound astonishment must have came in the surface, unable to be hidden, because Iris's overall expression changed, catching up on it.

"You didn't know," she whispered.

And that was when she attacked. And Magnus wasn't prepared.

An exploding magical ball coming from her hands flew at him, Magnus making a quick move, spinning at 90 degrees and pushing himself backward to dodge it. But at that position Iris was no longer in his direct line of vision. So when she pulled back the ball with her magic, stopping it from colliding with the wall and pointing it at Magnus again, he couldn't avoid it as successfully and it exploded too close to his right foot. It didn't touch him, but the explosion caused Magnus's body to detach itself from the ground, and before he knew it, he was in the air until his back crushed into the other wall. Magnus slumped back on the floor, fearing he would black out, and trying to regain his control over his motor skills.

Iris walked to him, his eyes drifting from opened to closed. She kneeled, her hand went towards his head to... Magnus didn't even know. He managed to turn on his protection spell in the last second, making her jump and scream in surprise when her hand was burned from touching him. She backed away, working on her own spell to heal. That reminded Magnus he should heal himself as well, because if he doesn't, the injury would cause him to really black out soon.

Iris was in pain, her hand looking awful, and her previous exhaustion showing.

Magnus started getting better when he could finally feel the reasirung effects of his powers healing him from the inside. The first thing he did after, was an invisibility spell, standing up as quick as he could, ignoring the protest in his muscles, when they were telling him not to use them in that way after hitting the wall so hard.

Iris began turning around in alarm, but she couldn't see him anymore. Magnus thought they were moments away from the staff rushing into the room to check what was happening. Or whoever had been knocking to come back.

He should get them both out of there. He turned off the protection spell, running towards Iris without thinking too much of it, pushing her back to go through a portal with him, taking them to the same аbandoned neighborhood Magnus had been with Alec and Isabelle when they caught the Demon. It was the first place popping in Magnus's head, and he knew they were no surveillance cameras there, so no danger of shadowhunters looking through the footage by some chance and seeing them.

Magnus couldn't maintain the spell for invisibility any more, and when Iris tried to grab him, that couldn't help. He thought about the protection spell, but given how close to him she was, that could kill her if Magnus turns in on again.

So he tried to push her away from himself the old-fashioned way, by punching her in the face, his gentlemanly manners be damned. She fell back, leaving space for him to get back on his feet.

As soon as she saw the distance between then, she raised her hands, probably to launch another explosive magical ball. But Magnus was faster. He had an idea how to stop her from hurting him and stop this madness altogether. He used his powers to surround her in a tight grip, not allowing her to move. He created something like a blanket from blue pulsing energy, wrapped it around her, so she wasn't hurt, but she couldn't move or get up, her hands tightly glued to her sides with no option of getting out of the hold or using her powers any further.

Only then, Magnus could permit himself to catch his breath. He sat on the ground, not missing the opportunity to give his body a break, now that he could. He focused on his healing powers, allowing them to be the only magic he was doing from that point.

Thank God Alec didn't come with him, but sayed with Simon, Magnus thought. It was an odd thought to have in the middle of everything else, but it was there no less.

Iris was struggling to free herself, but no such luck. Magnus left her to keep struggling, waited for her to give up and get tired.

When she did, her and Magnus shared a long look.

"What was that for?" Magnus asked, wanting to get straight what the hell she thought she was doing.

Why attack him at that moment?

Well, she was going to attack him either way, before they heard the knock. But what was she trying to achieve with that attack? And why attack him then and not earlier, when her guest was still at the door? She could have opened the door, tried to give him over to the Clave, tried to explain she hadn't told him anything. Why didn't she, if she was all about removing Magnus from her way.

Magnus couldn't judge which part of her actions were fueled by her own choices, and which ones she was doing because the Clave made her. It was all a blur for him at that point.

"I wasn't about to kill you," Iris said finally, breathless from the fight she had put on during her attempts to get away from Magnus's magic grip.

"Oh yeah?" Magnus raised his eyebrows. "I don't know about you, but I don't usually send explosives at the people I'm not trying to kill."

Iris shook her head, the tiredness creeping in her every gesture. "I just wanted you down."

"Why?" Magnus wanted to know. Or rather, 'so she could do what', he asked himself, remembering her hand going towards him back at the hotel.

Iris's features were strained and she wasn't saying more.

"It would be very easy for me to cause you pain," Magnus warned. "And very hard for you to evade it. Right now, for old times sake and because of our history of knowing each other, I'm not really hurting you. Don't make me change my mind."

"What do you want?" Iris asked, her voice aggressive.

"What do you think?" Magnus followed harshly, standing up and whisking his fingers, using his magic to put her in a sitting position so talking with her wasn't that awkward. "Here is what we'll do. I'll ask you questions and you'll tell me the truth."

"I'm not scared of you," Iris declared, gritting her teeth.

Oh really? Her face suggested otherwise, but even if she wasn't, Magnus knew what she was truly afraid of.

"You're scared of the Clave though, aren't you?" Magnus suggested, making her eyes snap at his direction. "What were they say if I were to send them a message, telling them you searched for me, telling me all about their plans. What do you think they would do? I mean, I made you believe I know everything, maybe I can make them believe the same. Aren't you worried for that? What would they do to you then?"

Iris blinked, swallowing, and Magnus knew he was on the right path. He carried on, "Just answer my questions and it won't come to that."

Magnis waited, his first question still yet to be answered. Iris took her time, but gave up in the end.

"I wanted you down because I needed you unconscious to wipe your memories about this," she explained, the words forcefully coming out, because she didn't want them to, but she didn't have a choice.

Oh, so that was what she was trying to do.

"My memories about your Clave business I wasn't supposed to be aware of?" Magnus asked and received a nod.

Taking memories away was very hard to perform, usually coming with side effects, sometimes for both parties. If Iris had been ready to try it, with a warlock like Magnus no less, she must really want him to be in the dark.

Magnus thought about that. Tried to create his own theory about why Iris had summoned the Demon.

"The Clave must have found you," he started, voicing his thoughts and observing her reactions to them. "But you're alive. And they wanted you to summon the Demon. Or you'll die. Is that it?"

She could have come to him, or tried to come to him, or something. But instead everything she was doing, from not wanting to tell Magnus the truth to attacking him pretty violently, made him see her as a traitor, going against her own kind. What did the Clave possibly do to make her follow along that dedicatedly?

And what happened with the Clave avoiding to work with any warlocks? Well, they were in a twisted way working with multiple ones at the moment, counting that horrible being named... how was it... Darian, and Magnus himself too, using him to bring them the Cup. Although 'working with' wasn't the most accurate term. More like blackmailing and tormenting, that sort of thing. And Magnus highly doubted that when the Clave doesn't need them anymore, they would keep living. Did Iris not see that?

And why would the Clave want to summon a Demon anyway? That made no sense.

"They said they'll put him down after he serves his purpose." Iris said, probably assuming where Magnus's thoughts were going.

But that made everything worse. So they were able to put him down any time they wanted with Iris at their disposal, and they just left him do what he wanted for days? But...

"But I know they were searching for him. Three Institutes were trying to find him and catch him." Magnus remembered.

"They were. But you are confusing the regular shadowhunters with the ones who run the show. I doubt most shadowhunters have any idea what their superiors from the Clave do in their free time. I'll say they know as much as you. There was a Demon, they had to find it, simple as that. It was logical for the Clave to give the order and made them search. It would be suspicious if they hadn't. My best guess is, if they were to catch him before he gets to you, the Clave would claim their right to interrogate him themselves, and that would be when due to some super convenient accident, he would get free."

Okay, that was terrible.

"So... the purpose of the Demon was to get to me?" Magnus asked.

"The Demon of Truth, Magnus," Iris reminded.

Magnus had a flashback of what the Demon had asked him.

_Tell me my dear, what did the Clave asked of you in exchange for peace?_

That was a simple enough question, nothing suggesting the Clave could be behind it. But what if Magnus was looking at it the wrong way? After the further questioning of the Demon, Magnus and Isabelle had found out he wanted to hear what Magnus knew about the whole thing. Back then, he had thought Iris wanted to know more about the negotiations, because she was losing her faith in Magnus. Ha! That sounded so out of place now. Probably it was all wrong. Maybe the Clave had sent that Demon to check if Magnus knew about what they wanted to do with the Cup after they get it. They wanted to know if Magnus knew about their intentions. Which he did, thank you Camille. And that way, because it was subtle enough for Magnus not to think they're involved, it could have worked. But there were still a lot of holes in this plan and things that didn't fit.

"Why did they make you summon him? Why not do it themselves? And I spoke with that Demon when he couldn't lie. He never said anything about the Clave."

Iris narrowed her eyes, probably wondering what had happened with that Demon. "He didn't know about the Clave. He didn't have to, he just had to fulfill his purpose. I summoned him when I was alone. It had to look as real as possible. A warlock summons him because you, the representative, can't keep an eye on us anymore. You can't guarantee anything anymore. It was staged. The Clave gets two things with one move. They get to know what you know, and they get the opportunity to make clear warlocks are the evil guys and had to be restrained."

And they get me doubting myself as an extra bonus, Magnus thought.

How did it come down to this? Had the Uprising just made every Clave member so hungry for revenge, they would do anything, cross any line, do every despicable thing there is to do, just to achieve that revenge? In all his years of living, Magnus never thought the Clave would fall as low as to summon a Demon, endangering human lives. What was happening with this world? What in the name of Lilith was this?

And how had Iris become this traitor, knowing full well what the Clave was doing, but following blindly.

"Was I supposed to know you summoned him?" Magnus resumed, questioning all of the holes in this ridiculous idea the Clave apparently had come up with.

"Not me," Iris elaborated. "A warlock. The Clave was supposed to pretend they found that out. But no one was supposed to mention my name. They promised. No one would know it was me. And you weren't supposed to start looking for me either."

"Well, he didn't have a choice when he told me your name," Magnus informed, shaking his head at how much the Clave seemed to underestimate him. "So... to simulate a fake situation where warlocks will look bad was one of the things they were after," he said thoughtfully, trying to keep his disgust at bay. "Do they really need that? Warlocks already look bad."

"Not as bad as you think. Not bad enough," Iris said, making Magnus look at her expectedly and she carried on defeatedly, "I heard rumors of shadowhunters disobeying the Clave on numerous occasions. Shadowhunters questioning if there should be a war with the warlocks. Shadowhunters not following a direct order, letting warlocks go. Even... there is this rumor of a shadowhunter, calling himself The Shadow World Guardian, sabotaging the Clave's missions, saving warlocks and hiding them."

Hmm. Was Isabelle hiding other warlocks then just Madzie? She should really be careful and Magnus prayed to whoever was out there that she was, because it look like she would be in great danger if the Clave finds out her identity. Also, these rumors Iris was talking about, weren't something Magnus had heard of. Except for the part about The Shadow World Guardian.

"Where did you hear that?"

"In Idris. The Clave is concerned about it. You haven't heard the rumors, because they are trying to keep them from spreading, so the outside world would think they have complete control. And disobeying shadowhunters is not something they're proud of."

"You were in Idris?" Magnus asked in astonishment. Everything else stepped aside at the shock of that.

"Not by wish. And just for a day," she informed.

"Were you... tortured?" He asked with worry.

Iris's head dropped. "Nothing like that," she admitted.

"Why were you there?"

Iris looked like she was having a conflict with herself, her previous reluctance to talk returning. "I had to be there to do something," she said vaguely.

"Something the Clave wanted. What?"

Iris didn't say.

"Why are you doing the Clave's dirty work at all? I could understand if you were scared after they found you. I could understand if you thought you have to do what they say to survive. But did you seriously had no other choice? Couldn't you try to tell me? How long has this been going on? If you knew what you're doing could be fatal for the course of the war and your own kind, why not try to stop it? Why rushing to take my memories away? Why not asking me to help you?"

"No one can help me," Iris sighed. "One wrong move and I'm out."

So what? She would do what they ask of her forever? Were there other things she would be doing next? Other things making warlocks look 'bad enough' as she had put it?

Meanwhile, Iris looked around herself, probably realising the wrong move was all but done. There was no chance of Magnus letting her be. Whatever agreement / blackmail / brainwashing has been happening with the Clave, it would end today.

Magnus observed her and there was a thought, passing through his mind.

"They're holding you with something," he suggested. "What is it?"

Were they keeping someone close to her as hostage? Doubtfully. Iris didn't really have any close friends. Nothing like what Catarina and Ragnor were for Magnus.

"What is it?" Magnus pushed her to say.

"They have evidence against me," Iris uterred.

"I don't follow. What kind of evidence?"

"The 'bury me in the deepest pit' kind. If I had searched for your help, if you had hidden me somewhere, even if there was peace and the war was ended, I'll still die if they as much as wish so. It would just take longer. My only chance is to do what they ask."

"Were you part of the Uprising?" Magnus's voice quivered. Only that could be so bad that Iris would think she would die, even if Magnus achieves peace. Only that could be so bad to make her follow the Clave's commands, thinking nothing else could save her.

"No," Iris said, putting Magnus's best suggestion in the dust.

There was no reason for her to lie. But then what was it? Evidence against her for doing what?

"What did you do?"

She must have done something really bad. Something as bad as the Uprising. And just like that, Magnus began doubting himself again. Iris was one of his people. How could he have so little knowledge? What if she had done something despicable?

Iris swallowed, shame and nerves fighting for dominance on her face. "Years ago, I made an experiment. It was against the ongoing Accords. Violation of them. I thought the Clave would never know. I took care of everything, covered my tracks. I thought no one would ever know. But they found out. And they have evidence."

Magnus frowned. If it was years ago, he could never guess it, even if he wanted to. But he had a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Iris resumed talking. "I knew I shouldn't do it, but... couldn't abstain. Everyone was saying it was impossible. And the slightest chance of me proving it wasn't, was exhilarating in ways you can't even imagine. The things I could achieve if the experiment was successful... I thought I had to try. It became an obsession. For years I tried with no luck. Until one day. One day I found an elixir that makes it possible. And I did it. I created them." Iris raised her eyes fully at Magnus, ''It turned to be a mistake. And I tried to fix it. To fix all of them. I thought I had. I thought it was like... nothing ever happened and everything can go back to the way it was. I was mistaking again.''

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	29. A Person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> Warning: Magnus has a very horrifying and very gory nightmare! Please, proceed to read with caution.
> 
> (It's really short though and I might be exaggerating, but we better be safe with the warning)

 Iris began rambling and gesticulating, too consumed with her emotions and impending failure to make enough sense from one point on. The realisation that she was caught and it was all over began to weight on her more and more. Magnus could see her thinking, trying to come up with something to get out of the situation she was in, but she was coming up short.

Magnus couldn't understand much about the experiment she confessed she made. She was never clear, her talking became too quick and rushed, and one of the things she started saying over and over again was, "Don't tell anyone you know! The Clave must not know I told you!"

From what Magnus could gather when her sentences were still comprehensible, around 150 years ago Iris had successfully created some nonexistent till then creatures, which she called 'them', and they were created as a result of her experimenting on people (were they only mundanes, Magnus couldn't understand from her ramblings). But her creation hadn't turned the way she had imagined, and after she understood that, she had decided she was left with no choice but to undo it. How do you 'undo' 'them', how do you fix something that's a living breathing being, he couldn't tell. Iris just said she used a lot of her magic to reset the balance and she thought it was over. But somehow this experiment came back to haunt her nowadays, she hadn't quite 'undid it' the way she thought, and the Clave now had evidence.

That was all Magnus could comprehend.

And if he thought the Clave were the only ones experimenting on others, then surprise, he had been clearly wrong, because there was Iris doing the same. Because why not? It wasn't like anybody cared it was a revolting thing to do. No! Why would anybody care about that aspect?!? Just go ahead and experiment! Use others the way you want! Don't hold back! If you can, why stop yourself?

Magnus wanted to just completely condemn Isis so badly. To wish her an eternity when someone who didn't give a damn would have the brilliant idea to experiment on her for a change. Because it was only fair if she gets to know the feeling personally, wasn't it?

And yet, another part of Magnus was screaming that it was 150 years ago, when she didn't know Magnus and Magnus didn't know her, and she might have changed since then.

Magnus had done some horrible things himself in the past too. Although he never experimented on anyone, and most acts of cruelty he had committed had been made under the influence of his father when Magnus didn't know any better, and didn't have anyone else to show him better. Anyhow, Magnus didn't want to make excuses for himself. In truth, because of his past, it was questionable whether he was the right person to condemn Iris.

But at the end of the day, he had given a word to Alec not to let her hurt anybody else. And it was clear for Magnus at that point that she would hurt whoever the Clave wants her to, when they want her to. If she sees herself as too far gone, there was no way she could be persuaded to stand against the Clave. So there was not much left for Magnus to do. When he gave up trying to find out more from her, he made one swift motion and the magical blanket around Iris became infused with his sleeping spell.

Magnus would never forget how she stopped talking abruptly when she felt it. He would never forget her pleading eyes. He was probably about to see them again in his nightmares. Because even though Magnus wasn't killing her, she knew what he was doing. The next best thing.

When her body went limp, the blanket-like grip Magnus was keeping her in vanished, and she was lying motionless on the ground. Magnus extended his hand forward, consuming some of her magic, and then send her through a portal alone. Causing her to get stuck in limbo.

It wasn't going to be forever, Magnus kept telling himself. He had taken enough of her magic to not only banish the Demon, but use it later as means to pull her out of limbo. Someday, when there was peace and all the dirty business the Clave was involved in was exposed, he would do so. Which might be just a nice fantasy, and maybe Magnus was living in fantasy land if he believed there would be such times. But he liked to think there would be, and that he would let Iris out, giving her the chance to be judged fairly, facing whatever punishment she deserved for her crimes, taking into account that she had committed them more than a century ago.

He didn't want to be the one to decide her fate. But in some form he had, and he felt guilty for it. He allowed himself to sink into that feeling, allowed himself the weakness of just standing there and thinking about what he did. To someone he bared a responsibility for. He didn't offer her a real help, he just punished her. In that sense, he felt he was almost like the Clave. Punishing others.

He wished he was better.

 

After, he send a fire message to the Clave, signing it as if it were from Iris. He didn't know if they would buy that, but he did everything he could not to make the writing seem like his own. In the message Iris was saying she couldn't keep following what they wanted, and she was beginning to feel way too guilty for betraying warlocks that way. So she was putting an end to it, and she would disappear somewhere far away where no one could find her.

Maybe the Clave would believe Iris had truly written the message, maybe they won't. But Magnus decided it was a better resolve than just letting them never hear from her again. They would probably try and locate her, getting nowhere with their attempts and trying again. Let them try. There was no chance of them succeeding.

He let Isabelle know through a text that Iris no longer possessed a threat, promising to tell her and Alec more about it in the morning.

True to his predictions, a row of nightmares followed Magnus through the night.

One of the very vivid ones he could remember, started horrifically.

 

_Magnus was naked on a probing table for experimentation. There was a knife carving through his flesh. He was jerking violently to escape it, but was only causing the knife to go deeper into him, cutting whole pieces. He was choking on his blood. So much blood getting out of his mouth like a waterfall. His eyes were opened wide, blood vessels popping. There was a distant crack-like-sound from the background. Crack after crack travelling to his ears. A smell he couldn't distinguish, reminding him of rotten. His skin was peeled off, leaving his bones for everyone to see. They were so abnormal and deformed, they couldn't belong to a normal being. No person could ever have such bones. What was wrong with him? An oversized black cockroach showed its head from underneath Magnus's skeleton._

_"You are no better than Iris," the cockroach said with raspy voice. "You didn't help her."_

_It crawled up, standing on top of his bones. ''You are disgusting.''_

_Magnus screamed and screamed and screamed._

_But it didn't sound like screaming. Why didn't it sound like screaming? Instead, it sounded like... laughing._

_Magnus blinked and the next thing he knew, he was whole, alive, not a mark on him. He was dressed in a white apron soaked with blood. Someone else's blood._

_He was the one holding the knife, his nameless victim lying defenseless on the probing table, begging for him to stop. But Magnus was laughing, digging the knife deeper until it reached the bone._

 

Magnus woke up with violent shakes jolting through his body. He was cold. He was very very cold.

''Mom...,'' he heard himself say.

What? Why did he say that? His mother wasn't there. She was dead.

Magnus looked around himself with confusion. He was lying in the hallway. He was... okay. He was fine. That was just a nightmare. It was over. Everyone has nightmares. It happens. It wasn't real.

Magnus wrapped his hands around himself to stop the shakes.

"It's okay," he was talking to himself. "Just a dream. I'm not disgusting. Of course I'm not."

He repeated it a couple more times, waiting for it to help.

Magnus didn't let himself fall asleep til the rest of the night.

 

When the sunrise finally came, so did his better presence of mind.

The first thing he did was to take a shower. The impact of the dream was still there, but significantly subsided. Magnus felt fine.

He had to send Iris in limbo. He couldn't risk her to continue to be the Clave's another right hand man. Or woman in her case. What he did wasn't some heroic thing, wasn't something a saviour worthy of respect would have done, but that didn't mean he was a monster.

 

Later, he went to Simon's, and told Alec and Isabelle almost everything Iris had said about the Clave. The parts he missed intentionally where connected with what the Clave wanted to do with the Cup. Instead, Magnus said the Clave probably wanted to know for sure Magnus won't steal the Cup for himself, and that was his assumption about why they had gone to such lengths. He also skipped the part about Iris's experiments.

"She lied to you," was Alec's conclusion in the end. "She doesn't work for the Clave. They wouldn't want to summon a Demon, no matter the reason. My guess is that she has an accomplice who was at the door, and she wanted to keep you from finding out who it is, so she came up with this whole story. I don't believe it. I think she fed you a lot of lies to turn this into something it's not."

Magnus simply shrugged. He could object, but he abstained from that. He had no proof after all. Just the word of a warlock who commited a crime was far from being a reliable proof. For anyone.

Magnus himself believed it. But he couldn't force Alec to do the same.

Isabelle left no comment, a crease showing between her eyebrows, indicating she was bothered.

Magnus realised he wanted to speak with her. About this. About everything. It was in that moment when he made up his mind about it.

Him and Alec had to go and banish the Demon, and while they were preparing, Magnus waited for Alec to leave the room so he could go to Isabelle.

"Call me," Magnus simply said. Isabelle turned questionably at him and he elaborated further. "I mean, like you used to call. At the same time you used to call. If not today, then tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then after tomorrow. I know you said you were done calling, but it's important that we talk."

Isabelle looked startled and a little stunned, and Magnus thought that if anything, at least that way he would have a clear confirmation if she was the Guardian or not. If she wasn't, she wouldn't understand what Magnus was talking about. If she was, she'll know.

Isabelle made a quick scan of the room, probably making sure nobody was around to hear. Her stunned expression changed into some of deep consideration, which lasted more than Magnus would think. Eventually, her face changed further, warming up before she said, "Tomorrow."

Magnus nodded with some relief.

 

Magnus and Alec were waiting in a rooftop, a place again with no surveillance cameras around. They were waiting for Ragnor to portal the Demon with his cage back to them. Magnus was working on one of Alec's arrows, trying to get Iris's magic be absorbed in the weapon. He made a few incorrect spells and it took him about two minutes to find the right one.

Alec was watching him and observing, his hands crossed behind his back, his head in an angle.

"All done," Magnus announced when he was finally finished.

If Alec misses, he could do the same with another arrow, so it wasn't a problem.

Alec took his arrow in his hands, looking at it like it was an exhibit from a museum.

"It looks exactly the same," he stated after his examination was over.

"Looks can fool," Magnus replied.

Alec made a brief smile.

"Alexander?" Magnus began, making the shadowhunter look at him. "I know that after Iris, you must be worried about the other warlocks I'm representing."

Magnus thought it was better to tackle that subject, and now was a good time as any to debrief it. If Alec thought Iris had an accomplice, he may very well think it was another warlock from Magnus's people, or several. That could turn into an issue between them later on, and maybe it would be good if they talk about it. They never really did that during the time they knew nothing about Iris's motives.

"Aren't you worried too?" Alec replied with a question of his own.

Was he? Yes, how could he not be? If he was honest, he'll always be worried.

But what was concerning him, was that in Alec's case 'worried' might be too light of a way to put it. Magnus was afraid Alec might do something, much like going to the hotel Iris had been staying at, again. And Magnus might not to there to talk him out of it next time.

And the truce they had, it didn't extend to the other warlocks.

"Do you think I can't control them?" Magnus asked.

This was turning into a series of questions. Not that the answers were that hard to predict.

But Magnus was asking that in particular, not just to check how Alec felt about it, but also because he really wanted his opinion. He wanted to know if him keeping the warlocks under his supervision looked like something possible from another point of view. Alec was biased, there was no doubt of that, but Magnus also was. Just in another way.

"They're many," Alec said. "You are just one person."

He didn't think Magnus could do it. But instead of dropping to the bottom of his self-doubt, there was one word from Alec's sentence that shifted Magnus's focus completely elsewhere.

_Person_

That word utterly overtook Magnus's thoughts, making him almost forget the other ones. Maybe it was stupid, but in the light of his recent nightmare 'person' sounded so soothing. Almost like a compliment. Because it was Alec saying it. Someone who used to hate him was saying it.

_Person_

Magnus couldn't stop himself from prolonging his look, not detaching his eyes from Alec. Somehow, in the middle of this serious discussion, he felt like he could find some rest in Alexander's presence. How odd was that?

Alec's mind also seemed to go far and away from their topic, going to another, "Must have been hard for you to trap Iris in limbo," he said after Magnus couldn't tell how much time. "Even if you say it's temporarily."

Magnus closed his eyes for a moment, sighing.

"Don't beat yourself over it," Alec added gently.

"How do you know I am?"

Alec shrugged. "Just a guess."

Magnus was about to get lost in Alec's eyes one more time, when a portal opened near them, the Demon showing, along with his prison.

Well, Magnus could definitely say he hadn't missed him. The effects of the fog were long past by now, and the Demon was in his full over arrogant glory.

"Dear Magnus," he prompted. "I was hoping I might see you again."

"Any last words?" Magnus asked.

Alec was getting ready to shoot.

"But I should be asking you for last words, Magnus. After all, don't you want me to pass on something to your father? Asmodeus quite misses you in Edom."

Magnus gasped in astound, his blood run cold from the mention of his father in such a way.

Alec stilled, making the Demon turn to him in satisfaction "Didn't you know who his father was?" The Demon asked with a smile. "Then you must really not be friends indeed. Everyone knows, true friends know each other's families at the very least." Alec was immobile, his reaction pleasing the Demon, making him go on. "But don't worry, I'm sure Magnus had reasons for keeping this. He was probably too shy and didn't want to brag and brag about being the son of not anyone, but the most powerful Prince of Hell."

Alec turned to Magnus, and Magnus knew Alec would know it was true by the first glance he takes at him.

Magnus felt like he wanted to hide somewhere. Hide somewhere and disappear. He felt nothing but shame.

"Magnus would one day rule all of Edom with his father," the Demon said. "I don't know if you would be allowed to visit, shadowhunter. The atmosphere there would not treat you very kindly unfortunately."

Magnus wanted the ground to open and swallow him. But he knew he had to say something.

"I'll never go back to Edom," he uttered more to Alec than to anybody else.

Alec looked like he was fighting an inner dilemma, traces of deep wary on his face. Magnus would have given anything to have any other father. He would have given anything for it not to be Asmodeus.

"I won't tell your father you said that," the Demon continued. "He would be devastated. Poor man has been waiting for you with open arms. And I've heard it wasn't so bad when you lived there."

Alec broke eye contact with Magnus, his silence was deafening.

"However, his father is not the reason I admire Magnus so much. The reason is actually his step-father. Or rather, what Magnus did with that pathetic piece of _human_."

No! No no no!

The Demon couldn't know that. He couldn't!

Had Asmodeus told other demons about it? _No!_

It broke Magnus's stoic state instantly, and before he knew it, Magnus was using his magic to push the Demon around the walls of his cage mercilessly, finally silencing him. But he couldn't even find solace in that, because a few moments later he realised his sudden outburst had caused Alec to jerk more away from him, watching him in alarm.

Magnus stopped right away, his hands clenched into fists with all the force he could manage. He didn't want Alec to think of him as dangerous, he would never want that.

The Demon fell on his knees, Magnus's powers no longer pushing him around, and he began regaining his composure. "That was magnificent!" He praised impressed, like what Magnus had done was giving him a boost. "But I shouldn't expect anything less from the protege of Asmodeus."

Magnus opened his mouth, but nothing came out of it. He tried again.

"Alexander...," Magnus breathed, but Alec wasn't looking at him.

The Demon carried on, "So where were we? Oh, yes, Magnus's step-father. That was my favourite bedtime story for years on end," he declared with enthusiasm, clearing his throat. Magnus felt he was the one being trapped with no getting out.

_Someone get him out!_

"Once upon a time Magnus was 9, and he was going home from school when he found his mo......."

Alec's arrow flew at the Demon, striking his demonic core precisely.

The Demon screamed, his head quaking, his human face slipping away, and he began disintegrating into smaller and smaller particles, until only ashes were left of him.

It worked. He was back in Edom.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	30. My family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> I struggled with this chapter. I hope it's okay.

 When the Demon was gone, Magnus felt it like another waking up from a terrible dream.

"Thank you," Magnus said to Alec while slowly unclenching his fists. They urged to clench back, his body fought to stand in attention despite Magnus telling himself it was over.

Alec was looking at the void left from the Demon. He was only meters away from Magnus, but Magnus felt them like a thousand miles in his heart.

A few more moments passed, when Alec let go of his bow he had been clinging to with one hand till then, like just now realising he didn't need a weapon any more. Didn't need it against Magnus. Didn't need it for protection. He left it on the side, rubbing his forehead with his hands. "Asmodeus...," he uttered, barely audible, as if only to himself.

Magnus ventured to say something again and unlike before, a flood of sentences wanted to pour from his mouth and fill the gap between him and Alec. Magnus's mind was a mess, so he didn't know how he managed to make sense, but looking back at his words, they portrayed his feelings better than he thought he could express.

"Asmodeus is not a father to me. In the real meaning of the word, he never was. All he wanted was to shape me into another version of himself and have me around as his miniature copy. And I let him, because I thought he loved me and he was the only family I had. But that Demon didn't know what he was talking about. The days when I would listen to Asmodeus are in the past. I stopped considering him my family centuries ago. Ragnor and Catarina and Madzie are my closest thing to a family. They are more my family than anybody. I... I don't talk about my father, because it hurts me to do so. He was never a father when I needed one."

It wasn't easy, but Magnus stopped there, afraid to say more. Afraid to indulge himself in explaining his past, because it may rebound in some way. He could say too much and it wouldn't be unsaid. And he didn't even know if Alec wanted to listen. If he continues, he would be trying to talk for the both of them, compensating for Alec's quietness and he didn't want to do that.

Alec's hand was still over his face, "You scared me," Alec said with very little force, and Magnus knew he was talking about the moment when Magnus used his powers against the Demon, after the mention of his step-father.

Alec's quiet voice held more disbelieving note than anything, like he hadn't expected after everything which had happened between them, Magnus could still do something which would scare him. But Alec also didn't have some of his mental defences against Magnus anymore, since he had stopped using them, and that might be part of it. Maybe he regretted that now, regretted giving Magnus a chance without fully knowing him. Regretted taking down some of his walls for someone who was Asmodeus's son.

Magnus felt like he wasn't worth it. "I'm so sorry Alexander! I didn't mean to scare you. Do you want to go back to Simon? We can portal back whenever you say. Or if you want me to leave you alone, I can portal away by myself. Just say the word, and I'll be gone."

Alec took his hands away from his face, looking at Magnus to consider the offering. He was about to agree, to say the word and ask for Magnus to leave him, Magnus could see it. But when his eyes went over Magnus's face more thoroughly, they stayed there. Something changed and shifted, but Magnus couldn't tell what.

"You don't look so well," Alec observed much to Magnus's surprise, his voice softer and stronger this time around.

Magnus wasn't sure what to respond with, fearing he would inadvertently make a mistake. What was the right thing to say? The thing that wouldn't drive Alec away and would salvage what was left from their truce?

"I'll be fine," he found himself replying.

Alec didn't look convinced and Magnus considered ways to persuade him. Because if Alec thought he wasn't fine, he might start worrying about Magnus using his magic as an outlet to deal with his feelings, causing terrible things in the aftermath. So Magnus had to convince him he was all right.

Except... Alec didn't look like he was afraid Magnus would use his magic in horrible ways. He was concerned, but the reason seemed to be different. Beyond Magnus's understanding.

Alec allowed his eyes to wander aimlessly, then he seemed to have made a decision.

"Sit with me?" Alec requested in one of the most uncertain tones Magnus had heard from him.

Magnus was stunned. The simplest fact that Alec wasn't running away from him. It pushed a button deep inside him. He was nodding in a heartbeat, still not trusting that his words won't ruin everything.

Alec inspected his reaction, making sure Magnus really wanted to just sit with him. Which was unnecessary to Magnus, because what else would he want, but also touching in some way, because Alec cared what he wanted. Alec appeared to become bolder about this idea, coming closer and giving up the distance he had created. They sat down on the ground, something that both of them seem to do a lot of the time anyway. Like, all the time. It was becoming a pattern at this point.

"Um... give me your hand?" Alec asked when they were next to each other. ''If that's okay,'' he added.

Magnus automatically obeyed, like he couldn't think of another option once Alec asked. Maybe he did it too eagerly also, because Alec looked like he expected more hesitation from Magnus which he didn't get.

Alec took Magnus's hand between his, turning it so the palm was in front of him.

"I'm not about to look into your future, don't worry." Alec commented, leaving Magnus wondering if he wanted to make a joke.

Then he started pressing gently with his thumbs onto Magnus's palm and wrist in different points, making circular motions like... a massage. Magnus was stunned once again.

"Izzy used to do this when we were children. Helps with distress," Alec explained.

You really don't have to, he was about to tell Alec, but he didn't. He didn't want Alec to let him go. What he was doing was making Magnus feel grounded. And that was all Magnus needed. Magnus wanted to reach with his other hand, sweep a strand of hair from Alec's face just because, but he didn't dare.

Some time passed, Alec being concentrated on his task, and while doing so being... well beautiful. Magnus searched for other words, because it was Alec, and other more shadowhunter-ish or warrior like words might suit him better, but 'beautiful' just kept coming back as the description that fit Magnus's feelings. Because all in all, Magnus was really touched. Alec wasn't regretting giving him a chance. Magnus should stop assuming that every time something doesn't go according to plan. He shouldn't let himself panic so easily.

Just being like that, his hand in Alec's hold, breathing the fresh air from outside and not the one from his apartment, watching the leaves of the trees quiver every time the wind would move them, was very calming.

At one point, Alec spoke, "The Demon wanted to create drama and I fell for it. I should have shot him earlier, but I couldn't shake what he said."

"I understand," Magnus assured. And he really did. If anything, he was really glad Alec shot the Demon when he did, instead of listening to him further and further.

This could have easily turned into one of the many worst days in Magnus's life, but by some miracle, he avoided it. If he didn't know any better, if he wasn't Magnus Bane, he would think there were Angels watching out for him.

"I knew every warlock has a demon for a parent," Alec said. "So, of course you'll have one as well. Just... Asmodeus..."

"I'm not proud of it. I wish I could change it." Most of all, Magnus wished this wasn't yet another thing that was there to define him.

Alec's movements on Magnus's hand appeared to become more tender.

"I was freaking out,'' Alec admitted, ''… but then I thought about Clary and her father."

Hmm. That was a little confusing train of thought.

"Have you heard of Clary Fairchild?" Alec asked, looking up.

Magnus thought about it. He did come up with something. "She is the author of the drawings on the walls of Simon's house, right?"

"Yes. Her and Simon have known each other since childhood. We don't see much of her anymore, after she moved to another Institute. My point is, do you know she's also Valentine's daughter."

"She is?" Magnus asked and Alec nodded. "No. I knew Valentine had two kids, but nothing more."

"At first, we didn't know that either. We learned later on. And when we did, most of the shadowhunters started treating her differently. Me included. We were looking at her as if she was a spy, or like any moment she would turn on us and join him. Like father like daughter, you know. But... that's not what happened. She is not like her father. She helped us defeat him. Without her, we wouldn't have done it."

"She sounds pretty cool," Magnus remarked.

"She is."

"Are you comparing me to her?"

Was Alec comparing him to not just a non-warlock, but to a shadowhunter?

Magnus felt himself smile halfway, the warm feelings inside of him spreading.

Funny thing, but a few decades ago, someone comparing him to a shadowhunter would have felt like a discredit to him. It was puzzling how some things change so drastically over time.

Alec shrugged. "I'm just saying, she didn't choose her father. And you didn't choose yours. And being his son is not really your doing."

''Thank you, Alexander! For saying that.''

Alec shrugged again, like wanting to diminish it.

Then Magnus felt him tense slightly and that made him realise he had turned his hand, the one Alec was working on, and had closed his fingers around Alec's own hand. It had been involuntarily.

"Oh, sorry," Magnus said, bringing his hand back to its previous position, and opened it.

"No, I think I extended this longer than I should," Alec's fingers retreated away until Magnus's hand was free.

It wasn't exactly the kind of freedom Magnus wanted, but he supposed it was necessary. The gesture also brought a sense of reality to him, a desire to come clean about other things.

Magnus was not innocent. Being Asmodeus's son might not be his doing, but other things were. Did Alec know that? Magnus found himself suddenly second guessing if he deserved Alec not running away from him after they banished the Demon.

"My case is different than Clary's," Magnus tried to explain in an impulse to not take advantage of how little Alec might know of his past. He was not doing himself a favour by any means saying that, but the feeling that he didn't deserve Alec being there was making him go on. "It was centuries ago, but I've killed people. People Asmodeus wanted me to kill. Who were guilty of nothing. I don't want to lie to you. It took me time to want anything different than the life Asmodeus showed me. I was used to it. I even thought I was happy. It was a while before my perspective changed."

Magnus forced himself to accept any response Alec would give to that. If Alec leaves after hearing it, it would hurt, but it would be fair and deserved.

Alec sighed, looking at the ground, "I was never so naive to think you hadn't killed anyone. And you implied you had multiple times."

Had he? Magnus remembered a few instances about that:

 

_"Tell me you've never harmed another person. Tell me you've never, in your long life, hurt or killed anyone who didn't deserve it, using your powers."_

_.................._

_"I have," Magnus confessed sadly, ......_

  
  


_"Before we met, in the archives of the Institute, I read information about you, .......... Most of it was bad."_

_"I don't know what you've read, so I can't say if it's true. I have done things I'm not proud of,.....''_

 

But that were cases when the dark parts of Magnus's past were brought up, but not focused on. They hadn't talked further about them. Magnus hadn't talked so directly as he did now.

''Aren't you repelled by what I've done?'' Magnus asked anxiously. Given what Alec had been through, it was expected.

''I don't know,'' Alec said, head still down. ''I was. Now I'm more like numb. But I think it would be better if you don't share too much about it with me.''

''Because if you knew more, it would be impossible for you not to see me as a monster,'' Magnus supposed with sorrow.

''Yeah. I don't want to see you like that. I'm tired.''

Magnus felt tears in his eyes, not really sure why they were there, but pushed them away.

Alec cleared his throat, ''Also, it helps that it was lifetimes ago. I don't have it in me to hold it against you when you don't hold against me what I did to you like... a month ago. But I can't promise it won't hit me again someday.''

''I understand. What you did so far, proposing the truce and everything, it's already enough.''

''Is it really?'' Alec questioned. ''I don't know how to do more.''

''Hey,'' Magnus said gently, hoping Alec would look at him and he did, ''I don't want anything else from you. Just... don't hate me. But if despite everything you do, if somewhere along the way you want to end the truce, tell me outright. Don't make me guess with silence. Tell me if you go back to hating me, that's what I'm asking. If you don't, I'll assume we're good.''

Alec easily agreed, ''Okay. I can do that. But the same applies to you. If you don't want truce, you'll tell me.''

''Deal,'' Magnus agreed, although he couldn't imagine a scenario where he would do that.

It was like Alec could read that thought, ''How come it's so effortlessly for you? Why don't You hate Me? Did you forget what I did?''

Magnus frowned. They did have a lot of bad history, didn't they?

"I didn't forget it," he stated. "It's just that I can move on from it if I decide. And I decided."

"Why?"

"I see that you regret it," Magnus said. ''As someone who regrets many things, I know the feeling.''

Alec thought about the answer, but didn't seem to be satisfied with it. "You are too nice to me though. Why do you care about what I think that much? You cared what I thought about Iris and what I thought about Asmodeus. I'm just another shadowhunter. Why is my opinion that important?"

"I like you,'' Magnus blurted. ''Remember after I sang and we went to clean your room and you said 'thank you'? It got to me. You do things like asking if I'm okay on different occasions, or thanking me when I don't expect it, or this grand thing of not telling the Clave you're free. You do them, I notice and I start to like you. That's why I care. If I'm honest with you, I prefer this over being frustrated with you 24/7, like I was at the beginning. I risked having grey hair from exasperation back then."

Alec was quiet for some seconds, his hand going through the back of his neck nervously, his countenance unsettled, ''You like me... as a friend. Right?''

Magnus didn't want to see him so troubled. He didn't want his simple words to bring him distress. Because his words had been innocent. ''I like you as a person. That was what I meant. I don't know you very well, sure, but I'd like to.''

Alec's expression relaxed, ''Me too. I'd like to know you better.''

Magnus was more than content with that.

"Also, you can't have gray hair," Alec added, objecting with that part of what Magnus had said, his tone lighter.

"I'd rather not test it." Magnus replied, glad that the heavy atmosphere was stepping away.

They sank in a comfortable silence for a few minute after. It was... peaceful.

A drop of water fell on top of Magnus's cheek, making him look at the sky, realising it was full of clouds. Rain was about pour on both of them if they stayed there.

Alec appeared to be thinking the same. "I say we get back," he suggested and Magnus nodded.

Magnus stood up, offering Alec a hand. Alec took it, allowing Magnus to pull him on his feet.

 

When they get back to Simon's apartment, Madzie insisted for Magnus not to go right away, but stay so she could show him what she learned from the spell book Magnus had given her. Magnus happily assented to that plan, because he was in no hurry to get back to his place.

So they went to Madzie's room and... Madzie tried to stop the rain. Magnus didn't think there was such spell in the book, but Madzie said she was combining three different spells and according to her, it should be possible.

"Maybe if you start with more ordinary things," Magnus said suggestively, raising an eyebrow.

Madzie shook her head, looking through her window determined. "I almost did it partner. You just wait."

Madzie closed her eyes, repeating the spell, which to Magnus's ears sounded like it was in a language even he hadn't heard of.

Eventually, nothing happened.

"It's still raining." Madzie remarked in a disappointed way. Then she turned to Magnus who was suppressing a laugh. "Hey," she warned, scolding him, "I'll get the hang of it."

"I won't dare doubt. Text me when the next rain comes. We should be prepared."

Madzie stuck her tongue out at Magnus, which was the last straw, and Magnus was chuckling helplessly. Madzie joined him soon after.

 

The next day Isabelle called, true to her word.

"Hi," she greeted and Magnus half expected the male voice, being so used to it from before. But this time the voice was hers.

"I'm glad to hear from you." Magnus responded, rolling his eyes at himself immediately. Sure, he hadn't heard from the Guardian in quite some time, but he had seen Isabelle just yesterday, so he was talking nonsense.

"Are you at your place?"

"Ahh... yes."

"Good," she approved, "I'm at the door."

"Excuse me?"

He heard a knock right after and Isabelle hang up. Well, okay. That was one way for them to arrange things. Magnus would still prefer to have been warned of her arrival beforehand though.

He opened the door, letting her in.

"Why use phones when I could just barge in," she commented, a smile on her lips, but it wasn't the genuine smile Magnus was used to see on her. This one looked different, formal almost.

"Right. Come in," he invited and she followed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	31. Discoveries and more complications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> There are a lot of characters mentioned in this chapter, even original ones. Don't mind it. Also, I'm bad at coming up with names for original characters, sorry for that. By the end of the chapter the POV changes and we're not in Magnus's mind anymore, but that's very brief.

 Isabelle turned into a persistent interrogator as soon as she walked inside of Magnus's apartment. It wasn't so much because of the questions she was asking, but the way she was doing it. Like she was contemplating every answer just like any decent interrogator would do.

"How long have you known?"

"Since the night the Demon found me and send me the blood message."

"How did you find out?" Her eyes were fixated on him, her hands crossed in front of her loosely, one of her legs in front of the other in a stable posture.

"My biggest clue came during our very first phone call. You knew I didn't have the cure without me telling you. The options about the Guardian's identity were limited from that moment on. There were too many coincidences involving you, and things came into place when I figured how to connect them. You never did anything to make me a hundred percent sure, but looking back I realised you did many things to look suspicious enough."

Isabelle's expression was sharp and measuring. Magnus wondered if she had hoped she was coming across as more subtle about who she was during the phone calls, or if there was a shred of relief she was feeling deep down, created by Magnus's discovery. After all, it must be tiring to have to hide something so major all the time.

"You didn't say anything about that for days after Alec's return,'' Isabelle proceeded. ''That made me believe you didn't know. Why didn't you say anything the moment you knew?"

"I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to make you feel threatened."

"Who else knows?"

"Just me. I haven't told anyone."

"Good. Keep that up."

"I'm not a gossip girl, Isabelle. Your secret is safe with me."

She narrowed her eyes at Magnus, studying him to be certain he meant his words.

This was exactly what Magnus had been hoping to avoid. This 'should I trust you or not' dilemma. He sank into his expectancy that they would get past that. There were so many reasons to be past it, and so very little for the opposite.

This was the Guardian! The shadowhunter Magnus had been wanting to stand in front of since the first time he heard of her. Since before he knew it was a 'her'. All those times when he wished the Guardian could just be someone Magnus would be able to see, to know more of, to have a conversation when they will be on the same level, without all the unspoken or half-explained truths, without the constant uncertainty of the other's stand on things and the huge pit of non-existent knowledge.

He had the opportunity to have that now. This was the Guardian. Isabelle Lightwood was the shadowhunter who helped him with the cure, with Madzie, even with Alec when she convinced him to keep his freedom under wraps for a while.

Magnus didn't want them to look at one another in a distrustful manner during the next hour. He wanted them to stop.

"You're wondering if it's wise to trust me with something so important," Magnus began, speaking before Isabelle's next question comes. "But it goes both ways. By now, I've trusted you with a lot. I trust you with Madzie every single day. I trust you with knowing where I live. And I got you to call me, because I wanted to trust with more. The same applies to you. You've trusted me with more than you might think. You trusted me with Alec when he was here. When no one believed I wasn't a monster, you said you didn't think I would hurt him. You trusted me enough to help me sneak into the Institute. You trusted me enough to come here and not deny who you are. None of us is on the losing side of facing too great of a disadvantage, because the other has learned too much. You already know a lot about me and I know a lot about you. We're more even than you think."

Isabelle blinked, face in consideration, "Guess you're right." Then she added in a non-negotiable way, "My family can't know."

Magnus knew the reasons for that all too well.

"I get it," he said. Then the next words flew out of him before he was aware he wanted to say them, "But you must know, you're are a hero in my book."

Isabelle's eyes widened a little, "Hero? Really?"

"That's right. Well, first I thought you were working for the Clave," Magnus admitted, remembering talking with Caratina about his doubts.

"That's... understandable," Isabelle nodded.

"Then I was really disappointed when you decided to deal with that warlock on your own and cut me off.''

''Can we go back to the hero part?'' She reminded.

''Oh, right. What was I saying?'' Magnus teased, making her size him under her gaze warningly. He smiled and then graciously picked up where he had left off with more seriousness. ''What you're doing for the warlocks is something I haven't seen being done in a long time. By any shadowhunter. You're a hero, Izzy. That's how I see it."

She beamed and Magnus was relieved for the 'should I trust you or not' stage starting to come to its end. Not that he told her this to achieve that. He told her this, because it was how he felt it.

"You know,'' he continued, ''During the past three years I have been stabbed, shot at, kicked, called every bad name there is in english language, choked, almost forced to give up my magic and so on. You were the first shadowhunter to step in and do something to help me. You were the first shadowhunter to show any compassion towards my kind in a while. You just stepped in and did it. Without me having to prove myself beforehand. I'll never forget it."

Isabelle uncrossed her hands, the same compassion Magnus was talking about visible on her face, "I knew you were a good guy,'' she claimed matter-of-factly, making Magnus want to speculate not for the first time how did she know that. ''When I think of warlocks, I think of downworlders. I don't distinguish them, I never have. And when I think of downworlders, I think of Simon. That makes what I do an easy choice. And I don't believe all warlocks are the same. I've seen too much evidence to the contrary."

There was a lot of evidence indeed. Every day Magnus prayed for others to see it. And he was grateful every time someone did.

He didn't want to sound like a broken record, telling her again how much he appreciated what she was doing, so he just sent a thankful look her way and started a different topic, his curiosity prevailing. ''Do I get to ask questions of my own?" He questioned as innocently as possible.

The corners of her mouth lifted in a smile. A smile Magnus recognised this time around from seeing it on her face a few times over the course of meeting her. It reassured him. That the formality she came with wasn't going to stick.

"It depends,'' she replied, but it was spoken with the sort of ease Magnus was glad to sense. ''What would you like to know?"

Everything, Magnus thought. But he would limit himself with only asking the bare minimum, because he didn't want to come off as impertinent or rude. "Am I the only one who knows about you? Who knows your real name, that is."

Isabelle straightened her chin, "No. You are one of a few. And the only warlock who does."

She looked like she expected for Magnus to ask who else knows next, but he didn't. The questions he had in mind were more focused of her and the warlocks, "Do you hide other warlocks besides Madzie?"

"It happens," Isabelle replied thoughtfully. "Actually, I didn't intend to bring Madzie to live with Simon at first. I was about to send you a message to tell you she was with me, because too many shadowhunters were onto your friend Dot and she couldn't stay there. Originally, that was going to be the first message I send you. However, I was too sloppy, which led to Alec seeing her with me, and I had to change the plan. Once Alec saw Madzie, I couldn't just reach you without exposing myself."

"So instead, you took her to Simon not to seem suspicious, and convinced Alec to keep this from the Clave for the time being." And Alec had kept it, because he had thought Madzie would give up her powers and that would be the end of it. ''Alec tried to make her use the cure. You took a huge chance there. What if he had succeeded?''

''I'm sorry, I should have known he would do that,'' Isabelle said with regret. ''If it's any consolation, he feels guilty about it.''

''I know,'' Magnus softened his voice. ''Madzie has her way of warming people's hearts when no one else can. You weren't there, but when she convinced Alec to throw away the cure, I was standing with my mouth open. Didn't see it coming."

Magnus recalled that day for himself, thinking that just as Isabelle had been the first shadowhunter to make a big difference for Magnus in a while, the first warlock to do the same for Alec had been Madzie.

Isabelle nodded at Magnus's words, her countenance flashing with something Magnus couldn't interpret. ''I didn't think you would let Alec go. I knew you wouldn't harm him out of spite, but I never thought you would release him so soon. And while I'm really happy you did, I don't get why.''

''He pissed me off,'' Magnus explained with a serious expression. Isabelle gave him an unamused look. ''Okay, you want to know why- I couldn't keep this going. The Clave wants me dead, so I'll take someone hostage and use them? Sounds good and reasonable in words, but it weighed too much on me. Does that make me a bad leader for my people? Does it make me incapable to look after their interests? I don't know.''

''You're not a bad leader,'' Isabelle stated, shaking her head, ''Not at all.''

Magnus exhaled, knowing there could be two opinions about that, but not wanting to let his always present lack of confidence spread too much.

They continued their exchange of different information, while pointing out and recalling past events in a different light.

Isabelle said she uses glamour when she goes to aid warlocks in face to face circumstances, usually appearing as different people every time, often warlocks or other downworlders. Which explained why it took Magnus so much time to hear of The Shadow World Guardian. She explained she uses that name only in messages.

He asked her about the real reason she was limping last week, and she said that was after her failed attempt to kill Darian. Using the warlock's name felt weird for Magnus, but he refused to call him 'the warlock' anymore. He wanted to distinguish himself from him as much as possible. Calling him by name helped with that. Isabelle grimaced with every mention of him, her repugnance for the man showing immediately. She also didn't seem surprised Magnus knew his name, which meant Alec must have told her about sharing some things with Magnus.

Magnus realised his mind was circling around Alec too much, and he concentrated on what Isabelle was saying. She explained him how when she had tried to get Darian out of his cell and slice his throat, she had gotten into a fight with a guard, who had wounded her leg with a blade, smeared with something. She believed whatever it was, it had prevented her healing rune from working later on, and she had to heal from her wound the old-fashioned way. She had been glamoured, and the guard probably thought she was a warlock, so that raised the question if the Clave had invented some other substance against warlocks, and what will it do if Isabelle had been indeed a warlock. Magnus didn't want to panic just yet. The iratze rune wasn't the all-mighty-heal-all-there-is type of rune shadowhunters liked to think it was. Some wounds did provide a challenge to its abilities.

After they discussed that, Magnus warned Isabelle the Clave was onto her, and there were rumors about her in Idris. She said she had been afraid that might be the case, and promised to be more careful. Magnus hoped as hell she was, because he knew how stubborn and reckless shadowhunters are, and Isabelle made no exception.

"Don't go risking your life alone," Magnus stressed, "Don't pull the same trick you pulled deciding to kill Darian all by yourself. Because we know how that turned out," Isabelle frowned and Magnus continued, ''I'm serious. I'm here, remember? Contact me when you need to. Let's work together."

Isabelle sighed, "I suppose if you know who I am, working together won't be such a stretch," she admitted, although Magnus could swear there was still stubournes left in her eyes.

Then, it was time for Magnus to tell her what he was most afraid of telling her. Because it posed such a threat to warlocks on a global scale, Magnus sincerely hoped he wasn't making a mistake by revealing it to Isabelle. But also, he would be a hypocrite not to tell her, after everything he already said about how they should work together.

"There is something about the Cup you should know," Magnus began. "We better sit down."

They made their way around Magnus's table in his living room, Isabelle rested her chin on one of her hands, placed on the wooden surface.

Magnus didn't save details, his caution fading second by second once he finally had the opportunity to share how much everything regarding the Cup was bothering him. He told Isabelle what Camille and Iris had said, how everything pointed to the conclusion the Clave never wanted any peace, how they wanted to use the Cup to control demons and make them kill warlocks. Because the only thing the Clave seemed to aim for, was to see Magnus's kind either dead or cured. They may talk differently, but that was only a ploy to get Magnus to give them what they wanted.

Isabelle didn't say much. For one long second Magnus feared she didn't believe him.

"No, I believe you," she reassured, "I'm just processing."

Magnus scolded himself for thinking she wouldn't. It was just that he was always afraid that once he states he needs to get to the Cup before the Clave does, everyone would think he was manipulating the situation to steal it. That was one of his enormous concerns. This constant fear and trepidation from being seen that way.

Isabelle cleared her throat, finally putting her thoughts into words. "I don't see a way to get the Cup or do a spell to destroy it without everyone knowing what you're doing. How do you plan to do that? It won't be possible. When you go to the other dimension, both Jace and Alec would be with you. I doubt they would leave you alone with the Cup once you find it. Not to mention, you would be a mundane there, unable to do any magic. As soon as you go back to this reality, Jace has orders to bring the Cup in Idris." Isabelle threw a look at Magnus. "How can you evade that? I don't get it."

Yep. She was asking legitimately good questions.

Regarding this matter, Magnus was on the 'there is always a way' train.

"I'll figure it out," he said.

"Not that I want to doubt you, but... I kind of doubt you."

"Do you think I should have refused to find the Cup?" Magnus asked, thinking what would happen if he does just that. He still could. But the Cup, despite all the downsides and dangers coming with it, at least provided something important enough to have the Clave hooked. If we take that away, if the Clave can't get anything from Magnus, and he isn't useful in any way, Magnus could as well just try to evacuate all warlocks to another dimension. Because they weren't going to survive long in this one.

"No,'' Isabelle answered, unaware of Magnus's negative views raising up, ''Had you refused, we can't be sure they wouldn't use other ways to get to the Cup. At least this one involves you. And contrary to popular belief, I don't think it would be best if the Cup just stays where it is. It's too powerful of an instrument. It would be safer if it's..." Isabelle's expression changed, her eyes widening and a brief smile appearing on her countenance out of the blue. "Wait,'' she exclaimed, ''You don't need spells to block the Cup's power. I know a shadowhunter who can do that.''

''Elaborate please,'' Magnus requested.

''I know a shadowhunter with pure Angel blood who can create her own runes. She can create one on the Cup. Block its power that way.''

''Don't tell me her name is Clary.''

''How did you...?''

''Alexander mentioned she is Valentine's daughter. And I did a lot of digging this entire day about Valentine's history, the Clave, and the Inquisitor.'' Magnus explained, to which Isabelle turned curious. ''I'll tell you all about it later. Right now, would you tell me how do you expect I leave the fate of my entire kind at the hands of another shadowhunter.''

''You remember how I said there are a few others who know about me?''

''Let me guess, Clary is one of them.'' Magnus deduced and Isabelle gave a positive reply.

Then she presented him with this plan of making sure Clary gets to the Cup right after their mission, and before Jace could bring it to the Clave. Magnus just shook his head. Isabelle pressed, saying there was a chance they would succeed with that. But Magnus just couldn't agree.

''I can't risk so much,'' Magnus declared somehow defeatedly. ''Has she made similar runes like that before on other Mortal Instruments? Will she know what she's doing? What's to guarantee she draws exactly the rune I need so the Clave won't find a way around it? What's to guarantee they won't recognise it was her and make her undo it after? I can't bet warlocks lives on your friend Clary's abilities alone. I just can't. I'm sorry Isabelle, I don't agree with that.''

Magnus watched Isabelle's excitement from that idea dismally disappear, forced to accept Magnus's refusal.

''Anyways,'' he continued, ''Now the priority for me is to try to find a safe way to travel to the other dimension. One that doesn't involve dangers of getting erased out of existence if I stay too long. Catarina has been working on that, but to no avail. I'm starting to think we need a seelie to help her with that. Seelies have an infinite knowledge when it comes to other dimensions. Seelie magic, combined with Catarina's magic, might be the answer. I could ask the Clave to bring me a seelie, but I want to keep them as far away from what I'm doing as possible. So if you can help me with that..." Magnus prolonged.

"If I know a seelie who can be trusted, you mean.''

''Do you?'' Magnus asked hopefully.

''Yeah,'' Isabelle said. ''I think I do. Usually all seelies answer to the Seelie Queen, and the Seelie Queen is loyal to Luke and the Clave. But I think I know a seelie who doesn't play by the rules."

They talked over that for a while. The seelie's name was Meliorn, and Isabelle said he owed her a favour he still hadn't returned, so he could be persuaded to help Catarina without reporting to the Seelie Queen.

"I've been meaning to ask you something else too," Magnus told her after. "About the Inquisitor. Because of his relationship with your mother, you may know him better."

''Don't be so sure,'' Isabelle denied. "I can count on the fingers of my one hand how many times I've seen Luke for the past two years. And I see my mother on missions only. But I can tell you not to trust either of them."

Really? Was that all she would say? Come on Isabelle, that's your family, isn't it?

Well, fine.

"That brings me back to the digging I did today," Magnus said. ''You still want to hear about it?''

"I do. What did you find?" She asked. She probably knew some of it.

The thing was, after what Iris told him, Magnus had decided he should know more about the Clave and how they make their decisions. This whole day he had been trying to gather more information, using all of his resources, including what Camille and Ragnor and Catarina knew. He didn't want to keep seeing the Clave as just a system, or a collective political body. He wanted to break it down to people. To shadowhunters actually. Shadowhunters with names, singular individuals. Those who were deciding his fate and the fate of the whole Shadow World.

"The members of the Clave who are responsible for matters, related to me and the warlocks in the United States, are five. The Inquisitor also has a say in everything. After the Uprising, Inquisitor Imogen Herondale dies, and is replaced by Luke Garroway. Two of those five Clave members I mentioned also die. A lot of chaos follows the Uprising and shadowhunters need to recover from their losses quickly. That's the reason it's decided that the Inquisitor should be allowed to pick the replacements for the Clave members who died, something that's normally a very long procedure and doesn't happen that way. Luke Garroway chooses Victor Aldertree and Erica Sawyer as the new acting Clave members. Only a month after that, a shadowhunter from the other original three Clave members, Arya Black, gets accused of being secretly part of the Circle. The Circle was Valentine's group of rebellious shadowhunters, with whom he planned to wipe out the downworlders. So Arya loses her position in the Clave, and is replaced by Malachi Dieudonné, again picked by Inquisitor Garroway. And I was thinking, I'm going to find this Arya, and maybe have you or some other non-warlock I could rely on speak to her. Because I wanted to find out more about how she lost her position, how everything unfolded and so on. But then surprise, I can't do that, because the accusations against her were so severe that soon after she was released from the Clave, she was locked in prison in the Gard, where she remains at this moment. There was a trial, and guess who was the main witness, testifying against her- Victor Aldertree. Is this a coincidence, I thought. Could it be a coincidence that the same shadowhunter Garroway had picked helped another Clave member to be replaced with a shadowhunter Garroway would also pick? Because right now, from those five Clave members, there are three of them that I'm positive are loyal to Luke Garroway, and would back him up with every decision he makes. When we add that to the power he already has as Inquisitor, he could make whatever awful choice he likes about my kind, and it would be as good as official the next day. If I'm truthful, I have a hard time believing this Arya was ever part of the Circle. I think she might have been framed, so Luke could replace her with someone to his liking. I think Luke Garroway hates warlocks so much, that he's abusing his power. Tell me I'm wrong."

There was a moment of quietness after Magnus's long speech. Some rather sad and subdued nuances enveloped Isabelle's face.

"Don't expect anything good from Luke," she said. "Just don't."

Magnus looked at her with raised eyebrows to make her go on.

She put both her elbows at the table. "Luke has been...,'' she paused, searching for the word she needed, ''… off since Valentine died. Valentine was sentenced to spend his lifetime imprisoned, but one day he made an escape attempt, which failed and cost him his life. His death was a celebration for many, but not for Luke. They say the worst pain a shadowhunter can feel is the loss of their parabatai. And Luke got to feel it first-hand. It was so controversial, because everyone was joyful and cheering when Valentine died, but Luke couldn't, because even though he had turned his back on Valentine a long time ago, their souls were bound and it was a great loss to him. I thought he would mourn him and move on, but I guess the Uprising made Luke think Valentine wasn't so wrong in his views after all. When it comes to the warlocks at least.'' Isabelle raised her head, ''I can't tell you if he abuses his power or not. But don't expect anything good from Luke," she repeated.

"I won't," Magnus promised after she finished, his throat tightening.

 

* * *

 

Raj carefully knocked on the door leading to the Inquisitor's office.

''Come in,'' he heard from the inside and opened it.

The Inquisitor was sitting in front of his desk, which was buried completely under the mountain of endless documentation he was taking care of. He didn't even spare a glance at Raj, something the shadowhunter had become accustomed to.

''Clary Fairchild has requested to see you,'' Raj informed, quickly reporting the reason he had entered.

''Again?'' The Inquisitor asked with annoyance, tossing away some papers and reaching for others.

''Yes, she's waiting in the main hall.''

''Sent her away, as usual,'' the Inquisitor instructеd evenly.

Raj hesitated, ''She's quite persistent this time,'' he added, remembering the look of intent the red-haired girl had. ''She said she won't leave until she speaks with you.''

The Inquisitor didn't look impressed, nor more inclined to change his instructions. ''Then have the guards throw her out. I have no time for Clarissa.''

Raj was reluctant to do that. He had to admit, he didn't want to disappoint the girl. Though she would often pour her anger out on him for obeying the Inquisitor's orders, he found her really sympathetic.

''That would be all,'' the Inquisitor said, ''Leave me.''

Raj knew he had no choice, but to complete the request. He turned on his heel and strode away, closing the door after himself.

There was no way Clary would agree to go on a date with him, after the tells the guards to throw her out. That was the sad truth. Why was Raj so unlucky?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	32. Over breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> I edited this chapter a tiny bit, making very miniature and very unnoticeable changes. I felt I had to, because some words and phrases were bugging me too much when I read the chapter today. But it's really 99% the same.

 The next four days Magnus spent mostly in meetings with warlocks and discussing things with Isabelle. He had very timely remembered some not so favorable detail- that Alec still had a belonging of his, with which he had been able to find Iris' hotel a few days ago, using shadowhunter tracking. A belonging which Alec could still use at any time. That was the reason Magnus became extra careful and mindful to use anti-tracking spells before he goes out. He also made a note to himself to find a way to get that belonging back when the opportunity arises.

It was a survival instinct, nothing more and nothing less, that was pushing him to be mindful of these things. He knew Alec wasn't his enemy right now, but objectively speaking under no circumstances should Alec be able to find Magnus anytime he wants to, hence the anti-tracking spells Magnus made himself use constantly. And if... let's say Alec wants to find him for whatever reason, he can send a message, like every other person. Magnus wouldn't mind receiving a fire message from him at all, but that kind of miracle was yet to happen. Magnus had found that Alec wasn't the type of person to message him just because, without some urgent problem ahead, and thank Lilith, there have been no such problems lately.

However, Magnus had discretely asked Isabelle about Alec the other day, because Magnus hadn't had a chance to visit Madzie these days, and that meant he hadn't seen Alec, but he wanted to know how the shadowhunter was doing. Isabelle said Alec was thinking of his parabatai a lot lately. He hadn't expected the period of time before the mission for the Cup to extend this much. Hadn't expected to have to hide that long. Isabelle said he was sending fire messages to Jace every other day to tell him he was okay, that Magnus was treating him well and all, so Jace wouldn't have to worry.

Outside of this, Isabelle and Magnus had developed a cautious way to communicate anytime they would need to. If Magnus wanted her to come by at the hour they usually talked to in the evening, he would ring her once and hang up. If there was an emergency, he would ring two times and hang up. The number she was using as the Guardian was different than her official one, but she still insisted on these rules. And if there was some important newfound information she had to tell him about, she would send a fire message not signing her real name on it. They also had an agreement to never talk about anything Guardian-related when they were in Simon's apartment, even if they were alone.

However, Isabelle had agreed to tell Catarina who she was, after Magnus assured her Catarina was a person worthy of trust. And apparently Alec talked about Catarina rather fondly, which had earned her some extra points in Isabelle's eyes.

Magnus had participated in the meeting between Isabelle and Catarina, but hadn't during their meeting with Meliorn, which had followed. He heard it went well. Catarina and Meliorn had started to meet on neutral grounds regularly, joining forces to make the mission for the Cup less dangerous.

 

The next day Magnus was free, so he wasted no time loafing in his empty apartment, but went to visit Madzie, teaching her some basic spells.

"When I was little, you used to make this shining light, looking like a moon, to stay over my head at night," Madzie reminded him. "I want to learn to summon it myself."

"This one?" Magnus asked, flicking his wrist, and a miniature blue collored light, shaped like a moon, appeared above Madzie's bed where they were sitting at.

"Exactly this one," Madzie exclaimed enthusiastically.

"I can teach you to summon not only that, but everything you think of. The method is the same.'' Magnus explained. He knew Madzie could move already existing objects with her powers, but creating them out of thin air was something new to her. ''You just have to really focus and visualize what you want during the spell. It could be a moon-shaped light, or... " Magnus flicked his wrist again and a glowing heart materialized high above them, next to the moon, "… a heart-shaped light."

Madzie looked at the heart with distrust though. "It's pink," she pointed out. "Pink is too girly."

Magnus smiled and shrugged. "Could be blue," he said, making the heart change color.

"That's better," she approved. "But I'm too grown up to make hearts."

"Are you now?" Magnus challenged with a doubtful tone on purpose.

"Of course. Don't you see?" She straightened her head, making a serious pose, gathering her eyebrows and wrinkling her forehead, "I'm almost an adult."

"Without a doubt," Magnus chuckled.

But then he inwardly thought- what will he do when she actually grows up? When she leaves, having her own life. When she doesn't need Magnus around. When boys begin running after her...

Oh, wait a second!

When boys begin running after her, Magnus needed to protect her at all cost. Make sure these boys are gentlemans and would treat her right. Make sure to meet their parents if they have any, chat with them himself often, have their phones on speed dial and write their home addresses, teach Madzie a spell or two to knock them out if there was ever a need to.

Magnus recalled reading in some parent guidance book back in the day that kids grow up in a blink of an eye. Will Magnus blink someday, and Madzie would have turned into an adult without him realising?

Wow, that was some scary perspective right there.

Then Magnus remembered the time they lived in. A time where warlocks were being hunted and Madzie had to hide to survive.

And just like that, the 'scary perspective' he feared a second ago turned into a desirable scenario. He wished Madzie would have it. Тhat she would have everything others do, and not suffer so many losses just because she was a warlock.

"How about stars?" Madzie asked, cutting in Magnus' inner cogitation.

Magnus turned to her and in a moment, he made the heart disappear, its place taken by a star.

Her face lit up, comparable to the star itself. "I want to do that," she declared.

Magnus started explaining how that sort of spells usually worked, and how she could use her imagination in addition, creating not only replicas of things that already exist, but also such that no one has seen before.

"Try it," Magnus gestured encouragingly.

"Okay. There it goes," Madzie rubbed her hands, preparing.

The first time she tried, nothing happened. The second - instead of a star, an oval light resembling an egg emerged from the air. The third time the shape Madzie created was more similar to the desired result, but the edges of it were more round than sharp.

"Practice makes perfect," Magnus said, motivating her to continue as many times as she wanted, but also telling her there was nothing to rush for.

During one of her tries, the light she made was so similar to Magnus' first star, that Magnus smiled at her in triumph. His smile was reflected on her face by a smile of her own instantly. She continued making them, each new one replacing the old and being even more identical to the first Magnus made, which still remained next to the moon. At one point thought, instead of making just one, her spell created so many stars at once that they covered the entire ceiling.

Madzie looked at the stars with sheer wonder. And Magnus too, because it was quite the sight.

Madzie stood up on her bed, reaching with her hand and jumping a little so she could catch one of the stars. She pulled it down with her, the star complying easily, separating from the others. Madzie turned it around in her hands, playing with it happily as she was sitting back. It could levitate on its own in the air, but it could be moved around without trouble too.

"I made that," Madzie said proudly, looking at Magnus.

"It's beautiful," Magnus praised.

 

After some time, someone knocked.

"Izzy?" Madzie asked, turning her head to the door.

"Um... no," Alec's voice flew past it, and he opened the door slightly, his head coming haltingly into view next to the door frame. He looked uncomfortable. "Sorry, but...um..."

"What is it?" Magnus asked carefully, going towards him.

Alec opened the door fully to reveal an endless row of stars in the air above his head, going past Madzie's room, and past the hallway as well.

"It's like this everywhere," Alec explained. "They're everywhere. In every room."

Magnus looked at Madzie, who had also come to see. Her expression was regretful. ''I didn't mean to,'' she said.

Magnus' heart ached to see her happiness vanishing like that. "During your last spell, you must have accidentally created them in the whole apartment," her told her.

Magnus should have checked, should have surveyed what she was doing more thoroughly. It was a mistake on his part really, and he should be the one regretting, not Madzie. He just now noticed how Alec kept his head a little down, like he didn't want to come in contact with them by accident.

"They're harmless," Magnus said to reassure him.

Alec turned behind himself, looking at the closest one around him. "Are we sure?" He asked unconvinced, proceeding to poke that star experimentally with his finger.

"I swear, they're harmless," Magnus repeated gently.

"I'm really sorry," Madzie apologised. "I wasn't careful."

''No,'' Magnus protested quickly. ''I should have been the one careful. You're still learning.''

Madzie sighed.

Alec abandoned the star he was poking and moved to crouch down in front of Madzie, putting himself on her eye level. "I'm not mad at you, I'll never be. But can you just... take them away?"

"I can," Magnus said, getting down to work, wanting to erase the uneasiness which had arisen.

With one swift motion he made sure all of the stars in the apartment, except from the ones in Madzie's room, disappeared.

"There. No harm done," Magnus concluded to both Madzie and Alec.

Alec stood up, looking around in the hallway, no stars left on sight. He turned back to throw Magnus a warm look before stepping away from the doorway. "Alright. I will now... leave you to it."

After he left, Magnus explained to Madzie that she really didn't do anything that bad. She was new to some spells and she was allowed to make some errors along the way. That particular spell was harmless. It had spread a little more than intended, but Magnus didn't want to see her deflated over something like that.

He continued encouraging her and they did a little more magic practicing, with Magnus keeping a close eye on her technique, telling her she was doing really good.

When he was about to call it a day and leave, he stumbled upon Isabelle. She had a day off from the Institute, and she said she was about to make pancakes for a late breakfast (it was 11 am, so a very late one indeed). She offered him to join and have breakfast with them.

"I don't want to intrude," Magnus told her, certain it was a lot more polite to refuse. It was enough that he was coming by often as he was. He didn't need to show randomly at meals as well.

"Oh, come on," Isabelle responded with a dismissive wave of her hand. "It's just this time. And I'm intruding all the time."

"That's not the same,'' Magnus pointed out. ''You're Simon's fiance. You are allowed to. I'm not."

"I see. So he has to give you a ring for you to consider having a simple breakfast?"

"A ring with a big diamond on it, and then I'll consider it," Magnus specified, preparing to portal away.

But Madzie heard what they were talking about, and she came to voice her enthusiastic 'yes' about Isabelle's offering.

Magnus looked at her hopeful eyes. He really didn't want to intrude. "I don't know. I don't want to invite myself just like that."

"You're not. I'm inviting you," Isabelle said. ''Plus- you know I won't poison you.'' She added in a deliberate manner.

"She doesn't have many days off," Madzie continued informatively. "Imagine you want free pancakes tomorrow, but it's too late and she can't make them. You would have missed your one chance."

Magnus shook his head, giving up. "Well, if you put it like that...," he surrendered, announcing his defeat.

 

Isabelle headed to the kitchen and Magnus was seated next to Madzie with a spoon in his hand, an empty plate in front of him, and a jar of jam on the right. He felt a little silly to be honest. Like his place wasn't there. He tried to swallow that feeling away.

Not too long after, Simon showed, pushing a shuffling Alec in front of him. ''Come on, it's pancake day,'' Simon was saying when Magnus saw them.

''I heard you the first time Si,'' Alec replied.

''I'm just making sure, because you...'' Simon paused, noticing Magnus. Alec also looked his way. ''Oh hi,'' Simon greeted.

"Isabelle invited me," Magnus rushed to elucidate, observing their reactions for a negative sign.

"Cool," Simon said, sounding like he meant it, going to take a seat on the opposite side of the table.

Alec gave Magnus a welcoming nod, also seeming okay with the situation. He sat beside Madzie as well, on her other side.

Isabelle soon filled the plates of everyone with pancakes and took the place next to Simon. Simon and her shared one plate, and it wasn't too noticeable that he wasn't eating. At one point her head automatically went to rest contently on his shoulder, like a habit she had from a long time. Simon reached to put a hand around her back.

Nobody was staring at Magnus, making a big deal out of him being there. That eased some of his nerves.

And the pancakes were delicious.

Madzie fell into a conversation with Simon, Simon trying to convince her she needed to watch the new version of "Aladdin".

"I've watched the animated movie," Madzie said. "Isn't the story the same?"

"But it's told in a new way," Simon insisted. "Okay, maybe not brand new way, but the live-action adaptation has so many positives. The tiger for instance looks so amazing. Will Smith is a great genie. And they've added some extra parts that don't exist in the original."

Madzie shrugged, "I'll think about it. I just like animations better. They are more colourful and entertaining."

"That's what you would think when you haven't watched the new version. But you'll totally change your mind once you do. Like Alec did. Ask him about it. He was also saying this would be worse than the animation, but I showed him how wrong he was."

Alec raised his eyes at the mention of his name, but then went back to eating his pancake, unbothered to comment.

Isabelle shook her head, kissing Simon's cheek, "You mean, you made him watch the new movie and he caved to get you out of his hair," she summarised with amusement.

Simon immediately smiled after the kiss, his eyes slightly unfocused, but then he caught on to what she had actually said and did a double take, being quick to deny it, "No, I didn't make him. I just showed him his wrong ways. And he doesn't regret it. Ask him yourself."

"Did you really like the movie?" Madzie asked Alec to get things straight.

And Alec had to raise his eyes from the pancake yet again. Magnus was having fun watching him, because it always took him a second too long to do it.

"It was alright," Alec replied. "Better than some other things Simon has wanted me to watch."

"See?" Simon turned pleased at Isabelle and then Madzie, like he had proved something of big importance or like Alec had given some great praise to the film.

Isabelle kissed his cheek again and Madzie promised to at least see the trailer.

Time went by faster from there.

After Alec gаve up on the last remaining pancake in favour of Madzie. Isabelle went to wash the dishes and Simon followed to help her.

"Will you teach me to summon pancakes with my powers?'' Madzie asked curiously.

''But of course, why not,'' Magnus responded. Then he saw something flicker in Alec's eyes and he cleared his throat. ''Next time. Give yourself a break for today.''

Madzie noticed the change in Magnus' tone and blinked, turning to Alec on cue, like after the casual and relaxing breakfast they've had, she had forgotten that magic wasn't the best topic to be discussed in his presence. Now she was reminded.

''I said it, because if I can summon pancakes, we'll have many for everyone," Madzie explained. ''Won't that be a good thing?''

"Uh huh," Alec uttered, nodding. ''very good thing.''

"Magnus will help if I mess up. And if you don't want pancakes from me, I won't make you eat them," she added quickly.

"He knows that Madzie," Magnus interrupted to close this matter. "He just wants you to be safe and okay while working on your powers, and I'll take care of that." Magnus shifted his eyes to Alec.

_I'll take care of that_

Alec looked back at him briefly, focusing on Madzie, "If you make pancakes, I'll..., '' he stopped, releasing a breath. ''I'll try them. Why not?''

Alec smiled at Madzie, but it didn't reach his eyes.

It wasn't about the pancakes at all, if Magnus' instincts were right on this. Alec was just still getting used to the choice Madzie had made. To stay a warlock and work on her powers. And he knew being a warlock made her a target. He knew Madzie would be so much safer if she was an ordinary girl.

But she wasn't. And every time she mentioned her powers, every time she smiled because of them or wanted to work on them, she showed that she didn't want to be.

Alongside with that came Alec's fears that her magic will change her. Magnus felt so sad that these fears were still there somewhere, and Alec still struggled with them.

But he was trying. Alec was really trying to be supportive of Madzie.

Magnus realised he had spaced out and missed some of the things that were spoken. When he came back to it, Alec somehow had went on a little rant about how he had already eaten so much food prepared with magic when he was in Magnus' apartment, plus that tea, that if he had survived that, he could survive any pancake. It was meant as a joke, Alec clearly wanted to cheer up Madzie with some of his tales about the "terribly terrible" and "unmistakably blah" tea Magnus had presented him the first time.

Magnus rolled his eyes at the adjectives Alec was using, until something occurred to him.

"Hold on," he intervened, catching their attention. "Alexander, how are you so sure I never, not even one single time, cooked anything the mundane way? Without using my magic."

"Because you can't cook," Alec said simply.

Ha! That was a firm statement. How could Alec be so sure?

''How are you so sure?''

Alec looked at him. ''You never had to cook in your life. You have your powers for that, don't you?''

Okay, by this logic no warlock could cook. Wasn't this some sort of discrimination? It must be.

Because Magnus had known warlocks who, in fact, were excellent in this skill, bringing it down to perfection. 

It just so happens that Magnus wasn't one of them. It just so happens that... alright, yeah, Magnus couldn't cook. But even if Alec was right, he was right by chance, not by rule. He had no right to look so sure of himself. For all he knew, Magnus could be a professional chef and it would make no difference. 

"Declaring I'm incapable of cooking is too presumptive, don't you think?" Magnus accused, raising an eyebrow.

''Are you saying you can?'' Alec questioned, again looking way too confident he was right.

_Damn this confidence!_ It was making Magnus want to prove him wrong. "Why don't you consider I may surprise you?" 

"Surprise me how?"

"By cooking," Magnus blurted.

Madzie, who had been watching their exchange so far, shot Magnus a questioning look, "Can you?"

''No,'' Alec answered for him. "He'll make something with magic and come to us to say he cooked it."

"Hey," Magnus protested. "I wouldn't cheat like that." It was more possible for him to make a simple ham sandwich and present it as a dish, however pity that may seem, but he wouldn't cheat.

''He wouldn't," Madzie supported him right away.

Alec took a long look at Magnus. "Yeah, maybe," he agreed after some time, withdrawing. "Anyway, it doesn't matter."

Alec told Magnus goodbye and prepared to leave.

But... Magnus couldn't have that. How bad was he at cooking really? And as he had said to Madzie- practice makes perfect. Maybe that was what he needed- practice.

Magnus jumped out of his chair, raising his voice just a little, and stopping Alec at the door, "I'm cooking! Right here. Right now." He announced, a little over dramatic if he was honest, but hey, Alec was surprised.

Alec turned around, giving him an uncertain look.

"You are?" He asked.

"That's what I said, wasn't it?"

Alec's eyes went through Magnus' face, "You really don't have to."

"Don't backtrack now Alexander. You challenged me, I took the challenge. Simple as that. Unless Simon doesn't want me using his kitchen, I'm cooking." Alec was about to say something, but Magnus wasn't finished. ''If it turns out you're wrong and I prove I can cook, you'll give me back whatever it is you took from my apartment to track me,'' Magnus stated, putting the condition out there.

It was a good way to take that belonging back, Magnus thought. And a good motivation for him to venture into this ordeal.

Alec blinked, maybe unprepared to hear that, but he composed himself right back. "Fine," he said evenly.

"Fine." Magnus echoed, ignoring the little voice screaming what the hell he was doing. He really hoped he doesn't set Simon's kitchen on fire during this.

 

After Simon temporarily gave Magnus the rights over the kitchen with nothing more that a ''this should be interesting'' remark, Madzie found a recipe book. It was old, worn out, and little dusty, but the important thing was that it was legible.

Alec was standing by the doorway, a few feet from Magnus, as Madzie put the book on the table. Some nervousness was catching up to Magnus as she closed her eyes, going through the pages for a while, until the scrolling ended and she slowly opened her eyes to see the page she had reached by chance.

She read it out loud. ''Homemade Peanut Cookies.''

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	33. Peanut Cookies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> I really wanted to have a chapter with that title, I'm not sure why :)

 Magnus was watching the recipe, thinking how it could have been something way more complicated and trickier. It could have been something like chicken with honey and sesame, or salmon with green tea, coconut rice, and vegetables. But cookies... sounded so simple. How hard could it be to bake some cookies?

Magnus and Madzie created a list of rules regarding this cooking challenge. According to them Magnus had a right to have the recipe with him as guidance. He also had a right to use his powers to make the necessary products appear, and if there was any need - reappear (because a warlock going shopping in supermarkets with cameras during a war against his kind was not a good idea). Apart from making the products appear, Magnus couldn't use his powers for anything else connected to the cooking. He had time till the rest of the day to make the cookies. When they were ready, everyone would try them and judge if the final result is edible or not. If it is, Magnus would have proved his point, and Alec would have to give him back what he had stolen.

Madzie said she had her fingers crossed for Magnus, and that was enough of a motivation on itself.

Magnus brought the rules list to Alec, so Alec could say if he approves them. Alec inspected the big piece of paper which was put in his hands, both sides of it filled with Magnus's handwriting.

''That... that's a long list," Alec remarked, his tone implying that Magnus was being too excessive with this.

"I can't have you accusе me of cheating when I win, so I had to make precise rules, which both of us would be clear about." Magnus reached with his hand to show Alec one specific rule on the list. "You are welcome to monitor my cooking and keep an eye on me, making sure I don't use my powers to cheat and lie."

Alec looked at the rule and sighed, turning back to Magnus. "That's not needed.''

''Isn't it?'' Magnus questioned.

''What I said before... that you'll use your powers and lie, I shouldn't have said it. It was dumb."

Magnus was taken a little aback, "Are you admitting you were wrong so soon? Alexander, if only you admit I might be good at cooking, this list would really prove to be unnecessary."

Alec simply shook his head, indicating that he wasn't about to admit Magnus was any better at cooking than he had initially stated.

''Very well then.'' Magnus took the paper from Alec's hands. "If there is nothing you'd like to say about the list, you'll have to excuse me as I have a challenge to begin."

Magnus gathered his courage and headed to the kitchen.

 

The recipe required only four ingredients- peanuts, eggs, dates and flour. Again, how hard could it be if there were only four ingredients?

Magnus tried to get used to the narrow working space he had, finding the cookware he needed to use. First, he had to grind the peanut in the kitchen robot. It took him 15 minutes to figure out how this kitchen robot was working, because mundane technology was weird and deceiving like that. This particular kitchen robot was not as powerful as the misleading instructions liked you to think.

Once he was ready with the peanuts, he needed to take care of the dates. This was where the first problem appeared. Magnus had to take out their seeds before grinding them. Which was... more difficult than it sounded. This fruit proved to become so slippery after being cut, making Magnus's hands super sticky. Magnus tried his best to resist the impulse to wash his hands every few seconds. At one point, when Magnus was applying the pressure with the knife, his right hand which was holding the cutlery slipped, making the knife miss its desired target and find a new unsought one- Magnus's left thumb, creating a long cut wound.

Magnus winced at the wound, blood coming out of it. He put the knife down, going to the sink.

As an aftermath, Magnus wasted time in the process of dealing with that. He had to stop what he was doing, clean the cut and heal it with his magic (Was this approved by the rules? Magnus wasn't quite sure and that problem seemed like more of a gray area. But it wasn't forbidden too, so Magnus shrugged and healed it).

By an ill twist of faith, Magnus ended up cutting himself a few more times after that. He really didn't know how many, he lost count after the first four times. It was really slowing his cooking down, which he didn't like. He tried to be more careful with the knife, which made his movements even slower.

After around 40 minutes, he was finally ready with the dates.

Some part of him felt so sad for all these mundanes out there, who couldn't heal the injuries cooking brought upon them, and couldn't summon new ingredients if they fail. They were giving their money for food and had no other way to get it.

The next trial on his way were the eggs. Magnus took one, hitting it on the surface of the plate in front of him to break the shell. This worked a little too well. He apparently applied too much force, causing not just the shell to break, but the egg to come out of it, and without warning to splash on the floor. And this was the moment Alec showed.

"I'm just checking if you fell asleep or something," Alec explained, his eyes travelling to the floor unsurprised, inspecting the damage Magnus might have caused by now.

"Asleep? No such thing," Magnus responded, a little insulted by the assumption. "Why would I be asleep?"

"Hmm... maybe because it's been more than an hour," Alec informed.

Magnus knew that.

_I'm perfectly capable to keep track of time on my own, thank you very much Alexander_.

"So what?" Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Since when cooking more than an hour became a crime?"

''Since..., '' Alec left his sentence hanging, taking a few steps in and going to pick the recipe book from the counter, "… takes 20 minutes to make," he read aloud from the page with the cookies, looking pointedly at Magnus.

Magnus stood his ground. "What is said there is irrelevant. According to the rules you approved I have the whole day. Besides, cooking is an art. You don't rush art, you take your time with it patiently."

"Right," Alec replied with the faintest hint of mockery and a look that suggested, unfairly so, that Magnus needed time, because he was very bad at this. He brought the book back to its place and turned around. "Good luck with making art Magnus."

Something Magnus couldn't explain possessed him to move towards the shadowhunter, not to do anything in particular, but just glare at him from a better position. But it was the wrong move in the wrong time. Magnus had forgotten about the egg on the floor, and of course, he stepped right on top of it, slipping and falling on his butt on the kitchen floor. An embarrassing high-pitched surprised sound released his mouth.

When he realised what had happened, Magnus looked at his ruined pants regretfully, some yolk stain being visible on the right bottom hem after the fall.

"You could have tried to catch me," Magnus told Alec with some accusation, although he knew Alec couldn't have possibly caught him, even if he wanted to.

''Are you okay?'' Alec's voice sounded like he was about to laugh. Magnus tore his gaze from the stain to look up.

Alec had his hand over his mouth, trying to hide a grin.

And just like that, Magnus's frustration kind of... dissolved into the air. It would have been much more logical for Magnus to be a little more offended, but the thing was- Alec didn't genuinely smile often. And when he did, it wasn't because of Magnus. So Magnus couldn't help the warm feeling in his chest, which came out of nowhere, but was spreading persistently despite everything.

"You should smile more often. It looks good on you," Magnus said while standing up.

''A smile looks good on everybody,'' Alec replied, taking his hand away and laughing briefly at the sight of Magnus. Magnus didn't mind. ''When did you become this uncoordinated?" He asked, gesturing to the kitchen tiles Magnus had ended up on.

Alec's question brought Magnus back to a conversation they've had some time ago, before the negotiations meeting Alec went to. That time inexplicably felt like it was years ago, not weeks.

 

_"… I can never recreate the way you move, for example."_

_"And what way is that?" Magnus wanted to know, suddenly really interested._

_…................................................_

_''… When you walk, your upper and lower body are in a rare kind of harmony. Your arms and legs are more coordinated than with most people. Like you know exactly where you want to go, and there is a purpose to every movement you make. It's very graceful and deliberate. Not something I could repeat."_

 

Magnus thought more about it. Alec was right. It wasn't in his nature to be this clumsy. It was quite the opposite.

And it wasn't just today. Sixty years ago, when Magnus last remembered attempting to prepare some dinner, similar incidents had occurred. He wondered why. What if... and this was just a crazy theory, but what if some jealous warlock had put a curse upon Magnus decades ago, and that was the reason he couldn't cook. That was why he cut himself so many times today. That was why he fell on the floor.

Ha. This would explain so much. Magnus was suffering from a terrible rare curse, preventing his natural cooking talent from developing. Too bad Magnus couldn't really share this with Alec, because he doubted Alec would take it seriously.

Well, Magnus himself didn't take it really seriously, but it was a nice theory to have for future exploration. You never know when it could be true.

"I think it might be your fault," Magnus concluded instead. ''You came here and distracted me.''

''Whatever you say,'' Alec said, still smiling.

He looked beautiful. Magnus wished he could tell him that, but he didn't want to overstep his boundaries.

 

When Magnus was finally ready and took the cookies out of the oven, they were all burned at the ends. A heavy disappointment washed over him. He had been cooking for an hour and a half to achieve... that. Magnus blamed the recipe for it, despite Isabelle's protests that he should have kept an eye on them while baking. 

When her and Alec couldn't find even one single cookie which wasn't burned, Alec raised his hands and said, "I guess that's it."

"What do you mean?" Magnus turned away from his failure to look at him.

"It's over," Alec replied. "You lost. Points for trying."

"You are very much mistaking. This...," Magnus pointed the cookies, "... this was only my first try. I have time till the rest of the day, remember? It's stated in the rules you agreed with. I can try again. And if that fails, then again, as many times as I want, until the sun sets."

Isabelle patted his shoulder. "That's a spirit," she commented, exciting the kitchen, leaving Magnus to worry if she really believed in him, or was just trying to be nice.

Alec was watching Magnus's chaotic movements when he began preparing for his second attempt, cleaning up his working space again.

"Why are you doing this?" Alec asked.

"Why not do it? I have a free day, Simon has a free kitchen." Magnus freed enough space to put the new ingredients. "Cover your eyes if you want Alexander, I'm about to do some magic."

When the products he needed appeared on the counter, Magnus decided he should start with the dates this time, since they were the hardest part of it all. He went to wash his hands, when he heard Alec asking the same question.

"Why are you doing this?"

There was an actual curiosity there and Magnus realised Alec was asking for a serious reply. He was asking whether Magnus was doing it to prove a point, or because he was desperate to get back the item Alec had taken, or there was something else. Frankly, it was because Magnus wanted to prove a point, but it went a little deeper in that aspect.

Magnus took a deep breath, releasing it and leaning against the counter, deciding to be upfront. ''I could be a little too... sensitive and defensive about matters regarding warlocks.'' Magnus threw a look at Alec, who frowned, but gestured for Magnus to carry on. ''It's inevitable when you spend as much time as I have hearing what kind of monsters we are, fighting against millions of accusations. Perhaps it's my weakness in a way. There are things which can get to me, even if they aren't meant to. And I guess you hit a nerve.'' Magnus felt somehow vulnerable explaining that, but he had started, so he may as well finish. Alec's previous words echoed in his ears.

_You never had to cook in your life. You have your powers for that, don't you?_

Magnus continued, ''I don't want it to look like my kind just snaps their fingers and gets whatever they want, without having to do anything on their own. That's not how it works. And do you know how much effort some spells require? Besides, our powers are not eternal crutches on which we rely till the end of time. They never were and they can't be. We're part human too, just like you are. We get exhausted, drained, inspired, challenged, motivated. There are things we're great at, and things we're terrible at. If I have to speak for myself, I'll say I'm not too horrible at dancing, horse riding, sailing, swimming, a little bit of martial arts, skiing, ect. Cooking is not my strongest side, true, but I believe I can make these cookies if I have to. And if I know that, then why not. Why tell myself I can't and leave it at that?"

Alec was quiet at first, some form of sympathy showing in his eyes. He waited as if to see whether Magnus wanted to say something else. When Magnus didn't, he cleared his throat. ''I knew you can't cook, because Catarina told me.''

_Oh_ , Magnus thought. He suddenly felt like laughing.

''When?'' He asked.

''I don't remember,'' Alec responded. ''It was one of those days when she would come and keep me company. I think I made a comment about how I couldn't smell any known to me poison in the food, but it may still contain some in little quantities, because you were smart enough to prefer to kill me slowly. Since you know, you needed me for the negotiations. And Catarina said there was no way you were that cruel and you would never do that. And from word to word, she mentioned you really can't cook, but everything you make with magic is as safe to eat as a mundane food would be.''

Hmm. Well, every time Magnus heard of Alec's very very low opinion of him at the beginning, it made him appreciate more the place they were at right now. But putting that aside, Magnus could now see why Alec would be as sure as he was when he said Magnus couldn't cook. And yet...

''Why didn't you just tell me this when I asked how do you know?'' Magnus questioned.

''Because I say dumb things all the time. Haven't you noticed?''

And Magnus had really been a little too sensitive, he supposed. It didn't happen often, but he had moments of that here and there. Side effects of the war. One of the really light side effects anyway. There were other ones, surfacing in his dreams and sleepless nights, bringing back memories and fears Magnus didn't want to think about. 

He shook his head, staying in the present, and raised his eyes at Alec. ''Now that I think about it, you do have a tendency to say unwise things, yes. I suppose dumb is another word for it.'' Magnus agreed just to tease him. He winked at him to stress that he wasn't serious.

Alec tilted his head, Magnus getting a glimpse of this warm expression of his that would sometimes show in Magnus's presence for a second or two. Then Alec's eyes shifted to the recipe book and brightened with some idea he appeared to have.

"Do you want me to help you?" He asked, leaving Magnus a little speechless.

Help him make the cookies???

Really?

"This would be against the rules," Magnus pointed out.

Also, the offer was really unexpected, and Magnus wasn't sure how to take it.

"I think now would be a good time to tell you I don't care much about the rules," Alec confessed. "But I promise to only do what you assign me to, and what you find difficult. I'll stay out of your way for the rest. What do you say?"

Magnus should really stop being surprised at Alec's displays of kindness towards him. This wasn't the first time, but somehow Magnus was always unprepared. Maybe because it always happened in moments when it couldn't be predicted.

Did Magnus want Alec to help him? If there were no rules, if there were no conditions, would he want that?

"Yes," Magnus answered, the corners of his mouth lifting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this too light of a chapter? I don't know. This story is heavy as a whole, and there will be a lot of sad moments for Magnus and Alec in the future, so I like to have light chapters where I can.
> 
> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	34. Overstaying my welcome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

 "This is not even half bad," Isabelle said, taking an experimental bite from one cookie she had reached from the tray in front of her.

Everyone else agreed and Magnus felt a surge of pride.

"I had help," he commented, and Alec made a half smile.

"It was nice of you to help big brother," Isabelle mentioned approvingly.

''I think so too,'' Simon joined and Madzie began nodding in agreement as well.

''I... didn't do that much,'' Alec replied, shrugging at the acknowledgment.

In all honesty, he hadn't done too little either.

Cooking with Alec had been the most normal thing they're ever done. Magnus remembered watching Alec while he moved, way more efficient than Magnus ever was, doing what Magnus asked him to do.

The way Magnus would just ask something out of Alec and Alec would do it had felt unfamiliar and new. Because of this desire Alec seemed to have to be helpful. To be helpful to Magnus of all people. Magnus hadn't been at the receiving end of that often. He liked the feeling it brought.

Magnus and Alec had ended up making a lot more cookies than intended, because as Magnus had put it- why not. And with Alec's help it no longer took him forever to get anything done.

It had been fun. An interesting change from what was usual for Magnus these days.

 

Later, Madzie and Simon went to play a videogame Madzie liked and Magnus joined them. He discovered that Simon could get immensely excited over a videogame, even more than Madzie. Simon would make a lot of comments, mostly valid ones actually, but you find this only if you succeed to hear all of them. If he starts talking too fast, you lose the thread of his thoughts rather quickly and you're left with some residual confusion by the end.

But Magnus enjoyed Simon's company. It was refreshing in many ways. He and Magnus had had a rocky start, much like with Alec, but Magnus found that when Simon decides to give someone a chance, he goes all in. Magnus kept waiting for Simon to tell him it was late and Magnus should leave, but Simon kept not saying it. So Magnus stopped waiting and just enjoyed spending time there.

In the back of his mind he wondered if Isabelle knew this would happen. If by inviting Magnus she aimed for this result. To get all of them to a place where they would be more comfortable around each other. She probably had.

Isabelle had said that Simon and Alec think she just has a soft spot for downworlders and Magnus had found his way in her good graces by letting Alec go. Which sounded okay, but Magnus thought that if she wanted to tell Simon the whole truth, she could. He would probably really hate how much she was risking, but perhaps he could understand why. Perhaps he won't judge her. But Magnus suspected she wasn't telling him for different reasons. He suspected she didn't want to get him too involved.

 

Magnus didn't know how the day passed so quickly, but weirdly enough when he looked through the window in Madzie's room at one point, he realised it was getting darker outside. How did this happen, he asked himself absently.

Not that Magnus regretted anything. He had spent the day mostly with Madzie and Simon and he was so glad he got to do that, because it was the first time since the war had started that he got the opportunity to spend that much time with Madzie. The unsettling feeling of his place not being there had subsided gradually since the morning. Now he felt at a lot more ease.

Simon had some night time temporary job he needed to attend to and Isabelle had left even before him to spend the night in the Institute. Magnus wished Madzie goodnight, making the same shining moon with a few stars over her bed.

Then he walked up to find Alec and tell him he was leaving. Which wasn't hard. Alec had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room. He was wearing a gray long sleeve shirt and black jeans, his head was turned to the side where the couch ended, and one of his arms was a little stretched and hanging outside of the couch. His breathing was even and he looked so untroubled.

Magnus almost didn't want to wake him, but that can't be comfortable, he thought. That couch was not big enough. Magnus crouched down next to it.

''Alexander,'' he whispered, lightly squeezing his shoulder, trying to wake him as gently as possible.

"Mmm," Alec uttered, barely audible.

After a moment his eyes slowly began to open and close back until he adjusted to the dim light coming from the lamp. Then they focused on Magnus's face. And as always, Magnus found them beautiful.

"Hey," Magnus said quietly and carefully.

"Hey," Alec whispered back, looking very sleepy.

Magnus smiled, part of him so happy that Alec wasn't startled from being woken up by him, something Magnus had feared might happen and was stupidly joyful it didn't. His thumb began moving over the fabric of Alec's shirt covering his shoulder, the touch so light Alec must barely even feel it.

"You shouldn't be sleeping here,'' Magnus told him gently. ''You don't even have a blanket.''

Alec didn't respond. He was just idly watching Magnus. Magnus felt warmth spreading through his body, much like when Alec had smiled at him in the kitchen earlier today after his fall, but much more intense and potent this time.

He found himself unwilling to leave, but he seriously had to. Spontaneously or not, he had gone to great lengths to overstay his welcome already.

_You just came to tell him goodbye Magnus_ , he reminded himself. _That's what you have to do._

''I'm going to head back to my place.''

Alec blinked, his mouth opening slightly to comprehend what Magnus was telling him, his brain probably still foggy from sleep. "You're leaving?" He asked, his expression turning somewhat unsettled.

"Yeah. It's late."

He had to leave. He just had to. If he stayed too much, he risked falling asleep like Alec. And that would be the simple most disrespectful and rude thing he could do at the current circumstances. Overstaying his welcome was bad enough, he couldn't add 'pretending he was at home' to his list of violations. And even if the circumstances were any different and he could actually do just that, where was he supposed to go? He knew Alec was using the small super tiny guest room, Simon and Madzie had their own, but that was it. So where was Magnus supposed to go? To the uncomfortable couch? Of course not. To stretch a tent in Madzie's room? Of course not. The whole concept was unreasonable and illogical to ponder about.

But it was Alec's fault. His eyes were making Magnus think illogically. Or actually, it was the way Alec was looking at him. Calmly and trustingly. Like if Magnus was to brush his fingers through his cheek, that would be okay. Maybe it was because Alec still wasn't fully awake, and he would probably tell Magnus goodbye himself when that changes.

''Isabelle and Simon went out.'' Magnus informed to get them to the point of the 'goodbye'. Maybe even 'good night'. He liked 'good night' better, it appeared less formal.

''You're leaving.'' Alec repeated in a low voice. Not a question this time, but awareness.

Magnus nodded.

Two seconds passed when Alec suddenly raised his hanging hand to rub his eyes, probably to bring himself to full wakefulness. "Wait,'' he said, the strength in his voice coming back as some realisation must have occurred. "Wait. Don't go yet." Alec pushed himself upward on the couch, moving himself to a sitting position, looking as if he just thought of something. Magnus's hand fell from his shoulder at the movements. "I have to... I have to give you something."

Magnus was instantly curious, his thoughts about leaving stepping away. His thoughts about overstaying too much... also stepping away.

"Will you wait here for a minute?" Alec asked, bringing his feet to the floor, his back leaning on the couch's back pillows.

Magnus stood up and moved away to give him more space. ''Of course,'' he replied.

''Yeah?'' Alec raised his head to check and make sure. Like he thought Magnus will be running to the door any second now.

''Yeah. Don't worry. I don't have some urgent work right this moment. It's okay for me to stay a little longer,'' Magnus assured.

Why not. If Alec was saying 'wait', Magnus couldn't run for the exit. He wasn't made of stone after all.

''Okay. Good.'' Alec calmed. ''Will you wait here for a minute?"

''Of course.''

When Alec walked out, Magnus decided not to stand there awkwardly, but sat on the couch, even made himself comfortable.

He didn't have to wait long, because Alec emerged back rather fast, not even a minute had passed. His eyes were a little guilty when sat down next to Magnus, stretching his hand to give him... a button. "Here," he said. ''That's what you asked for.''

Magnus took the button in his hands, confused at first, but then it dawned on him. "This is mine," he realised.

Alec nodded. "The night after... after I told you Madzie was dead, I found it in the corner next to the barrier after you left. It was from your shirt, must have been torn or something. I didn't know if it would work with tracking you, but I picked it up anyways. The next day when you told me I could come with you if I told you where Madzie is, I had this idea of giving the button to Simon so he could give it to Izzy and they would track you and find where I am. But then Simon told me he had the cure and I thought we better go with that instead and... you know what happened next."

"I do." Magnus glanced at the button one more time and put it in his pocket. Such a small thing. And yet it could do so much in the wrong hands.

Although he knew this plan Alec had revealed wasn't going to work had the shadowhunter actually tried it. If he had given the button to Simon and it went in Isabelle's hands, it wouldn't have been a threat to Magnus. Because Isabelle wasn't a threat to Magnus and she wouldn't lead shadowhunters to his door. So Alec's idea would have gone nowhere. But even if we ignore that, or if Jace had tried to use the button and track Magnus instead, it still wouldn't have worked. Magnus had some defences against that around his apartment. His apartment shouldn't be easy to find with a simple shadowhunter tracking. The danger was when Magnus wasn't in his apartment. Like with Iris. Alec had found him then, because Magnus had been outside, and he hadn't used a spell to hide himself from this sort of thing at the time.

But Alec didn't know all of these things. Which made Magnus want to ask another question. "You still could have given this to Simon. After the plan with the cure failed and before you came back with me, you still could have given him that."

Alec shook his head. "I've told you before. When Madzie told me you helped her control her powers, I couldn't dismiss that... that you didn't seem to be... "

"A monster," Magnus provided helpfully.

"Yes. If I had given this to Simon and... shadowhunters had found you, there was a chance you could have died. А small chance I would say, because you're not easy to kill, but... I wasn't sure I wanted you to die anymore."

"And now?" Magnus asked. It was obvious, but he found himself wanting to hear it.

Alec looked at him and swallowed, shaking his head again. "I don't want you to die Magnus."

That was the moment when Magnus truly thought their truce was more stable than how he saw it before. Realised that it had more weight. Somehow he couldn't see Alec just changing his mind and going back to despising him easily. He couldn't see Alec forgetting everything which had happened, all the truths they had said to each other in the short amount of time they've had, all the times they chose to try and understand each other. Magnus couldn't imagine having that not matter in any context.

How many people had Alec talked to about Darian? Probably not many. How many people had Magnus talked to about his father- not many.

That mattered. It had to. It must matter. Magnus couldn't see it having no meaning in some dark terrible future. He couldn't imagine Alec going back to how he was, everything between them going back to how it was.

Even now, Alec was giving him the button back by his own choice, simply because Magnus had requested it, and not because Alec was obligated to by any rules.

Because it turned out Magnus hadn't needed any rules.

Alec cleared his throat, continuing the conversation from where they left it. "I haven't used the button since Iris. Thought you should know."

"Have you used it before Iris?" Magnus asked curiously.

Alec ran his fingers through his hair a little nervously.

"I'm not about to blame you, Alexander," he said softly. "I just want to know."

"When you let me go and you went missing for two days. I tried to find you then. It worked, but just barely. I couldn't pinpoint your location no matter how hard I tried. You must have been somewhere surrounded by water."

Magnus nodded, not surprised to hear that. He had suspected Alec might have tried to find him back then.

''I wasn't looking for you to harm you,'' Alec quickly added. ''It was because I had to talk to you and you disappeared.''

"I believe you," Magnus replied.

It wasn't because Magnus thought Alec would never lie to him again. He might. But somehow Magnus was beginning to hope he would recognise it if it happens. He had witnessed enough instances of Alec being honest that he hoped he would recognise if that's not the case, would recognise a lie.

It was just different. The way Alec was when he was acting and the way he was when he wasn't. His actual smile and his fake one. At the start Alec had acted a lot and Magnus had been really confused. But he was trying to pay attention and notice what he could now.

Like how tense Alec had been at breakfast. Magnus had thought Alec was tense because of Madzie learning new spells, and that still counted as a valuable reason, but now he was beginning to think there was more to it. He was beginning to think Alec had been more bothered by something else in the morning, but had slowly let it go, mostly after Magnus performed his embarrassing fall on the kitchen tiles and they made cookies together.

But if he had been bothered by something, what could it be? If Magnus had to guess, he would say it was his parabatai. He was going on a hunch, but also thinking of how Isabelle had told him Jace was on Alec's mind a lot.

Magnus was fully aware of how Jace profoundly hated him, much like Alec used to and like a lot of other shadowhunters did. He couldn't do much about it. Maybe Alec could sense how Jace was feeling through their bond and it made him uneasy because of the truce he had with Magnus.

''Alexander,'' Magnus started. ''I don't know if it goes without saying or not, but when we go to the other dimension your parabatai doesn't need to know you and I are no longer enemies. If you want him to know, that's okay, but if you don't and you're bothered by his reaction, that's okay too. We can say you convinced me to take you along with... threats? Or we could say I chose to take you along myself, because I'm evil and I can. I don't know, but we'll figure it out.''

Or Alec could still choose not to come with them altogether, but Magnus knew better than to expect that of him. Also, he had a better understanding of why Alec wanted to come now as opposed to previously. Alec carried a lot of blame on his shoulders for Max. He had shared little with Magnus, but Magnus remembered:

 

_I was just someone who couldn't protect their own brother._

 

_"Max was still alive,'' Alec said, his voice lost in the past. ''It was passed the point when I would think Darian was innocent. I've learned about his crimes. And I had the chance to kill him. I couldn't. And Max died.''_

 

_Had I been able to kill him, Max would still be alive._

 

Magnus could understand why Alec needed to follow Jace and not leave him. It didn't matter that Jace had been to other dimensions before and probably knew what he was doing better than Alec. It didn't matter that Magnus was going to be there. Alec couldn't take the chance of something going wrong. Jace was going to the other dimension because of the negotiations and Alec had played a role in them to continue. For Alec that was too close to Jace going there because of him. He couldn't take any chances, because he blamed himself for not saving Max, and couldn't make the same mistake with his parabatai. He had to be there to save him. No matter what.

And whether he admitted it out loud or not, Alec didn't generally give enough importance to his safety. Back when he had thought he had to kill Magnus, when he believed that was the only way events had to unfold, all of his attempts had been life threatening for him too. Alec always took the risk without allowing himself the luxury of considering his well-being.

This knowledge was heavy on Magnus, because he cared about Alec and he didn't want to have to think about the next time Alec does something reckless. But there wasn't much he could do about it.

''Why do you bring this up?'' Alec asked slowly and hesitantly, indicating what Magnus offered about his parabatai.

''I think something's bothering you,'' Magnus explained. ''And I don't think it's just Madzie.''

Magnus wasn't a big fan of lying but what he was offering to Alec here wasn't much different from what he was already doing for Isabelle, keeping her secret. He could do a similar thing for Alec as well. Besides, Jace was posing a danger to Magnus and he would be a fool if he doesn't acknowledge that. He had no truce with Jace, Jace could very well try to kill Magnus right after they find the Cup, because Magnus wouldn't be further needed. It was for the best that Jace knew as little as possible and remained in the dark. And if him and Alec pretending to hate each other would ease Alec's mind- even better.

Alec looked taken aback.

''If I'm wrong-'' Magnus began, second guessing.

''You're not wrong. I just... didn't expect you to... never mind.'' Alec took a deep breath, ''I've written fire messages to Jace, telling him I'm okay, and he thinks I'm writing them under your watch, but I'm not sure if he still believes we're exactly sworn enemies. But the truce is something he would never assume. He wouldn't assume that I would... do that. Not after... you know. So um, yes, I think he shouldn't know about it.''

''So we won't pretend to be at each other's throats, we'll just keep a distance,'' Magnus concluded. ''Like we just tolerate each other, because we have to. That's even easier.''

Magnus waved his hand lightly. He could pull that off. After all, this mission wasn't supposed to be a long one anyway. They probably wouldn't have much time to communicate too. Well, Magnus knew he wouldn't have time for sure. He would be busy doing his own shenanigans.

Alec nodded at Magnus's resolve, but he still looked troubled, his lips in a thin line.

''I know not everyone would understand us Alexander,'' Magnus said gently. ''It's easier here, in Simon's apartment, which to me and maybe to you too feels more and more like a secluded place, isolated from the cruelty and the hate of the outside world. I understand that being a part of that outside world, it would be hard for your parabatai and other shadowhunters to understand you, and to understand me, and to understand us not wanting to endlessly fight. It's because they live in a circle of loathing the Clave designed to keep them in. They see what the Clave shows them and- ''

''The Clave didn't start the Uprising, Magnus,'' Alec cut in sharply. ''Warlocks did. The Clave didn't kill hundreds of shadowhunters. Warlocks did.''

Magnus closed his eyes, his head dropping, exhaling until he got out of breath and leaning on the couch to make it take more of his weight.

''I'm sorry,'' he heard Alec say quietly.

Magnus opened his eyes and saw regret on Alec's face. ''Don't be,'' he told him.

'' I am,'' Alec affirmed, eyes going through Magnus's face.

''If I could, I would erase the Uprising. If I could, I would erase the pain. I would erase what happened to you.''

''Yeah,'' Alec whispered sadly. ''I know you would.'' He moved forward, closer to Magnus. ''If I could, I would erase what I did to you.''

Magnus raised his hand, bringing his fingers to Alec's cheek like he had thought of doing after Alec woke up. Alec's eyes went on alert for a second, like a reflex, but then it passed away and he relaxed with a release of breath. Magnus caressed the side of his face softly with his fingertips, moving his thumb lightly like he had when his hand had been on Alec's shoulder.

Alec looked cautiously into Magnus's eyes, like he wanted to search for something or check for something. Magnus didn't know if he found it, but Alec closed his eyes then, leaning his head to the touch. It was such a gesture of trust, Magnus's heart clenched.

He didn't know where was the boundary, where was the line, what was allowed and what wasn't. He was only going by how Alec reacted and the sights Alec was giving. Some voice in his head was telling him to simply pull away, to tell Alec 'goodbye' like the plan he had, but Magnus didn't listen to that voice. He consciously ignored it when he shifted closer and closer until his forehead was pressed against Alec's.

He could feel Alec's breath, his breathing becoming uneven. Something about this was becoming dangerously close to what had happened in his apartment when Magnus let Alec go. But Magnus didn't want it to be like that, didn't want to have Alec saying later they should forget it and move on with their lives, not mentioning it. And he didn't want to act now as he had that day.

Magnus was much more conscious of his actions now, much more aware of himself and of what both of them had been through. He couldn't just do something spontaneously, because he could, and worry about it later. He had to be more considerate than that. Had to be more perceptive of what Alec actually wanted and what he didn't want. Had to be more respectful. That day he hadn't been, too overcome by different set of feelings, but now he had no excuse not to be.

''Can I hug you?'' Magnus carefully asked.

He had to ask, he couldn't just do. If he ever had any rule to go by, that should be it. To ask. By asking he gave Alec time to actually consider what was happening and make a conscious decision if it was okay for him or not.

True, it was just a simple hug, but Magnus wanted to establish that he would never do anything which would cause harm to Alec in whatever aspect.

Alec's eyes were still closed when he nodded. Magnus wrapped his arms around him and not long after he felt Alec hug him back in his embrace, long arms settling on Magnus's back steadily.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	35. I want to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> This chapter is a little short, sorry for that.

 Magnus had wanted to wrap his arms around Alec many times before, mostly to offer comfort. Like after Alec had talked to him about his brother before Magnus had to face Iris. When they had went to Magnus's apartment to talk. Magnus had wanted to hug him so badly then, but it had been the wrong time for that.

But thinking about it, Magnus and Alec had actually shared something resembling a hug a few days prior, on Simon's balcony when they made their truce. It had been short and it had definitely been about comfort, which Magnus hoped he had conveyed through it even in the tiniest way.

This was different though. This was something else. It happened simply because Magnus wanted to be closer to Alec. He had asked if it was okay, because he wanted to show Alec that the trust he was receiving from him wasn't misplaced. He had asked that night on the balcony too, but again, the reason he wanted to do it then was different from the reason he was doing it now. Now he wanted to feel Alec against him and just reduce the physical distance that seemed to always be present.

This was different also because if was the first time Alec had hugged him back. And to feel his gesture being returned was making Magnus feel touched in more ways than he thought he would.

It was maybe a small thing, but it was very meaningful to him.

In a way, he had never been that close to Alec. He had never felt Alec relax against him as he did now with every passing moment. This, in turn, was making Magnus relax too.

He had never felt Alec just sinking into his arms. He had never felt what he was feeling now and he couldn't even put a proper name to it.

One of Magnus's hands began moving soothingly over Alec's back in patterns as Alec sighed softly in response. The sound made funny things to Magnus's heart.

"I don't really hate warlock magic," Alec spoke quietly at one point, Magnus feeling his breath on his neck as he talked.

"No?" He whispered, somehow pretty distracted, his hand still tracing calming patterns on Alec's back.

"But I don't know how to feel about it," Alec continued.

Then he sighed again, burying his face in Magnus's shoulder for a second, making Magnus's heart start hammering loudly, before he pulled away, slowly moving back and putting an end to the hug. Magnus complied, releasing him easily once he felt Alec retreating, not wanting to hold on to him any longer than Alec himself wanted.

Magnus was missing the contact immediately. Missing the warmth of Alec's body pressed against his and sensing Alec's breath on his neck. Every fiber of his being wanted to reach for him again and hold him again, but he clenched his teeth and forbid himself to try. He wasn't going to do anything Alec didn't want. Ever!

Magnus took a deep breath and composed himself.

Alec looked pensive, lost in his own head, dealing with thoughts of his own. Maybe he had ended the hug, because he needed the space to sort out his thoughts.

Which was fair. Magnus wanted to roll his eyes at himself. Did he think that hug was going to last forever? Oh Lilith, he was becoming a hopeless case, wasn't he? His illogical way of thinking was dangerously close to showing its face too often for Magnus's liking.

"I don't know how to feel about it," Alec repeated, picking his words carefully while talking about the magic which was inseparable part of Magnus and every other warlock. "You may not believe me, but I used to think it was fascinating," he confessed and Magnus was reminded of that story Alec had told Madzie about the shadowhunter boy who wanted to become a warlock when he grows up. That story which had made Magnus think Alec was that shadowhunter boy. "I used to think it was captivating in a way that I couldn't grasp, but that... that changed. Everything changed. It changed and I don't know if it can ever change back." Alec rubbed his forehead, like just thinking about it was giving him headache, and Magnus felt his throat tightening. Alec raised his eyes back to him. "He had used his powers to kill my brother." Alec's voice became more emotionless, but Magnus knew that was an effort Alec was making to mask how he felt.

''Whatever you're feeling, it's okay,'' Magnus reassured. ''You've been through something traumatic, but you're trying to move on from it. And this is what's important. That you're trying to move on from it. That you want to.''

''I don't know if I make sense,'' Alec said, rubbing his hands together. "I don't want to be like this. Like... saying something stupid to you, or blaming you, or making Madzie feel bad because of who she is. I don't want to be like this, but I just... I just am.''

"Alexander," Magnus started. "You've had three years to hate my kind and barely a month to try to change that belief. I know it's a process. I don't expect it to happen overnight, and I apologise if I made you think I did. That was never my intention. My magic is a part of me, as Madzie's magic is a part of her, and as long as you know that, whatever you're feeling, it's okay. I understand your struggle. Like I said- I see you trying to move on. That's what's important. That's what should matter and it does to me."

''I may say more dumb things in the future.''

''Then you say them and I'll learn to be a big boy about it and not take offence easily. Which is about time really,'' Magnus teased to try to lighten the mood.

It sort of worked as Alec almost smiled at it.

''Do you want to talk about Madzie?'' Magnus asked gently. "Are you worried about her learning new spells?"

"A little," Alec admitted. ''I know that she haven't given me a reason to be, but I can't help it. I keep thinking- what if something goes wrong. Spells go wrong all the time, right? And she is too young to be doing this. What if she activates the gills on her neck by accident or... I don't even know."

"I see," Magnus replied. ''We practice in her room only and for now we'll keep it that way,'' he promised. He could rush to tell Alec his fears were unjustified, but he didn't want to do that. He wanted to handle that matter as sensitively as he could and validate Alec's feelings.

''I'll take care of Madzie. Always.'' Magnus promised as well, keeping his eyes on Alec.

Alec kept his eyes on Magnus too and made a slight nod.

"You know, for what's worth I'm glad it's you teaching her spells. I'd rather have you do that than anyone else,'' Alec shared after a moment of silence.

"Even Cat?" Magnus teased again, raising an eyebrow.

"Even her," Alec answered seriously to Magnus's surprise. "Because you have a connection with Madzie that I'm guessing she doesn't have."

"Thank you for trusting me," Magnus said simply, his voice full of sincerity.

"I think... somehow you trusted me first. So the least I can do is return the favour."

"I guess so," he agreed softly.

''And I want to,'' Alec continued. He moved his eyes away for a second before bringing them back to Magnus. ''Do you remember when we got back from the second meeting with my mother? When I told you 'you are a warlock and I am a shadowhunter' ?''

Magnus recalled that day, bringing the memory back to his mind:

 

_Alec got up and started pacing around the room in circles. "You're a warlock." He declared after a while. "And I'm a shadowhunter.... It's how things are."_

_"You're also Alexander."_

_Alec flinched, like Magnus had said something bad. Something worthy of guilt. A crime. He went closer to the barrier....... "About this, I'm not. I can't be." He took a deep breath. "No, it's not that,'' he corrected, ''Maybe I can, but I don't want to be."_

 

''You said you don't want to be more than a shadowhunter,'' Magnus remembered thoughtfully.

''I want to now,'' Alec said, his voice not really firm, but his eyes were earnest. ''I mean, I'll always be a shadowhunter, and you'll be a warlock and there is that, but I want to be more too. I... want to be Alexander.''

Magnus wasn't sure what to say back. Wasn't sure what he should understand from these words. What Alec understood by them. But of one thing he was certain- he didn't want to ever do anything to make Alec regret them.

''What are you doing tomorrow?'' He asked suddenly, unable to stop himself as an idea surfaced in his mind.

''Tomorrow?'' Alec's expression shifted in question and he paused to consider. "Running away from Si when he tries to make me watch more movies."

Magnus tilted his head back and laughed, not entirely because of Alec's choice of answer, but more so because that was the moment when some uncontrollable wave of happiness, brought by all the small miracles which had happened that day, swept over him. Alec watched Magnus, his expression soft and gentle while doing so and his eyes beautiful as always. 

"That's a mission doomed to fail since Simon is faster than you," Magnus noted as a reply later. "I asked you, because... there is a place I'd like to show you. If you'd like me to. Because I also remember how we told one another that we wanted to get to know each other better, but we never did anything to achieve that. So if you want to, and I mean only if you want to, because if you don't, that's completely okay, but if you do, we can try that tomorrow."

Alec paused again and Magnus gave him the time to consider it, not wanting to push anything. There was curiosity in his countenance, but the caution returned too. Magnus understood why the caution was there. That was why he wasn't about to pressure and just wait for Alec's reply.

"Okay," Alec said then, the curiosity along with something else overpowering the caution. "Let's... let's do that."

''Are you sure?'' Magnus asked, just in case. ''We'll have to use a portal to get there, because it's far, and also because I have to mostly use portals to go places.''

''I do want to know you better. So yes, I want to.''

Magnus smiled and then as a response to that-Alec smiled too. After that they talked a little about what time should Magnus come by the next day. At one point Magnus remembered Alec still had a book from Catarina left in Magnus's apartment, and a notebook Alec had written in for a while when he had been there. He proposed to bring these back to him tomorrow as well.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Alec agreed.

"Good night," Magnus wished when he stood to leave, trying to stop smiling, but couldn't.

"Good night," Alec wished as well.

 

It was 2am when Magnus was woken up by a message from Isabelle. A message that threatened to destroy all the pieces from the positive mood he had been in, and which had him rushing out of his room immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	36. Through the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> This chapter is from Alec's point of view and is basically Alec's thoughts about different things. The original plan was to continue with Magnus from when the last chapter ended, but I changed my mind. I wanted to have a chapter about Alec and this is what I tried to do here. I hope I didn't screw it up, because I am way more used to try writing from Magnus's pov by now. But either way, as the story progresses, we'll have Alec's pov, and other povs as well, so I decided to start from here.
> 
> Warning- some mentions of past violence.

 Alec tossed and turned in his bed. It was long after Magnus left, but Alec couldn't seem to be able to fall asleep that easily a second time.

There was some nagging feeling at the pit of his stomach, keeping him up and throbbing in the back of his mind. Alec couldn't quite place or define it, especially because it was not in tune with his overall feelings at all. He had actually been rather calm the second half of the day.

Being far from the Institute had proven to be easier than Alec had initially predicted. He missed his punching bag, of course, and more than anything- he missed seeing Jace's smug face.

But he felt safer here. The Institute, despite being Alec's only home since forever, couldn't ever feel the same after the Uprising. All of its Wards never felt enough. It was crazy that Simon's place had no Wards at all, just a simple mundane lock, and yet Alec felt safer here.

Another difference was that he didn't look around to spot Max behind the next corner. That was something he would do at times in the Institute and he wasn't even sure why. He stopped having hallucinations of Max a year ago, stopped seeing him, stopped talking to him, but the habit to look around and search was still there. To search for something that he knew wasn't Max, but just a product of his broken mind.

Sometimes he wished the hallucinations were back. Although they had often left him with a feeling of helplessness, they had been the only way for Alec to see his brother and talk to him. They had been the only thing he had.

Sometimes he wished they were back.

But Alec couldn't imagine Max being here. Couldn't picture him standing anywhere in Simon's apartment even if he tried, and maybe that was why he had stopped searching.

The same could be said about Magnus's apartment as well. But that was another story. It had taken Alec an immense amount of effort to feel anything remotely close to safe there. He also had to use all of his energy to control the fear and keep it at bay. To turn it into something useful- a determination to get out. A determination to deal with the threat in any way he could.

'The threat', Alec thought, rolling his eyes. Magnus Bane- representative of the warlocks, former High Warlock of Brooklyn, centuries old, more than 10 000 ex lovers behind his back according to rumors, and as powerful as you could imagine. That same Magnus Bane had casually decided to make cookies because 'why not', and had not left that task until he finished it.

Alec couldn't stop the smile forming on his lips as he remembered how Magnus looked after he fell in the most ridiculous way possible.

_You could have tried to catch me._

He had looked so... human as he himself had put it.

_We're part human too, just like you are._

He had also looked cute in a way Alec didn't normally use to describe anyone. He wasn't Izzy after all, who constantly described Simon like that.

There was this long coming realisation in Alec's mind that Magnus wouldn't use his powers to cause him pain. He could. He could snap his fingers and Alec would be on the ground in anguish. And even though that was an unavoidable fact Alec would never like, coming hand in hand with his abilities as a warlock, he really didn't think Magnus would do it.

The way he was with Alec... he was always so careful. He was so careful and it was unexpected, because very few people were careful with Alec.

That was for a good reason, he reminded himself. Because he was Alec and he shouldn't need it. He was a shadowhunter and he was trained not to need it, or want it. He was taught that shadowhunters had a higher purpose than thinking of what they wanted. They were born to fight, to protect, and to kill. And the Angel only knew Alec had done the last one many times.

It was once that Alec thought of himself. Once that he put his needs in front of everything else. And it was then when he lost his little brother.

Alec covered his face in his hands and turned his head to the side. He didn't want to go there, didn't want to think of that anymore. Instead, he though back to his conversation with Izzy earlier that day:

 

_"Magnus went to, um, cook," Alec told Izzy, the sentence itself rolling weirdly off his tongue. As he approached Simon's cat, trying to take it in his lap, he grimaced when he was rather unsuccessful and the cat jumped away from him, running right to Izzy's hands._

_''I don't think Alfonso likes me very much,'' he noted, stating the obvious, as he took a seat defeatedly, trying not to be too close to Izzy so he wouldn't cause the cat to jump away from his sister as well in order to escape him._

_Alec had really wanted a pet as a kid, but they couldn't have that at the Institute, so he had thought that now... well, it didn't matter what he had thought, as Alfonso didn't like Alec._

_''He's just not used to you,'' Izzy disagreed while Alec enviously watched her run her hand through his fur until the cat rested more comfortably in her lap, purring._

_''No Iz. He just likes everyone, but me.''_

_''Don't be grumpy big brother.''_

_''I'm never grumpy.'' He really wasn't, but Izzy had developed a habit of calling him that a long time ago and it had sticked._

_Alec sighed and sank in his own thoughts._

_"You should have seen the list of rules he made," he began. ''It was endless.''_

_Izzy gathered her brows in confusion, ''Alfonso made-''_

_''No,'' Alec corrected, shaking his head. ''No, I'm talking about Magnus.''_

_Izzy's expression turned to understanding and she pulled a strand of her long hair back. "Magus is trying. You two just haven't found your footing yet."_

_''Can I tell you something?''_

_''Alec, there is nothing that you can't tell me,'' she said, sincerity written across her face. ''I mean it.''_

_Alec hesitated. "I'm afraid of what Jace would think of me. If he knew what I'm doing. If he knew that I... that Magnus and I...," Alec couldn't find the words. His eyes lingered on the rug for no particulat reason. He hated that. Hated not knowing how to say what he felt. Sometimes even hated being himself altogether and feeling what he did. It was easier when he behaved a certain way to achieve something. He followed a plan then, a goal, a path that would lead him where he wanted to get. Everything was much more clear then, and Alec had more control. It was harder all the rest of the time. When Alec was just a big mess and nothing better than that._

_''You don't want Jace to think any less of you.'' Izzy continued when Alec didn't. Her head went a little down too. ''I know a little bit about that feeling. I was never what was expected of me to be.''_

_Alec fixed his gaze back on her. It wasn't the first time she would say something along those lines. Usually Alec wouldn't pay too much attention. But this time the gears began turning in his head._

_The expression on her face called out a memory Alec had long forgotten about._

_A memory of him and Jace returning from a night patrol when they had found a warlock trying to stay unnoticed, concealing his warlock mark with magic, trying not to bring attention to himself._

_He hadn't succeeded._

_When Alec and Jace had come back to the Institute, half of Jace's face covered in blood and parts of Alec's shirt sticky with it too, the warlock's horns in Jace's hand- the mark he had cut off of him, Izzy had turned her head away from the sight, not wanting to look._

_Izzy who had seen far more gruesome sights. Who had seen decaying corpses up close and had opened them up without batting an eye for a second. She had turned her eyes away from the simple sight of a cut out warlock mark._

_Jace hadn't noticed, too busy to tell all about it, but Alec had. Alec had seen it and hadn't understood it._

_Maybe he could understand it now. Maybe he would find more instances like this if he thinks more about it. What if Izzy's dislike for how the war was going ran much deeper than what Alec had previously thought? Maybe... bringing Madzie here instead of the Institute hadn't been the first time Izzy disobeyed._

_Alec wasn't sure._

_He himself hadn't been fazed by what they had done that night. It was nothing different than a lot of other nights, passing the exact same way. It had been after Max, a period of time when the best Alec could ever hope for had been not to feel much of anything. When he just wanted to do his job, follow orders, obey his mother, and wait till the next time he would see Max again in his mind and talk to him. Sometimes the warlocks would get away, sometimes they wouldn't. More times than not, after hours, they would realise they were following the wrong lead and had wasted their time. Sometimes Alec would suddenly get paralyzed with fear in the middle of the attack, ruining everything, resulting in the warlock escaping and his mother looking at him coldly after that, making Alec hate himself for his weakness. But he always went with Jace, every time. He could never leave Jace alone._

_**He is alone now** , some voice whispered in Alec's ear. **Don't you see how you've already left him? You are here and he is at the Institute. He is alone while you are playing nice with Magnus. What does that say about you?**_

_Alec shifted in his seat, feeling uncomfortable._

_He returned his focus to his sister._

_''You and I are very different Iz,'' he managed at last, finally able to put words into what he was fearing. ''You didn't do what I did. You didn't let a warlock get under your skin and use you as a toy. You didn't let a warlock take your brother from you and turn you into nothing more than a pathetic wreck, because you didn't listen to a simple order.''_

_''Alec-''_

_''No,'' Alec raised his voice and startled Alfonso who moved away from Izzy's lap and ran to another room, probably going to search for Simon. ''You and I are very different. For me- Jace would think that I'm making the same mistake all over again. That everything is repeating itself, but with Magnus this time. That I'm so goddamn weak, I'm letting it happen a second time."_

_''Okay Alec, but do you really believe he would be right?''_

_''I don't know if I can trust myself,'' Alec rushed on with misery coiling in his gut. ''This always happens. I do the wrong thing over and over. I rarely even know what the right thing is."_

_He didn't know. Alec lived in a cycle of mistakes which was endless. That's how he had hurt Magnus too. Because again, he had done the wrong thing._

_"It's not just you this time, okay?'' Izzy continued insistently. ''This is what I wanted to say. You saw something good in Magnus and it made a difference. But you don't have to feel guilty for it, because it's not just you. Whatever difference did Magnus make for you, he made some for us too. You're not alone in this. I saw something good in Magnus as well. Simon saw something good in him too. Look around big brother. Look at all of us. Simon started to like Magnus since he helped us with the Demon. Madzie adores Magnus, because he had been helping her since the first time they met. We have our own reasons to trust him, independent from yours. If your opinion of him was different, if you couldn't stand him or he couldn't stand you, our opinion would still have been the same. If you don't trust yourself, then you can trust us. I'm telling you Alec, this is not you making the same mistake and nothing is going to repeat itself. You warming up to Magnus does not threthen anyone. Because if we're here, helping him, we're here on our own accord. Because we chose to. And you deserve to have a choice too. You deserve to try to see things for yourself, without anyone giving you orders and telling you how to feel. And if that idea scares you, you look at us and you see that this time you don't have to trust only himself, or rely on yourself alone. And if there is anyone, anyone at all, on whose opinion you really can't rely, that's exactly Jace. Because what does Jace know about Magnus?"_

_Alec repeated the question in his head. **What does Jace know about Magnus?**_

_"Nothing," he replied quietly._

_Jace knew nothing about the amounts of empathy Magnus was capable of, empathy even towards his enemies, which was still baffling to Alec. He knew nothing of Magnus's ability to forgive in a situation where most wouldn't. He knew nothing of how much Magnus cared about the people important to him._

_All the knowledge Jace could possibly have was gathered in the archives of the Institute, but that had turned to be so unreliable and insufficient in Alec's case. That could never give you an idea of who Magnus was. That was just a bunch of outdated tales and claims put on paper, all of them written long before Alec was even born._

_"Nothing," Alec repeated, taking a deep breath._

_''Then his opinion shouldn't matter more than ours,'' Izzy concluded, before she looked at Alec seriously. ''Magnus shouldn't be made to pay for what we lost in the past. That wouldn't be fair to him.''_

_**That wouldn't be fair to him** , echoed back to Alec._

_Magnus had been through too much as well. Alec himself had put him through enough and he deserved better._

_''You're right,'' he heard himself say._

_''I know.''_

_Alec shook his head fondly at her and they turned quiet for some time._

_''Can I ask you something else?'' He continued then._

_''Shoot big brother. I'm not going anywhere.'' She crossed her legs, her face attentive._

_"If I was ever to... want to spend more time with Magnus, what would you say? What would you think?"_

_Alec frowned at how that sounded, but Izzy seemed to get what he was saying. She smiled warmly at him. ''I'll say that I want you to be happy. And that you should do your own thing. To find what makes you happy. If you're happy, I will be too.''_

_Happy. Alec wasn't sure how he felt about that word. It sounded... too much. Too big for him._

_"But Alec,'' Izzy resumed and Alec looked up at her. ''I sincerely doubt this would happen, but nevertheless I need to say this. If he hurts you, and I mean deliberately and intentionally hurts you, you tell me immediately.'' Her voice turned thick with threat._

_Alec couldn't help but snort at the sight of his little sister trying to play his bodyguard._

_'' I will,'' he agreed despite it. "But the truth is- I am the one who has been hurting Him."_

_"Then don't hurt him either," she instructed._

_"Yeah," Alec replied pensively. "I shouldn't.''_

 

Alec surfaced back from the memory, returning to the engulfed darkness in the room.

Remembering what Izzy had said to him helped. Helped him to believe that this time was different. That if Alec starts to care about Magnus, to really care, it won't end the same. Alec caring about him won't result in him losing someone else.

In many ways Magnus was like one big question mark. Sometimes Alec felt in control, felt he knew exactly what they were and the place they were at. They were... sort of allies and even friends. Honestly, Alec really liked the word 'truce', because it was an easy word and described everything better than any other. Alec was in control of that, he chose for them to become that, he proposed the truce.

When they had sat on that rooftop a few days ago, when Magnus had casually mentioned that he liked him, Alec's first reaction had been not to like the sound of it. Because what did that even mean?

But on the other hand... if it meant that Magnus would look at Alec the way he did. If it meant he would put his hand on Alec's cheek and hug him like he did, then maybe... Alec wanted Magnus to like him.

He brought the back of his hand to his face tentatively, the same place Magnus's palm had touched.

There had been no pain.

Alec felt stupid for being in awe of that, of all possible things, because of course there wouldn't be any pain. It was just that... the feeling of pain was something that Alec had grown to expect and associate with warlocks over the years.

Darian... after he had showed his real face and stopped pretending to care about Alec, after what he did to Max, at the last day before he was captured, he had spend quite some time choking Alec for fun, playing with his head, using humiliation as a means to torture.

 

_Don't you think I'm magical?_

_I swear that line was so cheesy, I was embarrassed on your behalf when you told me that._

 

Jace had been the one who finally captured him. Who got Alec out of there and brought him to the Infirmary.

Alec squeezed his eyes shut, disappointed as he had told himself he won't think about it anymore, but there he was, doing exactly that.

He called out the image of Magnus again. Magnus driving his fingers through the side of his face. It wasn't just the lack of pain, it was more than that. Because Madzie also had put her hand on Alec's cheek before, also as a gesture to show she didn't wish him any harm. But when Magnus did it, it was incomparable to anything else.

It made Alec want to respond. To return the same feeling back to Magnus.

Alec didn't think of himself as a gentle person anymore. Not by a long shot. But when Magnus was gentle with him, it made him want to return that, to be gentle back, to trust back, to return everything he was getting.

That was what he was trying to do when he found out about Magnus's father. When he had looked at Magnus and saw how terrible Magnus looked at that moment, he had decided to stop focusing on how he himself felt about Asmodeus, but realise how Magnus did. Because in the past Magnus had helped Alec in moments when Alec was upset. He even had sung to help him calm down at a time when they had been nothing more than enemies. So Alec had wanted to do the same for Magnus in return. In some way.

Alec brought his hand back to his cheek.

When Magnus touched him, it never felt like Magnus was trying to find weaknesses in Alec, which he could use. It never looked like he was searching for a hole in his defense, because he wanted to know the best way to hurt him later. It never seemed that way. Alec checked, but never found anything like that.

Tonight, there had been this moment before Magnus asked if he could hug him, when their faces had been so close that... Alec had thought Magnus might kiss him. And the thought hadn't made him want to pull away. It made him wonder how it would feel like. To be kissed by someone who doesn't see you as a toy. Who genuinely doesn't want to see you broken.

How does a kiss like that feel like? He didn't know.

Magnus called him Alexander. At first, Alec didn't used to think much of it. But the way Magnus would say the name, it was like 'Alexander' represented all the best qualities Alec ever had, gathered together and seen, while his flaws, despite being present, weren't directly in the spotlight.

_I... want to be Alexander_ , he had told Magnus. Because he wanted to be better. He wanted to be more than a shadowhunter. He didn't want to hurt Magnus anymore.

Alec knew he would see him tomorrow. And he was undeniably curious about how that would turn out. 

Contemplating it, he started drifting slowly, his head sinking fully into the pillow and his eyelids growing heavy. 

 

Alec jumped awake in the middle of the night with a sharp intake of breath through his mouth. All of his muscles were on alert, tension coating every pore of him.

_Something's wrong!_

Alec began looking around for the danger, but there was none.

It didn't matter.

The same nagging feeling which had kept him up was back at full force, multiplied by a hundred, hitting him with the overwhelming sore aftertaste of shock, which Alec couldn't make a sense of, or understand.

Because these were not his emotions, he suddenly realised. Alec was just the secondary source through which they were passing by. It wasn't Alec who felt this way.

It was _Jace_.

_What happened_ , Alec almost choked out loud, as if Jace could answer back.

It was like an orb of many different feelings all wrapped up together, united by the shock, and Alec could distinguish only the overwhelming ones.

Betrayal. Confusion. Regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	37. Glamor stripped away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> There is Jace and Magnus's POV here. But I think they are separated in a way that shouldn't be confusing. I hope.
> 
> Warning- violence.

( **Magnus's POV** )

 Magnus could remember the first few days after his kind had been declared too dangerous to live and the Inquisitor had put a kill order on them. He could remember the days he had been hunted, the days he had to wash off blood from himself which wasn't always his, but belonged to someone else, to another warlock Magnus had been unable to help. And he could remember locking himself up and living completely alone for months without communicating with a living soul. He knew what was like to wake up and not know why.

The law said he should be dead. Every time someone tried to kill him, that was an action following the law. Every time Magnus defended himself, he was acting against that law.

How do you live when you're not supposed to? When you're told you shouldn't? When you're violating the law with your existence?

Magnus had been obliged to find out how.

To find the reason to wake up. So him opening his eyes won't be just an action, but would have a purpose.

The negotiations were supposed to be the reason, the purpose, everything Magnus had to rely on. The negotiations were supposed to be the rock he could use to rest.

They weren't. They were too uncertain, too unpredictable, lacking balance and stability, and if Magnus was to try to lean on them, he knew his weight would crush them completely. They were there, running, in progress, but that was all that could be said about them. 

The kill order still wasn't canceled. It was still part of the Accords. The Clave had made many promises in their letters, but they were still yet to fulfill them.

Magnus did not trust the Clave anymore. He hadn't for a while now. Their word meant nothing to him, void of any actual meaning behind it. If he ever had any respect for them, he lost the last shreds tonight.

How the negotiations would go depended only on whether the Clave would succeed to back Magnus into a corner, or he would. The negotiations couldn't be the rock Magnus needed. So where was the rock? Was there any?

Sometimes Magnus couldn't tell. He couldn't tell tonight as he was once again fighting shadowhunters to protect his people. He couldn't tell as he was forced to use his powers against seraph blades, as he heard the screams echoing everywhere in the dark night and piercing through the air. As Magnus's magic was stretched to an impossible limit while he was desperately trying to protect himself, protect the warlocks outside of his direct reach, and at the same time try to push back the blood hungry shadowhunters without killing any of them.

When Isabelle had told him a big warlock hideout had been compromised, he had rushed out of his apartment immediately, met with her, and portalled to the place she told him about. He knew about this hideout, had portalled there before. It used to be a secluded place, far away from the center of the city, the exterior created by magic to set up a deceit that it was just a normal building, occupied by regular mundanes. Defences had been created around to hide the fact that this was a home to more than 20 different warlocks.

Or that was what the place used to be. Not any more. Tonight- it was a war zone. Tonight shadowhunters had found it.

Jace Wayland had organised an attack, since in Alec's absence he was the only acting Head of the New York Institute, and he had led a team of many shadowhunters through the night to hunt down his kind and deal with the enemies accordingly.

Perhaps because of that alone, the situation was worse than what Magnus had thought at first when he read Isabelle's message.

Jace had been present during both negotiations meetings, he knew better than anyone that the one thing Magnus was pushing for the most recently, was the cancelation of the kill order. But he didn't care and if he didn't, there was no Accord out there to make him care or to question his actions. As long as the kill order was still in power, his actions could only be looked over as him following his duty.

Though Isabelle had said this wasn't supposed to be a mission about mass murder, it had surely turned into it. Apparently the intention behind it had been for the cure to come into play. For the shadowhunters to try to inject as many warlocks as they could and abstain from blood shedding. But ever since Magnus and Catarina had examined the cure weeks ago, they had created a substance which made warlocks immune to it and prevents it from working. The cure was now useless and had no effect on Magnus's people. When the shadowhunters had finally realised this and Jace Wayland wasn't calling off his team, things had made a turn and become about killing and murder. And there was nothing in the laws shadowhunters obeyed that could possibly defend а warlock against any and all kinds of violence.

Magnus quickly moved his arm to defend himself from a shadowhunter who had been closing in on him, sending the shadowhunter flying in the air like a wingless bird. Because a healing rune could fix that. It could fix broken bones.

Along with trying to get more of his people away safely, thinking about this was the most difficult part. Thinking about not inflicting fatal wounds to those shadowhunters. Not killing them, especially when they were armed with magical items, throwing enchanted balls to block the powers of their victims, going for the kill themselves. It was so hard to be in control in the face of this disorder, so hard not to use fire against them and fry them, to be anything close to collected and sane when Magnus's body, magic, and soul demanded from him to do everything... everything there was to do. To save himself and the warlocks.

It was so hard to think, to be, and to stay, when the only thing you want is to keep living, but there are those who want to deprive you of this.

Magnus's magic was beginning to feel strained, and he was trying to do as much as he could to help the other warlocks, but the shadowhunters were so many and well armed, coming from different sides, and Magnus didn't know how much he could last. In the face of all this chaos, his mind was becoming hazy, clouded with images from his past.

His mother was one of the images that was pushing to get free the most.

 

_''Honey, what's the matter?'' His mother asked one day after Magnus hadn't left his room in a while. Then she saw he was crying and reached to hold him in her arms._

_''Dad...,'' Magnus stuttered between sobs, ''… I made dad angry. I made him very angry, but I didn't mean to.''_

_ His mother turned his face gently and saw the dark bruise on his cheek. Magnus winced at the contact, his tears falling. ''Oh, honey...,'' she sighed and pulled him closer. ''It will be okay.  Your father was probably in a bad mood, but I'm sure he regrets it already. It will pass.'' _

_''I'm s-sorry, mommy,'' he was trying to explain._

_He had broken a vase accidentally. He didn't know how. He had lifted his hand abruptly while playing with his toys and suddenly- the vase a few feet away had broken right where it stood, without even falling on the ground. And Magnus knew he had done it somehow. He had tried to fix the vase, because it was his father's favourite, but he hadn't known how. And his father had seen him standing over the broken pieces._

_His father had turned very mad, screamed many things at Magnus. Things that scared him so much._

_''He... he said something's wrong with m-me and y-you'll leave me,'' Magnus sobbed, trying to cath his breath. ''Please, don't leave me mommy. I won't do it anymore. I won't do it.''_

_''Shh,'' she whispered, meeting his eyes. ''I'll never leave you. I love you. It will pass.''_

 

Magnus forced himself to come back to the present, furious that he could lose focus in such a way, even if he knew it must have been for not more than two seconds.

He braced himself, trying to make a shield around a warlock, who Magnus could see was down and looked badly injured, probably hit with an enchanted ball. At the same time he sensed a shadowhunter trying to come for him from behind his back. Magnus didn't have time to turn around and protect himself in time.

He didn't have to. Isabelle was quick to stand in front of him, crossing her blade with his attacker, saving Magnus's life.

They had this silent understanding that while Magnus tries to watch over his people, making portals and shields for the ones who were too weak, Isabelle would try to watch his back. But it wasn't easy for her since most of the time she was fighting opponents of her own, also trying not to kill them. She had activated her glamour rune, looking like a man with blond hair and brown eyes, fighting by Magnus's side.

Magnus was throwing shadowhunters in the air with his magic again and didn't turn around until he heard Isabelle cry out and when he did... he saw Jace Wayland, driving his sword through her shoulder.

A flood of terror filled Magnus's whole being even as he watched Isabelle standing on her feet anyway, continuing to fight with her posture straight.

Magnus wanted to do something, but another shadowhunter jumped on him that moment, seraph blade ready to tear him to pieces.

 

_''Tell me something. Why are you helping me? What do you gain?"_

_"Because I know you want peace." The Guardian said simply, "I want the same thing.''_

_............................................................_

_"Don't you think all warlocks are evil?"_

_"I think the Clave wants us to believe that. I prefer to think for myself. And I never think in extremes."_

 

 

_"You're not hiding the cure somewhere behind you and planning on ambushing me with it, are you?" Magnus asked. There was nothing more likely to break the ice with a stranger than asking them if they're intending to perform an attack on you._

_Isabelle laughed, much to Magnus's surprise._

_"Not today. If you expect it, then I won't have a chance." She said, and then she raised her hand in a gesture to shake his, which surprised Magnus even more. He had done the same thing the other day with Simon, but it hadn't been welcomed._

_"I'm Magnus." He said just for the formality of it, taking her hand and shaking it._

_"Izzy," she introduced herself._

_......................................................._

_......................................................._

_"Am I what you expected?" Magnus asked, making her stop and turn around to look at him._

_Am I a monster, he wanted to say. Am I an evil creature, which demonic side can't be controlled? And was that what Isabelle had expected or not?_

_She watched him with great concentration for a while, almost going into a staring territory. And if Magnus was a shy person, he would have gotten uncomfortable by that. What could she see? Was it something Magnus couldn't see himself?_

_Then she just walked out of the room, without granting his question with an answer._

 

 

_"You know,'' Magnus continued, ''During the past three years I have been stabbed, shot at, kicked, called every bad name there is in english language, choked, almost forced to give up my magic and so on. You were the first shadowhunter to step in and do something to help me. You were the first shadowhunter to show any compassion towards my kind in a while. You just stepped in and did it. Without me having to prove myself beforehand. I'll never forget it."_

_Isabelle uncrossed her hands, the same compassion Magnus was talking about visible on her face, "I knew you were a good guy,'' she claimed matter-of-factly._

 

Magnus lost Isabelle from his sight as an enchanted ball was thrown at him.

 

* * *

( **Jace's POV** )

Jace didn't know who or what the hell he was fighting, but it couldn't be a warlock. No warlock could use a blade like that. They were much more into something very different- unleashing their demonic powers onto others. That was their specialty.

His thoughts were restless. At the centre of it all was the horrible knowledge that Magnus Bane would somehow retaliate for this night through his brother.

It hadn't supposed to go down like this. When he received the information about the warlocks lair, the mission had been to see how many warlocks were there, to lure some of them, to be careful, to use the cure on as many as possible.

It hadn't supposed to go down like this.

But the cure didn't work. Jace could still not wrap his mind around that piece of news. How was it even possible?

From then on, everything had changed so fast. His team had panicked, exposing themselves and being more careless about their approach, while the warlocks quickly realised their lair had been discovered, gathering together and warning each other, attacking back. And from then on there was only one way it could end. They had to put those creatures down, they couldn't back off, backing off was never an option. When you go on a mission and things don't turn out the way you want, you don't admit defeat and run. No matter the setbacks, you don't abandon everything in the middle. You carry it out. Always. Who knew how much evil can these creatures bring and unleash if Jace just lets them get away. No, if it was up to him, if he could do something about it, it was his responsibility to act. Jace's men were more than the warlocks. They had a pretty good chance and they were not backing out. It was their job, they've all been taught and they've all been doing this for long enough.

That was what had been on Jace's mind when suddenly, he had seen Magnus Bane. Magnus Bane fighting off shadowhunters left and right, using his demonic abilities in various ways. Jace's blood had turned cold, his hold on the weapon had tightened.

He had not anticipated for Magnus Bane to be there. According to the source Jace had, the one who helped him find this lair, that wasn't the place where Magnus Bane was hiding. And in that case, if Magnus Bane was there so fast, someone must have told him about the attack. Someone must have given Magnus Bane the information, warning him.

And it was then, after seeing Magnus Bane, when Jace thought of Alec. He thought of his parabatai who wasn't safe, who was still at the hands of a warlock, who was vulnerable. What would happen if Magnus Bane comes back alive after this night? What would happen to Alec? Magnus Bane had been very clear about his stance on the kill order. He was probably immensely pissed at the moment. And later, he would probably unleash his wrath on Alec. Jace knew this and it was giving him nausea. If he lets Magnus Bane live after tonight, he would punish his parabatai for what had happened here. It didn't matter that Alec had no role in this attack. Alec was in Magnus Bane's hands, vulnerable, and he would probably be the one forced to pay for this.

For freaks of nature like Magnus Bane that was to be expected. And no matter what Alec had said in his latest messages, no matter how he had tried to reassure Jace, Jace wasn't having any of it. In fact, those messages had made him even more troubled. Alec wasn't someone who would agree to just write what Magnus Bane dictated him to write. He wouldn't, which meant at least most of the words were Alec's. Which was even worse. Not to mention Alec had not tried to give Jace any subtle lead about where he was being held, something he would absolutely do in any normal circumstances. All of this was making Jace suspect that maybe there was some spell Alec was under without being aware of. Some spell Magnus Bane had put him under. Jace was hoping as hell he was wrong, because the possibility was more than terrible.

Jace had to kill Magnus Bane. That was clear. He couldn't let Alec pay for what was happening right now. Jace had to take that disgusting warlock down. For Alec's sake and for his own. Magnus Bane was just a parasite anyway and had already lived more than enough.

Of course, the Clave were now saying that Magnus Bane was too important to die, because he could lead them to the Cup. But that for Jace was just a bucket of bullshit. To him the only one really and truly important because of the Cup, was Camille Belcourt. No one else.

Jace had also remembered Alec mentioning there was another warlock in Magnus Bane's lair during the negotiations he saw Alec in. But Alec hadn't mentioned that other warlock in his messages even once, which led Jace to believe (and mostly to hope) it wasn't someone Jace had to worry about now. He wanted to think that once he takes down Magnus Bane, saving Alec would be much easier.

And saving Alec should be the priority. Jace hated how in the eyes of Maryse and others that had ceased to be the case. Jace would much rather have his parabatai around than a Cup, no matter what powers it had.

With that in mind, Jace had been trying to sneak up on the warlock, observing him to time out the best moment to strike. He had noticed how much power Magnus Bane was exhausting, the defensive posture he was trying to hold, which was getting less and less steady, and that was no surprise giving how much of his energy he must be draining, putting that effort into trying to assist the other creatures.

That could help Jace, he realised. He could use that in his advantage. The fact that Magnus Bane's attention was so divided between everything that was happening and how exhausted he was getting. No matter how powerful they say he was, his demonic abilities must have a limit. That could help Jace measure his attack. If Jace strikes at the right moment, he could have a chance. All he needed was one clean well-measured strike with his seraph blade and it would be over. The warlick would die on his spot.

That had been the intention.

But then this man, this man that couldn't be a warlock and Jace had never seen him before, had cut off his way, standing between Jace and Magnus Bane. The man was moving quickly, fighting so much like... like a shadowhunter.

Jace's mouth almost hang open at the sudden comprehension and it was a good thing that he was skilled enough to parry a blow at the same time.

But of course! That was how Magnus Bane knew of this attack in the first place. 

''Oh hello Shadow World Guardian,'' Jace spoke to the shadowhunter, the traitor, not sure if he could hear Jace amongst all the screams echoing in the dark night, accompanied by sounds of blades and magic piercing through the air.

But he did hear. And Jace's words had the desired effect as the man stilled for a second, Jace using that window of time instantly to injure him in the shoulder. The traitor released a pained sound, but he stabilised himself too quickly for Jace's taste. By the looks of it, he was a well trained shadowhunter.

Jace didn't know much. He had heard one or two things about this man over the past few weeks from different shadowhunters living in Alicante, who themselves had heard what was spoken by the members of the Clave. Some said this traitor had existed and had acted opposed to the Clave's politics for quite some time, but had managed to stay undetected before. Others were connecting him directly to Magnus Bane, saying that he was playing Magnus Bane's bitch, spying for the warlock, feeding him information for rendered services the warlock provided in exchange. Given how he had jumped in front of Jace to save the warlock's back, Jace guessed the second theory was close to reality and he felt a sharp wave of disgust.

All of this was reminding him of Hodge- another traitor, one that Jace had discovered long ago, who had been secretly working with Valentine, doing services for him while Jace had naively thought Hodge was someone he could learn from. Him, Alec, and Izzy had treated Hodge like he was family their whole lives, loved him like family, trusted him. And for what? To have Hodge betray them the first chance he gets, betray them for his own gain without thinking twice about it.

Hodge had turned out to be an abhorrent bastard, a quarter of a man really, and the Shadow World Guardian or however else he liked to call himself as a poor attempt to boost his non-existent self-worth was no better.

It made Jace's blood boil to think that this man could be another shadowhunter he might trust. Because Jace was sure the face he was wearing now was nothing more than a glamour this petty coward had put on.

Jace focused on the traitor, his intentions for Magnus Bane on hold for the moment.

Their swords crashed into each other, colliding in different angles, the traitor dodging as Jace tried to injure his upper body again but failed. He kicked Jace hard in the stomach as he was rising and Jace staggered sideways, turning just in time to parry another attack. Their blades came in contact with a resonant sound as Jace pushed and twisted his hand at an abnormal and aching angle to try knock the weapon out of his opponent's hold. But instead- the man moved his leg up in a swift move and kicked away both their swords. Jace swung to hit him, but the traitor dodged again, punching Jace in the ribs, and Jace couldn't react fast enough when he got another kick in the stomach and one in the face right after- the man's booth colliding with Jace's chin. While Jace tried to get a hold of himself, the traitor moved fast to take his blade back from the ground, leaving Jace to be the only one without a weapon and exposed.

Jace couldn't have that. He knew the exact moment his eyes started glowing in a shade of yellow as he activated two of his runes at the same time without a stele. The first was his healing rune and the second allowed him to jump above the man's head, turning in the air and landing behind the traitor's back. The distance between them was the bare minimum, allowing Jace to easily reach and catch the man's hand which was holding the sword, Jace's other arm grabbing the man over his shoulders and very deliberately pressing his fingers and claws on the open shoulder injury Jace had caused earlier, feeling the man writhing in agony as Jace's fingers were digging deeper into his wound.

Then it was time for the masquerade to finally be over with. Jace's eyes glowed again as he used his pure Angel blood to deactivate the man's glamor rune, not needing to even know where that rune was placed.

The rune began glowing on the man's inner forearm the same way Jace's eyes were, being deactivated. The glamor was forcefully stripped away from the traitor and underneath it Jace saw....

No!

No, that can't be right! There must be a mistake! A trick! Warlock creatures making some illusion to deceive him and make him turn against his sister!

That must be it! А deception. A ploy. A lie. It couldn't be true.

Jace couldn't believe this.

He couldn't believe it as he span the traitor around and found himself face to face with Izzy. Izzy's eyes were wide huge and panicked as she was staring back at Jace. Jace felt like he was going to be sick. He was going to be so sick, the blood in his veins began pulsing uncontrollably, his brain going into a spiral of shock and disbelief, his heart beating like it was about to explode.

''Why?'' He barely managed to ask, watching her eyes fill with tears.

Somehow, in the middle of everything, he absendly felt Alec reaching through the bond again and again with something close to a desperate hopeless worry.

_What happend?_

 

* * *

( **Magnus's POV** )

Magnus stopped the enchanted ball thrown at him mid air and redirect ed it with his magic , making it hit the shadowhunter who had thrown it instead.

He had lost Isabelle from his sight and it was all he could do not to completely panic, trying so hard to force himself into some semblance of sane, not letting the terror for Isabelle's well-being consume him. 

He knew he couldn't last long like that, the shadowhunters were too many, the feeling of dread had found its place in his heart.

He had to do something before his powers were completely drained. Something to stop all of this.

His forehead was soaked in sweat and his knees were about to buckle, but he tried to continue despite of that, tried to shut off the screams around him when he took a deep breath.

In some incomprehensible way, his mother's voice found his ears again:

_It will be okay. It will pass._

Magnus's whole body began shaking and trembling when he started the spell in his mind.

_It will pass. I love you._

His body was screaming that he wasn't strong enough, but Magnus ignored it.

Magic started coming off of his fingers in waves and tendrils, surrounding him from everywhere, circling him, lifting his feet off the ground, rotating around him like a tornado which center was Magnus.

_I love you._

Then the blast exploded out of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> One thing I really can't write are actually fight scenes. But I sort of tried to do it here and I hope I didn't do too bad.


	38. My brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> This, again, turned into a chapter which is more about Alec's thoughts and feelings. Sorry? I wanted to mark some other things about Alec and that expanded way too much. There is a little about the other characters as well, but most of the interactions between them would be in the next chapters.

( **Alec's POV** )

 Alec was so angry at himself for how long it took him to realise something was wrong with Jace. That the nagging feeling which kept Alec awake after Magnus left had been a subtle thread of Jace's feelings making it through the bond.

But their bond was usually not very open from Jace's end. It hadn't been ever since what happened to Max. Usually not many of Jace's emotions were reaching Alec, because Jace prevented that.

It used to be a lot worse. There used to be a solid void between them through the bond. They could still feel it if the other was physically hurt or wounded, the most basic part of being parabatai there, but that had been all.

However, it was getting better lately.

Because during the second negotiations meeting, when Alec saw Jace, for the first time in so many months Jace had left his end of the bond wide open:

 

_Alec arrived in the forest, the portal behind him closing with a sound Alec couldn't quite distinguish._

_Magic. Portals. Spells._

_Alec grimaced._

_He had been surrounded by that so much during the past week, it was a good reason to feel more than a little uneasy. But coming here had been a choice Magnus Bane had given him and honestly, Alec was sure Jace would be here too. So if presented with the chance to come instead of Magnus Bane, he could not really reject it. At least that way he didn't have to wait in that room anymore, thinking over what would happen if Jace makes a move against Magnus Bane and Magnus Bane harms him for it._

_Also, there was a part of Alec that found this idea interesting even in general. And it gave him an opportunity to participate, not just sit around in the warlock's apartment like an object._

_There was something to Magnus Bane. Alec realised he found the way the warlock's mind worked interesting. It wasn't just the lack of cruelty, but also the unusual mix between rationality and creativity. Alec hadn't seen that very often in others._

_Catarina was somehow slightly different. For her Alec would say wisdom was the feature he had noticed the most. And what Magnus and Catarina both had in common was this sense you can get around them that... they had lived, not just skimmed through centuries aimlessly._

_Catarina felt safer than Magnus Bane though. Alec preferred to keep Magnus Bane at a distance and not get carried away._

_Magnus Bane was the representative of the warlocks. The people Alec loved were in danger because of the warlocks Magnus Bane would stood up for. Alec and him were from the opposite sides of the war. It was better if Alec doesn't forget that. It was better if he remembers that while trying to negotiate, Magnus Bane wanted to bring back times when warlocks would once again be free to do whatever they wanted. Times Alec wasn't sure should ever be brought back._

_His mother was late, Alec noticed. He wondered if Magnus Bane would become impatient._

_Alec knew she would come. If she had agreed, she would be there sooner or later. But he also knew there was a reason for her being late. Something had held her. And he had no idea what. He had spent more than a week away from the Institute and he shared the same cluelessness as Magnus Bane as an aftermath._

_While waiting, Alec tried to locate where Jace would be. He gathered all his focus to concentrate on the parabatai bond, knowing that if Jace comes close enough, in a really short distance from Alec, Alec could feel it._

_A few more moments passed like that when Alec caught his first glimpse of his mother, making her belated arrival, coming carefully towards him._

_"Magnus Bane, thank you for coming," she said._

_Alec almost got where Jace observed them from. Almost. He just had to concentrate on the bond..._

_"Is something wrong?" his mother asked when Alec didn't address her._

_He muttered a 'yes' while he searched._

_And then- Got you!_

_Alec exhaled, pleased with himself. "Jace get down from the tree, please."_

_Dead silence followed. And an annoying lack of action. Was Alec not clear enough? He thought he was._

_"Seriously Jace! Don't make me come up there to get you." Alec threatened, thinking he would absolutely do that._

_Just get down, you idiot, Alec thought. I haven't seen you all week. Just show yourself._

_After some noise and rustling, finally Jace deftly landed in front of Alec, wearing a furious expression on his face. "What the hell?" He spat out at him._

_Alec took a good look at him. Smug posture- there. Too much confidence- there. Alec was glad to see that, because it meant Jace was fine._

_ He hadn't realised how much he had worried for  him until this moment. All of the missions Jace would go alone to, because Alec wasn't at the Institute and couldn't watch his back... _

_Now he felt mostly relief. Nothing had really changed since he had been gone. Which meant he could bask in the pride of catching Jace unprepared._

_"I'm Jace Wayland," Alec started demonstratively, because he didn't want to leave Jace sweating for too long over thinking him of Magnus Bane. "Everybody thinks I'm the best shadowhunter. But the truth is I leave the Institute way early some days, without finishing my reports, so I could go to bars and flirt with all kinds of girls all night. And do I take my older brother Alec with me so he could have some fun too? No. I leave that poor soul to stay up until late and take care of the paperwork I was supposed to help him with. And then I even make him wash my leather jackets- something I still haven't learned to do myself."_

_Picking on Jace had been something Alec had developed because of Jace himself. Because Jace used to pick on Alec a lot over the years. And Alec used to not do anything about it, just shrug it off, making a stoic expression, or rolling his eyes silently. But one day Izzy had mentioned that he should really start getting even. And after some rather understandable reluctance, Alec had actually followed her advise on it. He had started off with her help at first, but continued on his own later._

_It was easy to pick on Jace. He didn't took much offense. If he did, Alec would probably had stopped by now._

_Currently, Jace was staring at him, appearing very startled, eyes widened almost comically._

_Alec moved his head to his mother for a second to make sure she had gotten the message too._

_"Alec?" Jace asked quietly, as if still afraid to hope._

_Alec decided to give him more reassurance. "If when I get back to the Institute I find it in a terrible condition, you and I are going to have a discussion. I hope you know that," he warned to clear out the last remaining doubts Jace might have._

_They talked about the Institute a lot usually, more than they would talk about anything else, so that was another proof it was Alec._

_"Oh my god!" Jace exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear in a way that Alec really worried his face would get split in half._

_Alec actually didn't expect him to get so happy. Maybe relieved, like Alec had been for him, but not so blatantly happy. Had he been drinking before coming here? No, Alec dismissed that thought. Jace would never go on a meeting like that without being sober. He might drink a lot when he was off duty, but never when he was on a mission. Never!_

_Then suddenly, Alec felt a surge of happiness hit him heavily. He barely managed to not make a few steps back and needed a second to assimilate what was happening. He hadn't felt that much from Jace's side of the bond since Max and now it was overwhelming._

_He uncomfortably shifted from one leg to another and swallowed, for the first time uncertain about how to go on. Jace's joy was coming in waves and it was too much for Alec._

_He reached to show Jace the necklace he was wearing on his neck. "A bug. Magnus Bane can hear and see you."_

_So stop grinning like an idiot and calm down, Alec added inwardly._

_Jace's smile did thankfully ease, but his feelings just kept pouring onto Alec. "I can't believe it," Jace gasped, still processing the new turn of events._

_Alec started to think Jace had slipped his control over his feelings through the bond without realising it. That must be the case._

_It wasn't like Alec wasn't damn happy to see him too. He was. But this wasn't them. It hadn't been them for a while and now it was just all coming back and Alec didn't know what to say._

_The way they displayed fondness wasn't so blatant or open. It wasn't. It was controlled and subtle._

_Alec knew this. He had learned how be behave around Jace, how to behave around everyone._

_With his mother- she didn't like any affection and even more so when it came to Alec. She was right. Alec had cost her Max. Alec's choices had caused all of them to shatter and it was over. Alec understood that, he understood he should neither expect nor seek affection from her and he didn't. It had taken him time, but Alec had learned. He knew how to be around her._

_He had learned how to be around Jace too. They cared for each other, because they were parabatai, they had developed a dynamic that worked in terms of managing the Institute, and Alec was always going be by Jace's side to keep him safe. But their connection had changed, their bond was different._

_Jace couldn't be so happy because of Alec. Alec wasn't... he just wasn't enough for that. Had Jace forgotten?_

_Alec set his jaw, swallowing down another lump, feeling his chest tightening and suddenly wanting to run and cover his face in his hands._

_When he noticed his mother coming a little closer from the corner of his eye, Alec was legitimately afraid that if she starts acting odd like Jace was, Alec would do or say something really off and sentimental she would no doubt find distasteful and unpleasant._

_So he couldn't._

_But the emotions were just gathering in his throat and it was all Jace's fault._

_"I've missed you," Alec told him finally, losing yet another fight with himself because he couldn't keep the words from coming no matter how much he wanted to, a palpable weight coming off at that._

_And Alec let some of his feelings pour through the bond as well, breaking the habit they had created through the last two years completely. A habit created when they both suffered and mourned individually, their feelings not meeting. Alec's pain had only been Alec's pain. And Jace's pain had only been his own._

_Alec didn't know who tried to shut off from the bond first. He didn't remember. It might have been even him. But there were many times Alec would reached out, leaving his end of the bond open, needing to connect despite everything, hoping Jace would do the same, but Jace hadn't._

_And he missed how they were. He missed them talking not just about the Institute. He missed reaching out and not finding a void. Every time he found a void, he was left with a twisting guilt, eating him alive, and with the suspicion that maybe Jace kept his end of the bond closed because he knew... he knew Max would be alive if it wasn't for Alec. He never said it, but maybe he knew._

_In front of him, Jace's face changed, filling with regret. He could see and feel what Alec was struggling with and he was silently apologising through the bond._

_It wasn't an apology Alec wanted. He didn't have a right to one._

_But he wanted to know if this would last. If Jace will or won't shut out from the bond when the meeting was over. He just... needed to know._

 

Jace hadn't went back to shutting out. Alec had continued to feel bits and pieces from him, sometimes subtle, sometimes not.

And sometimes, like tonight, it took Alec some time to realise the emotions finding him were actually coming from his parabatai. Because he was still getting used to the void between them being gone. He was thankful it was gone, but during the past couple of days he had started fearing too. Fearing about what would happen if Jace senses, if he learns somehow that things between Magnus and Alec had been different. How was this going to affect everything?

Alec had been afraid for that and Izzy had tried to help him through it.

Now Alec was deliberately reaching out more than he ever would, his inability to understand what was wrong with Jace making him feel helpless.

And then, abruptly, Jace's feelings went from a hundred to a zero. There was suddenly nothing from his end, and what terrified Alec the most was- this time it didn't feel like Jace had shut off. Instead, it felt so unnatural, like an influence coming from the outside. Like someone had dome something... to Jace.

Alec was hastily up on his feet, calling Izzy, his fingers frantic while pressing the buttons on his phone. She was at the Institute with him, if something was really wrong she should know and she would explain.

Izzy didn't pick up. Alec barely resisted the urge to throw the phone across the wall when he had another idea.

He dialed Simon who answered on the first ring.

"Alec, are you still awake?" Simon asked, some concern coming off of him. ''What's up?''

"I need you to get here." Alec's voice was stern, coming in a rush. The line went quiet and it made Alec want to throw the phone across the wall again. "Did you not hear me? I said get here! Now!"

"I..." Simon trailed off with uncertainty, "Did something happen? Do you want me to call Izzy? My night shift is not over yet and I'm going to get fired if I-"

"I don't care!" Alec hardly kept himself from raising his voice too much, trying to be mindful that Madzie was there, possibly still sleeping. "I don't care! Izzy doesn't pick up. Just get here! I'm leaving and someone has to stay with Madzie! I can't leave her alone in the middle of the night!"

"Okay, okay,'' Simon quickly responded, the urgency in his voice finally matching Alec's. "I'll be there in a few moments and we'll talk."

We won't talk, Alec thought when he ended the call. He didn't have the time.

He changed out of his clothes in a fast pace, replacing the T-shirt he had slept in, tossing the fabric aside and putting on a black long-sleeve one and a jacket.

Simon speeded through the front door when Alec was just picking up his bow and arrows, his stele with him too.

"Stay with Madzie," he instructed him shortly as soon as he saw him in the living room.

"Did something happened with Izzy?" Simon asked with scared eyes, his head trying to follow Alec's sharp movements. "Do you know if she's alright? Is she-"

"I'm going to find out." Alec's voice was almost robotic as he headed to leave.

"Where are you going?" Simon called out after him, looking so distressed when he noticed the bow Alec was carrying that in any other circumstances Alec could have turned around to explain.

"I'm going to find my brother,'' he replied instead.

"Jace? I can do that. Let me do that. Because I thought you were going to wait and hide until that death order for Magnus is taken down, and you guys go to that Cup, and then there is peace and-"

Alec didn't hear most of what Simon said. He was already outside, running and tracking Jace.

He couldn't believe he left his brother alone like that. He couldn't believe he allowed this to happen.

 

* * *

( **Magnus's POV** )

Magnus's breaths were harsh and difficult.

His palms dug into the ground desperately, the pavement underneath his fingers felt cold, sharp, and abusing the skin like glass. Besides his hands, he couldn't really feel the rest of his body. It was too slack. Was he not standing anymore?

It was so quiet, the all-consuming silence eating away every sound that was supposed to exist, dominating in everything. The contrast with before was almost agonising.

But there was also a realisation breaking over him.

He made it.

The spell had worked, the blast causing everyone, shadowhunters and warlocks alike, to turn frozen on their places. Like time had stopped for them, turning them temporarily into statues.

He couldn't have done this with only the shadowhunters. It wasn't possible, everyone had been so chaotically and messily scattered around the area, it was beyond Magnus's abilities to even think abound how to freeze the shadowhunters only.

But Magnus knew that the warlocks would come out of this state faster than any other downworlder or shadowhunter could. Because the magic pouring in their veins would fight off and eventually neutralize the spell, breaking it in less time than their opponents would need for that. While the shadowhunters would stay frozen longer and it would take more time for the effect of the spell to subside for them. This would give the warlocks the opportunity and the head start to find safety.

Magnus also had been trying to get in contact with Catarina after Isabelle's message, and he hoped Catarina would come and find Isabelle, getting her out of the state faster, not letting her come back from the spell with the rest of the shadowhunters.

Because Magnus couldn't do more.

Freezing more than 40 people when he had already been getting exhausted... it was a stab on his system, creating cracks, and Magnus didn't know how he would handle it.

Soon, everything before his eyes turned blurry and hazy. It stretched in a way Magnus's vision couldn't outline the shapes. Until all shapes gathered into one and all lines came together, any left semi-definable colour melting away into nothing until Magnus could feel his head hitting the ground below.

 

* * *

( **Jace's POV** )

Jace blinked and... he had no idea where he was. He blinked again, trying to adjust and feeling utterly disorientated. He remembered watching Izzy with disbelief and shock when some strange blast of energy hit him brutally and after that- nothing.

Had he been losing time? What... where were the shadowhunters from his team? And what was this place???

Confusion was stronger than ever when he tried to determine the place. He appeared to be in some sort of a warehouse, some pale blue veil surrounding him from everywhere. When Jace tried to get on the other side of it, he found that he couldn't. That made the veil feel more like a wall, despite it being close to transparent.

A shiver of something raw passed through his body when Jace finally noticed that there was actually someone on the other side of it. A woman. With blue skin and white hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	39. Idyll's end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> So sorry for the delay. Real life and all that...  
> I was sick for a while too and I'm still getting better.
> 
> And trying to write Jace is so challenging, because I love Magnus so much and Jace, well ... doesn't.
> 
> I had no idea how to name the chapter and then I just decided to name it after one of Hans Zimmer's music pieces that I love.
> 
> Warning- violence, mentions of violence.

( **Jace's POV** )

''I used to live here for a short time after the Uprising,'' the female warlock started explaining to Jace, gesturing to the space around them in the empty warehouse. Jace's eyes landed on the different stacks of boxes. He had found warlocks trying to hide in places like this through the years, that wasn't surprising. The creature in front of him talked with misplaced politeness, but there there was an edge to her steady voice too. Almost like... pain. Probably brought from Jace's attack tonight.

_I'm glad_ , Jace thought. He wanted them to feel what it was like to attack your home and invade it, spilling the blood of your friends and family in front of your eyes. He wanted them to get used to the feeling because if it depended on Jace, that was exactly what they were going to get.

The warlock cleared her throat. ''I used to live in many places actually, trying not to stay in one for too long. But that gets difficult with time, especially for some of us. I'm not using this place anymore though, and I haven't for a while. Even if you've seen it, it won't put me in danger.''

_We'll see about that when I slice your throat later_ , Jace thought impatiently.

"What you see, is a barrier," the warlock continued, pointing the faint blue veil separating them. ''It will keep you from getting out.''

Listening to her just made Jace's blood boil.

"I'd like to face you when you can't have that to hide behind," he threatened through gritted teeth.

His hands reached automatically for his seraph blade, being used to find it in arm's reach, but instead of being met with the expected coldness of the weapon, he was met with nothing.

No weapon.

Because Izzy had kicked away his sword during the fight.

Jace gritted his teeth harder, wanting to just surge forward and destroy the monster in front of him with his bare hands. He could do that. And it was a nice image.

But when the haze of anger lifted, Jace started to realise what had happened. Some spell, maybe made by Magnus Bane since he was one of the most powerful ones there, had put an end to the fight and had left Jace in a vulnerable position. So Magnus Bane's half-demon friends could take him in this warehouse and question him, possibly as an attempt to make Jace reveal them information about the shadowhunters. Information which would, no doubt, help Magnus Bane get his revenge for what happened tonight.

Jace exhaled, almost laughing. Didn't they know that he would rather die than give them anything? It wouldn't matter if they used their demonic powers to torture him. It wouldn't matter what plans did they have. Jace would bite off his own tongue without question before there was any chance or a slightest possibility of him giving up any knowledge he might have. He was taught well. Too well for their stupid little heads to even grasp. He was a shadowhunter. He knew what to do in case of being captured.

"I'm not hiding," the monster said, contrary to Jace's previous comment about that barrier, being there so she could hide behind it. "You can see me, you can speak to me, you can even ask me questions. I'm hardly hiding."

Jace titled his head and narrowed his eyes to express his honest disbelief. Warlocks liked to think of themselves as some sort of mighty and fearless downworlders, but outside of their destructive magic abilities, they were nothing. A product of rape in its most degrading form. A bunch of half-demonic cowards, hiding in the nearest hole they could find. Jace had killed enough of them to know.

_Demon spawns!_

"Let's get this over with," Jace said, wanting to cut the crap and get to the good stuff.

Where he slays them. Which was another nice image.

Considering it, he had already broken whatever unspoken rule there was not to go after them while the negotiations were running. He had already broken that tonight, after realising the cure no longer worked and having no other choice. He might as well keep going.

He knew he wouldn't be held accountable because practically, Jace hadn't broken any shadowhunter laws with what he did. And now, when the adrenaline of the fight still hadn't left his system completely, he discovered that he wanted to continue from where he left off.

"Whatever you want from me, you're wasting your time, because you won't get it," Jace announced to speed things along.

His hands were itching to smash that warlock's head in the nearest surface. Back during the fight, he had been way too worried for Alec, and then worried about the discovery with the cure. He hadn't been able to enjoy taking down the warlock creatures the way he usually did. But sometimes it was like that. He couldn't enjoy it. Other times- it was perfect. If Jace was fully into it, doing his job right, it could feel even better than a drink. And you don't suffer a hangover later, which was another plus.

The warlock in front of him lowered her head a little, an angle that put her eyes more firmly on Jace. Jace could swear he saw some pity in the warlock's face and it made him step back startled. That, the pity, had no right to be there. Hatred- yes. He would never mind that since it was a great sign of the influence and the impact Jace had on them. Jace was the one who put that hatred on their faces, alternating their lives permanently. So when Jace looked back at them with the same, the scales were even, and Jace knew he made them experience the same feeling. _Because of him._

Hatred was good, it was great. He almost preferred it over fear and terror since it resonated with Jace on a better level. Hate met with hate. It evened the scales.

But pity- never pity. No warlock could pity Jace. That was the most out-of-the-place concept.

Or did she think she could scare him? How idiotic of her. She really couldn't.

Jace was just about to tell her that when he caught some distinct noise not too far from the creature, its head moving in the direction of the sound along with Jace's. The air thickened there and a portal emerged, opening widely and Izzy coming out of it.

For a moment Jace just froze, watching her. Watching her go to the warlock, exchanging a look of... gratitude with her that stuck in Jace's throat, rough suffocating and consuming, painful to simply witness.

What had his sister turned to??? When???

"I have to go," the warlock told Izzy carefully, like seeing her was supposed to be the cue to leave. "There are a lot of warlocks who need medical care."

Jace was hoping there were a lot who bit the dust and died too, taking their last breath and going to Hell where they belonged. Because he would hate to think this mission had been completely unsuccessful.

"I know. Go and don't worry." Izzy nodded quickly, her voice understanding and it was nauseating for Jace to hear. And watch. And stand there. His stomach was turning. Someone give him a bucket so he could throw up in it.

''Magnus?'' The female warlock asked then, her tone not so steady anymore.

Oh, this could be good. Jace perked up at that, trying to listen this time.

Of course. This was why the creature's voice had been sort of pained earlier. Because of Magnus Bane. That made Jace hope that Magnus Bane had finally dropped dead. Jace was ready to openly thank all of the Angels above, publicly even, if that was the case. But unfortunately, he couldn't hear what Izzy told the warlock, Izzy's voice turning way to quiet for that, probably on purpose. And the stupid wall... barrier... whatever it was, was preventing Jace from going closer.

However, he saw a spasm of something crossing the warlock's face at Izzy's reply, so it couldn't have been any good news. That gave him more hope. What if Magnus Bane was currently on his deathbed? The thought was satisfying, even if Jace couldn't have much confirmation. He knew warlocks could die from magical drain. And Magnus Bane had most likely been drained.

He saw Izzy put her hand on the creature's elbow, exchanging another sympathetic look that Jace couldn't stomach and had to turn his head away from.

After that, the warlock disappeared through the portal which had been left open after Izzy. It closed then, when the creature took it and left Jace with his sister.

Jace dropped his gaze again. He didn't know if he could really look at Izzy anymore. He didn't know what to think of her.

When Robert and Maryse took Jace into their family, he hadn't had much expectations. And yet here he was, almost 10 years later, a stray who became a part of them. Who lived with them, ate on the same table as them, trained with them, was ready to die for them.

And now... there was a wall between him and Izzy. Izzy who turned out to be... how could Jace even call it?

Jace swallowed, some hollowness finding its way into his system. He knew how.

Izzy was the Shadow World Guardian. All this time, it had been her. She was the traitor in their own ranks, the one the Clave was searching for. She was the shadowhunter who had become a tool for Magnus Bane to use. She was the one feeding that monster information.

It was because of her that the cure no longer worked. Resulting in this whole mission- almost ruined. All of the efforts put into creating the cure, using it to protect the millions of defenseless and painfully weak mundanes around the world - ruined.

What could Magnus Bane had possibly offered her in exchange? What was worth more than them? More than all of them. More than all of their lives, gathered together. More than all their friends who passed away.

''Lydia. Jocelyn. Underhill. Aline. Imogen.'' Jace listed loudly, his throat starting to ache while he made himself look at Izzy despite not wanting to. ''Where are they?'' He almost laughed sarcastically at the question, raising his shoulders.

Lydia was the one who had died in front of Jace when the Uprising happened, her eyes left open until Jace closed them. She hadn't died a painless death. No, she had suffered.

She had had a husband-John, and a two year old son, now five, who was growing up without a mother.

And Imogen... a gut-retching feeling washed through Jace when he thought about Imogen. He needed a drink, but he couldn't have that right now.

''Our friends and family...,'' Jace trailed off. ''Yours and mine. Where are they? Why aren't they here?'' Jace paused. ''Max?'' He asked finally.

Just like during that fight, Izzy's eyes filled with tears, shining with hurt as she raised a hand to wipe them when they came.

It made Jace angrier. He didn't want to see more crocodile tears from her. ''Come on,'' he rushed. ''I want to hear you say it! Why did they die?''

''Magnus didn't kill them.'' Izzy spoke, her shoulders sagging and more tears falling on her cheeks.

Jace didn't register the reply, his voice rough. ''Instead of getting justice for them, this is what you're doing? Did they die so you could join Magnus Bane?''

"I can tell you why I did that if you'll just listen to me," she tried.

Jace took a deep breath, calming himself. Her words reflected the question he had asked her before the spell him them.

_Why?_

He had asked that, but right now he didn't know if there was any point to it. Izzy searched his face for willingness to hear her out, but the truth was, any explanation Jace could imagine hearing from her fell flat, hollow and not enough. There was no explanation she could offer that could justify doing what she had.

He harshly rubbed his forehead like he wanted to scrub the skin out of there. Then he suddenly stopped, taken aback when he noticed some traces of dried blood on his fingers, remembering the fight with Izzy. His stomach twisted with unexpected and sudden guilt and his eyes went to her shoulder.

She followed his gaze silently, then chased the remains of her tears away before speaking. "It's better. They healed me."

_They healed me._

It was the same thing Alec had said during those negotiations:

 

_"How are you?" Maryse asked._

_"I've been worse. Besides, if anything was really wrong, Jace would feel it."_

_"Oh, I felt it, alright," Jace commented, tapping his head to indicate the, no doubt, serious head injury he had felt from Alec after he and Magnus Bane had disappeared through that portal. Something that had shortened Jace's life with at least 5 years._

_"Hmm," Alec uttered, sounding like he had forgotten. "They must have... healed me, I guess."_

 

_They healed me._

 

Jace shook his head, getting rid of these pointless thoughts, turning to Izzy. "Am I here so you could pass me some more lies as a reasoning for what you've done?"

Clearly it wasn't so warlocks could get information out of him. Jace felt ridiculos for thinking that was the case, because... of course it wasn't. They had Izzy if they wanted that.

They had Izzy, ready to assist the ones who murdered their friends. Аnd shed some crocodile tears later.

Izzy opened her mouth and closed it, struggling with the way Jace treated her. "You're here because I wasn't sure if... I feared that if you go to the Institute, you might tell the Clave."

Jace felt a numb kind of understanding.

Yeah. Because it was very possible that he had been the only one who saw Izzy's glamor being stripped. There hadn't been much time for other shadowhunters to notice, the spell had hit them right then. And all of that had been happening under the darkness of the night. It would have been different if it were throughout the day, in the daylight, but it hadn't been.

Jace was likely the only one who had discovered Izzy's betrayal.

"I should tell them," Jace said firmly.

Izzy flinched at that, her voice holding so much vulnerability. "If you turn me in, I'm dead."

Jace looked at her, his sister by anything but blood, saying nothing. There was a horrible moment after that which seemed to stretch on forever.

Because Izzy was the Shadow World Guardian. Izzy had betrayed them all. She had done so many things behind Jace's back, even attacking him to protect... a warlock! _A fucking warlock!!!_

After their friends died by the hands of these creatures, Izzy had fought Jace without a second thought and then... then she had made another fucking warlock lock Jace behind some barrier to tell him more lies.

"I'll be dead if you tell them," Izzy repeated, trying to get to him. "The Clave won't just lock me up in the Gard or de-rune me. They'll kill me."

''And what did you do after warlocks killed so many of us? Did you close your eyes when Magnus Bane offered you his services?''

''What services?'' Izzy exclaimed with something close to desperation creeping in her tone. ''There were no services! He hasn't offered me anything more than the possibility of peace.''

''Peace,'' Jace repeated, shaking his head.

That claim for peace was another lie. If Magnus Bane really wanted peace, if he wanted it so badly, he would have used the cure.

Because despite everything his kind did, Magnus Bane had been given this chance. He had been given the opportunity to put that behind. When Maryse and Jace offered him a clean slade, offered him a chance to cure himself from his evil demonic nature, becoming a mundane, what had Magnus Bane done?

He had given them the biggest 'fick you' he could manage.

He had blatantly refused to take away his powers and had captured Alec, making him his hostage.

''He took Alec, Izzy,'' Jace said, the statement enough of itself, saying everything that needed to be said.

Alec was Jace's parabatai. Part of Jace's soul lived in Alec and part of Alec's- in Jace. For as long they both lived and maybe even in their next life, if such things existed and Jace believed in them.

By taking Alec, Magnus Bane had taken a part of Jace's soul.

Magnus Bane... was an evil parasite.

Jace had suspected that he was, even before he had the confirmation, but now there was no doubt. Instead of abandoning his demon side, appreciating the chance he had gotten for what it was, Magnus Bane had held onto his demonic abilities and powers with everything he had. Why do that, if not to use those powers later, to eventually accomplish his revolting desires to overpower them and to rule over the Shadow World? Why, if not for that?

Magnus Bane could have had peace by now, if he really wanted it.

But he wanted power. He wanted to demand how this peace would be made. As if he had any right to.

He had tried to make himself seem important because of the Cup, and on top of it- it now turned out that he had done something to prevent the cure from working too. So no one else could use it anymore.

If that wasn't the biggest 'fuck you' he could have given them, Jace didn't know what was.

Magnus Bane was a cockroach which had lived way too many lifetimes, and on which they needed to step and crush before it was too late.

Jace just hoped the Clave didn't have serious intentions to follow his conditions.

''Magnus let Alec go,'' Izzy started, her expression hesitant and uncertain, trying to gauge Jace's reaction while her body seemed to be on alert again.

Jace stared blankly, his brain shortcutting, thinking he hadn't heard correctly. ''What?''

Izzy swallowed, looking like she was telling something she had no right to, but had no choice. ''Magnus let Alec go. We didn't tell you, because of the negotiations. We were afraid that the Clave could end them if Magnus doesn't have that advantage.''

''What?''

_What the fuck???_

Izzy braced herself, trying to explain.

And Jace listened, because not enough words could come out of his mouth to interject. According to her Magnus and Alec were... friends.

_What the fuck??? How?  
_

Quietness followed, too solid and heavy for the both of them.

Jace felt dizzy, putting a hand to his mouth, fighting the sharp edges of something horrible raising in his chest.

''Alec is scared about what you would think, so please don't treat him the way you treat me!'' Izzy pleaded. ''He is trying to move forward. If you want to be angry at someone, be angry at me.''

''Why would I be angry at him?'' Jace managed to say back. ''It's not his fault.''

Izzy tilted her head, confused for a moment, needing for Jace to elaborate and he did. ''I knew it,'' he said. ''I suspected when Alec's messages stopped sounding like him, but I was hoping so badly to be wrong.'' Jace paused. ''Magnus Bane must have done a spell on him. I've heard about those kinds of magic. They need time to corrupt the other's system and work slowly. In the end, the warlock can control the other's behavior, point the other's beliefs and feelings to the direction he wants.''

Why would Jace be angry at Alec? Alec was a victim. A victim of that disgusting warlock!

It was the same kind of spell Jace had suspected Darian had used on Alec too, way back, but he never knew for sure back then. This time he was certain. ''It's not his fault,'' Jace repeated with a wave of dread. ''He needs help.''

Izzy was fast to shake her head. ''Magnus wouldn't do that to Alec. I don't think-''

''So you're telling me... '' Jace interrupted, needing to take a breath and hold it, ''… you're telling me that you've had every opportunity to look out for Alec, but instead, you let Magnus Bane set his demonic claws onto him?''

''I'm telling you Magnus wouldn't do that.''

Jace's anger was turning into rage. ''HOW COULD YOU???'' He asked incredulously. ''You want Alec to go through the same thing again? Just for that alone you deserve everyone to know how you betrayed them!''

Jace expected for her to lower her head, because damn right that was what she had to do, or to start with the crocodile tears again, but she didn't. This time she straightened her chin. ''I deserve to be sentenced to death for wanting peace?'' She asked with sharpness which wasn't there before.

By the Angel, she had even started to sound like Magnus Bane! With all his claims of injustice!

Jace paused, his eyes shooting daggers at her, wanting her to back down, but she didn't, looking back with a challenge.

She was such a lost cause that Jace had no idea what to do. He had to expose her. He just had to.

She wouldn't... she wouldn't die.

"There will be a trial,'' he corrected, because he had enough already. Enough of her claiming she would die if the Clave knows. Enough of everything. He tried to place the options in his head, distracting himself from the suffocating realisation of the many levels she had betrayed them on. ''Maryse will probably try to advocate for you. If there were really no services Magnus Bane provided, maybe it could be proven that you haven't been in your right mind and you're mentally unstable. The best case scenario- you'll go to the Silent Brothers for treatment.'' Jace remembered how Alec had spent some time there and had returned... slightly better. ''The worst case is life in the Gard. But Maryse will do what she can to convince Luke not to sentence you to death."

"You're wrong," Izzy responded stubbornly. "Luke would want my head on a silver platter. If he knows who I am, he won't let it slide. You think mom will convince him? You're wrong, because you have no idea how many things since he became Inquisitor seem downright fishy, for the lack of a stronger word. I suspect he'll kill me even before there was any trial, and he would make it look like an accident."

Jace's eyes shot at her. "Don't," he spat out, his warning clear and sharp. He was so close to being completely fed up.

"You don't believe me?"

''I don't believe anything you say.'' The words burnt like an acid, the realness of it was crushing. "You've lied me for long enough. Be glad this barrier is here.''

It will be so ridiculous to Jace if she just expects him to hear all this bullshit and let her continue working with their enemies. No, he would make sure what she did tonight was the last time she mocks them.

Her face changed then, like she had been pushing something down, holding back, and refused to do it anymore. ''Fine. Be that way,'' she narrowed her eyes. ''You keep judging me, but what about what you've done? It's about time someone holds you accountable for it too, don't you think?''

"What are you talking about?" Jace asked, not understanding.

"I'm talking about this!" she exclaimed, her arm raising for a second through the air, her tone starting to turn angry, matching Jace's, the previous sadness and the hurt stepping back from her expression. "This! All of it! I'm talking about tonight and the nights before. You, going after warlocks who possess no threat to you, killing them for no reason or evidence against them! You, unable to pull your head out of your ass to see what's going on!"

''They're warlocks!''

''So what? You're a shadowhunter! The mundanes are not your only responsibility and they're not the only ones who need protection! The whole Shadow World needs protection! Downworlders need protection! Warlocks need protection! You're a shadowhunter! You're supposed to watch out for every individual living in the Shadow World without exception, every living being, everyone who needs protection, you are supposed be there, let them rely on you. You are not supposed to judge them for what they are, or because of the blood in their veins, or the powers they have or don't have. You're not supposed to pick scapegoats, dumping the crimes of some onto the whole race -''

"You sound like Magnus Bane!" he cut her off, accusing her with venom. "You even sound like him now! Have you been taking lessons from him on what to say to defend his kind? Let's protect the poor and defenseless demon-blooded parasites!" Jace mocked. "After we gave them the chance to take the cure and end the war, they spat that proposition in our faces, but let's reward them by giving them what they've always dreamed of- another opportunity to crawl away from their holes and invade our world!"

"And you sound like Valentine! He would be really proud of you!"

Jace stilled, his teeth clenching and his face twisting.

''What?'' she resumed quickly, challengingly, ''Don't you like the compliment? Don't worry, it's earned. It took you years, but you finally became the son he had always wanted. Bravo!'' Izzy clapped her hands, giving him a round of applause, her countenance expressionless and her voice flat. 

''You don't know what you're talking about.''

''On the contrary. And you would have seen it yourself, if you weren't suffering from a crappy illusion for vengeance to satisfy your own mania and need, which blinds you for how much you're resembling him,'' she crossed her arms. ''Don't think you're better because you don't extend your treatment to the other downworlders. Essentially, you're still doing the same thing he did.''

Jace shook his head violently. _The same thing he did? Not in a million fucking lifetimes!_ ''I never turned against the Clave to create my own group of shadowhunter traitors. I never took a baby away from his real parents to raise him as my personal soldier,'' he managed, voicing what Valentine did to him.

If there was anyone who Jace despised as much as the warlocks, it was Valentine. _May he rot in his grave!_

''Valentine didn't start off like that too,'' Izzy countered. ''He started off like you.''

Jace couldn't listen to any more of this. His muscles were tight and he would give anything for a fight right this second.

Izzy went closer to him. ''Our friends and family. Yours and mine,'' she resumed, repeating Jace's words from earlier. ''They're dead. And you can kill as many warlocks as you want, but they're not coming back,'' she concluded. ''Max? He would be horrified if he could see what you do in his memory.''

There was something horrible at the pit of Jace's stomach. He opened his mouth to speak back, but then a fire message flew to Izzy's hands and she caught it.

Jace watched her read it, her attention shifting to whatever it said.

She frowned, staring at it with knitted brows before reaching to pull out her phone, staring at it too.

''What?'' Jace asked, his voice sounding rough.

Maybe he should be glad the attention was turned elsewhere, maybe he should welcome the distraction.

''What?'' He repeated, becoming impatient.

''Alec...''

Jace paused, not liking her worried tone. He didn't like the look on her face too.

He reached out, trying to sense Alec through their bond, but couldn't sense much of anything.

Alec was alive though. Jace was sure of that. He was alive and well. Jace would know if he wasn't.

But he couldn't feel...

Had Alec shut off from the bond? That was something Jace would mostly do, but he thought they were past that. Jace wanted his parabatai back and he thought it was the same for Alec. Then why...

''I can't feel much of him,'' Jace said, not understanding.

Izzy turned to Jace with confusion too, but then her eyes cleared, figuring out. ''This is an aftereffect of Magnus's spell. You and I were supposed to stay frozen longer. Then Catarina came and got us out of that state. But Magnus's spell still affected the parabatai bond and it's possible that it would need time to fully reset.''

Magnus Bane! _That fucking monster had done this!_

Izzy started looking more and more anxious, fidgeting with her hands. ''If you can't feel much of him, that means he can't feel much of you. And he won't be able to find you, because I asked Catarina to do an anti tracking spell on this place. He'll panic and he'll do something stupid.''

 

* * *

( **Alec's POV** )

Alec was trying to track his brother.

If he was on land, Alec should be able to find him.

He couldn't.

No matter how terribly Alec wanted to deny, to not believe, to tell himself warlocks weren't involved, weren't hurting his brother, weren't keeping him anywhere, he felt so crushingly cornered that he couldn't assume anything else. There was nothing left, but the knowledge that... there was a spell. It was preventing him from finding his brother.

_This can't be happening!_

Alec put his hand over his heart, pressing and pressing repeatedly.

The deja vu was like scorching fire, burning his insides.

All over again.

What was Alec for, if he couldn't save his brother?

He'd rather die. He's rather cut his veins open and die.

 

Alec was standing at the place where Jace had last been at, not sure how he reached it, but he had.

There were half a dozen warlock and shadowhunters dead bodies, scattered and lifeless, the smell of burned adamas lurking in air, a stele broken in half a few feet away, the surface gleaming when the light of the moon caught it, only one peace of it visible and no sign of the other.

Alec was standing in between unmoving shadowhunters too, freezed in time around him, weapons in hand, bodies standing in different mid-movements and intent, faces twisted, eyes wide open.

Unblinking. Unmoving.

Shadowhunter that Alec knew. Shadowhunters that Alec lived with. Shadowhunters that were his responsibility. Like his little brother.

He searched for him among them. His brother wasn't there.

It was over. Alec was too late.

 

_"Warlocks don't deserve to breathe the same air as us.'' he heard Maryse's voice. ''They don't deserve to look us in the eye. They don't deserve your sickening infatuations!"_

 

_"I'll do my best."_

_''Your best isn't good enough. Do more.''_

 

Alec heard a noise and saw a figure coming to him, calling out his name.

The colour of the skin and hair was unnatural. Ugly. Shouldn't exist.

A warlock.

Alec felt horror flooding though his body at the sight.

He reached for his arrows, shooting instinctively at the target when his training kicked in.

But the warlock redirected his arrows every time, avoiding them, a coil of magic slipping through its fingers.

''Alec stop! Stop, it's me! It's Catarina. You know me!''

Alec should move faster. He should shoot more than one arrow at a time. He should aim either at the heart or the head or the throat. He should do better!

''I won't hurt you! It's me! You know me! Stop!''

Alec took three of his arrows simultaneously. It would be easier if he was closer to the target, but even the thought of being closer evoked terror.

Maybe he'll have to anyway. He should. He should do better!

''I can take you to Jace!''

And Alec stopped.

 

* * *

( **Jace's POV** )

When Jace saw Alec, he was with the warlock from before. First, Jace heard the noise of their footsteps, then they came into view. He didn't know if they had come from the actual entrance or from another portal outside of his sight.

When Jace made eye contact with Alec, he quickly realised that Alec's expression looked far too hunted for Jace to take any joy in seeing him. Alec's hands were shaking, his eyes were unfocused and he was holding his bow way too tightly to his chest, clutching to it.

Izzy tried to come to him, but Alec moved away abruptly, making her stop in her tracks and turn at the warlock who, it appeared, was standing away from Alec too.

''He didn't recognise me,'' the creature whispered to Izzy, but Jace was able to catch it too.

Then Aec spoke. ''Why is my brother in a cage?'' His voice quivered.

''Because of Magnus Bane,'' Jace responded, barely containing his rage towards that son of a bitch. ''If you can't really feel me, he is the reason for that too.''

Alec just watched, his hands starting to tremble more violently with each second, his face like he was about to crumble, his tone was unsteady when he asked, ''Magnus... Magnus did that?''

''He did even more than that,'' Jace spat out.

Because of him and Izzy, the cure was useless. Alec had to hear about this. He had to hear all of it. He had to know that Magnus Bane had done a spell on him and that was the only reason Alec might feel differently. Magnus Bane had done something horrible to Alec and Jace had to explain him that. Make him see it. Make him go back to the Institute.

Izzy was about to open her mouth, probably to say some bullshit to contradict Jace, when Alec ran towards the barrier, so suddenly that it scared all three of them at the same time, and he started to punch it like it was nothing, the barrier unaffected like Alec was a punching a wall, causing just some metallic sound to rattle in his wake.

'' GET MY BROTHER OUT OF THERE!'' Alec screamed while hitting it. ''GET HIM OUT OF THERE! GET HIM OUT OF THERE!''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	40. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.
> 
> Warning- violence.

( **Jace's POV** )

 The pathetic warlock must have gotten afraid of Alec, because the next thing that happened- the barrier disappeared, melting away into the air without a trace.

Alec then launched forward to Jace, going to him without losing time to check out how he was.

Jace appreciated the concern, he really did, but what he really wanted right then was to go after that creature, which was standing next to Izzy, crush its skull onto something, maybe snatch some of Alec's arrows in the quiver on his back and use them in place of his missing weapon.

But he didn't have a good opportunity to do any of that. Alec's hands grabbed onto his arms instantly and there was nothing in Alec's behaviour which suggested that it was a good idea for Jace to turn away from him.

"Are you okay?" Alec kept asking panicky in a rush. "Did they do something to you? What did they do?"

Jace looked back at his parabatai and he realised that as much as he wanted to, hunting down that warlock would have to wait. He couldn't follow through it at the moment. Later, he promised himself.

Izzy was watching him carefully when Jace wrapped his fingers around one Alec's wrists, Alec's hands still gripping Jace's upper arm and shoulder.

"Listen to me,'' Jace said seriously, looking into Alec's eyes to convince him. ''There is nothing, nothing, they can ever do to hurt me. They haven't hurt me, because they can't. Not me." Jace squeezed Alec's wrist. "I'm Jace."

_I'm Jace._

They gazes met and Jace waited for his words to sink in. Slowly, steadily, the clarity began returning in Alec's eyes, the hunted look from before abating from his features who started to relax and soften. Alec's demeanor started to change, his hold on Jace's arms loosened and after a few more moments, Alec warily let him go, his hands still shaking but not so intensely.

Alec pressed his eyes shut, shaking his head like chasing away an image and banishing it. Then he opened them back. "You're okay," he said, stepping back.

"Of course I am," Jace affirmed. Of course.

Jace wasn't an easy target. If he didn't know any better, he would be offended that Alec was doubting his ability to handle himself.

Jace bent his neck to look behind Alec after that and saw that the warlock was no longer there. She had used her chance to disappear. There was just Izzy, looking at them with wrinkled eyebrows and a vigilant posture.

Jace felt disappointed, not liking that he had missed the warlock, but at least Alec was there. That was something.

Catarina, Jace repeated the name in his head, having heard it a few times already, memorising it. He would look her up in the Archives. She would be the next in his list after Magnus Bane. If Magnus Bane wasn't already dead of course, which would make Jace's job a lot easier.

His eyes met Izzy's, who was glaring at Jace with distaste.

The sheer fact that she still had the nerve to do that was pissing Jace off. He knew what he had to do. He was about to storm to her, when Alec took hold of him again, catching his forearm and stopping him in his tracks.

"What are you doing?" Alec asked slowly, his head moving from Izzy to Jace, trying to read what was going on by their faces.

Jace had to arrest her. He had to take her for questioning, take her to the Clave.

''She is a traitor,'' Jace accused and he knew his tone was laced with venom.

Alec took one look at him, then turned to Izzy. "Izzy go," he instructed firmly.

There was a flash of hurt passing through her face, as if she expected Alec to want her to stay. Then she straightened her back and replied stoically, ''I'm not leaving.''

''You will and you are,'' Alec countered intently, insisting. ''Go.''

Jace did not like this. First that warlock had slipped away from his grasp and now Izzy was about to. There were conflicting feelings running in his head. 

He considered his options and... he didn't know what arresting Izzy in front of Alec would do. Because he didn't know how far the spell Magnus Bane had used on Alec went. He didn't know how broad that monster's influence over his parabatai truly was. He felt sick just thinking about it, of how long Alec had been away. Being with Magnus Bane, under Magnus Bane's mercy, subdued to his demonic powers and influence.

Alec definitely needed help and he needed it soon.

Alec was the bigger priority, Jace concluded in the end, being torn because of his limited courses of action but having to admit that to himself.

"Get out," Jace ordered Izzy sharply, deciding that she would have to be one of the things he puts aside for later. And even though that list was becoming too long already, unfortunately growing in an almost maddening way, Jace would have to help Alec first.

Izzy pressed her lips in a thin line, looking like she didn't want to back down. It took Alec telling her to go one more time before she deeply frowned but listened, giving up.

"All Magnus did was defend himself,'' Izzy stated to Alec before turning away. ''As **you know** very well he does when he **has to**."

Izzy emphasized 'has to' with her voice at the same time as her eyes shot at Jace deliberately. She was really testing Jace's decision to let her leave and it was infuriating.

Alec watched her go, looking at the distance for some time after her withdrawal.

"What did you do?" he asked Jace, something afraid in his voice, like the possibilities were too many and too awful. Then he shifted his eyes away, like he became conscious of something he hadn't been for the first time. "What did I do?" Alec's voice was filled with something that sounded a lot like guilt. "I attacked Catarina. I attacked her and I was going to... what's wrong with me?"

Jace felt like he was punched.

Did Alec cared for that female warlock? Was she... another friend of him? How many???

Jace observed Alec, seeing first hand just how deep Magnus Bane had managed to set his claws onto his parabatai and it was terrifying.

"Going after them is what we do Alec. It's our job," Jace explained to him like he was talking to a toddler. He did everything he could not to let his tone turn cold, fighting the impulse to just shake Alec violently, because... if all this craziness hadn't happened, if him and Alec hadn't been separated because of that disgusting warlock, none of this would have happened and Alec would have fought by his side tonight, no questions asked.

Alec looked back, assessing Jace's face, something fragile in his eyes while he did that. "Just... tell me what happened."

 

Jace told him about the fight, about the cure, about Izzy being the Shadow World Guardian.

It was like the more Jace told him, the more Alec started closing himself off, looking away from Jace. Jace noticed it, but wasn't sure what it meant because the parabatai bond still hadn't reset.

He intentionally didn't say much about Magnus Bane and his condition. Because if Jace was right, if Magnus Bane was on his way to the grave, Jace didn't want Alec to know about that just yet. Not until Jace was sure of the exact effects of his spell, and until they could lift it and Alec was free from it. The last thing they needed, the most absurd thing, would be for Alec to start mourning Magnus Bane.

He did explain to Alec about the spell used on him though, telling him what he had told Izzy about it before her petty attempts to deny it, trying to get to Alec with the facts which Jace was aware of. When he was in the middle of it, listing possible ways by which Magnus Bane could have used his magic on Alec without Alec noticing, screwing with his mind, Alec's head jerked up when Jace suggested that Magnus Bane could have put something in his food.

That was all the confirmation Jace needed.

''This is it, isn't it?'' Jace carried on, glad that they were getting somewhere, ''He could have put something into your food.''

''I... don't know,'' Alec admitted, his voice quiet and hesitant and he was looking at the ground, but Jace could swear he saw the same fragile look appear again.

''Of course you wouldn't know. How could you? That bastard!'' Jace announced with spite. ''That's how he did it. To mess with your brain and turn you on his side. I bet letting you go was planned to. Because he knew his spell was affecting you and you would come back. What a piece of garbage!''

They should have gotten to Alec sooner. Soon enough to prevent that.

But it was not too late yet, Jace reminded himself. Alec was with him and Jace would have his back. And no warlock would ever come close to his parabatai ever again.

Alec waved a hand through his face, releasing a breath, something desperate about the simple gesture. He hadn't exactly agreed with Jace's theory about the spell, but he hadn't rejected it too. 

Jace knew that the seeds of doubt were now planted deep inside Alec's mind and Alec would think over every interaction he ever had with Magnus Bane, doubting everything. It was a good start. Even though it must be hard for him, to realise what Magnus Bane had done and how he had played with him, it was for the best that Alec sees it.

They could go to the Silent Brothers after this, to determine precisely what was done to Alec so they could fix it.

''It's not your fault,'' Jace told him. Alec didn't react to it, his body leaning against one of the high stacks. ''This time, we would fix it before its late.''

There was a pause where none of them said anything. Then Jace's anger towards Izzy came back at full force. ''And to think that Izzy could have stopped all of it... Who knows for how long she has been working with Magnus Bane while none of us had any clue. Who knows for how long she has been laughing in our faces, mocking us from distance, knowing that Magnus Bane had you but not caring for it. Not caring enough to help you, but instead leaving you with that monster from the start. I can't begin to think about how many deals she must have made with these demon spawns. Instead of standing against them-"

"She doesn't want that," Alec cut in suddenly, raising his head and Jace hesitated, clamping his mouth shut. "She doesn't want to stand against them. She never has."

Jace looked warily back at his parabatai. "What does she want?" he questioned. "To let us be their victims again? This is what will happen if we-"

"That's not how Izzy thinks."

Alec's tone was sure this time, far more sure when he talked about Izzy and it was about her, than he had been about anything related to himself and Magnus Bane.

It bothered Jace. That he would want to stand up for Izzy.

''Alec, she has been lying to us for at least months, if not years.''

''I lied to you too. When I didn't tell you I was free.''

''No,'' Jace stopped him there, more harshly that he intended. ''No, that was the spell.''

It had been because of the spell. It had been because Alec wasn't thinking clearly.

That sometimes happened to Alec. He would stop thinking clearly and when he did, someone had to point him to the right direction. Izzy had failed to, so now it was up to Jace.

Alec looked at him, his face more pensive than the situation required.

Because everything was clear and they had already figured it out. Alec was a victim of Magnus Bane, it was as simple as that. What else was there to think about?

Jace kept pouring his anger onto Izzy. "She left our side when we needed her the most, going behind our backs, taking what these creatures must have offered her.''

"Jace. It's Izzy." Alec gestured to stop him from going on, his expression more focussed like he wanted to make himself think like Izzy and was going through the motions of it. ''Izzy has a strong will and a strong sense of right and wrong. She goes by it. If she did all of that, she did it because she believed it was the right thing. There is no other reason."

''The right….'' Jace shook his head, refusing to assimilate this crap. "So she does what she wants and everything else be damned?"

"Yes," Alec nodded. ''It's Izzy.''

"What about us?"

"That's not about you. Or us.'' Alec paused. ''She doesn't want a war."

There was a trace of understanding, clear in his Alec's tone, and Jace utterly hated it.

''The war is the necessary evil,'' he protested loudly, his blood boiling.

''Is it really? What if... there was another way?''

Jace watched Alec, anticipating where this was going with total dread, hot and stinging, lying dangerously underneath the layers of Jace's objections.

Alec wouldn't have talked this way a few weeks ago!

''What are you trying to say?'' Jace asked.

''That the war hasn't brought us anything good.'' Alec cleared his throat, his tone steady, but his eyes filling with an emotion Jace couldn't determine. ''I was there. At the warlock's lair. I came from there. I saw the shadowhunters. They were...'' Alec took another breath, ''Why didn't you call them off?"

"Tactically we had good chances.''

''Yeah, I saw that.'' Alec said with sad irony. ''Some of them were dead.''

Jace swallowed a lump in his throat he hadn't been aware of before Alec brought that up.

''You brought them there. You told them to fight. You put them in harm's way for no good reason," Alec stated at him.

_But the warlocks had suffered more casualties_ , Jace wanted to shout. He wanted to, but for some reason the words weren't coming.

Alec hid his face in his hands, just breathing, staying like that for a while before he removed them. ''We were told that the war is a necessary evil to protect the shadowhunters and the Shadow World. But it's because of the war that shadowhunters keep dying. We push them to fight warlocks again and again for no good reason. Aren't you tired of burying shadowhunters like this? Because I am.''

No! Jace's blood was pounding in his ears! ''Because of the war, we finally pushed our enemies into a corner! We're one step ahead in every way-''

''Our enemies don't have to be enemies. Izzy must have seen that before we did.''

Jace struggled to get a hold of himself. He struggled to stay in his place. ''This is because of Magnus Bane!''

''It's really not,'' Alec denied. ''It's because I no longer see a point in the war.''

''These monsters killed our friends!''

A flash of devastation went through Alec, but he pushed it away. ''If I go with revenge, to be the one and only reason why I fight, then I shouldn't be fighting at all,'' Alec said, starting to gesticulate with his hands. ''We were constantly told that we should do better, do more than our best, fight to the death, but why? If the other side is not about to hurt me, then why am I even fighting? There is no point. I don't want to. I won't.''

''This is because of Magnus Bane!'' Jace reiterated. ''Because of the spell he has on you!''

''I don't think there is any spell.''

Something in Jace just... snapped.

In two quick steps he was in front of Alec, this time he was the one gripping Alec's shoulders, more forcefully than Alec ever did, Jace's nails digging into him through the jacket until Alec's whole body flinched, Alec's mouth gaped open in puzzlement and his pupils dilated, pointed right at Jace when Jace spat out in his face. "It's not real!" Jace shoved Alec against the stack behind him while at the same time not releasing him, his grasp only tightening and Alec's head jerking back at the motion. "Whatever you think you feel, whatever happened while you were away, it's not real! It's the spell! Nothing is real! Nothing!"

Alec stilled at first, eyes going wide and vulnerable, then he tried to squeeze himself free but Jace didn't let him. "Let go of me,'' he tried.

"Magnus Bane released you when he knew you would come back! Don't you see??? It was all planned! His spell is affecting you! He's a warlock, he has done this a thousand times! It's not real! What's real is that you hate that son of a bitch with everything you have! You want to kill Magnus Bane!"

Alec tried to shift away from Jace again, twisting his body and pushing him, his face turning tortured and distressed but Jace had to keep going! Alec had to understand and Jace would make him understand!

''You hate Magnus Bane! You want to see him dead! You want to peel off his skin and torture him until he's lying face down at your feet and begging you to just kill him!"

"LET GO OF ME!" Alec screamed then, pushing Jace so hard that Jace lost his hold on him this time and staggered backwards.

Jace saw red!

He was back in front of Alec faster than a blink of an eye, pushing Alec even harder, Alec's back hitting the edge of the stack, his body crashing against it and Alec falling onto the ground along with one of the boxes on top, some contents of which coming out and rolling onto the ground as well. Jace could see some mobile phones and devices shattering.

"Magnus Bane does not care about you, he never did, and he never will! The only thing he wants with you is to use you as it pleases him so he could weaken us and take more power from us! Magnus Bane does not worth anything, and I'll be damned if I let you fall for his tricks and into his trap, dragging us through the same goddamn mud we barely got out of the first time!" Jace exclaimed. '' Get up!''

He went to grab Alec back, walking to him and pulling him on his feet by one of his arms when Alec made a rapid movement, hitting Jace and almost breaking his nose with his free hand. When Jace released him, Alec punched him again, his fist sending waves of pain through Jace's jaw and the entire side of his face, his legs taking many steps back by themselves, automatically expecting another punch that didn't follow.

Everything crashed then.

Jace raised his head to Alec, everything getting to him like a ton of bricks all at once, his head playing a loop of repeat and Jace realising what he had done with an almost panic, bordering on something worse.

_ What had he done? _

It was like time stopped, stretching out to capture this agonizing moment in an eternal everlasting frame.

Alec was looking at him through a cloud of torment, but his voice was dead serious when he spoke. "The next time I tell you to let go of me and you don't, I'll forget that you're my parabatai. And I'll make you regret it."

Jace didn't say anything, his mind going blank, his legs glued to the ground.

''You really are an idiot.'' Alec said.

Jace registered Alec walking away from him, but he did nothing to stop it.

 

Later, Jace took a hold of himself.

He had to take care of the fallouts of the past mission. The idea that he needed a portal emerged like a shot, settling in with an odd and uncharacteristic conviction, wrapping around him.

Clary.

She was the only living shadowhunter who could create portals with a stele. And Jace needed that, because it was the fastest way to get from where he was, back to the destroyed warlock's lair, to the Institute, and back again, till he takes care of everything. It was the fastest way. He needed a portal. He needed Clary.

She lived in the Institute in Portland and Jace couldn't even remember the last time he saw her, but he threw all that in the wind and called her.

When he heard her voice, she was all formal and Jace was too. Jace was glad. They didn't need to spend any useless moments on anything which was beside the point.

He explained her the situation with as little words as he could and she agreed to come.

 

* * *

( **Raj's POV** )

Raj stepped into the Inquisitor's office early in the morning with pressing news.

The Inquisitor threw him a disapproving look from his desk when he saw him. ''I hope you have a good reason to disturb me at this hour.''

Raj lowered his head, answering quickly. "Mr. Garroway, important news has arrived in Alicante."

The Inquisitor leaned his back in his chair and crossed his fingers expectantly, Raj having his attention.

"We received many messages from the warlock community and... Magnus Bane is no longer representative of the warlocks."

The Inquisitor's face changed into a scowl. "How did that happen?"

Raj explained that he wasn't sure of any details, the messages they had received weren't clear about that.

"Who is the new representative?" The Inquisitor demanded to know.

"Lorenzo Rey," Raj announced. "And... there is more," he added, anxious about the Inquisitor's reaction.

"Then proceed."

"It appears, there has been an attack on a warlock's hideout the previous night. The incident has enraged many warlocks. Lorenzo Rey wants to end the negotiations. For good."

 

* * *

( **Jace's POV** )

Clary and Jace worked together till the rest of the night and even after that, when the sun rose and stood high into the sky.

Most of the badly wounded shadowhunters were transported successfully to the Infirmary and the ones who deceased would be getting a proper burial. They were three. Jace hadn't really known any of them very well. But they had been loyal. And that was... all he knew besides their names. 

Jace told himself that he would remember the names and never forget them.

He made himself busy after that, leaving Clary at the Institute, returning back to the warlock's lair where he spent the next whole day, circling the area, trying to find traces, magical residue, any clues and leads on where the escaped warlocks had gone to.

Sadly, he had no luck with that and had to call it a day at one point.

The news about Lorenzo Rey replacing Magnus Bane were all over the Shadow World by the time he got back. One monster stepping away, a new one replacing it.

But Jace had bigger things to worry about.

Like the fact that he lost Alec. Again.

Izzy was also nowhere to be found.

Jace had to find a way to talk to Maryse about her. He had already arranged a meeting with Maryse in the upcoming days.

If Izzy didn't return to the Institute, Jace would probably have to hunt her down too, the prospect of which was unpleasant and heavy.

 

 

Jace was in the main hall the next morning, two days after the attack on the warlocks, going through different reports, watching the monitors in front of him when he heard the Institute's alarm, ringing in his ears loudly, making the hair stand up on the back of his neck.

A shadowhunter ran to him to hand him a message.

 

**You made a mistake Wayland.**

**Lorenzo Rey**

 

Jace looked at the message, his heart picking speed unsteadily and blood rushing into his brain when he squashed the paper into his fist.

The Institute was under attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


	41. The Soul Sword

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who bookmarked, left kudos, or comments on the previous chapters.

( **Magnus's POV** )

  _Magnus wa s looking at a red sky clogged with ash and strewn with Dragonidae demons flying in different patterns. He was observing them from a palace with no ceiling in a barren burned-out world. The air was too thick, stuffy, possessing too much density, creating an eerie atmosphere from which Magnus had been happy to be away from._

_Unpleasant shivers invaded Magnus's skin like a thousand little pointy knives when he heard footsteps coming closer._

_"It has been way too long since I've had the chance to reunite with my son," a familiar voice spoke and Magnus turned to face the man it belonged to._

_The first thing that got to him before anything else could, making his skin crawl, were the eyes. Asmodeus was the only one, the only one amongst demons warlocks and seelies, with whom Magnus shared the same pair of eyes. The reason why Magnus usually constantly concealed that part of himself, revealing it mainly for the sole purpose of intimidating someone when that was necessary. Because that part of him, his warlock mark, showed a similarity between Asmodeus and him which could be too striking._

_And now Asmodeus was looking at Magnus invitingly, almost kindly._

_"I'm having a nightmare," Magnus said, watching Asmodeus's mouth curve into a small smile at his spoken conclusion._

_Another nightmare._

_Asmodeus's expression was too warm to be comforting when it came from him, something hiding behind his exterior that Magnus didn't want to discover. "I can assure you son, this is no nightmare. In fact, it's no dream at all," his father replied, his voice like honey, pouring out of his mouth slowly and deliberately._

_Magnus stepped back, his mind protesting to the response. "I'm not in Edom," he stated with conviction, his tone firm regardless of the curcumctanses._

_"I never said you were. Not physically at least."_

_Asmodeus moved his eyes, looking examingly over Magnus from head to toe, seeming like he was waiting for Magnus to ask more questions._

_Magnus didn't. He tried to make sense of it himself, going over what had happened._

_There was a new kind of fear, hiding in the dark corners of his mind, persistent and recurring, a fear that wasn't related to Asmodeus but concerned only him._

_Am I dying?_

_ He remembered the fight, remembered thinking how the negotiations were going nowhere, not knowing what to do to change that, questioning himself not for the first time, wondering what the purpose of everything was if it still led to another night where his kind was murdered. _

_But also..._

_He remembered everything before it._

_Back in Simon's place... spending that time with Madzie and the others, getting to see Madzie smile and the look of amazement on her face when she learned something new, the way she could brighten Magnus's day with just that..._

_The whole day had been engaging and pleasant and Magnus had felt better than he had in a long time , expecting to be told to leave but being accepted instead._

_All of that had gotten to him._

_Feeling worth caring for from people who didn't rapidly discard him as some danger that needed to be taken care of, getting to feel like he could have more, the feeling of acceptance he had missed and had longed for, the hope that maybe this could be a start to something better._

_' What are you doing tomorrow?', he remembered asking Alexander. He remembered making plans, remembered being excited, thinking he would be around to follow through those plans. _

_ Was that stupid? _

_Had Magnus been ahead of himself, demanding too much out of the circumstances? When does hope become wishful thinking and when does it turn to stupidity?_

_And yet... Magnus had lived for centuries, he had witnessed unlikely resolutions to the most complex obstacles and issues, had witnessed different wars and people coming from the other end of them, had even seen events with no explanation that some would call a miracle._

_A warlock's life passed differently from one of a mortal, with different meaning and pace. But one basic similarity during periods of struggle and hardship was- that subtle tiny flicker of hope that if you keep going, you might find something to hold on to. Or something to hold you._

_ Magnus tried to make himself calm, his hands hanging on his sides pointlessly, his heart heavy in his chest because Edom was the last place he wanted to be. He tried to stop his thoughts from lingering over fear-based predictions. He tried to come to the other end of that. _

_Magnus knew the past night had affected him, he just didn't know how severely. There wasn't really an advisable fully working healing method if you drain all of your power. Not one which involved healing magic anyway. The recovery sometimes lasted long, but it mostly depended on the warlock and the circumstances. Some warlocks could die. Others weren't able to regain the full previous extends of their powers. And some pulled through._

_Magnus scanned Asmodeus's demeanor again, thinking it over. _

_I can't be dying, Magnus thought._

_If he was, Asmodeus wouldn't behave this way. His father looked more like he had something in mind, some traces of determination, something he thought he could get from the situation._

_Asmodeus grew impatient, signing and giving up on waiting for Magnus to pick up their already dying dialogue. He resumed from where he left off, answering the questions Magnus hadn't asked. "You're not physically here, but that doesn't mean this is a dream. Think of it more like- me, connecting to your soul when you were too weak to pull back, drawing you to me for a chance to reconcile."_

_"I don't want to see you," Magnus told him, being honest._

_Asmodeus narrowed his eyes. "Are you still set on blaming me for our past misconceptions? I didn't think you would be that indignant and bitter towards your own father. It astonishes me that even in his greatest time of need, my son still manages to be rude to me."_

_"I'm not bitter," Magnus objected. "I just don't want to see you."_

_Asmodeus's features sharpened. "That's too unfortunate, because I'm the answer to all your prayers."_

_"What prayers?"_

_"To defeat the Nephilim of course. I'm the answer to that. You know son, I expected you to come to this conclusion at the very start, to search for me, to ask my forgiveness and my help and intervention. I would have come. You could have avoided all the misery you put upon yourself if you only had seeked for me. I waited for you to see that and to search my support. But you never tried. Until the day shadowhunters took such a number on you, I sensed your weakness all the way down to Edom. And I, the Price of Hell, had to go out of my way to seek you." Asmodeus's expression had turned highly disapproving, his voice starting to change as well, resonating with discontent. _ _''But as every parent would, I'm willing to forgive and forget if you finally come to your senses."_

_"My prayers were never to defeat anyone,'' Magnus clarified. ''There were for peace."_

_''Are you sure?'' Asmodeus raised an eyebrow, a glint in his eyes, "I can make every shadowhunter who has ever dared to touch a single hair on your head pay dearly for it. I can make them regret everything they've done to you and I can help you rule over them, taking the obedience you deserve as my son and put them on their place."_

_Magnus paused, looking at his father. ''Why do you sound so ready to punish those who have harmed me, when you've harmed me as well? Who will protect me from you?''_

_''Don't be melodramatic son,'' Asmodeus dismissed. ''Think about my offer.''_

_''I'm not interested,'' Magnus said, rejecting it._

_What Asmodeus was proposing had never been his goal. His goal wasn't to defeat, to concur, or rule over anyone. That couldn't bring him to the place he wanted to be, couldn't bring him back what was missing._

_What Magnus wanted was to be an equal, to coexist alongside everyone, live among them with his own wishes, intentions, and choices, and not be judged. Asmodeus couldn't give him that._

_Asmodeus's face darkened. "Will you really brush off what I'm offering that easily? When the fate of all the other demon children is in jeopardy? I am your only hope."_

_"How could you help me achieve peace?"_

_"I am the most powerful Prince of Hell." Asmodeus proclaimed, his voice firm strong and solid, making tremors of apprehension run down Magnus's spine. "I can help you move the Sun and the Moon and put them on your pocket if I desire to. Shadowhunters are a small obstacle for me."_

_Magnus was skeptical of that, but even if he hadn't been- all of Asmodeus's arguments were counterproductive since Magnus told him his goals were different. And he doubted Asmodeus would wish to offer him any help before preparing ulterior motives in advance. ''And what would you want in return?'' Magnus asked, wanting to clear that out._

_''Not a thing,'' Asmodeus claimed, looking insulted. Then he slowly recounted. ''But needless to say, I can only help you if you let me.''_

_''You mean summon you,'' Magnus concluded, noting to himself that summoning Asmodeus, ever, would be one of the most ill-thought out things he could possibly do. ''I'm not interested,'' he repeated._

_"You prefer to die? Killed by those self-righteous nephilims who hold themselves as better and would always look down on you whatever you do? You prefer to die by their hand?"_

_" No. But you want to manipulate me. Make me owe you. And I won't summon you into my world so you could try and destroy it."_

_''Is that so?'' Asmodeus asked, his eyes hardened, not a trace of his inviting previous behaviour was left. "You've gotten more foolish than I remember."_

_"And you are still the same."_

_Asmodeus's eyes flashed, his nostrils flared, his human form suddenly on a verge of slipping and for a moment Magnus thought it would. ''You should be more careful of the way you speak to me.'' Asmodeus warned darkly, fixing Magnus under his gaze. ''When you truly see how much you need me, you'll hurry to come back, asking for my assistance any way you can get it. And when your kind pays the price for your foolishness, you will curse yourself eternally for not taking my help when it was offered.''_

_Magnus gulped, clenching his jaw, but he was not faltering away from anything he had said before._

_''Very well,'' Asmodeus said, a sentiment swimming in his eyes that was hard to be determined._

_After... there was darkness. Darkness reigning over Magnus all over again, making it seem like Asmodeus had been just a vision on its way to end, blurring and no longer clear, falling apart._

_Magnus could feel himself floating, losing himself in the darkness which was total and prevailing, surrounding Magnus and making him his prisoner, making him feel like he was nowhere, belonged nowhere._

 

 

_A surge of warm electric energy passed through him, shoking his system with an intensity that was almost painful._

_Magnus's first instinct was to get away from it, but it still felt like he was floating, sensation unexpectedly in conflict with the storming dominating energy._

_For a long moment Magnus was sure someone was hurting him and he couldn't do anything about it, not escape it or stop it. He was in so little control of what was happening. He looked for something... anything he could do._

_But then he heard an upset voice, calling out for him from somewhere above. He recognised it. It was Alexander:_

''Magnus, please hold on! We're trying to help. Please hold on.''

_Magnus was confused. How could hurting him help? Was this a delusion?_

_Soon, just as unexpectedly, he heard Catarina too:_

''Magnus, can you hear me? Just try to breathe.''

_Magnus did as she asked, feeling the urge to listen to her no matter what situation he was in, a habit forged by the many times Catarina had taken care of him._

_The energy felt more tangible and real than anything before it, continuing to flow restlessly. Magnus focused on enduring it until its intensity calmed with time and ever so slightly turned more soothing. The unpleasance of it lessened and ultimately- it died down, leaving only the feeling of warm in its wake, trying to chase away the darkness._

_Time continued to pass and pass, Magnus didn't know which day it was, where he was, how long has it been. He could only perceive the energy, seizing and absorbing itself in his system, coursing through his veins until his mind had gradually began to process other things as well._

 

_Someone was holding his hand very carefully and the energy, the strength, was passing from that person to Magnus through the connection._

_Magnus didn't know when it stopped._

 

_When he felt a hand going through his hair and brushing it off his forehead gently, Magnus opened his eyes._

 

* * *

( **A shadowhunter's POV** )

After Longford gave Mr. Wayland the message from the new leader of the warlocks, he expected all hell to break loose. It was the worst moment for an attack to be happening, so closely after the recent warlock fight when they weren't at full strength and some shadowhunters were still recovering. They had to call for backup and reinforcements!

That was what Longford was anticipating. It didn't take long for the alarm to reach every ear and cause uncontrollable disturbance to every shadowhunter, the fear that another Uprising was happening was smiting.

But when the first wave of extreme disarray had the opportunity to rise and fade away, it was replaced by calculation and assessment when they realised that unlike three years ago, the Wards weren't that easy to be passed.

The Institute was under a siege, warlocks waiting outside of their walls, but the Wards were solid and could keep them outside more successfully than in the past. Because they were no longer made with the assistance of warlocks and no longer created with their magic. They would not break soon, maybe not break at all, and to make that happen would be a challenging task for their enemies.

It also turned out that the New York Institute was the only one under attack this time. The other ones, plus all of Idris, were under alert as well, but there weren't any immediate signs that they were facing the same danger.

That was good news. It was relieving.

 

The entrance of the Institute was heavily guarded, shadowhunters constantly assessing the state of the Wards.

Mr. Wayland gathered most of the shadowhunters in the operating room.

"Our Wards are strong, because we knew this would happen. We knew warlocks could not be trustworthy and they would try to invade our home again," Mr. Wayland started with authority, standing in front of them unwavering and with willpower, not looking scared at all. He was considered one of the bravest shadowhunters so that wasn't a surprise for Longford. Longford admired him. Mr. Wayland continued, "Even if you think the timing is bad because it's too soon after our last fight with them, be certain that we're way more prepared for what's to come today then we ever were. The war prepared us, made us stronger, taught us not to trust them, taught us how to take them down and what their weak spots are. The war prepared us all for this moment. We are no longer the same we used to be and we can't be used as their prey. We have more knowledge on our hands, more experience, we know how to fight them and kill them. We know what we're up against and we're ready."

A few shadowhunters nodded in tune with that, saying a couple of words to express their agreement enthusiastically, which Mr. Wayland welcomed and was glad to see.

"I know most of you are ready to fight. I am too. But I'm happy to tell you that I found an even better solution.''

Everyone kept quiet, anticipating and waiting for what Mr. Wayland was going to say next.

"We already own the means to destroy them, all we have to do is take it," Mr. Wayland prompted, making sure that he had everyone's full attention. "The Soul Sword is the weapon we need. It's kept in the City of Bones and I already requested it from the Silent Brothers. They can transport it here. If the Soul Sword is struck with a bolt of lightning and then wield by someone with Pure Angel blood, it would release heavenly light which can destroy all demon-blooded creatures in its path. This is its secondary purpose. I can activate the Soul Sword and get rid of the monsters behind our walls.''

''But we need a lightning to activate it,'' a shadowhunter behind Longford pointed out, a boy with curly brown hair.

''We can use something else,'' Mr. Wayland responded. ''Another energy source. And we have it, right here. The Institute is powered by an angelic power core which could act in place of a lightning. Which means we have everything we need."

The others turned silent, thinking over this information. Then it was Longford who spoke this time. "But if the Sword destroys every demon-blooded soul in its path, it would kill other downworlders."

The others turned concerned when they realised this, chatter starting everywhere and echoing through the big but full space.

This would affect the other downworlders. What could they do to prevent that?

Mr. Wayland waited for the talking to decrease and then he addressed the problem. "I am not the only one with Pure Angel blood here." He made a gesture and a red-headed girl came forward, trying to make her way through the crowd of shadowhunters, taking a place to stand beside Mr. Wayland in front of them. Longford remembered her. She was Clary Fairchild. She didn't look as composed as the Head of the Institute, didn't show the same bravery and courage as him, looking actually anxious. Longford was willing to let that slide and overlook it. If Mr. Wayland had called for her to sand next to him, he probably had grounds for that. "Clary can draw a rune on the Sword and limit its reach to a fixed perimeter. When I activate it, the Sword's power would be released in a restricted distance, not everywhere. I'll notify the vampires and the werewolves to stay as far away from the Institute as possible. And the seelies are safe in their realm."

That sounded better and Longford found himself more positive about it.

After Mr. Wayland had taken his time to answer some other questions, the reactions from the others were somewhat varying, but most of them got on board with that solution, getting more confident and ready to follow any further commands.

 

The wait that came after was the hardest part.

It took a few hours for everything regarding the Soul Sword to be set. Some shadowhunters got anxious, keeping their weapons close, guarding the main entrances and fearing the Wards might not hold for that long.

It was long, because it seemed that The Clave had many reservations about letting the Silent Brothers fulfill Mr. Wayland's request, reservations about giving the Mortal Instrument away. But the Sword was eventually delivered, the Silent Brothers using special travelling runes to transport it.

After that, the shadowhunters gathered again on the last floor of the Institute.

There lied the Soul Sword, placed and powered by the angelic core, some buzzing sound able to be heard as the only evidence of the amounts of power currently coursing through it. Longford's heart started beating faster when he saw it.

The Sword was created like a typical weapon, a straight double-edged blade and one-handed hilt made of adamas, only it was bigger, with a design of outspread wings where blade meets handle.

Shadowhunters were eager to witness what Mr. Wayland was about to do, surrounding the Sword in an irregularly shaped circle, making room for only Mr. Wayland and Clary to push past them and stand in the centre of the circle by the Sword.

Longford held his breath, waiting with suspense, anticipation  coming off of him. He felt like a rare kind of miracle was about to unfold in front of his eyes.

Today, they'll state once more that thay can't be defeated by the warlocks, the warlocks can't destroy their lives.

Looking at Mr. Wayland reminded Longford that they were descendents of the Angels themselves, fighting in the name of the Angels and sent by them to act on their behalf. They had angel blood and their second home was Heaven. They couldn't be overpowered by demons and their kids.

''I think no more words are needed,'' Mr. Wayland said when he took a steps towards the Sword and then another one, until he was as close to it as he would ever get, reaching for it and grabbing the handle in his moment of glory and triumph, causing gasps from the other shadowhunters to erupt into the space around as he removed the Mortal Instrument from the power core and lifted it above his head.

And-

-

-

Nothing happened.

Longford waited as others were, to see the light, to witness the remarkable and extraordinary effect Mr. Wayland's touch would have on the Sword.

But there was no activation. No heavenly light. The Sword appeared to be unaffected.

The shadowhunters were unsure of what to do or say, hesitant, questioning if it was them who didn't understand it. If they just didn't see it.

Mr. Wayland had Pure Angel blood, he had exceptional abilities, he should be able to activate the Sword.

But it looked like he couldn't.

-

-

Longford's heavy anticipation was now hanging in the air, because it hadn't been met.

This left him with a bad taste in his mouth.

Mr. Wayland lowered the Sword, staring at it and looking dumbstruck.  ''How is this possible?'' he murmured.

Clary looked just as nervous. But... she always looked that way, giving off those kind of vibes and Longford didn't know if there had been a change in her, if she was as dumbfounded and thrown for a loop as he himself was.

Longford looked at the power core, thinking that maybe Mr. Wayland should put the Sword back there and have another try. Longford didn't know if it would help, but he was down for anything. They should make Clary try as well.

But before he could propose that, Longford noticed something he hadn't before.

Mr. Wayland was wearing some kind of earpieces or coms. He hadn't been wearing them earlier and it rubbed Longford the wrong way.

''Okay, that failed. We'll do plan B,'' Mr. Wayland declared after his shock had... passed away it seemed, a little too fast for Longford to understand, gone was the dumbstruck expression on his face. ''Clary?''

Longford expected for Mr. Wayland to give her the Sword, but that didn't happen.

Instead, Clary exchanged a look with him and silently nodded, taking out her stele and drawing a rune in the air which created... a portal.

Longford took a step back, colliding with a shadowhunter behind him, watching the portal with wide eyes. The sight of something so warlock-like in the Institute was out of place and utterly wrong on many levels, one of which being that the Institute had Wards against portals.

''Don't panic,'' Mr. Wayland requested, seeing how the shadowhunters were looking at the portal. ''Our Wards are not broken. They still disable traditional portals and don't allow them to be used. But the Wards don't extend to Clary's abilities, because her abilities don't originate from demon blood.''

''This will lead you to the Institute in Portland,'' Clary added, ''It's completely safe.'' 

''Take the portal and evacuate.'' Mr. Wayland instructed after a pause, this resolution contrary to all the previous ideas Longford had been about to suggest. It was also so unlikely for Mr. Mayland to want that from them.

The shadowhunters were unsure, waiting for further explanation.

''That's an order,'' Mr. Wayland cleared flatly. Then he shifted his eyes, like he wanted to amend what he had said, ''I'm asking you, please, take the portal. It's too dangerous to stay here. You need to evacuate.''

''But we can fight,'' Longford insisted, because he couldn't grasp why Mr. Wayland wanted them to run. It was unfathomable.

''I know you can fight, I don't doubt that. But I'm telling you not to.''

Longford opened his mouth and closed it, being at a loss for words.

The shadowhunters started going and disappearing through the portal at a slow pace, following the instructions, some of them looking... strangely relieved to be dismissed, like they wanted to find safely even if they weren't admitting it. Longford wasn't one of them. But he found himself going through the portal as well because no matter what, Mr. Wayland was the acting Head of the Institute and he couldn't defy him outright.

 

* * *

( **Magnus's POV** )

Projection magic was what Catarina used to make Magnus's three-dimensional image appear in Alicante without Magnus being really present there. Oddly enough, but Magnus got that idea from his fever- induced encounter with Asmodeus. Which he still wasn't sure hadn't been a nightmare. 

But at least it had made him think of ways to come face to face with the Inquisitor without actually going anywhere near him.

It had been a fifty-fifty chance whether the Inquisitor would allow that kind of communication, but apparently the recent events had slightly pushed and stretched the limits of what was acceptable. This meeting was unusual and unlike all the previous ones, which normally reduced to Magnus meeting with third parties like Maryse on neutral grounds, but the Inquisitor appeared to have realised that what was currently happening demanded more direct approach.

''I see that you're still alive,'' the Inquisitor commented, looking at Magnus's projection from his desk where his elbows rested, his tone holding superiority. Another man was standing by his side and the Inquisitor introduced him. ''This is Malachi Dieudonné. Prominent member of the Clave and my most trusted consultant.''

Magnus turned to the gray-haired shadowhunter whom he had previously heard of. Malachi was dressed in a formal suit, his brows wrinkled, and he looked like he had just swallowed something sour, watching Magnus like Magnus was a piece of gum stuck in the outsole of his shoe. Then Magnus turned back to face Luke Garroway.

Magnus had never met Luke Garroway before, and this hardly counted as a meeting, but that didn't stop Magnus from trying to see through the man. The Inquisitor wore a suit as well, the colour was a shade of dark green, his countenance cunning while he run a hand through his well maintained beard. There wasn't much kindness in his dark brown eyes, the lack of it making him look more insidious and guileful.

''Yes, I'm alive and kicking,'' Magnus replied, addressing the previous comment.

''It was doubtful when I learned how your kind replaced you,'' the Inquisitor mentioned, referring to Lorenzo.

''That is not what I wish to talk about,'' Magnus said.

''I suppose you want to discuss what happened in the New York Institute,'' the Inquisitor suggested, following Magnus's reaction when Magnus shook his head.

He decided to get to the point. He stretched his arm, opening his fingers so the Soul Sword could appear in his hands. Magnus was wearing gloves so the adamas wasn't burning him. The Inquisitor turned still in front of him, Malachi's face becoming rigid as well. ''I just got this from a friend of mine,'' Magnus explained, placing the weapon to lay horizontally in his outstretched arms, admiring the hard work put into creating it.

He knew they would think he was talking about the Shadow World Guardian when he said 'friend', but this time Isabelle had had her hands full with something else. Something she said she had been working on for a year now and was hoping would open the eyes of some shadowhunters. Although her and Alexander were still communicating through coms. 

Magnus resumed, ''Given how important the Cup was considered to be, I figured the Sword was... well, somewhat valuable too. I figured you would want to know that I currently possess it. Or in other words, can we talk about that kill order again?''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, there would be flashbacks and explanations for what's not clear and what's not shown in this chapter. It would be explained in the next chapter. 
> 
> Drop a comment with your thoughts if you like.  
> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
